Living on the backs of idiots

I came across an article that says that in America, there are more outlets for pay-day loan lenders than all MacDonald's and Burger King combined! This got me thinking of a whole slew of things we benefit from idiotic and/or irresponsible adults.

Back when I got my first credit card a long time ago, it has a very low interest rate (by today's standards) and Discover card was the only card company that had this new gimmick of giving 1% cash back (only if you fulfill their long list of requirements that few people do). Now, there are so many credit cards out there with free miles, free points, and even cash back > 1%! Then I realized that credit card companies are not becoming more efficient with the 2% that they collect from merchants, but rather, they are making money off idiots who are carrying balances from month to month at a 20something to 30% interest rate. Of course, let's not forget the huge finance charge and late fee!

Then I look at the whole self-help industry, and especially the seduction community. Here we have a relative large population of guys, who were born book smart, studied a lot, worked hard, and are making a decent salary. With their excess income, they spend on cars, clothes, and condos, but none of that bring them happiness, and guess what? A few geniuses come along to tell them, "Hey, what you are missing in your life is girls! Can you imagine if people love you, respect you, and even have sex with you instead of cursing you each time their computer crashes or program freezes!"

So these guys buy into the whole belief system that they can be somebody, pay their way into an endless supply of pussies, and buy their way into the hearts and minds of people, yes, by becoming PUAs! This is almost like guys going to pay-day loan office because they can borrow a huge sum without having to work for it. Or guys who think that credit card is a cheap and easy way to get a loan, to borrow against their future without having to put in the hard work!

While all that is going on, these self-hype gurus are thriving on the stupidity of these IT guys. Yes, I'm singling IT guys out, and I'm sure that only guys will well-paying jobs can afford to take bootcamps. Sure, there are some inspirational stories of guys scraping by to take workshops, the reality is that only guys with extra money can afford these workshops. So they think they can buy happiness, respect, admiration, love, and sex. What they don't realize that all of those can be achieved the old fashion way, being that social connector, being that guy who is great with everyone, and life is so much easier when we don't have to support these leeches on society by becoming victims of self-hype gurus.

Consistency, not fantasy

Every year, people knowingly make resolutions and few if any of those resolutions stick. Rather than chasing the impossible, we all would be better off in establishing simple habits so that we work gradually toward a final goal.

One of my many goals for last year was to develop a budget and stick to it. I have used Quicken on and off since 2001 and I have never been able to keep track of all my expenses. The first habit I establish was to learn to record all my expenditures. This habit took me nearly 1 year to develop and I have been able to do that consistently by setting aside a specific time in my schedule every week to get caught up on all my receipts.

Once I have established the habit of recording my all my incomes and expenditures, then I was able to see a pattern in where my money was going by grouping items in my record into categories: e.g., rent/mortgage, insurance premiums, utilities, and groceries into essential expenses, and then non-essential expenses such as shopping, movies, dining out, trips, etc. Along the way, one motivation that drove me to keep recording and working on my budget sheet wasn't the reward in how much money I saved but rather learning how to use Excel.

Part of my new job at that time was to process large-scale datasets within Excel and do further analyses inside databases. By combining work with what I do for fun at home, I was able to learn some new skills while saving money at the same time. People in business would call that synergy, I was just being lazy by combining two projects into one.

That's the trick with establishing habits, there must be incremental and immediate reward for habits to stick. Take losing weight for example, this isn't something that can be done overnight and for many people, this is a lifetime of struggles and most fail. The reason they fail is that most of them don't see the immediate and incremental reward. I started my workout regimen with a few buddies, many drop off because they couldn't stick to it, but those remain, we became very good friends in the process. Part of that workout regimen was the social aspect of hanging out with friends so the workout process wasn't tedious.

Back to the budget, after I have tracked my incomes and expenditures for nearly 1 year, it took me another 6 additional months to gradually taper down my non-essential spending to within my budget. Finally, the reward is to see how much I have increased in my savings and the interest I earn on a monthly basis. Another secret to having goals is to maintain a pattern of continuous improvement. Now that I have substantial savings, my next goal is to invest what I've earned into higher yield investment vehicles. That's another reason why people fail to loose weight, imagine that they have lost all that weight, what's next? For almost all of them, if they don't have any idea of what to do next, I'm sure they will revert back and regain all that weight.

As human beings, we improve by making incremental and continuous changes into habits. We establish habits by having consistency and self-discipline. There are tricks we can play with how we perceive ourselves. Instead of striving for lofty fantasies, we are better off taking small steps slowly.

The One advice to develop a social lifestyle

Life has been busy, both personally and professionally, so I haven't been able to keep up with the scene and thus, fewer blog posts here. Awhile back someone suggested that I should check out Cameron Teone and I like some of his blog entries. Now, I'm not endorsing him nor do I have the power and audience to have that sort of influence. I like what he posted about how to have the "PUA Lifestyle" without being with community douchebags.

People are often distracted by the greener pastures elsewhere instead of improving and developing their own. Instead of going to become yet-another-wannabe pickup guru, they should learn to be better at their jobs. Learn a new set of skills that will help them get that promotion and/or to earn a higher income. Instead of trying to game every girl in sight, they should befriend people and have a supportive social network of friends, not wings, not PUAs, or gurus that they have to paid in order to get advice on life. Instead of going out to game and steal other people's girls, have more parties at their place so others will introduce more friends into their lives.

