Fans of RSD and TD would love

Another great podcast (sorry, "radio show") from Barry Kirkey! I try to keep up even with my busy schedule and this is another one where he and an ex-coworker at RSD (yes, that cult of Real Social Dynamics) are sharing more info on what used to be the Project Hollywood that infamous book raves about.

These guys have real stories behind the scene of what went on. This whole pickup community is a scheme manufactured by a few guys to rip off the unsuspecting fools. Day in and day out, I still see community guys out and about, they are still doing the same PUA circuits of hopping from one bar to another, and I doubt that they are happy when all they do is constantly out seeking validations from strangers. For those "dating/seduction" coaches, they have the additional pressure of getting validations from their students.

There's a sliver of hope though when I see some guys who have completely abandoned the scene and just be who they used to be... after they have squandered money, wasted time, and of course, lost their old friends; all this in the pursuit of some trivial validation from drunk girls. Rather than trying to game people and fail, they would be better off just going out to meet people, make friends, and develop a social circle. The community has never existed, it's only an illusion that the marketing people came up. There are techniques and tactics that can be learned, just like anything else, but don't be misled to think that you can develop long term friendship with PUAs, because they want you to provide them with girls, money, and/or sexual favors.

Manufactured happiness

A few posts back, I suggested that we have to make a conscious decision to be happy and we must learn to make due with what we have. Guess what? I blogged from my personal experience, and apparently, some smarter people have done research into this and here's the video that I just stumbled onto.

What it comes down to is that the availability of choice is the source of our unhappiness. In other words, if we don't choose to live with what we have/are, then we are condemned to unhappily chase that nebulous, elusive dream.

I stumbled upon this idea that we have to consciously choose to be happy from my personal life. People with limited intelligence, by that, I mean, retards are extremely happy. They are happy in the sense that they are not unhappy. They don't know any better. The other set of people who are relatively happy is older adults; as people get older, opportunities and freedom to choose once available to them no longer exist and they eventually learn to accept their conditions. These are people who are aware of something better but choose to accept their current situation.

This is all well and good, limiting one's ability to choose and accepting reality. I also see some who are also unhappy with themselves, these are individuals who constantly compare themselves against other. I might touch on this topic in the future. For now, I have always emphasize on focus on oneself, what we want, and we will deal with a bigger context in relation to others.

Redirecting focus to something meaningful

Every so often, I get an email from some random guy that lists a tally of how many kiss closes, # closes, ! closes, whatever. This boils down his entire existence down to a number, like a FICO score on his PUA skills, this explains why so many guys failed.

Have you ever gotten MANY numbers from different girls and when you call them, nothing ever materialized?! Mystery would diagnose this as not having the proper time bridge, which is true. What he means is that you didn't set up when you will meet up and what you will do. "Let's hang out" usually means that she will enter you into a lottery drawing and the chance of you ever "hanging out" is slim to none, almost the same probability as you winning the lottery.

Instead of focusing on tallying how many numbers you get, how many girls you've been with, etc., a better way to look at this is from a broader perspective. Are you someone who can get along with people in general? Do you have any difficulty in connecting with people, as in they want to include you into their life? From what little experience I have, this boils down to neediness.

This is a HUGE issue with guys who don't have an existing group of friends and they go into lair and seduction forums to find "wings." They first start their whole journey by wanting sex from girls. When girls sense that you want something from them, they will be turned off immediately and be creeped out. Sure, some of these guys will occasionally score or get lucky, even the blind squirrel will find a nut, and if you are in the community, you are already surrounded by nuts.

I found that as soon as I found something I like to do, something I have a great time doing, whether alone or with friends, there is something I can talk about and share with people. Then I naturally have endless number of conversation topics, so I don't need to "plow." Another is that I can include others into my life. Most people live VERY boring lives, they get up, work, go home, and sleep. If you can get them into doing other activities, they will join up. Most community guys end up just sarging from bar to bar, I call them doing the PUA circuits and they usually end up where they start, with nothing and no new friends.

That's why I always push people to go out to make friends with strangers before trying to game girls. There are no obstacles to disarm, bitchshields to blow apart, and targets waiting to be opened. Friends will naturally exchange info and get together to do other activities, not time-bridging for "dates" and "day2s." If you can get to a point when you can talk about anything with stranger, then you won't have a problem setting up another time to meet to do something together. That, my friends, is a date, day2, timebridge, etc. so you don't need any tricks to get her numbers. Even better, if you can make someone feel that you understand her more than anyone else, and yet you can still tease and have fun with her, enough to build that sexual tension, then you will have no problem with having sex.

