McCain and Obama debate drinking game!

Stock up on booze, invite your friends over, if the idea of watching two egomaniacs debate turns them off, sell your friends on the idea of boozing! People exist to repeat past behaviors and they don't usually step outside of their habits. So there will be plenty of repetitions of their buzzwords and talking points.

• Every time Obama or McCain says: change; drink!
• Obama says: hope; drink!
• McCain says: my friends; drink!
• McCain or Obama says: god, faith; drink!
• Obama says: Yes we can; finish your drink!
• McCain says: I was a POW; finish your drink!

You are free to add more to the list. Seriously, invite your friends over for a great Friday night party! Girls love to dress up (or down)... make it a costume party, they can come in a slutty or white trashy Sarah Palin using their new names. Guys can dress up if they want, now if you make it optional and whoever dresses up is queer!

Setting up a budget that works!

So you've done the following:

1. Monitor your income and expense for about 3-6 months
2. You have a set of goals for savings and investing
3. You are pretty good spending less than what you've earned

The next step is to set up a budget. List the major sources of income and expense for an entire year, pre-tax, tax, and post-tax. Be sure to include items that occur every quarter, 6 months, annually or bi-annually,... Then using data that you've collected in the previous 3-6 months, you can guess at how much you earn and spend on a monthly basis in several major categories.

The idea behind a budget is to group expenses together into categories so that you can monitor the flow of money through each category. I like to group my necessities into categories: mortgage/rent, utilities, groceries, car/transportation, tax, and insurance premiums.

The major problem that I've encountered is that I don't like getting hit with a big bill every 6 months, 1 year, or 2 years, for insurance premiums, maintenance fees, excise fees, and/or taxes. My solution is to create a savings account that I deposit money into on a monthly basis, because that's how I've divided up my annual budget into 12 monthly budgets. By setting my own escrow funds for paying periodic bills, I have accomplished two things: 1. my monthly budget is stable so I don't have periodic spikes, and the most best motivation of all, 2. I earn a high-yield interest by depositing it into an online savings account. Email me if you want recommendations.

Now that you have allocated money to spend in each category, be sure to reserve some extra funds to the following: 1. emergency fund (savings only to cover expenses for at least 6 months), 2. retirement fund (for savings and investing), and most important of all, 3. fun fund. The last one is an up-to-date tracking of my projected difference between incomes and expenses after I have allocated funds for both (1) and (2). Then I know how much I can spend for the rest of the month!

The reason this is important is that for many people, they can simplify this by carrying that much cash with them. But with credit cards and ATM's so readily available, we have a tendency to spend more by just swiping our cards to pay for impulse purchases. If I know how much I can spend collectively using all those payment methods, I can restrain myself if I were about to make an impulse purchase.

Furthermore, any left over from the previous month, I can save them up for trips, vacations or major purchases in a high-yield online savings account. I may go into how I subdivide that account in future posts. After all, the reason for budget is to divide up how we allocate our money so that we can achieve our financial goals.

Don't let others get to you

As much as I hate to admit this, I started this blog because I was frustrated and I was at a vulnerable point in my life that I allowed others to get to me. Now that my perspective has changed, people can have as much power over me as I allow them to have.

This is why I try not to compare myself to others. The main obstacle to success starts with a comparison of oneself against one's peers and enemies. The best way to conduct oneself is to live in accordance to one's identity and principles. Funny how this emerged because this blog began with me making some pretty mean jokes at some social retards within the community. Yes, I still think they deserve those jokes, and I underwent a phase of personal growth afterward.

In fact, I have grown because I don't want to be like them. You know there are mentors who inspire us to be like them and there are people who push us away to be not like them. Thanks to those social misfits in the community, I have an opportunity to discover who I am, why I'm not like them, and why I would never want to be like them. Just being among those who have drunk the Kool-aid, I have discovered the whole new world of marketing intimately. How so many people have succumbed to it, neck-deep within it, and probably will never get out of it. Sure, I can continue to make fun of them, hopefully, that would wake them up, or I can just ignore them and continue on a path that fulfills me and those I care about.