I'm definitely not the cleanest nor the neatest guy in my circle of friends and colleagues. But I have met up with community guys, with the exception of the closet-hiding queers, almost all of them have the filthiest, disorganized living spaces ever! Most of these guys are the results of their socio-economic backgrounds, you know the type, they didn't exactly grew up in a well-to-do family so they were never educated on the virtue of being clean, neat, organized, and just plain living the good life. The other case is that community guys are so socially out of touch and mentally unstable that they don't even know what are the right and wrong ways to setup their domiciles. Imagine what would happen if you throw all these guys into a house, a "Project" whatever, they would behave more like rabid dogs at the junkyard, fighting over scraps, eating, pissing, and shitting in the same space. That, my friends, is why all Projects fail and why you should not share your living quarter with another guy in the community.

I just did something I don't like to do, i.e. to expand on what someone else, Cameron, already posted. I'm just adding some personal experience and anecdotes of why guys should learn what techniques they need and leave the community. For the most part, I have completely distanced myself away from community guys because I now realize they are almost all losers. Getting girls doesn't solve their deep seated biological, mental, psychological, and financial issues. Social life is like the icing on the cake, if people don't have the foundation to have a normal life, they won't have a social life. And social life is also a reflection of a person's success in life. Lack of a social life is only an indication, a signal that someone should take a good look at their own life, because the cause isn't the lack of social skills, but something deeper and will take longer to fix, which are usually a combination of their physical, mental, and financial health.

One-trick pony

If all that you can talk about is other people, without much insight into who you are, what you want to do, and where you want to be in life, then it's time to start. The problem with people not being able to have and keep relationships going is that they don't have a rich and varied life. I thought back to my time that I spent with guys in the community, I now realize that it's a community of people without success not just with women, but in living their lives because they constantly and desperately want things from others instead of enriching everyone around them.

I still keep up with the community, but mostly through blogs and podcasts. One recurring theme is that some guys are very good at what they do, hooking up with girls, is that they spend all their time in doing this and in order to support their habits, they have to hustle money from other guys; i.e. teaching bootcamps, selling ebooks, touring, and promoting subscription-based schemes to get guys to join. But beyond keeping up with the social fads, they have nothing else going for them, they don't have a professional career, they have no future in anything else but trying to become the next Tony Robbins, David D,... No wonder why they can't keep friends (beyond the community) around and definitely incapable of having any meaningful relationship with an independent, successful, and stable girl.

So if you are still hanging around with other guys in the community, ask yourself if this: if I were not out hitting on girls, what else would I do to enrich the lives of myself and others? Day in and day out, I see people constantly trying to hustle each other for favors and more notably, money. But they really don't bring anything else to the table. They are not concerned with the welfare of each other. They evaluate their friendship based on what they can get out of it instead of bettering everyone involved. If I may generalize, that's why people in the community are predominantly libertarians, socially awkward, and most importantly of all, unable to work with others. Instead of correcting their problems, they misdirect their focus on trying to be alpha, leader of men, and of course, they end up being the leader of a bunch of social retards and financial failures.

Those people with their focus on improving the lives of others are naturally surrounded by people and they don't have to work so hard for approval and acceptance. Instead of trying to be someone, work on being a normal, social, and friendly person. Surround yourself with supportive people you admire and not people who will undermine your success. For example, people who make money on your failures and lack of success, i.e. dating coaches, are not the right people. If you think about their business model, they don't make money if you are happy and have girls in your life. People with a vested interest in your success will naturally become your mentors, if you allow them.

Don't let others get to you

As much as I hate to admit this, I started this blog because I was frustrated and I was at a vulnerable point in my life that I allowed others to get to me. Now that my perspective has changed, people can have as much power over me as I allow them to have.

This is why I try not to compare myself to others. The main obstacle to success starts with a comparison of oneself against one's peers and enemies. The best way to conduct oneself is to live in accordance to one's identity and principles. Funny how this emerged because this blog began with me making some pretty mean jokes at some social retards within the community. Yes, I still think they deserve those jokes, and I underwent a phase of personal growth afterward.

In fact, I have grown because I don't want to be like them. You know there are mentors who inspire us to be like them and there are people who push us away to be not like them. Thanks to those social misfits in the community, I have an opportunity to discover who I am, why I'm not like them, and why I would never want to be like them. Just being among those who have drunk the Kool-aid, I have discovered the whole new world of marketing intimately. How so many people have succumbed to it, neck-deep within it, and probably will never get out of it. Sure, I can continue to make fun of them, hopefully, that would wake them up, or I can just ignore them and continue on a path that fulfills me and those I care about.

As David D would say, I obviously am more cocky than funny, that's why so many people have missed my jokes. The reality is that it really doesn't matter. As long as I don't allow what they do to influence and affect me, I am my own man. I'm glad I started with very little if any ego at all, so I never felt the need to compare with others, or to be good or better than some social retards at pickup because I know my place in this world, standing on top of social misfits is like standing on top of a garbage heap to claim that I'm King of the World. There are so many more worthwhile causes, more meaningful activities to engage in besides getting girls. When I discover that it's better to be more social than to be a try-hard player and fail, I have been pushing for this idea for so long. Another is to do what is necessary to succeed without being predatory on the less fortunate, sure, some of my jokes have been biting and might even be hurtful, but I have yet to benefit from them financially and socially (no, I'm not that popular among community guys for obvious reasons). So for those who have been looking for the in-her game DVD to come out or to sign up for my bootcamp, keep waiting!