Instead of thinking of this as number of sets opened, number of kiss closes, number of number closes, and number of full closes, stop thinking in terms of those sociopathic terms but think of how normal socially well-adjusted people relate to each other, then your interaction with others will also be socially acceptable and naturally have more success with turning strangers into friends. Quit thinking like a weirdo, quit acting like a weirdo, quit being among other weirdos, BUT join, take part, and be with normal humanity.

Self-help gurus: the modern day faeries

I pilfered this from a facebook post that a friend made. The article talks about why we still have crazy beliefs, as in gods, witches, faeries, supernatural powers, and other paranormal phenomena. For the charlatans and hustlers, they promote these for personal financial gains. What about for the rest of us? Why do we still have these beliefs?

This story reminds me of another recent article about how optical illusions work and because our brains predict the future in order to compensate for the delay in the arrival of immediate visual information. I wonder if a similar explanation on how we fill in gaps within our knowledge by appealing to something magical. This might also explain why many people like to interpret their dreams. The consensus among cognitive scientists and biologists is that dreaming is important in solidifying memories and for our survival; but there is no good explanation for why and what we dream about, and even the basics of how we dream!

I think the price for having the neocortex to facilitate higher order cognitive functions, one defect is our constant need to fill in gaps within our knowledge base. If we don't get enough information or at the speed required for survival, our brain naturally projects ahead and fills in gaps in order for the world to make sense. What we fill in the gap is often ruled by emotions with deeper psychological origins.

As alluded to by a commenter here, in a society where we have turned not only material goods, but our hopes and dreams, ideas, and even our very own happiness into a commodity, we think we can buy and sell them at a price. Not only have we relinquished our reasoning ability, but we are becoming dependent on others to satisfy our own needs. Back in the early days of the industrial revolution, the cure for depression (and unhappiness) was "industry," as in working harder. With the advent of computers, especially with many IT guys sitting around surfing the net all day without the pressure to produce or physical demands, we have more time to indulge in silly hobbies and preoccupy our minds with ideas bombarded into us by marketeers. I thought this might be a uniquely American phenomenon, but I think with more people sitting around instead of doing physical labor, we have become physically, intellectually, and socially lazy.

We now buy into the whole self-hype movement. What I have noticed recently, and I'm not sure if this is unique to the seduction community, have you noticed how many Jews are in the pickup business? Now, before anyone accused me of being Hitler for outting those gays and incarcerate them into concentration camps, just count how many of them are among the top self-hype gurus: Style, RJ, David D, Thunderfag, Swingcat, Sinn, David X, (half-breed) Savoy,... I don't think that there's any Illuminati-type conspiracy going on, but it is interesting to note that such a disproportionately high number of one ethnic group within a particular community. They become such experts at selling dreams and fantasies to guys. What's your explanation for these faeries?

What is important to you? And how much would you pay for it?

From numerous discussions that I had with MBA and economists, the central concept of what they do is to compare the opportunity costs between taking action A vs. B. In other words, what are the relative and comparable values between two actions, items, etc.?

This got me thinking about this whole self-improvement and what these self-hype gurus are trying to promote. What service are they providing? Is the service worthwhile? If you were not spending your money in this, where would you spend your money? And this reminds me of a documentary of male prostitutes / entertainment workers in Japan, "The Great Happiness Space," which I have posted here before.

In many ways, these seduction gurus are not very far from being male prostitutes. They are like surrogates for sex for many sex-starved/deprived men. For many guys, I can sort of see how desperate they are for companionship and of physical nature, sexual contacts. Rather than pursuing the stigmatized action of going for prostitutes, they go learn how to get girls, or pickup. Of course, that doesn't sound very pleasant, they call this action something pleasant, like self-improvement, and we all know how important that we must improve ourselves, because after all, we always are students and we can always improve!

So in come these guys, they will teach guys how to get laid, why sell you fish when they can teach you how to fish?! I.e. why would they hand you girls like a pimp would, something we all frown on, when they can teach you to be better men so that you can get girls. When you examine this phenomenon further, at the very basic biological and physical levels, we need women for sexual gratifications. So these guys, in effect, are providing a sexual service to other guys. Instead of pimping out girls to guys, they are selling themselves to other guys, which means these "dating coaches" are really surrogates for prostitutes! which makes them, in effect, male prostitutes.

