Groundhog day

I feel weird coming back here to blog about my recent experience of running into a community guy. As much as I like to make fun of guys in the community, I feel sorry for them, for doing the same shit, day-in and day-out, for years and not waking up from the nightmare they call life.

In retrospect, my experience of spending time with other community guys was a learning process, of discovering myself, who I am, what I can do, and ultimately, a lesson of what not to be. My recent run-in with this guy, who has been in the community for nearly 10 years, confirms to me of why this blog existed, to steer people away from the community. This person has spent tens of thousands, living in an apartment, made no progress of becoming a better person, for nearly a decade, he still wanted me to go "sarge" with him.

This was foreshadowed in how I saw him, with another community dude, dressed over the top, standing at the edge of a party, talking as though they are two gay dudes trying to figure out a place where they can go suck off each other. Instead they hovered for nearly 30 minutes without making progress of befriending people around them, and from my conversation with this community dude, the other guy turned out to be his instructor, with this attitude. Sure, I didn't dressed as sharp as this guy, but I was among friends, having a good time, and surrounded by girls. Whereas this instructor, with no one else around, was giving me attitude. Seriously, when will these social retards wake up to discover, they are not the clever guys out to get girls, they are the outcasts from the social life of society?!

The statement that sent me laughing and posting here again was the student's statement to me: "Hey dude, let's hang out..." which I hesitantly responded "Sure, what do you want to do?" Yes, you guessed it, he replied without blinking, "Let's go sarge!" Uh, sure man, let's go hang around with a bunch of socially awkward retarded dicks, talk about game, when we have absolutely no girls around and if I were to bring them any girl, they would hound the girl like crazy and creep her out. To them, every night is the same old thing, going out, creeping girls out, pissing other people off, in the mean time, these idiots think they are gaming society, and of course, they end up going home as how they came out, alone. Keep it up! Because they would get to suck ea other and screw ea other, as a community of gay brotherhood of sargers.

Living on the backs of idiots

I came across an article that says that in America, there are more outlets for pay-day loan lenders than all MacDonald's and Burger King combined! This got me thinking of a whole slew of things we benefit from idiotic and/or irresponsible adults.

Back when I got my first credit card a long time ago, it has a very low interest rate (by today's standards) and Discover card was the only card company that had this new gimmick of giving 1% cash back (only if you fulfill their long list of requirements that few people do). Now, there are so many credit cards out there with free miles, free points, and even cash back > 1%! Then I realized that credit card companies are not becoming more efficient with the 2% that they collect from merchants, but rather, they are making money off idiots who are carrying balances from month to month at a 20something to 30% interest rate. Of course, let's not forget the huge finance charge and late fee!

Then I look at the whole self-help industry, and especially the seduction community. Here we have a relative large population of guys, who were born book smart, studied a lot, worked hard, and are making a decent salary. With their excess income, they spend on cars, clothes, and condos, but none of that bring them happiness, and guess what? A few geniuses come along to tell them, "Hey, what you are missing in your life is girls! Can you imagine if people love you, respect you, and even have sex with you instead of cursing you each time their computer crashes or program freezes!"

So these guys buy into the whole belief system that they can be somebody, pay their way into an endless supply of pussies, and buy their way into the hearts and minds of people, yes, by becoming PUAs! This is almost like guys going to pay-day loan office because they can borrow a huge sum without having to work for it. Or guys who think that credit card is a cheap and easy way to get a loan, to borrow against their future without having to put in the hard work!

While all that is going on, these self-hype gurus are thriving on the stupidity of these IT guys. Yes, I'm singling IT guys out, and I'm sure that only guys will well-paying jobs can afford to take bootcamps. Sure, there are some inspirational stories of guys scraping by to take workshops, the reality is that only guys with extra money can afford these workshops. So they think they can buy happiness, respect, admiration, love, and sex. What they don't realize that all of those can be achieved the old fashion way, being that social connector, being that guy who is great with everyone, and life is so much easier when we don't have to support these leeches on society by becoming victims of self-hype gurus.

The anti-community community

I sometimes feel like I live in an echo chamber and a world filled with me-too's. How come people rarely if ever come up with their own original thoughts? Or worst yet, they would just join the latest bandwagon, by being anti-community. Before anyone participates in any type of community, they have to ask themselves this one question?

How will my participation in this community makes me a better person? In other words, do the activities of this group and its members share my beliefs and values? How will we (as a group) improve the lives of people around us? I am no altruist but most groups exist for one singular purpose: to expand by using its members. Most people in the community are not here to get girls, but to use other lonely boys and men for profits, especially those "gurus" or the early adopters/movers. Like most pyramid schemes out there, those who got in on the scam early will get to live off the backs of newcomers.

Take meeting women as an example. Men and women have been getting together forever. If it's such a difficult task, our population would have crashed and none of us would exist today. So despite how difficult it is made to be, according to many "seduction lairs/groups," men and women are still hooking up without any help. Sure, there are some slow learners and/or learning disabled individuals, they should get help to treat their problems. Most problems that these groups claim to address are not the root cause. The problem with people not getting girls is that they don't have many friends and they don't have friends because they are anti-social. Anti-social behaviors can stem from biological and psychological roots, and teaching someone social skills would end up making that person robotic.