Yet another publicity stunt

I'm no industry expert, so I call it as I see it without any behind-the-scene knowledge. Remember after The Game, Style pulled that stunt of training only 4 chosen guys, then he came out with the Annihilation Method (I prefer to call it for what it is, the Anal Method, because he reamed so many guys, including some college students, that I know, who took out student loans to buy it). With that chump change of a few millions, Style started stylelife which has grown for the past 2 years and no one seems to remember to ask him why he has started making money off the game, which he claimed that he has quit!

For nearly a whole year, I thought I was the lone voice in calling out that the seduction / dating community is a rip-off. Many readers have contacted me privately and publicly on my blog to tell me many more stories that these so-called "PUAs" are just scammers, as I have suggested before, that they are better at seducing boys and men, than girls, which is why I called them gay in that sense.

Some of these "self-hype gurus" have came back with more bullshit reasons, like "I want to help men" or "I like to teach." My suggestion is simple, there are plenty of under-served inner-city schools that they can teach and make a real difference in the future generation instead of hustling these over-paid, never-got-laid IT / programmers; of all the many types of skills to teach others, they choose to teach men how to hustle women?! Really, that's what we want more in this society, more hustlers?

The other route that some of these losers have taken is to go a more commercial route. David Deangelo, and no, that's not his real name, has gone back to being Eben Pagan in order to sell to his former "classmates" in marketing schools on how to build a business, which is what DYD is all about, preying on the hopes and dreams of chumps by selling them empty promises, because I guarantee you that few if any of his marks / victims have gotten girls by being "cocky and funny."

Then there are guys like Sean Messenger, and more recently, Tyler Durden (real name: Owen Cook) are going into the self-improvement market; because they too have quit the game (remember Style) and they are ready to help men (don't you get tired of the same old refrain?!). No, as long as they are alive, like Ross Jeffries, they will continue to market to people, all I can do is to encourage that those who know about the history of these scammers to speak up and educate others so that they can avoid this community of victims / marks.

That's the beauty of America. The country that re-invented modern psychology and pioneered its usage in advertising. Everyone wants to and thinks that s/he can achieve that American Dream, if you have any doubt that it doesn't exist, go watch the recent Democratic National Convention speeches. So no, TD is not quitting, neither has Style, and for the past 30 some odd years, Anthony Robbins is still around talking about self-help, NLP, and whatever latest bullshit that they have conjured up. Sure, we can learn a few things and with how the world has changed since, information is so readily available for free, why be the chump to buy their product? Check out the blogs and podcasts of former insiders of this whole scam!

Have a happy Labor Day and if you are in the path of Gustav, stay safe!

Manufactured happiness

A few posts back, I suggested that we have to make a conscious decision to be happy and we must learn to make due with what we have. Guess what? I blogged from my personal experience, and apparently, some smarter people have done research into this and here's the video that I just stumbled onto.

What it comes down to is that the availability of choice is the source of our unhappiness. In other words, if we don't choose to live with what we have/are, then we are condemned to unhappily chase that nebulous, elusive dream.

I stumbled upon this idea that we have to consciously choose to be happy from my personal life. People with limited intelligence, by that, I mean, retards are extremely happy. They are happy in the sense that they are not unhappy. They don't know any better. The other set of people who are relatively happy is older adults; as people get older, opportunities and freedom to choose once available to them no longer exist and they eventually learn to accept their conditions. These are people who are aware of something better but choose to accept their current situation.

This is all well and good, limiting one's ability to choose and accepting reality. I also see some who are also unhappy with themselves, these are individuals who constantly compare themselves against other. I might touch on this topic in the future. For now, I have always emphasize on focus on oneself, what we want, and we will deal with a bigger context in relation to others.

Keep it simple

There are many difficult tasks in life, but for the most part, life is very simple, and especially social situations, they are the simplest. From what I've observed, the more someone tries to break them down, the more they will be drown in that neverland, somewhere between over-interpreting and completely missing the point.

Yes, you know it's coming. Picking up girls, it's not difficult, and if people play it like it really is, a numbers game, almost like lottery except you will score more and more often, then they would not need all those gay forums that Barry Kirkey has been talking about.

Being a blogger, I keep up with quite a few blogs and this trend is emerging. People don't make money by simplifying how things are, but they over-analyze and come up with complex algorithms. Take getting rich, it's a very simple formula, take what you earn and subtract out what you spend. So you can get rich by making a lot more than what you are earning now, or spend less that what you are spending now. Or increase your earning significantly more than the increase in your spending.

Take getting girls, yes, I do hate the idea of "getting" anything from anyone, especially girls. It's all about meeting people, the more people you meet, the more likely you will develop social skills and you will have a higher likelihood of meeting someone or girls. And in order to meet people, you have to be where people are. Meet more people, have more friends, in turn, have more people in your life, and naturally, you will have more girls. No need to take countless workshops, buy more products, and learn more techniques.

You know how to get promoted or get a pay raise, do what people at those positions or that pay-grade are doing, then naturally, you will get it. If not, find a job that will compensate you at the rate you think you deserve.

Another interest that people have but rarely work on is losing weight. It's very simple, consume less calories than what you expend, you will lose weight. Until someone can prove that we can absorb calories by other means than through our GI tract (yes, there are non-enteral ways for caloric intakes, but most people don't have the means for getting that), almost all of us get our calories through our mouths and we expend energy by moving around. If we use more energy to move around than what we consumed through our mouths, we will lose weight. No need for all those silly diet plans.

But in order to have a blog that constantly churn out more information, more howto's, more reasons for you to come back to read more, they will constantly pump out more seemingly important info, and make simple steps into something more complicated than what it should be.