As David D would say, I obviously am more cocky than funny, that's why so many people have missed my jokes. The reality is that it really doesn't matter. As long as I don't allow what they do to influence and affect me, I am my own man. I'm glad I started with very little if any ego at all, so I never felt the need to compare with others, or to be good or better than some social retards at pickup because I know my place in this world, standing on top of social misfits is like standing on top of a garbage heap to claim that I'm King of the World. There are so many more worthwhile causes, more meaningful activities to engage in besides getting girls. When I discover that it's better to be more social than to be a try-hard player and fail, I have been pushing for this idea for so long. Another is to do what is necessary to succeed without being predatory on the less fortunate, sure, some of my jokes have been biting and might even be hurtful, but I have yet to benefit from them financially and socially (no, I'm not that popular among community guys for obvious reasons). So for those who have been looking for the in-her game DVD to come out or to sign up for my bootcamp, keep waiting!

Redirecting focus to something meaningful

Every so often, I get an email from some random guy that lists a tally of how many kiss closes, # closes, ! closes, whatever. This boils down his entire existence down to a number, like a FICO score on his PUA skills, this explains why so many guys failed.

Have you ever gotten MANY numbers from different girls and when you call them, nothing ever materialized?! Mystery would diagnose this as not having the proper time bridge, which is true. What he means is that you didn't set up when you will meet up and what you will do. "Let's hang out" usually means that she will enter you into a lottery drawing and the chance of you ever "hanging out" is slim to none, almost the same probability as you winning the lottery.

Instead of focusing on tallying how many numbers you get, how many girls you've been with, etc., a better way to look at this is from a broader perspective. Are you someone who can get along with people in general? Do you have any difficulty in connecting with people, as in they want to include you into their life? From what little experience I have, this boils down to neediness.

This is a HUGE issue with guys who don't have an existing group of friends and they go into lair and seduction forums to find "wings." They first start their whole journey by wanting sex from girls. When girls sense that you want something from them, they will be turned off immediately and be creeped out. Sure, some of these guys will occasionally score or get lucky, even the blind squirrel will find a nut, and if you are in the community, you are already surrounded by nuts.

I found that as soon as I found something I like to do, something I have a great time doing, whether alone or with friends, there is something I can talk about and share with people. Then I naturally have endless number of conversation topics, so I don't need to "plow." Another is that I can include others into my life. Most people live VERY boring lives, they get up, work, go home, and sleep. If you can get them into doing other activities, they will join up. Most community guys end up just sarging from bar to bar, I call them doing the PUA circuits and they usually end up where they start, with nothing and no new friends.

That's why I always push people to go out to make friends with strangers before trying to game girls. There are no obstacles to disarm, bitchshields to blow apart, and targets waiting to be opened. Friends will naturally exchange info and get together to do other activities, not time-bridging for "dates" and "day2s." If you can get to a point when you can talk about anything with stranger, then you won't have a problem setting up another time to meet to do something together. That, my friends, is a date, day2, timebridge, etc. so you don't need any tricks to get her numbers. Even better, if you can make someone feel that you understand her more than anyone else, and yet you can still tease and have fun with her, enough to build that sexual tension, then you will have no problem with having sex.

Instead of thinking of this as number of sets opened, number of kiss closes, number of number closes, and number of full closes, stop thinking in terms of those sociopathic terms but think of how normal socially well-adjusted people relate to each other, then your interaction with others will also be socially acceptable and naturally have more success with turning strangers into friends. Quit thinking like a weirdo, quit acting like a weirdo, quit being among other weirdos, BUT join, take part, and be with normal humanity.

Getting girls with no game!

RSD is jumping on the "natural game" bandwagon; no, seriously, when was the last time you notice RSD coming up with something new?! What they taught before was a bastardized form of Mystery's M3, and no, I'm not fan of Style either, who also taught another bastardized form of M3. And I think Mystery is a freak, at least no one else claims to have invented the M3 model. So what is really natural game?

The truth is that it doesn't take any game. Keep talking to girls, especially drunk girls, you too will be able to take them home. It's not difficult, as long as you are willing to take risks (e.g. rape charge, STD,...), and you have lowered your standard enough (e.g. fat, ugly, and/or dirty girls), there are plenty of girls out to get laid pretty much every where. That's the dirty secret these guys, RSD, Style, Mystery included, don't tell you. Drunk girls don't require any game. As long as you look relatively decent, not creepy, not too grabby, and most important of all, keep running your mouth, girls will take you home or you can take them home.

Girls + alcohol = easy sex. There's no game in that equation. Now if you want great sex, and emotionally fulfilling relationships, that's a different story. Even then, they also don't require game as in how it's taught by dating coaches or promulgated by keyboard jockeys on seduction forums. The reality is that guys should chill out, don't get all caught up in gaming.