As much as I believe in people helping themselves, the reality is that some people just don't get it and will never get it. Not all of us are born winners. We can't all be above average. The belief that everyone can be somebody is idiotic. That's why so many Americans subscribe this crazy notion called the American Dream. It doesn't exist, some of us are inherently better at certain tasks than others. The reality is that people who sell these dreams will try to flame the hope of losers within the community that they will be somebody eventually. Which leads to my next point.

There is an inherent drive for information to be free so most "techniques" and/or "methods" are freely available. So there's no reason for people to pay to acquire them. They are useless until people put the information into use anyway. And from what I've found, most information is just a rehash of what has been talked about before. This gets back to my initial comment, that most people don't have original thoughts and being pack animals, they get together to become yet another me-too in almost any community.

If you want to find the answer, as lame as this sounds, people should become more self-empowered by the knowledge that the answer lies within. Most anti-social idiots in the community know that deep down they are anti-social, so instead of learning to be social and be better with people, they turn to "coaches" to learn some fancy system with techniques and methods in order to get back at those who wronged them, namely, women. If they have taken the responsibility of truly self-improving, they would not have to pay someone for help in self-improvement. Do you not see the irony in that?

The One advice to develop a social lifestyle

Life has been busy, both personally and professionally, so I haven't been able to keep up with the scene and thus, fewer blog posts here. Awhile back someone suggested that I should check out Cameron Teone and I like some of his blog entries. Now, I'm not endorsing him nor do I have the power and audience to have that sort of influence. I like what he posted about how to have the "PUA Lifestyle" without being with community douchebags.

People are often distracted by the greener pastures elsewhere instead of improving and developing their own. Instead of going to become yet-another-wannabe pickup guru, they should learn to be better at their jobs. Learn a new set of skills that will help them get that promotion and/or to earn a higher income. Instead of trying to game every girl in sight, they should befriend people and have a supportive social network of friends, not wings, not PUAs, or gurus that they have to paid in order to get advice on life. Instead of going out to game and steal other people's girls, have more parties at their place so others will introduce more friends into their lives.

I'm definitely not the cleanest nor the neatest guy in my circle of friends and colleagues. But I have met up with community guys, with the exception of the closet-hiding queers, almost all of them have the filthiest, disorganized living spaces ever! Most of these guys are the results of their socio-economic backgrounds, you know the type, they didn't exactly grew up in a well-to-do family so they were never educated on the virtue of being clean, neat, organized, and just plain living the good life. The other case is that community guys are so socially out of touch and mentally unstable that they don't even know what are the right and wrong ways to setup their domiciles. Imagine what would happen if you throw all these guys into a house, a "Project" whatever, they would behave more like rabid dogs at the junkyard, fighting over scraps, eating, pissing, and shitting in the same space. That, my friends, is why all Projects fail and why you should not share your living quarter with another guy in the community.

I just did something I don't like to do, i.e. to expand on what someone else, Cameron, already posted. I'm just adding some personal experience and anecdotes of why guys should learn what techniques they need and leave the community. For the most part, I have completely distanced myself away from community guys because I now realize they are almost all losers. Getting girls doesn't solve their deep seated biological, mental, psychological, and financial issues. Social life is like the icing on the cake, if people don't have the foundation to have a normal life, they won't have a social life. And social life is also a reflection of a person's success in life. Lack of a social life is only an indication, a signal that someone should take a good look at their own life, because the cause isn't the lack of social skills, but something deeper and will take longer to fix, which are usually a combination of their physical, mental, and financial health.

One-trick pony

If all that you can talk about is other people, without much insight into who you are, what you want to do, and where you want to be in life, then it's time to start. The problem with people not being able to have and keep relationships going is that they don't have a rich and varied life. I thought back to my time that I spent with guys in the community, I now realize that it's a community of people without success not just with women, but in living their lives because they constantly and desperately want things from others instead of enriching everyone around them.

I still keep up with the community, but mostly through blogs and podcasts. One recurring theme is that some guys are very good at what they do, hooking up with girls, is that they spend all their time in doing this and in order to support their habits, they have to hustle money from other guys; i.e. teaching bootcamps, selling ebooks, touring, and promoting subscription-based schemes to get guys to join. But beyond keeping up with the social fads, they have nothing else going for them, they don't have a professional career, they have no future in anything else but trying to become the next Tony Robbins, David D,... No wonder why they can't keep friends (beyond the community) around and definitely incapable of having any meaningful relationship with an independent, successful, and stable girl.

So if you are still hanging around with other guys in the community, ask yourself if this: if I were not out hitting on girls, what else would I do to enrich the lives of myself and others? Day in and day out, I see people constantly trying to hustle each other for favors and more notably, money. But they really don't bring anything else to the table. They are not concerned with the welfare of each other. They evaluate their friendship based on what they can get out of it instead of bettering everyone involved. If I may generalize, that's why people in the community are predominantly libertarians, socially awkward, and most importantly of all, unable to work with others. Instead of correcting their problems, they misdirect their focus on trying to be alpha, leader of men, and of course, they end up being the leader of a bunch of social retards and financial failures.