Being a normal well-adjusted person is being in tune what one's needs and desires. Being able to express and convey oneself to others. Having a support system that both nurtures and challenges us to be a better person. Yes, it really is that simple.

Dealing with the avalanche of information

Unlike some of my more net-savvy readers, I just started using RSS reader a few days ago and thankfully, it has helped me immensely by allowing me to keep up with web sites than ever before! Then I noticed the parallel with the glut of self-help and specifically, "seduction" materials.

Remember back in the day when the Mystery Method had 5 DVDs, then Style's the Anal Method came out with 8 DVDs and more audio CD's. Of course, being a good copycat, RSD came out with tons more programs loaded with at least a dozen DVD's each. The king of self-hype David D also drone on and on in his endless numbers of programs.

This got me thinking about this technique of flooding people with so much information, and most of it is just padding, they talk about what you should get out of it and when you get down to the useful portion of the program, there's very little if anything that one can apply. So it's almost anti-climatic in the sense that the up-sell of the product and the build-up in the beginning, when all these programs are the same. But they are so loaded with jargons and market-oriented sale pitches.

Then I compare with what I know vs. what is blogged about in the blogosphere, there's so much fluff... like this blog. I basically tell people to do what other normal and social people do. But before I can get to that simple point, I have to dispel all these myths and hypes that all these self-hype gurus created. Sure, it's great to know the details so that you can impress with your analysis. It's like using multi-variables calculus to solve for the surface area of a sphere, when you can just plug in the correct information into a formula that's readily available.

In this era of information overload, I wonder how much of it is really new, most of it is just rehash, and not even repeat of useful and applicable information. As I blogged here so many times, people should stop trying to learn everything out there, they should try what works for them instead of constantly looking outside to fix what is really wrong inside.

To put this in a different way, when people put out a weird vibe, it's not about how they should learn more about body language, adopt a different posture or stand, rather, they should continue to interact with people, keep changing until they find something that works. Instead, what I see so often is that people keep on reading, keep going back to gurus for more materials, keep attending superconferences (yeah, I should create the final supreme conference), and yet they never ever really truly change what is inside using their personal experiences as the guide.

I have told this to friends and on here many times, it's perfectly fine to make mistakes, just don't keep repeating the same mistakes. The problem isn't this or that, but to truly examine oneself, and start fixing from within. I might blog about some problems I've seen and what I think would be the obvious, easier, and simpler solution.

Growing balls: empowering self before seeking help

Thanks to a friend for sending a recent post in a lair forum to me. I'm glad someone finally saw the light. People don't need coaches for basic instinctual human behaviors, such as engaging in social interactions with other human beings.

The problem with self-help is people are constantly looking for help from everywhere instead of looking within, finding what courage they have, doing what is necessary to improve their own conditions. For a lack of a better phrase, they need to grow balls instead of buying the illusion of balls from douchebags.

If these douchebag coaches are truly that successful or that great at doing what they are teaching to other people. Even if people are paying them money, they wouldn't do it. I can certainly use more income and I certainly am not that great with the ladies, but I still wouldn't hang out with some socially awkward guys who just read that book and decided to go out to sarge because they paid me!

I do, however, have plenty of socially awkward friends, and I am not exactly a very socially savvy person. Yet, they are my friends because they are not creepy, by that, I am referring to guys with no hidden agendas and no intention of trying to get something from me. It's natural to have sex, but it's not natural to want to have sex with any girl.

This is the very reason why I avoid community guys, because they have no standards for themselves and they will stoop to whatever level to get sex, even if that means paying some douchebags who will teach them how to pickup. Instead of paying people in order to get sex, they could have enriched their lives if they just have friends, people who are there for each other, without any ulterior motives. And if normal and socially well-adjusted individuals want something, they make their desires known instead of trying to scheme, plan, and manipulate their way.

Sure, there are plenty hustlers out there, and some are quite good. But these guys rarely work at jobs that are devoid of social interactions. Also, these guys started hustling at a very young age. And most important of all, they don't pay someone to learn to hustle. At some point in life, people have to accept themselves for who and what they are. They can make changes to improve themselves, only if they take the initiative of doing that themselves. They also have to be realistic with their own expectations, otherwise, they end up being delusional with themselves and others. And sure enough, they become coaches hustling other guys instead of girls.

Seduction in the workplace: how to get ahead at work

How to get ahead at work without resorting to giving heads. This came up in my conversations with a friend and then a recent surge of blog entries on how to get a raise at work, how to get promoted, etc. I've "worked" at white-collar jobs all my life so you might need to adapt this to your work situation.

The reality is that almost any work environment is rife with internal politics, struggles for dominance, and basically, the battlefield for modern tribal (office) warfare. Setting aside the issue that our performance is rarely if ever get evaluated objectively. When people interact, their reality is shaped subjectively by their perceptions. So expecting our boss to evaluate us objectively, just because so-and-so is getting paid at such a rate, and since we are doing the same work if not more, we should get compensated at the same rate is a silly, pointless, and definitely ineffective argument with our boss. That's the number one mistake that people make. They expect objective measurement of their work and get rewards based on merits, just as if they were in school even though workplaces are nothing like schools!

Some might suggest that we should take the initiative to start projects, go the distance, and do more than what your boss asked for or expected us to. That's a great idea, until you encounter a superior who thrives on criticizing and belittling their subordinates; you know the type, the kiss-up and kick-down middle managers. Rather than crying fouls and giving in, the trick to deal with them is simple, make them feel important and give them the illusion of power without giving up our own. Sure, we can start a new project. Rather than telling them about it and expecting them to praise us, we get them involved by giving them small tasks to gain compliance, then slowly turn them into our subordinates.

