Building that emotional connection

After discussing the theory of rapport and emotional connection in previous blog entries, some of you emailed me about how exactly have I used it. Here are some examples that came off the top of my head...

(1) There was this one time, at a bookstore far far away, (sorry, I couldn't help myself!) there were two girls, I opened and then we joked around. They were there to look for an art piece as an inspiration for them to paint something similar in their new condo. One of them told me that she doesn't like just a bouquet of flowers, but just one flower, and view it from behind. Then we discussed how most of us just skim the surface by taking the prima facie approach to people, events, and life in general. And I continued that it takes a special person to dig deeper and appreciate the multi-faceted nature of life. Notice how I turned something she mentioned in passing, into something deep, about our approaches to life?

(2) Another was one night in a bar, I was talking to this girl, then the subject of work came up. She told me she was doing such and such at this company, and I happened to know someone who was recently fired from there. With that brief commonality, she asked me if he's gay, and how he's a loner who doesn't socialize with co-workers, etc. Then I continued with how it must be difficult to live a life of denial, she replied about how she had to be a certain way with her last bf. Again, with just a tenuous connection, we went from talking about work, to something that deeply affected her.

(3) There was this one time I stumbled into a birthday party and ended up talking to the birthday girl. She told me about leaving her broken home and went to a crazy religious school down south. She's a total conservative right wing nut job, but just for my own amusement, we continued talking about her faith. Then I interjected how she was able to heal herself, found a purpose in life, and how faith in her space-daddy/spaghetti-monster/god was able to bring clarity, protection, and peace to her. This time, it was more about turning something negative (her broken home) into positive.

(4) Last one, I was talking to a pretty tall girl at a bus stop. The way she held herself together made me think of my ex, who used to be a model and a beauty pageant contestant. And guess what? She also competed in beauty pageants! Which I immediately relate to her on how it must be difficult to express herself when everyone already has a preconceived notion of how she should behave, she just lit up and talked about how she has to wear a mask and most people don't know her inner turmoils. She told me how guys rarely ever listen to her and she was surprised I got to know her so deeply and quickly... HA! She ended up missing her bus.

I normally hate writing FR/LR because they are such bullshit and I hope that by focusing on the specific turning point in my interaction using emotional connections, we can turn a fluffy conversation about trivialities of life into something deep and meaningful. Girls yearn for that special someone to turn those momentary sparks in life into full blown flames. Be that flamer guy (HA!) and you will have plenty of girls in your life! I might blog about how to take those connections to a sexual level in future entries.

The take home lesson is that I basically turned a simple piece of our conversation into an emotional journey for her to express herself. Notice I didn't run any routine, I didn't talk about the same set of emotions, and there were a few other details I left out, for brevity and simplicity by removing the sexual overtone in our conversations.

The in-her game(tm): Point of no return

I am such a horrible person, instead of working, I'm procrastinating so I am blogging instead. If you have ever crammed for exam, waiting for the right time, and keep pushing until the last minute to get things done, building up that tension. It's almost like playing chicken, to see who finally give in and submit, that is when one has triumphed over the other. Yes, I keep pushing, and I balance that with pulling, in different ways. This is the basis of how I like structure the early part of the relationship.

Many earth years ago in a land not so far away, I was seeing a girl, when she was about to move away, so we went on a trip together, it was our farewell trip. I know, touching, no need to shed any tear. It was a great trip, but just prior to leaving for our trip together, I met another girl and we started seeing each other on and off. Then I told girl #2 that I have to go away for two weeks, what I didn't tell her was with girl #1. When I returned, girl #2 was all over me.

This is how I came to recognize that with sufficient rapport and emotional connection; hearts do grow fonder when separated. After that one incidence, I almost always have to leave to "go on a trip" somewhere for a short period of time, usually undetermined, out of touch, right as the "relationship" about to start. This is what usually tips her over and when we see each other again, sex is always amazing. This, my friends, is when we both have crossed the threshold, the point that I know we have started the relationship, there is no turning back, this is when she will constantly push more commitment, time and otherwise, from me.

Once I've entered the community, others have articulated similar techniques... After we elicited sufficient attraction, some advocate doing the false takeaway and build jealousy plotlines in nearby sets. Another thing is BradP called stewing the girl, keep her going for awhile, but not actually seeing again for quite some time after the initial meet. For some unknown reasons, if I ever had that mystical connection with a very hot girl, just playing plain and simple comfort boring phone game, but I keep stewing her and not see her again right away, things usually escalate VERY quickly once I meet up with her the second time. Remember, hot girls only, I don't know how this works with UGs or fatties (please go test this out for us).

So young grasshoppers, learn to build comfort with her, then stew her, do NOT see her right away, but your phone game comfort building has to be tight, you got to be not needy at all. Sure, you will lose some, the subcommunication is that you are a man of purpose, you have other callings, she isn't the top priority, I know some people will frown at this for making the girl chase, little do they know that girls crave the chase, tacitly. It's almost like a piece of genetic memory, girls love that movie moment, the one when her man returns...

What reminded me of this was one girl I've been seeing on and off, she tried to pull the I'm going away/travel thing today. I kept a straight face and encouraged her to go. Some things are meant to be, learn to let go. Let go of your expectations when you are starting to approach, let go of your desires so you don't convey neediness/desperation, let go of any prejudice, be in the moment, your time here is now. Like a boomerang, she will return (I know, I like to contradict myself), just not right away, give her time and space.

No meat, no heat

The only thing to do is to worship at her feet.

Some of us are more fortunate than others. I have older brothers to teach me that I should avoid supplicating to women in general. Growing up I watched them going out on dates, especially dinner dates, I somehow learned that I should avoid taking girls out to eat in general. This was finally confirmed to me loud and clear with my recent encounter with a dinner whore. Yes, Virginia, they do exist, even in the 21st century!