Those people with their focus on improving the lives of others are naturally surrounded by people and they don't have to work so hard for approval and acceptance. Instead of trying to be someone, work on being a normal, social, and friendly person. Surround yourself with supportive people you admire and not people who will undermine your success. For example, people who make money on your failures and lack of success, i.e. dating coaches, are not the right people. If you think about their business model, they don't make money if you are happy and have girls in your life. People with a vested interest in your success will naturally become your mentors, if you allow them.

How to be fun

The first sign of fun, even though we shouldn't look for it, is that everyone just don't give a shit. We don't care what others outside of our immediate circle think, as long as we are in on the joke and we are amusing ourselves. There are many community terms for this, being in state, being unstifled, and I think they are all gay. Normal people call it be yourself, having fun, or just plain, don't give a shit.

The second step of having fun is to be able to not just to keep up with jokes but to exaggerate, build on or go over the top of ongoing jokes. Take how Sarah Palin and her genius ideas of naming her kids. No one every thought of it, but she named them by their place of conception, by the Track and at Bristol Bay. Now that we discovered her home town is the meth capital of Alaska, her grandkid will naturally be called, Tweeker. If that's not enough, go get your own at the Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator!

And I'm Mounty Bat Palin, MBP, bitches! So if you want to start a conversation with any random stranger, go with your new Sarah Palin-inspired name. It doesn't matter what we say, the idea is to take people you interact with on this journey with you. The art of charisma, charm, whatever else that the latest marketing gurus decide to use isn't about some schematic of how to talk to girls. This leads me to the third important point, you must have something else going on with your life. This blog is an outgrowth of what's happening in my life.

In fact, I often joke with friends and strangers that I'm going to blog about whatever we are talking about. So initial conversations with people don't have to be a serious exchange of information. They can be about silly topics and that's how people gauge how compatible they are with each other. Laughter is a positive emotion, there are others that we can evoke as the interaction progresses. You can buy books that go on and on about letting go, being in the moment, knowing yourself,... Even I have blogged about them. It all comes down to just don't give a shit. Those who care too much about what others think are the same people with approach anxiety, fear of rejection, constant need to feel validated, being alpha, being the best, and all those community-induced psychosociopathologies.

What this is all about...

To my dear readers, no news on the dating front but I've been preoccupied with the current political campaigns and the ongoing economic meltdown. Life is about letting go and I hold on to what's dear to me. After nearly a decade, the community is turning into yet another self-help niche. There's a new idiot born every minute who will buy into it.

Luckily, most readers of this blog are wising up to the fact that seduction gurus are just out hustling other guys. Meeting people and befriending them are no big deals. Life changes and friendships evolve. The rewarding relationships occur with people who have similar goals, dreams, and aspirations. As cheesy as this sounds, the happiest people are those who know what they want, are working toward their goals, and are surrounded by a supportive social network. I have avoided many people in the community because I have discovered that their goals don't align with mine. The best thing I have done for myself is to move beyond those people.

The best analogy I can think of is my relationship with high school friends, some go onto college and some don't. We continue to maintain friendship with people who end up on the same track as us. I try to include people with as many divergent views as possible. For most people, that circle of friends tend to shrink as they grow older so I'm growing mine as much as I can. But there is a point when we have to maintain a certain set of standards, and community people definitely don't make the cut.

Learn how to pickup from American politicians

I'm sure you've heard the phrase: "Politics is the popularity contest for ugly people." And popularity contests go, they are about hustling people, by convincing the public that you are the one they should pick, not because what you will do, but that you have appealed to their higher ideals! That's what I've learned from watching these two recent political conventions: the trick to hustle the public isn't about what your plan of actions, but first showing that you have something in common with your audience, and that both you and your audience share common ideals, then they should choose you because you are better at helping them to realize their dreams. Of course, you should never ever get into the specifics or even reveal what your plan is.

If you look carefully into any get-rich-quick scheme, self-improvement, self-help, quick fix method, they all talk about what they will show you how to be somebody, get something, achieve your dreams. But before they do that, they backtrack and talk about their journey, where they have been, and because of the method (or a set of techniques) that they will reveal to you, that's how they have achieved their dreams. If these hustlers are even more evil, they will convince you how others are doing it all wrong, which, by implication, tells you that you have failed because you haven't followed their prescription, and only they are your salvation!

Hustlers are very good at cycling back and forth between evoking what you think you want and slowly revealing to you what you need. They never actually give you a plan of actions, or tell you what you must do to realize your dreams. Because you have been conditioned to reject that, from the early days of your parents telling you what to do to your friends who gathered to give you that intervention, hustlers would slowly nudge you along, constantly dangling bits to bait you to buy in some more. Just look at the levels of access you can buy by contributing to a political campaign, or the levels you can attain in martial arts, Scientology,... and even schooling itself, some levels are necessary, but how to live your life, or how to talk & relate to other people, do you really think you need to learn that from someone else?!

And if they truly are good at what they do, why do they need to make money off you. Why don't fortune tellers make money off their own ability to predict the future? Why don't "seducers" have girls making money for them, like prostitutes do for their pimps? Why don't self-help gurus help themselves and become successful... instead of hawking their wares and plying their skills on the unsuspecting public? All because it's easier to make money from people who -- unfortunately, there's no better word for this -- are stupid enough or easily convinced by these hustlers.