Most middle managers want to be involved into everything, because they don't want to be left out and they usually become managers because they thrive on controlling people. We have to start with the basic premise that if we are to get a raise and/or a promotion, we have to do more than what they asked of us, but instead of just showing them our results, we give them menial tasks that are of no consequence, however, we sell them on the idea that they too are making a difference. This way, I have effectively bypassed their managerial duties of approving or rejecting what I do because I presume what I do is important and critical to our overall success. Two, I don't appear needy in seeking their praise. Three, they feel important because they are involved and not feel left out. Finally, we slowly and gradually make them dependent on what we do and turn power dynamics in our favor.

That, my friends, is how to get ahead at work. We do more than what they ask, we don't turn around and expect immediate rewards for our efforts, rather than waiting for approval, we get everyone else involved, including our boss. Of course, there are details on what kind of projects, when to start them, how to present them, and market them to a greater community.

For whom are we doing this?

As the seduction community becoming more mainstream, there will be more people diving head first, like I did, into it without logically examining our own intentions. Rather than asking the deep question of why we are doing this, a simpler question is to direct at ourselves, we are doing this for whom?

Sex drive varies between people and from my experience, those with high sex drive generally are quite good with women already and people in general. In fact, this usually translates into success in other areas of life, career, financially well off, and almost always in leadership positions. If you don't know of any, just pick any prominent politician, from historical figures, such as Thomas Jefferson to John F. Kennedy. I'm quite sure that I am NOT the first person to point this out; that sexual prowess leads to success in both social and sexual arenas of our lives.

Now, let's get back to guys who are learning to do pickup because they saw the TV show or read some books, or even e-books. If these guys already have a high sex drive, they would be out banging broads instead of staying at home to read, watch, memorize routines, and go on forums to game each other. Most guys learning pickup are usually your typical geeky programmers; they are so used to manipulating their silicone-based virtual worlds, they think that they can control people using the same concept of subroutines, functions, and programs. What they don't realize that their very being in the programming field has already separated them from the mainstream social world.

I'm picking on programmers because they belong to one model that's representative of people who have not been in the past, are not now, and probably will never be leading men and nailing women in the future. Instead of learning "the game" and go out regularly to practice, these guys would better off fixing other aspects of their lives. Sure, some with sociopathic tendencies will become quite adept in "fake it" until they make it. For the rest, they will continue to flounder because it's simply not in their nature to manipulate people despite how much they want to.

Because of this personal experience, the first thing I do now when confronted with any self-help improvement is to ask myself, am I doing this for myself? I notice many guys get into this so they can brag to other people, sure, they post reports so they can get feedback. If that's truly the case, they would have been more truthful in their reports and be more comprehensive, i.e. they would include their failures as well as their successes. That's why I often joked how guys are spending more time online trying to convince, or for a lack of a better term, seduce other guys rather than going out to get girls.

Going back to picking on programmers, they are so used to and perhaps been very successful at manipulating their virtual worlds, they become experts in online forums, where people exist as avatars instead of real life human beings with multiple roles, facets, flaws and positive attributes. In other words, they are not embarking on this self-help journey to help themselves, but rather, to improve their virtual standing among other social retards. Of course, what they don't realize is that they become the perfect prey population for people in sales (i.e. with more expertise in manipulation). Some of these preys in turn predate on an even more naive population of guys. This turns into an ecosystem of guys predating on other guys.

If they had their focus on improving themselves (i.e. helping oneself), to truly becoming more social, they would have directed their energy within, work on what they lack rather than trying to be better than another retard in an online / virtual world. I'm not, however, suggesting that guys should abandon their current lives so they can be good with women. Rather than diving deep into this without fore thoughts, they should examine their own motivations, is this something they want, for whom are they doing this, and what do they want to get out of this. Even if they are doing this just to get girls, then why haven't they been doing this all along? Have they been bought into what some marketeers tell them what they need to do?!

What would I tell the younger version of me?

Thanks to "Michael," in his comment, he makes me ask myself, would I have gone through the same journey? I think I would have, and the only changes I make would be the focus and goals. Rather than having one-night-stand as the goal, pulling strippers off their poles, etc., we should focus not just on the fundamentals, but rather, on being normal socially well-adjusted human beings. By that, I am referring to being a (for a lack of a better term) charismatic person that people would look to for leadership, guidance, fun & social activities.

To this very day, I still see some community guys I know... their goals are to get girls, and guess what, they do get some actions now and then, mostly from the bottom of the barrel left overs that you wouldn't want to touch with a ten-foot pole. Sure, they focus on the process a lot, "Oh, I'm getting IOI's. I'm doing this and getting that." In the end, who really gives a shit? The community term for this is validation seeking. They are trying to fill some void in themselves or worst yet, trying to cover for some character flaws they have.

Why do I have such an obsession about community guys being gay and creepy? Am I projecting? Do I have these self-loathing fears because I have some of those characteristics within me? I wish I have such an insight on myself to post a great psychoanalysis. But this came by ways of what other told me. After numerous occasions, where strangers would pull me aside and asked me why my "friends" were so weird, they were creeping girls out, and/or they seemed gay, then I realize that those community people that I have surrounded myself with were abnormal. Now, I could have bought into the societal programming and peer pressure. Then I started comparing what I was doing versus those mystical beings that community dudes like to worship, "the naturals." I had friends who were good with women, and they were nothing like community guys, in fact, hanging out with community guys caused me to deviate further away from normal and acceptable social norms.