In fact, get rid of these silly terms of eliciting attraction and running comfort game. You know what normal people call these behaviors? The first is called flirting, you know, guys and girls joke around. If girls don't run away, then they ARE interested. No one can sink every basket, hit a home-run off every pitch,... in the same way, not every girl will respond positively. Accept that and move on. And yes, with time and practice, you will improve, not because you have game, but because you have a better social intuition. Which has to be experienced rather than constantly searched and dissected for, because while you are doing that, girls have already been creeped out by you.

As for game is played in comfort, it's about being yourself, showing girls who you really are, inside. If you keep running routines and/or telling stories by other people, and unless you are a psychopath or a great actor, people will notice. However, the trick isn't to lie, but to spin those stories, filter them and deliver them in ways that are more palatable to girls. Do NOT try to embed DHV's, that's what normal people call bragging.

So study up the general concepts, internalize them, and stop thinking about them, because the act of thinking about them will turn every interaction into an awkward, robotic affair. One more thing, for guys who want to get laid by paying for bootcamps... save that money, go buy yourself some nice clothes, and spend the rest on hookers. At least you know what you will get, for sure. And if you feeling like hunting, go look for drunk chicks.

Should I be nice to girls?

This question often crosses the mind of guys when they interact with girls. The scenario is so-and-so is pretty hot, I want to ask her out, if I'm nice to her, buy her drinks, then may be we can start chatting, etc. The answer is an unequivocal no. However, if I am a genuinely nice person and I come from a place that I don't need her to make me happy, then being nice to girls is okay... Again, the answer is a conditional yes. What do I mean by that?

Before I elaborate on the details on what to do, let's start with the frame, or the conditions by which we conduct ourselves. Nice guys often have been trampled and used by girls in the past and so in reaction, they tend to become assholish to get back at girls. This reactivity is not congruent with those guys and girls can see through that... and why let girls dictate how we behave?! Instead, the better frame would be that (1) we have choices with girls, (2) we are here to evaluate or we decide whether they are worthy to be with us, (3) they are chasing us and we lead.

With those guidelines in mind, then the answer is that we are nice to girls when we feel they deserve us. This begins with how we initiate our conversation with girls... Unless we have the attitude that we don't care how she might respond to us in the beginning, it's best not to compliment girls first. There are exceptions, however. Say I want to ask her something about fashion, I can start with, "Hey, you seem like you know about fashion..." and look her up & down in a non-creepy way. Now, I just complimented her AND I already subcommunicated to her that I also evaluated her, so I have a reason to talk with her.

Once that we have started talking with girls, we can role play... and to further re-inforce our frame that we are superior, leading, higher, and be the daddy figure that she is looking for, she is almost always subservient. Again, this requires finesse to do successfully... by being fun and playful which she knows on one hand that we are joking and on another, we subtly communicated to her that we are not there to please her but to evaluate her. I even explicitly say that I will give her a job performance review later because she has been working very hard for a promotion. There is a huge difference between evaluating vs. judging her.

This gets back to the common question of whether we can compliment girls, the answer is a conditional yes. We should praise them when we feel they deserve it. There are more subtleties of how this is done. For girls who are hot in the looks department, then focus on her intellect, i.e., some things that most people don't see. Again, it's okay to be a nice guy, not just any Joe Schmoe nice guy. For girls who aren't that good looking, then focus on some positive aspects of their look. This should be avoided in general unless you know what you are doing. The more vague, at least among straight guys, of the compliment, the better... nebulous things like outlook, energy, vibe, sexy... which guys usually don't talk about.

As for doing things just to be nice to girls, again, only when they deserve it. If she has been cool and fun, then it's ok to buy her drinks or even dinner, only if it was just appetizer, and, she has been a good conversationalist. The trick of being a playful evaluator is to be tricky, and be ready to throw her a curve ball now and then. There's more to being a conditional nice guy that I will elaborate on next time. Until next time, follow his advice...

The in-her game(tm): Working toward success

Most people often like to dream, to discuss what they want, they need, they will have, but they don't do that one thing. It's always easier, safer, and more familiar to dwell on what is possible, what to learn, what to do, than to take the chance and start doing.

There's a parallel between not getting things done and not going up to talk to girls. The hesitation that people have in approaching girls is also what's holding people back from having success in their lives. I previously blogged about people not having women in their lives is only a symptom. "Gaming" will get them a horny & drunk girl now and then, it doesn't address a much deeper problem: an unsuccessful life. To get anywhere in life, not even success, requires not just learning, doing due diligence, deliberate planning, but actual execution. Making the approach and taking that first step.