Despite what these hustlers tell you, the easiest way to achieve what they have achieved is to be like them. That's why there are so many community guys wanting to be dating coaches, instead of out getting girls. The sad reality is that looks matters, how much money you make matters, what kind of friends you keep matters, who you know matters, and you don't suddenly transform yourself to become a superstar. Thank god for Sarah Palin, she finally changed the phrase: "Politics is NO LONGER the popularity contest for ONLY ugly people!" because she is the living proof a good hustler: she starts out with good looks, ply her trade as a pageant contestant, dabble in and then slowly climb up the political ladder, convince the public that she's the embodiment of their ideals, but never reveal her sordid past, personal failings and failures. So if you want to get girls, watch and learn from politicians, they are better hustlers than any dating coach.

Don't let others get to you

As much as I hate to admit this, I started this blog because I was frustrated and I was at a vulnerable point in my life that I allowed others to get to me. Now that my perspective has changed, people can have as much power over me as I allow them to have.

This is why I try not to compare myself to others. The main obstacle to success starts with a comparison of oneself against one's peers and enemies. The best way to conduct oneself is to live in accordance to one's identity and principles. Funny how this emerged because this blog began with me making some pretty mean jokes at some social retards within the community. Yes, I still think they deserve those jokes, and I underwent a phase of personal growth afterward.

In fact, I have grown because I don't want to be like them. You know there are mentors who inspire us to be like them and there are people who push us away to be not like them. Thanks to those social misfits in the community, I have an opportunity to discover who I am, why I'm not like them, and why I would never want to be like them. Just being among those who have drunk the Kool-aid, I have discovered the whole new world of marketing intimately. How so many people have succumbed to it, neck-deep within it, and probably will never get out of it. Sure, I can continue to make fun of them, hopefully, that would wake them up, or I can just ignore them and continue on a path that fulfills me and those I care about.

As David D would say, I obviously am more cocky than funny, that's why so many people have missed my jokes. The reality is that it really doesn't matter. As long as I don't allow what they do to influence and affect me, I am my own man. I'm glad I started with very little if any ego at all, so I never felt the need to compare with others, or to be good or better than some social retards at pickup because I know my place in this world, standing on top of social misfits is like standing on top of a garbage heap to claim that I'm King of the World. There are so many more worthwhile causes, more meaningful activities to engage in besides getting girls. When I discover that it's better to be more social than to be a try-hard player and fail, I have been pushing for this idea for so long. Another is to do what is necessary to succeed without being predatory on the less fortunate, sure, some of my jokes have been biting and might even be hurtful, but I have yet to benefit from them financially and socially (no, I'm not that popular among community guys for obvious reasons). So for those who have been looking for the in-her game DVD to come out or to sign up for my bootcamp, keep waiting!

A different perspective on "pickup"

This is what seduction/dating gurus would like us to believe. They either have a huge repertoire of routines to microcalibrate for every conceivable situation -OR- the exact amount of woo & intent that almost all girls (or as TD would say, 99% of all girls will have a great interaction with him) will wet their panties... all because the guy has the right body language, the proper tonality & voice, and the perfect verbal game. Sadly, the reality is quite different.

What usually happen is that these self-hype gurus go around talking to girls, some will be amused, but most girls will end up ignoring these weirdos; on a good night, they might end up with a few numbers, which MANY drunk girls will give out because they want to feel validated. Most of the time, both the guru and the girl are so hammered with their respective beer-goggles end up going home together. Most guys getting into this might not believe this, there are girls go out explicitly to get drunk in order to get laid because these girls are just as desperate. The trick isn't in what to do or say, but in finding the right venue, talking to those girls, and with a low enough standard, you too will go home with them.

Let's step back for a second and think this through, if a girl is successful, decent looking, socially savvy, with supportive friends and family (as in well-adjusted), do you think she would go out to bars to hook up with some random dudes?! There's a slim chance that such a girl exists despite what our intuition would say, but the possibility of meeting that one special girl is almost like winning the lottery; if you are the type who like to gamble by buying lottery tickets, then this is "the game" that you should play.

But if all you want to do is to get laid, it's quite simple: Get drunk, talk to every girl, and you too will get to go home with some nasty drunk bar skanks. There are many guys, including some readers and commenters on here, who have depression, social phobia or anxiety, and perhaps, personality disorders so they have difficulty in talking with girls. There are many state certified, accredited organization, qualified professionals who can help and they have a history of helping people to overcome these problems in order to function within their respective society.

For me to recommend people above to overcome their serious problems by learning to do pickup from these dating gurus is almost as irresponsible as if I were to tell a short chubby teenager to become a professional basketball player. I'm sure he can learn a few moves, and might even be quite good at playing basketball at the local YMCA against other short chubby kids, but to push him to become a professional basketball player is just plain delusional. This is what I've been getting at with this blog. I'm not saying that don't learn the techniques and methods that are available. I would be very hesitant to advise anyone to spend thousands if not more on taking bootcamp one after another, subscribe to countless products, and go on every forum in order to become a master Pick-up Artist.