I can lie and blog about some silly ideas I have, but sadly, I'm not such a creative writer, so I write what I know and have experienced. As to how I would change in terms of focus, rather than trying to get girls, be the happy, fun, social, charismatic guy. Stop wasting time on trying to get anything from people, I don't have to try so hard to be something in order get stuff from people, rather, my goal is to be fulfilled by myself, going out should be about being among people, not to game, but to mingle.

The act of gaming girls is very much like masturbation; yes, the latter subject I know quite well! They game girls thinking that they will get sex; this is similar to the act of masturbation is really just our way of tricking our brain into thinking we are having sex. So instead of living in this delusional world of doing this and acting that to get girls, we should be social, cool, calm, collected, playful, fun, happy guys. This might be new to many community newbies, as I had a suspicion but I wasn't sure because it didn't make sense until I read community materials, kissing girls isn't a big deal, they want sex just as much if not more as guys. Instead of always be closing, which usually end up closing the door on potential friendships and more often than not, sexual relationships. This is the very reason why many community guys do not have many friends, not just friends with girls, but not a whole lot of guy friends, and not just guy friends to party with, but friends who they trust and rely on.

This is why I would direct my focus on (the derogatory term) self-improvement (i.e. improving by myself, for myself, not just relying on coaches) and surrounding myself with friends, or in community terms, aligning myself with high-value people, by people, I'm talking about both men and women. The newbie mission should not be about learning and delivering canned routines, it should be about socializing with people, not just in telling stories and trying to elicit responses from people. Rather, take the time, even a long time if necessary, to become a social human being.

I will blog about how to be social and sexual, that's something I don't have a complete grasp yet. There is no shortcut, taking workshops / bootcamps doesn't magically transform people, I know countless community chodes who are workshop- / bootcamp-aholic and they are still the same as before. Or countless guys who got refund because they didn't get anything out of their coaches. This is all a step-wise self-improvement process. It takes hard work and the balls to take on challenges.

It's 3am, do you know who you are?

The first step in being social is get in touch with oneself, i.e. to truly know oneself. There are many gimmicks that we can learn to trick other people, but in the end, those gimmicks are way more difficult to learn unless you are a sociopath. I'm not one so I don't comprehend and can't describe one to you. So get in touch with yourself, think about who you are, what you have been, and where you like to be in the future.

Let's start with identities that almost always creep girls out. Needy guys are creepy guys. By needy, I am referring to guys who constantly want one thing or another... they want favors, emotional, financial, esteem-building, popularity, sexual,... You will see these guys standing on the periphery of dance floors, leaning against walls at bars, staring at people around them, or simply NOT contributing into a conversation, friendship,... They suck the energy out of any interaction because they are value vacuum.

On the other end of the spectrum are guys who think they are total gamers, they are delusional enough to think they are the masters of the universe. These are the community guys who constantly give advice because they have read all those forums. They are the ones who pretend to be gurus, start up their own dating "company," and their only goal in life is to help men by being dating coaches, lair presidents, (false) leader of men. They seem interesting in the sense that they seem to bring value, but the value they bring is as nutritious as splenda and olestra. In other words, they truly have no substantive value and give you anal leakage. They are the very textbook definition of a geek, they know all the jargon, routines, scripts, "kino escalation ladders," and all they do is talk, write fake reports, and advise others on what to do without doing anything themselves.

Now, what I'm about to describe is my observation of guys I notice who are good with women. They might not be the best, they certainly don't get laid like rock stars, they might not be the best or compatible people with you, heck, they might not be people you want to emulate, actually, why emulate when you should be yourself?! So who are the guys with girls in their life? They are social guys. They get along with people. They befriend others without an agenda. They don't pretend to know it all. They don't compare themselves against others. They don't seek to become popular but they are already naturally popular. They don't want anything, they will offer help when others seek them out. They bring value to any interaction. They provide a positive vibe in any social gathering. They don't scheme. So how do they get laid, you ask? They don't pretend to be something they are not. They are truly genuine, authentic, and natural with people. Girls feel at ease but also know that they will have fun with these guys. I'm not saying that this is the only way to get girls... Between self-proclaimed gurus, weirdo community guys, socially awkward gamers, and fun, happy, social guys, I notice the last group of guys has the most fun to hang out with and girls flock to them. They might not be speed seductionists, they don't claim to be "naturals," they don't bring woo-and-intent into their sets, they just are cool dudes, they are chilled, they don't want anything from anyone in particular.

Then why do girls flock to them? These guys are calm, collected, naturally funny, but not just in a juvenile way, they evoke positive emotions. They don't boast about their successes to everyone, although they might share with their close friends, and when shit happens, they learn and move on. In the next few blog entries, I will go in-depth on the journey to become fun, social, good guys who have girls in their lives. Unlike other scripted bootcamps, where they basically make their students feel good about themselves, and teach them lines and routines, or the latest, more bullshit jargon to learn so that community guys can communicate with each others. Believe me, in the 1.5 years I hung out with community chodes, that's all we did, all talk and no walk. Oh, what about workshops and bootcamps?! Most of their students don't get anywhere either, what you don't know is how many guys ask for refunds later, because it is not in the best interest of these seduction/dating companies to improve guys so that they don't need more workshops, more materials,... No, I don't have the answer or the best way to become an all natural authentic genuine organic gamer. All I can point out are mistakes I made, guys who improve and guys who keep going back for more workshops, community materials, etc.