The actual step in working toward any goal and closing the door on mental masturbation is taking the first action. That's why meeting is a waste of time. People tend to go over the same plan or discussing what might or might not happen rather than doing to see what actually happen. The next crucial step is to monitor that progress. What's worst than having unrealistic expectation? Lack of honesty to oneself. That's the problem with people who are positive thinkers and they constantly reframe, twist, and distort what is happening in order to lie to themselves.

Realistic goals and expectations allow us to plan out the necessary steps to get there. Once we started taking actions, we have to monitor our own progress, find out where we are, and use some metric to determine if we are reaching our goals. That's why optimists, or worst yet, reframers, would deny factual evidence as truth, and they will fail disastrously. The problem is that we would rarely encounter the optimist who fail because we don't glorify failure in this society. But being among optimistic losers within the community, that's when I see this problem.

I was naive enough in my professional life because I am surrounded by successful individuals. We find the problem, discuss our plan, and just do it. Then I encounter many community guys failing at their lives, all they do is talk about what is possible instead of doing what will probably lead them to success. Most fail because they don't pull the trigger and take action. Many more fail after they have taken action but they don't critically evaluate their progress. Again, it's easy to externalize one's problems and failures, the difficulty is accepting responsibility so that we take, that's right, the necessary action to correct our own mistakes.

Dream less, think more, plan it out, take action, and monitor progress. Rinse and repeat until you get there.

Fewer jargons, more actions

For the self-proclaimed dating coach who singled me out on his blog, thanks for driving more traffic to my blog! There are two simple problems within the community, guys who are no better than any average Joe in getting girls to become dating coaches and guys who are stupid enough to believe the first group.

I've previously blogged about this predator-prey relationship. The difficulty I've encountered in this blog is that when I tell chumps that they are being had, that those hustlers / dating coaches are ripping them off, they hate me for telling them that they are stupid. Of course, most big name guys have enough game and confident enough to NOT feel this compulsion to prove themselves to me (of all people), except for those no-name little guys who are trying to hustle. When I call them out, they would lash out at me, for the very simple reason that their livelihood is at stake. They don't have the skills to back up what they say, they are barely making ends meet, their students are just as unsuccessful, and of course, those hustlers are just as insignificant as this blog.

When I challenged these hustlers before, they immediately tried to qualify themselves to me. From the guy who told me that he had a PhD in sociology (but he is currently working as a code monkey) to the guy who dropped out of his PhD program. All of these guys want to make a quick easy buck off the back of hard working chumps. I wouldn't have challenged them if I have seen them in action or know that they have game. The reality is that they don't, they are just like any average Joe at best.

I'm realistic enough to know that I don't have game or need to have game. But I am socially savvy enough to see through their facade and their rather banal attempts to hustle other guys. At best, they are rehashing conventional wisdoms into new jargons, at worst they are turning socially awkward guys into creeps who bother people at public places. I see this blog as a public service to keep bars / clubs / public gatherings free of creeps. The thing is, guys don't need to be creeps to get girls, if they learn to behave like normal people. There is really nothing magical about game because commoners have been using it forever.

The common term for banter is teasing, for those who don't have good friends, when you are on good terms with people, you give each other shit, make fun of each other. So instead of going to a class to get into a circle jerk to tell other guys how cute they are, how about go have fun with your friends, at the very least, you don't pay for their friendships and you can learn more about each other, which is what normal social people do to establish rapport. Once again, you don't have to pay anyone to teach you that either.

The simple solution is almost always the easiest, least painful and costly way to go. Go out, talk to people, make friends, do stuff together (besides going out on dates with other guys from "the lair"), and make more friends. Once you have learned to get along with people, friends you can rely on, have fun with, instead of out sarging or winging each other. Then I guarantee girls will come, literally, you don't have to do anything to get girls. That's what those coaches called building a lifestyle of abundance. And yeah, if you don't have one, get a day job, and if you have one, don't quit it.

Defining boundaries in a relationship

People with NLP background would call this frame, those who have worked with clients / patients would define this as boundary, and most lay people would call this setting expectation. So how do you do that in a romantic relationship?