In fact, I've met that VH1 master PUA, he was just standing around biting his nails, analyzing social interactions with his fellow PUAs, and you'd think being a D-list celebrity, he would get some actions because a female audience might recognize him. On the contrary, he left with the same guys who came in with him. If you still think that these self-hype gurus are real, go check out Barry Kirkey's "radioshow" to hear his perspective, as a former "executive coach" (who left) RSD, a character in that "bible," and supposedly got many girls.

Joining the community is not some amazing journey to become a Jedi knight, go read some materials so you know what to and what not to do when interacting with people. Then grow some balls, and start talking with people, guys and girls. The hard work isn't in learning the materials and demonstrate one's prowess by being a keyboard jockey on seduction boards, but rather in going out and be more social with everyone. In spite of what is described in books and reports, it's not that difficult to take a random drunk bar skank home, all you have to do is to lower your standard enough because no girls with choice (i.e. that others would want too) would go home with some random dude that she just met, no matter how cool he is. So the fabled PUA described in reports doesn't exist, it's what hustlers want you to believe so that they can market more materials and workshops to you.

Yet another publicity stunt

I'm no industry expert, so I call it as I see it without any behind-the-scene knowledge. Remember after The Game, Style pulled that stunt of training only 4 chosen guys, then he came out with the Annihilation Method (I prefer to call it for what it is, the Anal Method, because he reamed so many guys, including some college students, that I know, who took out student loans to buy it). With that chump change of a few millions, Style started stylelife which has grown for the past 2 years and no one seems to remember to ask him why he has started making money off the game, which he claimed that he has quit!

For nearly a whole year, I thought I was the lone voice in calling out that the seduction / dating community is a rip-off. Many readers have contacted me privately and publicly on my blog to tell me many more stories that these so-called "PUAs" are just scammers, as I have suggested before, that they are better at seducing boys and men, than girls, which is why I called them gay in that sense.

Some of these "self-hype gurus" have came back with more bullshit reasons, like "I want to help men" or "I like to teach." My suggestion is simple, there are plenty of under-served inner-city schools that they can teach and make a real difference in the future generation instead of hustling these over-paid, never-got-laid IT / programmers; of all the many types of skills to teach others, they choose to teach men how to hustle women?! Really, that's what we want more in this society, more hustlers?

The other route that some of these losers have taken is to go a more commercial route. David Deangelo, and no, that's not his real name, has gone back to being Eben Pagan in order to sell to his former "classmates" in marketing schools on how to build a business, which is what DYD is all about, preying on the hopes and dreams of chumps by selling them empty promises, because I guarantee you that few if any of his marks / victims have gotten girls by being "cocky and funny."

Then there are guys like Sean Messenger, and more recently, Tyler Durden (real name: Owen Cook) are going into the self-improvement market; because they too have quit the game (remember Style) and they are ready to help men (don't you get tired of the same old refrain?!). No, as long as they are alive, like Ross Jeffries, they will continue to market to people, all I can do is to encourage that those who know about the history of these scammers to speak up and educate others so that they can avoid this community of victims / marks.

That's the beauty of America. The country that re-invented modern psychology and pioneered its usage in advertising. Everyone wants to and thinks that s/he can achieve that American Dream, if you have any doubt that it doesn't exist, go watch the recent Democratic National Convention speeches. So no, TD is not quitting, neither has Style, and for the past 30 some odd years, Anthony Robbins is still around talking about self-help, NLP, and whatever latest bullshit that they have conjured up. Sure, we can learn a few things and with how the world has changed since, information is so readily available for free, why be the chump to buy their product? Check out the blogs and podcasts of former insiders of this whole scam!

Have a happy Labor Day and if you are in the path of Gustav, stay safe!

Fans of RSD and TD would love

Another great podcast (sorry, "radio show") from Barry Kirkey! I try to keep up even with my busy schedule and this is another one where he and an ex-coworker at RSD (yes, that cult of Real Social Dynamics) are sharing more info on what used to be the Project Hollywood that infamous book raves about.

These guys have real stories behind the scene of what went on. This whole pickup community is a scheme manufactured by a few guys to rip off the unsuspecting fools. Day in and day out, I still see community guys out and about, they are still doing the same PUA circuits of hopping from one bar to another, and I doubt that they are happy when all they do is constantly out seeking validations from strangers. For those "dating/seduction" coaches, they have the additional pressure of getting validations from their students.

There's a sliver of hope though when I see some guys who have completely abandoned the scene and just be who they used to be... after they have squandered money, wasted time, and of course, lost their old friends; all this in the pursuit of some trivial validation from drunk girls. Rather than trying to game people and fail, they would be better off just going out to meet people, make friends, and develop a social circle. The community has never existed, it's only an illusion that the marketing people came up. There are techniques and tactics that can be learned, just like anything else, but don't be misled to think that you can develop long term friendship with PUAs, because they want you to provide them with girls, money, and/or sexual favors.

Redirecting focus to something meaningful

Every so often, I get an email from some random guy that lists a tally of how many kiss closes, # closes, ! closes, whatever. This boils down his entire existence down to a number, like a FICO score on his PUA skills, this explains why so many guys failed.

Have you ever gotten MANY numbers from different girls and when you call them, nothing ever materialized?! Mystery would diagnose this as not having the proper time bridge, which is true. What he means is that you didn't set up when you will meet up and what you will do. "Let's hang out" usually means that she will enter you into a lottery drawing and the chance of you ever "hanging out" is slim to none, almost the same probability as you winning the lottery.