Jokes aside, do these guys really provide any added-value? Like a chef would when s/he cook what farmers and butchers provide? If you were to pay for prostitutes, do you get more than just sex? Do these guys truly teach you how to be better men, rather than just getting girls?! They would like to convince us that they are... If that's the case, I'm all about applying what I talk about to myself. By that, I mean why don't psychics apply their abilities to improving their conditions? If they are truly such high value men, you know, billionaire guys like Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, why do they have to stoop so low to provide such service to other guys?

My proposal is that these self-hype gurus don't really provide any value. This is the best that they can do (applying the Peter Principle here) and if they were not doing this, they would be out whoring themselves in other ways. So before you think about spending money on these guys, ask yourself, if you are in this for girls, perhaps you should just pay girls for their services... rather than through intermediaries such as these self-hype gurus; unless, of course, that you really want guys!

Happiness is a conscious decision

Sure, there are many people who are unhappy, depressed, and may even need psychiatric help. But for most people, if they don't choose to be happy, they end up in a death spiral of wanting more and never quite satisfy with what they have... and so, they become even more unhappy.

I often see people who want this and that, but they don't take any action to improve their conditions, work toward their goals, and consequently, they end up being unhappiness because they have already surrendered their happiness to outside forces. The classic example is the weather. Almost everywhere I go, people will complain about what's wrong with the weather they are experiencing. If it's too sunny, they complain about the heat. If it's too warm, they complain about the humidity. As you can see, they will always find something wrong about their external environment, and allow that to affect them. What they don't ever consider is that there are millions more people inhabiting in the exact same conditions, I'm sure many of those people are happy and not let the weather conditions affect them.

The second item on people's bitch and complain list is usually other people (like this blog!). This can range from family members, friends, to co-workers. Unlike weather, we usually have slightly more control over people who we associate with. I was at a point in my life nearly 2 years ago, when I allowed unscrupulous, social misfits into my life, and instead of extracting myself from that situation, I wallowed in their miseries and I didn't realize how unhappy I was until I extracted myself from that "community." So, look around you, if someone or group of people is making you unhappy, cut them out of your life. Life is too short to squander your precious time with those who bother you.

Yes, there are times when we do need outside intervention. Instead of going to seek out professionals to treat our depression, people would go from one self-help group and self-hype guru to another. However, there are some things in us we have to accept and learn to live with them. There are some ways we can mask or improve, by that, I mean we take actions to change what we can, and accept what we cannot change. An example is our height, if someone is short, he can wear lifts, more form fitting clothes, and carry himself in ways that make him look tall. Take Jon Stewart in the Daily Show, did you notice that his stage is slightly elevated and his guests have to step up to him? So there are ways we can mask any problem, but we don't ever hear Jon Stewart complaining about his height!

That's the beauty of not indulging too much in the self-help, self-improvement movement. The very premise is that there's something wrong with you, you are unhappy, and you are not good enough. And in order for you to be happy, good, etc., you have to subscribe, pay, enroll, and be part of something else. See how sneaky they are at marketing themselves to you?! Rather than getting into an endless cycle of going to someone for more, we are better off accepting our own conditions, be more goal-oriented, AND most important of all, take action toward our goals instead of constantly complaining about our unhappiness. Yes, you are good enough, you are happy, and you must have to love yourself first.

Keep it simple

There are many difficult tasks in life, but for the most part, life is very simple, and especially social situations, they are the simplest. From what I've observed, the more someone tries to break them down, the more they will be drown in that neverland, somewhere between over-interpreting and completely missing the point.

Yes, you know it's coming. Picking up girls, it's not difficult, and if people play it like it really is, a numbers game, almost like lottery except you will score more and more often, then they would not need all those gay forums that Barry Kirkey has been talking about.

Being a blogger, I keep up with quite a few blogs and this trend is emerging. People don't make money by simplifying how things are, but they over-analyze and come up with complex algorithms. Take getting rich, it's a very simple formula, take what you earn and subtract out what you spend. So you can get rich by making a lot more than what you are earning now, or spend less that what you are spending now. Or increase your earning significantly more than the increase in your spending.