I normally don't take girls out to dinner on day2. From what I observed, this was a total party girl, my plan was to stew her and kept up the attraction over phone and text. It was working until I caved in. I was bored and went down my list of numbers that I collected recently (bad sign #1). She called back to ask me to join her for dinner (bad sign #2). One thing I did right was to make her compromise on where we go for food, however, I had to go pick her up even though I already ate dinner (bad sign #3). We ended up at this fancy place (30 minutes before closing) for food, but she was too busy talking on the phone (bad sign #4), with another guy whom she will meet up later that night (bad sign #5). Sure enough, the tool came to meet up with us at the restaurant (bad sign #6), who I immediately befriended and disarmed. She was whoring for attention, which I directed toward him instead.

The fun began when the dinner bill came, she looked at me, then she picked it up and handed to me. I ignored her gesture and went back to talking with the guy, he got the hint and left. She went on this tirade about she doesn't pay for guys, etc. She spewed out the almost textbook litany of reasons from Cosmo. I smiled and just walked out without looking back. She was so stunned that she seemed to be plastered on her seat. The waiter was dumbfounded, I simply didn't want to get into an argument with any girl in general, especially her, who at one moment, was a sweet, happy, party girl, and at another moment, a total dinner whore who felt this entitlement that the world owed her. Was she an anomaly or very typical of the trust fund babies?

There's a website where girls post what guys not to date, we guys should have something similar for these dinner whores! The sad part is that most guys, even the self-proclaimed PUAs, would gladly pay anything to shut them up, be gentlemen, or do whatever that's necessary to get her spread her legs, including moving in just to get regular access to the vagine, maybe a puppy will soften her up a bit more! They would rather blame other guys for their own shortcomings (yeah, even that physical kind) and failures instead of examining themselves, how they could have done things differently, do some actual self-improvement, pulling oneself up without pushing others down. Damn, I thought there was going to be a funny punch line...

Oh yes, girls are like buses, if you miss one, there will be another one coming, there are millions turning 18 every day. I won't let the fear of loss get to me, as Yoda said, "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to the dark SIIIIIIDE!" So "Do, or do not, don't try!"

FR: How NOT to sarge the bartender’s gf

Be forewarned, this is my first FR. I’m the product of MM, PU101, Juggler, and my personal experience. To start with, I winged with this friend of mine for over 6 months, tonight was the first time he was able to #closed this hot Brazillian girl for day2. We had some good sets before, but never this chilled, at eased, and totally smooooooth. You owe me one! Afterward, he fell back into his rut of leaving early, another friend came just in time so I had an excuse not to talk to girls. Until we argued and I left to get some water,…

There was this hot girl sitting at the bar with this guy. The proper procedure was to open the guy, who had on a green t-shirt, thick golden neck chain, and grilles with ices, which I did by complimenting him for being the pimp. She was into it and I couldn’t get a straight answer what their situation was, so I just assumed he’s an orbiter, even though she was kino’ing him like crazy, but in my mind, I was there to befriend him.

Once the initial awkward stranger talking mode subsided, I asked her a few OEQ’s which she responded. I immersed myself into her answers and related my experiences, stories in life, some exaggerated, some not, that were comparable with the emotional undertone of her statements. She talked briefly about her non-traditional education, rather than busting her with C&F (as David D would recommend), I related her education with a deep emotion of how we struggle with conformity and our yearning to be free. I also spiked in a few subtle neg, such as how her handmade necklace out of some vines reminded me of how my 4-yo niece loves to make necklace out of beads.

As I learned and discussed in my previous rapport blogs, I kept taking her on an emotional journey, of deep and wide emotions to the point where she bought me a drink. Her female roommate came and they went off their discussion. In between her trying to get me involved into their interaction, I threw in a few routines, attraction type, to basically take control of the group to the point her male friend and female roommate had to talk, and I could engage her back in our emotional journey.

The point where the set hook was when she told me the guy serving us drinks was her bf. I tried my bf-destroyer routine and with some more rapport, she revealed the cracks in their relationship and how they don’t have the discussion we were having! Then she and her roommate went off for a smoke. I went and look for my friend who I had that argument, yeah, guys can have drama too!

As I returned, I noticed another guy was talking to the 2 girls, while they were smoking. I went in with some brief attraction materials and befriended the guy; somehow that triggered those two girls decided to go to restroom (why?) and my target insisted that I wait for her b/c I owe her a drink. So I opened that guy and his friends, chit chat, low energy conversation until the girls’ return.

My target took my arm and insisted that I buy her shot (as I agreed to buy the 2nd round for us). We did our shot and related some more, I suspect her roommate got the hint or was bored, so she left. Then my target went into this long ass story that she basically DHVed herself (for you MM guys, we were way into A3/C1). Back in my head, I started scheming for a good reason for us to meet up again. I false time constrainted that I need to join my friend and we should exchange contact info to do our activity. She objected in front of her bf, the bartender about 2 feet away, so I suggested and she complied by punching in my number into her phone and calling me.

Afterward, we talked for another 20 minutes, I kino pinged her, she was definitely a touchy-feely girl. As I was standing up and about to leave, her bf told me that I was talking to his gf, why he waited up until that poitn to tell me? I don’t know.

Break-thoughs:

1. Rapport through emotional journey
2. Cut routines down to < 10% of time spent
3. Get more by doing less, give her the opportunity to talk and spike in a few attraction stories and routines to sustain her momentum
4. Sarge a mixed 2-set at the bar, the bartender’s gf, without a wing

Need help in:

1. Escalate the interaction by taking the emotional journey toward sex
2. Bounce or venue change her
3. A more solid close