Instead of focusing on tallying how many numbers you get, how many girls you've been with, etc., a better way to look at this is from a broader perspective. Are you someone who can get along with people in general? Do you have any difficulty in connecting with people, as in they want to include you into their life? From what little experience I have, this boils down to neediness.

This is a HUGE issue with guys who don't have an existing group of friends and they go into lair and seduction forums to find "wings." They first start their whole journey by wanting sex from girls. When girls sense that you want something from them, they will be turned off immediately and be creeped out. Sure, some of these guys will occasionally score or get lucky, even the blind squirrel will find a nut, and if you are in the community, you are already surrounded by nuts.

I found that as soon as I found something I like to do, something I have a great time doing, whether alone or with friends, there is something I can talk about and share with people. Then I naturally have endless number of conversation topics, so I don't need to "plow." Another is that I can include others into my life. Most people live VERY boring lives, they get up, work, go home, and sleep. If you can get them into doing other activities, they will join up. Most community guys end up just sarging from bar to bar, I call them doing the PUA circuits and they usually end up where they start, with nothing and no new friends.

That's why I always push people to go out to make friends with strangers before trying to game girls. There are no obstacles to disarm, bitchshields to blow apart, and targets waiting to be opened. Friends will naturally exchange info and get together to do other activities, not time-bridging for "dates" and "day2s." If you can get to a point when you can talk about anything with stranger, then you won't have a problem setting up another time to meet to do something together. That, my friends, is a date, day2, timebridge, etc. so you don't need any tricks to get her numbers. Even better, if you can make someone feel that you understand her more than anyone else, and yet you can still tease and have fun with her, enough to build that sexual tension, then you will have no problem with having sex.

Instead of thinking of this as number of sets opened, number of kiss closes, number of number closes, and number of full closes, stop thinking in terms of those sociopathic terms but think of how normal socially well-adjusted people relate to each other, then your interaction with others will also be socially acceptable and naturally have more success with turning strangers into friends. Quit thinking like a weirdo, quit acting like a weirdo, quit being among other weirdos, BUT join, take part, and be with normal humanity.

What is important to you? And how much would you pay for it?

From numerous discussions that I had with MBA and economists, the central concept of what they do is to compare the opportunity costs between taking action A vs. B. In other words, what are the relative and comparable values between two actions, items, etc.?

This got me thinking about this whole self-improvement and what these self-hype gurus are trying to promote. What service are they providing? Is the service worthwhile? If you were not spending your money in this, where would you spend your money? And this reminds me of a documentary of male prostitutes / entertainment workers in Japan, "The Great Happiness Space," which I have posted here before.

In many ways, these seduction gurus are not very far from being male prostitutes. They are like surrogates for sex for many sex-starved/deprived men. For many guys, I can sort of see how desperate they are for companionship and of physical nature, sexual contacts. Rather than pursuing the stigmatized action of going for prostitutes, they go learn how to get girls, or pickup. Of course, that doesn't sound very pleasant, they call this action something pleasant, like self-improvement, and we all know how important that we must improve ourselves, because after all, we always are students and we can always improve!

So in come these guys, they will teach guys how to get laid, why sell you fish when they can teach you how to fish?! I.e. why would they hand you girls like a pimp would, something we all frown on, when they can teach you to be better men so that you can get girls. When you examine this phenomenon further, at the very basic biological and physical levels, we need women for sexual gratifications. So these guys, in effect, are providing a sexual service to other guys. Instead of pimping out girls to guys, they are selling themselves to other guys, which means these "dating coaches" are really surrogates for prostitutes! which makes them, in effect, male prostitutes.

Jokes aside, do these guys really provide any added-value? Like a chef would when s/he cook what farmers and butchers provide? If you were to pay for prostitutes, do you get more than just sex? Do these guys truly teach you how to be better men, rather than just getting girls?! They would like to convince us that they are... If that's the case, I'm all about applying what I talk about to myself. By that, I mean why don't psychics apply their abilities to improving their conditions? If they are truly such high value men, you know, billionaire guys like Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, why do they have to stoop so low to provide such service to other guys?

My proposal is that these self-hype gurus don't really provide any value. This is the best that they can do (applying the Peter Principle here) and if they were not doing this, they would be out whoring themselves in other ways. So before you think about spending money on these guys, ask yourself, if you are in this for girls, perhaps you should just pay girls for their services... rather than through intermediaries such as these self-hype gurus; unless, of course, that you really want guys!

Keep it simple

There are many difficult tasks in life, but for the most part, life is very simple, and especially social situations, they are the simplest. From what I've observed, the more someone tries to break them down, the more they will be drown in that neverland, somewhere between over-interpreting and completely missing the point.

Yes, you know it's coming. Picking up girls, it's not difficult, and if people play it like it really is, a numbers game, almost like lottery except you will score more and more often, then they would not need all those gay forums that Barry Kirkey has been talking about.

Being a blogger, I keep up with quite a few blogs and this trend is emerging. People don't make money by simplifying how things are, but they over-analyze and come up with complex algorithms. Take getting rich, it's a very simple formula, take what you earn and subtract out what you spend. So you can get rich by making a lot more than what you are earning now, or spend less that what you are spending now. Or increase your earning significantly more than the increase in your spending.