Take getting girls, yes, I do hate the idea of "getting" anything from anyone, especially girls. It's all about meeting people, the more people you meet, the more likely you will develop social skills and you will have a higher likelihood of meeting someone or girls. And in order to meet people, you have to be where people are. Meet more people, have more friends, in turn, have more people in your life, and naturally, you will have more girls. No need to take countless workshops, buy more products, and learn more techniques.

You know how to get promoted or get a pay raise, do what people at those positions or that pay-grade are doing, then naturally, you will get it. If not, find a job that will compensate you at the rate you think you deserve.

Another interest that people have but rarely work on is losing weight. It's very simple, consume less calories than what you expend, you will lose weight. Until someone can prove that we can absorb calories by other means than through our GI tract (yes, there are non-enteral ways for caloric intakes, but most people don't have the means for getting that), almost all of us get our calories through our mouths and we expend energy by moving around. If we use more energy to move around than what we consumed through our mouths, we will lose weight. No need for all those silly diet plans.

But in order to have a blog that constantly churn out more information, more howto's, more reasons for you to come back to read more, they will constantly pump out more seemingly important info, and make simple steps into something more complicated than what it should be.

Being a normal well-adjusted person is being in tune what one's needs and desires. Being able to express and convey oneself to others. Having a support system that both nurtures and challenges us to be a better person. Yes, it really is that simple.

Go check this out... today!

Their discussion and opinions about lairs fit my experience perfectly! Because of Barry Kirkey, I haven't felt the need to bitch and complain why guys should avoid the community. No, I have absolutely no commercial interest with him, and to be quite honest, I have lost whatever respect I had for Sinn awhile back when he went commercial and started tacitly endorsing certain guys, probably because they paid him. Seriously, if he has any other skills and can hold down a real job, he wouldn't be hanging out with social retards for a living!

There are some very good theories, tactics, techniques, and even methods in the community. But they can be learned, internalized, and practiced without any association with lair or community guys. You can find them on many file sharing sites and some "gurus" even give them away for free! There's no need to involve yourself with community lair guys because learning seduction materials is like masturbating. We all benefit from it (don't believe me? google for "prostate cancer masturbation frequency," we all should do it in private, not something you brag about to your friends, but once you start doing it together with other guys, you are gay!

If you miss this podcast, I'm sure he will republish it this weekend and like most community materials, you'll find it on many file sharing sites.

Now, I'm going back to work and I'll blog about some other recent insights I have later.

Intelligent design?!

I think this is totally HAWWWT!

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Yes, I'm back, bitches!

What do you look for in a girl?

People, especially girls, often ask me this question. This is an opportunity not just to tell people what I like but also what kind of person I am. Sure, she has to be attractive. And what else?

The one thing people will discover, once they meet many people, is that there are plenty of potential mates, but we don't know until we get to know them. On top of my check list isn't necessary how hot she is, but rather, how much self-respect she has. A girl who doesn't respect herself, care for, and love herself isn't a girl worth knowing and worth having in my life. Have you noticed girls who are into dramas... tend to surround themselves with dramas and thus they also drag others into their problems!

Girls with little or no respect for themselves also rarely know who they are; I'm not sure which is the cause and which is the effect, but those two traits tend to go hand in hand. Girls who know themselves tend to be more self-assured, less needy, and definitely more articulate without sounding pushy. That's the whole idea behind the push-pull, being able to let go and be confident enough to accept the results without being desperate. For example, girls would suggest doing something or something else. They don't have to have their way all the time or they would throw a tantrum.

Contrary to what most people think, I believe that girls who seem to know what they want don't truly know they want and they definitely are into the drama of fighting. I just had a conversation with a friend and she was telling me so-and-so is a "type A personality" girl because she knows what she wants. Guess what? Those girls are still alone, over-the-hill, and very unhappy. Because they haven't taken that journey to know who they are and people, who have taken risks, been hurt, and (hopefully unintentionally) hurt others, are more genuine because they don't feel the need to play games or to have to win every battle. The reality is that if there's good sex and both sides enjoy themselves, there is no battle of the sexes!

That's the main problem I see in many people, they don't dig deep within, find out who they are, and self-identity isn't necessarily something that can be stated in a few terms, it's something they feel and they are ready to show others. People who don't know themselves and people who constantly seek answers from others (like taking many "dating/seduction" workshops) and in the process, their lives are buffeted and filled with dramas because they allow dramas into their lives. This is how I answer that question. Definitely someone with plenty of self-love and respect because that person will know how to care and treat me with respect. Yes, I'm very selfish this way!