Ultimately, to succeed is a journey that one has to embark alone, it's nice to have coaches, mentors, and friends, but you still have to do the work, you still have to go out, you still have to go talk to people, you will face rejections, you will make mistakes, and everything will be ok. Like many community guys, most will fail, and few will succeed. If you remember what it was like in middle schools, how many jocks in your school wanted to be pros, and how many of them are ones today? Life isn't just about success, but becoming at peace with oneself, make the best with what we have, and be content. Don't chase the dream, like George Carlin said, "It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it." Live in the now, look around you, that's reality. Don't deny what's around, but work hard to change yourself from within.

Get rich quick!

That was the first internet spam. A pyramid scheme that promises that will get its participants rich quickly. The reality is that very few things in life can be achieved quickly; life itself is about dying slowly. So how do we achieve anything quickly?

There are very few things we can achieve quickly. I chuckle whenever I see someone promises a quick fix scheme: follow these 5 rules to success, the 3 important steps to get rich, or turn it around, don't make these 10 critical mistakes... The list goes on. But if we were to sit down and reflect on our experiences, both mistakes and successes, we will soon discover what will work for or cost us. Of course, life coaches, productivity advisers, consultants, and a whole long list of societal parasites, or as many would know them as hustlers would name the previous statement as the 80-20 rule. The truth is that, as intelligent individuals, we should critically analyze sales pitch, marketing tactics, and simplify them; i.e., cut through the bullshit.

Take a recent video of David D (DD) that talks about time management. He goes on and on about time management, that these tips will vastly improve our physical health, mental stamina, etc., and basically, they are things that most parents taught their kids. Get up earlier than one starts to work; drink plenty of water, eat a healthy breakfast, exercise, meditate, work for as long as one can without interruption, and of course, take a nap when one is tired.

All those tips come from a program called Guru Mastermind. Now, seriously, do we really need to pay a hack working out of his apartment to tell us what we already know?! Funny how a similar story about Tony Robbins (TR) came up; I was talking with this one girl and she was going on and on about how she's a fan of TR. Being a girl, someone paid for her to attend a TR seminar. She's pretty (and) intelligent (I know, a surprising combination eh!); she basically distilled all of TR's advice down to one thing: think about what you want to do with your life, go do it, don't sit around and make excuses. The genius of TR and DD lies not in what they know how to improve our lives, the human condition, but in their ability to market themselves. They are much better at selling themselves, make them seem more impressive than they really are, and people, one by one, fall for their hustling skills.

Mainstream society likes to call that marketing techniques. I'll probably need to pay $40k / year for an MBA so I too can make up some more silly phrases, hustle the right group of people, and dupe the rest into parting their hard earned cash into my hands. So before you throw your money into any scheme that promises a quick fix, an immediate result, or something so fantastic that it's too good to be true, it probably is. If people are more critical instead of simply accepting whatever someone is trying to hustle, examine who and what would benefit from that action, and whether there's even any truth or validity to that claim, we would be richer by not getting hustled. A side effect is that, hopefully, we will have less hustlers to deal with for the rest of the society. But then, fortunately, there's a sucker being born every few seconds. So at the very least, don't become one of them.

Minimize risks, maximize rewards

This is news to me, but not to people in the hedge fund market. Thanks to a friend who told me about this and I then realize how these information / internet marketers work. These guys don't bear the brunt of the risk, and yet, they still profit from those who take risks.

The brief summary of the article is this: The miners of the California Gold Rush didn't make much money, but the people who sold shovels did! Take the classic internet marketeer David D. This guy taught everyone to be "Cocky and Funny." While he pumped out one product after another, more seminars after previous seminars, but he never had to go out to face rejections himself. Or infomercial / TV-celebrities who teach finance, you know them on MSNBC, PBS, e.g. Susan Ozman, Robert Kiyosaki,...

Let's ask ourselves a very simple question, if they are so good at amassing and growing their wealth, why do they want money from us to access their top secret information? Why don't they apply what they preach, assume the risk so that they can reap the reward?! This is similar to the question, that as a kid, I used to ask, why don't psychics use their knowledge to enrich themselves instead of working so hard?! The truth is that it's much easier to tell people what to do and charge us up front, so by the time we have tried and failed by taking risk they suggested, they have taken our money and left town!

Yes, it's a great scam to get on this bandwagon. You can make this work for you too... Don't do what I do here, trying to expose these dirty little secrets, publicly asking the simple and obvious, but often left unanswered questions. Instead, take a look at any risk taking activity, teach people how to do it, charge them money for pointing that out, and just like those who made money during the California Gold Rush, don't go there and mine for gold, instead, be the guys who sell shovels. Instead of taking risk and try to be that next up-and-coming actor, be the agent, or better yet, be the guy who teaches gullible people how to be agents, actors,... And if you haven't guessed it, become a life coach. You don't have to have a successful life, just learn the necessary b.s. skills to tell people how to live their life. This, my friends (as John McCain often says that with his evil grin), is how you can minimize risks and maximize rewards.

Those, who can, do. Those, who can't, teach.

How to be happy... for free!

There's a lot of truth to the expression: ignorance is bliss. I have crossed paths with people in all walks of life and people of varying levels of intelligence. The ones I see most happy are those who accept themselves first, both their own strengths and limitations, especially who are the least intelligent. And worst of all, people are least happy with themselves if they constantly compare with others without the awareness of their own limitations. Even I have suffered through this.