Take getting girls, yes, I do hate the idea of "getting" anything from anyone, especially girls. It's all about meeting people, the more people you meet, the more likely you will develop social skills and you will have a higher likelihood of meeting someone or girls. And in order to meet people, you have to be where people are. Meet more people, have more friends, in turn, have more people in your life, and naturally, you will have more girls. No need to take countless workshops, buy more products, and learn more techniques.

You know how to get promoted or get a pay raise, do what people at those positions or that pay-grade are doing, then naturally, you will get it. If not, find a job that will compensate you at the rate you think you deserve.

Another interest that people have but rarely work on is losing weight. It's very simple, consume less calories than what you expend, you will lose weight. Until someone can prove that we can absorb calories by other means than through our GI tract (yes, there are non-enteral ways for caloric intakes, but most people don't have the means for getting that), almost all of us get our calories through our mouths and we expend energy by moving around. If we use more energy to move around than what we consumed through our mouths, we will lose weight. No need for all those silly diet plans.

But in order to have a blog that constantly churn out more information, more howto's, more reasons for you to come back to read more, they will constantly pump out more seemingly important info, and make simple steps into something more complicated than what it should be.

Being a normal well-adjusted person is being in tune what one's needs and desires. Being able to express and convey oneself to others. Having a support system that both nurtures and challenges us to be a better person. Yes, it really is that simple.

Go check this out... today!

Their discussion and opinions about lairs fit my experience perfectly! Because of Barry Kirkey, I haven't felt the need to bitch and complain why guys should avoid the community. No, I have absolutely no commercial interest with him, and to be quite honest, I have lost whatever respect I had for Sinn awhile back when he went commercial and started tacitly endorsing certain guys, probably because they paid him. Seriously, if he has any other skills and can hold down a real job, he wouldn't be hanging out with social retards for a living!

There are some very good theories, tactics, techniques, and even methods in the community. But they can be learned, internalized, and practiced without any association with lair or community guys. You can find them on many file sharing sites and some "gurus" even give them away for free! There's no need to involve yourself with community lair guys because learning seduction materials is like masturbating. We all benefit from it (don't believe me? google for "prostate cancer masturbation frequency," we all should do it in private, not something you brag about to your friends, but once you start doing it together with other guys, you are gay!

If you miss this podcast, I'm sure he will republish it this weekend and like most community materials, you'll find it on many file sharing sites.

Now, I'm going back to work and I'll blog about some other recent insights I have later.

What do you look for in a girl?

People, especially girls, often ask me this question. This is an opportunity not just to tell people what I like but also what kind of person I am. Sure, she has to be attractive. And what else?

The one thing people will discover, once they meet many people, is that there are plenty of potential mates, but we don't know until we get to know them. On top of my check list isn't necessary how hot she is, but rather, how much self-respect she has. A girl who doesn't respect herself, care for, and love herself isn't a girl worth knowing and worth having in my life. Have you noticed girls who are into dramas... tend to surround themselves with dramas and thus they also drag others into their problems!

Girls with little or no respect for themselves also rarely know who they are; I'm not sure which is the cause and which is the effect, but those two traits tend to go hand in hand. Girls who know themselves tend to be more self-assured, less needy, and definitely more articulate without sounding pushy. That's the whole idea behind the push-pull, being able to let go and be confident enough to accept the results without being desperate. For example, girls would suggest doing something or something else. They don't have to have their way all the time or they would throw a tantrum.

Contrary to what most people think, I believe that girls who seem to know what they want don't truly know they want and they definitely are into the drama of fighting. I just had a conversation with a friend and she was telling me so-and-so is a "type A personality" girl because she knows what she wants. Guess what? Those girls are still alone, over-the-hill, and very unhappy. Because they haven't taken that journey to know who they are and people, who have taken risks, been hurt, and (hopefully unintentionally) hurt others, are more genuine because they don't feel the need to play games or to have to win every battle. The reality is that if there's good sex and both sides enjoy themselves, there is no battle of the sexes!

That's the main problem I see in many people, they don't dig deep within, find out who they are, and self-identity isn't necessarily something that can be stated in a few terms, it's something they feel and they are ready to show others. People who don't know themselves and people who constantly seek answers from others (like taking many "dating/seduction" workshops) and in the process, their lives are buffeted and filled with dramas because they allow dramas into their lives. This is how I answer that question. Definitely someone with plenty of self-love and respect because that person will know how to care and treat me with respect. Yes, I'm very selfish this way!

Being in the moment

If you have not watched Cesar Milan's The Dog Whisperer, you really have to go check it out. It's on the National Geographic TV channel. Just watch how he doesn't bring in many preconceived notions when he meets up with a new dog and then how he dominates, controls, and leads that dog! Sometimes, he even brings in other dogs in his pack to help him exert that pack mentality. Now you see the parallel of why having friends going out with you is a good thing, especially girls to help you pull more girls into your folds.

That's why they call some girls bitches, because in many ways, they are animals first, females second, and humans third. I kid, about the female dog part! But people are surprisingly whimsical and we can take advantage of them being in the moment, and if you want to take girls home, this is the best way of exploiting that. This is analogous to what magicians use; they draw in the attention of everyone around them, misdirect them to some fun shiny bright objects, and consequently, sex just happens.

That's why we have to be immersed into the moment. We don't think about what happened last time, or the same girl might have rejected you, or how other lair guys think you are the pimp in the forum. Focus your attention on the here and now. Enjoy yourself, being among your friends, and share those good warm and fuzzy feelings with others. You don't have to think very far in advance, and definitely don't verbalize your thoughts on what you will do to her. Girls will inevitably say "that's just gross" or with other verbal objections. But once you start doing the "nasty," anything goes because girls, being animals first, female second, and humans third, they too will allow almost anything to happen as long as you don't break the rhythm or disrupt the vibe.

Even if you really want to baptize her by covering her face with your man juice, you better not tell her that, but just do it and you will realize girls will go along with practically anything as long as you do it without hesitation but with confidence, authority, and most important of all, discretion. I often joked about how guys should just pay for sex, I'm willing to bet that it's not that great with a hooker and those guys have to because they don't have a sense of fun and playfulness. In some days, this is about what goes on inside, how we all have to learn to discard our inhibition and start living in the moment. For sex to happen on the same night, we have to draw out their disinhibition and replace it with adventure. That's what people sum up as "being in the moment."

If you still don't have a visceral sense of what it is, go watch Cesar Milan in how he draws that out of dogs in order to "rehabilitate" them. Change yourself, let loose, relax, chill, and go rehab some girls!

"He's safe."

Quite often, guys act too cool to be in a bar, and they end up drinking alone and scurry home among their "pickup artist sarging wingmen." Another example of what-not-to-be is the guy that seems a bit too eager and wanting a bit much of something from people, you know the type, he thinks he's a player when he is really creeping girls out. The trick with being a person with options with girls is to be a good fisherman.

Unlike those professional pickup artists, who pride themselves at pulling drunk girls home and then come online to boast about their technical pickup skills, I've been advocating the opposite, be the social guy with friends, who goes out with his buddies instead of his fellow lair sargers. With many friends and many social circles, this is similar to a fisherman casting multiple lines, just jiggle a few lines now and then, sit back, relax, and wait for girls to chase you!

Unlike guys who pride themselves for being players, when they really are pussies with no balls, you have to be discrete. Girls are always craving for excitement. By switching the mentality of wanting something from girls, be the guy that fulfills that yearning in them, bring them into your folds in a manner that make them feel like they are part of something greater than themselves.

This is what I mean by being that "safe" guy that girls talk about, what they have subcommunicated is that you understand and can fulfill their needs without broadcasting to the whole wide world. The very act of writing up reports about hook ups with girls is an obvious sign of chest pounding to show the world someone has succumbed to the power of the pussy. Sure, if those reports were true, they would have been educational for guys to learn about girls, but like many things in life, we can only talk in generality and it takes experience to flesh out the details. Go live the life you want rather than trying to imitate a fraud. Go discover what works for you instead of trying to fulfill the fantasy of an author. What you read is often shaped by marketing and driven by advertising. Be your own man.

Dealing with the avalanche of information

Unlike some of my more net-savvy readers, I just started using RSS reader a few days ago and thankfully, it has helped me immensely by allowing me to keep up with web sites than ever before! Then I noticed the parallel with the glut of self-help and specifically, "seduction" materials.

Remember back in the day when the Mystery Method had 5 DVDs, then Style's the Anal Method came out with 8 DVDs and more audio CD's. Of course, being a good copycat, RSD came out with tons more programs loaded with at least a dozen DVD's each. The king of self-hype David D also drone on and on in his endless numbers of programs.

This got me thinking about this technique of flooding people with so much information, and most of it is just padding, they talk about what you should get out of it and when you get down to the useful portion of the program, there's very little if anything that one can apply. So it's almost anti-climatic in the sense that the up-sell of the product and the build-up in the beginning, when all these programs are the same. But they are so loaded with jargons and market-oriented sale pitches.

Then I compare with what I know vs. what is blogged about in the blogosphere, there's so much fluff... like this blog. I basically tell people to do what other normal and social people do. But before I can get to that simple point, I have to dispel all these myths and hypes that all these self-hype gurus created. Sure, it's great to know the details so that you can impress with your analysis. It's like using multi-variables calculus to solve for the surface area of a sphere, when you can just plug in the correct information into a formula that's readily available.

In this era of information overload, I wonder how much of it is really new, most of it is just rehash, and not even repeat of useful and applicable information. As I blogged here so many times, people should stop trying to learn everything out there, they should try what works for them instead of constantly looking outside to fix what is really wrong inside.

To put this in a different way, when people put out a weird vibe, it's not about how they should learn more about body language, adopt a different posture or stand, rather, they should continue to interact with people, keep changing until they find something that works. Instead, what I see so often is that people keep on reading, keep going back to gurus for more materials, keep attending superconferences (yeah, I should create the final supreme conference), and yet they never ever really truly change what is inside using their personal experiences as the guide.

I have told this to friends and on here many times, it's perfectly fine to make mistakes, just don't keep repeating the same mistakes. The problem isn't this or that, but to truly examine oneself, and start fixing from within. I might blog about some problems I've seen and what I think would be the obvious, easier, and simpler solution.