There's no product to buy, no email list to subscribe to, and you definitely don't have to attend any seminar. Several friends over this past week and I had similar discussions. We came to the conclusion the root cause of unhappiness of people is because so many of these unhappy people buy into this whole need to improve. The only people that self-help gurus truly help are themselves... to your base desires, your wants, your envy, your jealousy, and many other traits of social beings that we are and convert us into buying more of their bullshit.

Just as I was writing this blog entry, someone sent me this video. Sure, it can sound condescending and I was a bit annoyed at her style of presentation. The overall message is that we are being pushed, conjoled, coerced,... into consumption. Although this talks about consumption of material goods, in a more insidious way, our consumption of self-help, self-improvement, entrepreneurial guides, and everyone can get rich "information/knowledge" materials is very much the same. We are constantly shown what is possible; the miracle story of how someone became rich and famous, and of course, if we opt-in, subscribe, buy, attend seminars, and enroll in transformation bootcamps, we too can become miracles.

What people don't realize is that miracles are like that for a simple reason, they are VERY RARE occurrences! But in this whole pyramid scheme of repackaging try-and-true ways of becoming successful, we are sold again and again the same bullshit because those hustlers know how to spin the same thing in countless ways! Again, people should go back to doing what has high probability of success than what is possible. We are better off being happy with what we have than trying to strive for these silly goals. One of those goals is that you can work from home, at your leisure, and you can take time off whenever you like. I know plenty of people who work from home, and guess what, they are no happier than people who work in the office! In fact, they tend to be worst off because they lack that human interaction with others.

Life is filled with uncertainties, if we don't choose to be the rock, to be centered, to be happy with who and what we are; we will continue to float in this ocean of filth, constantly rocking back and forth, buying into more bullshit and remain unhappy. No products, no workshop, no book, nothing else matters if we don't make the conscious decision to be satisfied, to accept, to be fulfilled, and to be happy with what is now.

Setting up an effective and functional budget

I've discussed the importance of savings in previous blog entries. How to do it effectively? I've been keeping track of my income and expenditure for the past few years and I've finally nailed down an effective system that works.

In order to make a realistic and effective budget that I can keep up, I've been keeping track of all of my incomes and expenses. Not only do I record my financial activities into an excel worksheet, such as when & where each item occurs, how much, and involves which account (e.g. credit card? checking account?), I've also categorized all my transactions. On a monthly or any arbitrary period, I add up all my activities according to categories that I've set up. This way, I can get an overall view of how much I've earned and spent in each category.

The key to keeping track of financial activities is strike a balance between getting a summary (big picture) view vs. sufficient granularity so that I can identify which is most profitable and where I spent the most; i.e. finding leaks that I can plug. This is why categorizing each transaction is important, so that I can keep a summary table of categories, where I can track and eventually budget in advance.

To start with, each account has its own manila folder, preferably the pocket kind so receipts and invoices don't fall out of the sides. Each week, record all those transactions into my excel worksheet. My template is to have one row per day, and at least one column per account. The columns are not fixed, I have at least a dozen columns to handle several transactions per accounts and for multiple accounts. So each label includes what it's about (vendor, supplier, what it's about, category) and also which account. I have set up excel functions for each account to tabulate only transactions of that particular account. On the side, I have a list of different categories, and associate with each category, there's a summary value for each month. I also include how far away from the budget and what is the monthly average for this year and the last. This way, I can predict how much I will need to allocate for next year's budget.

The beauty of this system is that I can keep track of not only what's going on, whether my finance has deviated from history, my current progress and what else I need to do to reach my goals. If you want a copy of my excel template... shoot me an email.

Does 'passive income' exist?

People often ask me about how this blog is doing and whether I'm making money from this. Yes, I do, but not as much as people are led to believe because of hype. If you are a frequent reader, you know how I like to draw parallels... Just like most seduction gurus talk about how often they get girls, the reality is that they are, AT BEST, just normal dudes who talk to girls and, like regular folks, they get about the same amount of tails.

Sure, there are times when they get a few more girls, but those are not that often. Unless you don't have a day job, it's not that fun to go on 4-5 dates (with a different girl each time) per week. Dating can be fun, but at that point, it becomes a chore, and who likes chores?!

Similarly, when people talk about earning a passive income, like investing, rental properties, blogging, Adsense, and who knows what else self-help/self-hype gurus will come up with next. There are many active and hidden expenses that people don't know about in order to earn a "passive income." There is a certain amount of voyeurism among people who read blogs, in order to satisfy that, they need a certain amount of personal tidbits and emotional escapism to keep them coming back for more. After awhile, blogging can take an emotional toll or at the very least, it takes a certain amount of passion and drive to keep going.

I was reading this one article about how "passive income" is really a myth. People forget to factor in other costs; take any rental property, those investment self-hype gurus don't talk about the work of finding good tenants, credit and background checks, upkeep of the property, and of course, good customer service is hard work. The easiest way to be rich is to born into a wealthy family, short of that, people have to work hard, work smart, save, and invest. There simply isn't an easy way around this... A passage that people often cite from the book "The Millionaire Next Door" talks about the following: Millionaires are frugal, most rich folks are that way because they saved what they make; sure, they might earn slightly more than others, but their saving habits are what make them rich. "They drive old cars, live in modest houses and wear average clothes. They are rich, not because they are lucky or they have found some secret formula to wealth, but because they work hard, keep a long-term perspective and spend little."

I previously blogged about how to be successful: we must have good mentors, reliable and loyal friends who will challenge and help us, and we don't have to be the best, just slightly better. The trick is to maintain that habit.