Basically, when two people come together, they have a set of do's and don'ts, what they offer and want from each other, and who will get what and who will give. Problems arise when people don't clearly state what their values are and what behavior is acceptable or unacceptable. During the initial interaction, pay attention and reward only behaviors that we want and ignore ones we don't want. Even into the early phase of a relationship, it's best not to even address the problem or ignore what you don't like and until a stronger bond is form. For example, if she flirts with other guys, just ignore her, and if she persists, then just dump her. There's no reason to invest in a drama-filled relationship.

As we spend more time together, there are many ways to subcommunicate our values and expectations without explicitly stating what we like and don't like. One way I use to communicate that is to use a similar method that adults do with children, allegories. Tell a story, or even describe the wonderful relationship between your parents, or a happy couple you admire who you would emulate. Unless the problem is serious and urgent, there's no reason to over-react. Some girls crave for attention, and they don't know how to ask for it properly, especially when they are young, so almost everything is black and white: either we are together or we have broken up. The art of having a good relationship is about setting boundaries, expectations, and having a strong frame to keep the relationship going in the direction we want.

This goes back to what is first and foremost in almost every action we take. A series of actions should lead to a specific goal. Our goals must be in congruence with our values and beliefs. Our values and beliefs are aligned in making us happy. Of course, good relationships are two-way streets that benefit parties on both sides. Most people want to have some significance; girls, in particular, want to know that they matter to us and not just a sperm-depository. We don't have to go overboard to send them flowers or giving them gifts, but we can be active listeners, we would encourage them to tell their stories, describe what they experienced, by using simple phrases, "Oh?" and "Really?" And to reinforce that bond and subtly telling them that they matter to us, "Oh, such-and-such happened today and it reminded me of you about..." This tells her that you had paid attention to what she said or did, and more importantly, you remember!

These are some tips, like lube, that will keep a relationship going. They are just building blocks, and I will talk about the keystone to keeping a good relationship next time.

How to have drama-free and great relationships

For those with some success in the field and somehow ended up with a regular girl, here are some tips to keep dramas out of relationships. The overarching goal of a good relationship is to build memories together, preferably fun, happy, sexy memories. With that said, finding the balance of doing something new all the time while still doing the basic bread'n'butter activities will be challenging.

First, have great friends, normal and social friends who are fun to hang out. My experience is that I have more success with introducing girls to my group of friends first, we go hang out together. I do this usually after I've been out with the girl a few times and we are almost tired of just having sex. When hanging out with friends, keep the talk about other girls out of the conversation. Guys have a tendency to brag, that's how "FR/LR" in community forums came about. Keep conversations light, talk about travel, hobbies, vacations, and be sure to make plans for future adventures together.

This isn't breakthrough comfort or get girls to fall so deeply in love with you... and sadly, there will be no 3-hour seminar with in-field training. So take notes! Go do physically exhaustive activities together, be that biking, rollerblading, skiing, hiking,... These will get the feel-good hormones going. The next set of activities will be something you all will talk about afterward: bungee jumping, skydiving, para-gliding, water-skiing, surfing,... not only are these activities physically demanding but they also pump up emotional/limbic part of the brain. Of course, there are the usual couple-y activities, like dinner, talk, tv,... One thing to try is to re-tell the same story as it's your first time. When she reminds you that you've told her that story, try responding with, "Oh, really? My god, I can't believe I've told you that... I guess I'm not so good with keeping secrets from you!" This subcommunicates that you share with her and there's no secret between you two.

Another thing that girls like is to know that we think about them during our normal daily activities. So while I tell a story, I would tell her about something that transpired earlier and how it reminded me of such-and-such about her. Then they know that they have triggered that pair-bonding mechanism in us. Start with those two things, and there are a few more here. This is just the beginning to having great relationships.

Be your own coach and start your own workshop

A good friend of mine in marketing was telling me about the secret. The secret to selling... the first step is to make people feel inadequate about themselves and then, we are there to offer them a solution, a method, some techniques that will annihilate any method, may be, a lifestyle change, a road to transformation, perhaps, a blueprint?

The best way to improve isn't to horde everything out there. Sometimes, they even contradict each other. For example, David D is the preacher for cocky'n'funny. So many guys fail repeatedly because they keep trying to be cocky and funny... and you know what they do? They go back for more David D materials! I'll blog about how to use C&F successfully... Back to the real conspiracy at hands, it is in the best interest of dating coaches to (1) make us feel miserable about ourselves, (2) keep failing with girls, and (3) keep buying their (new) materials.

Another method is Mystery's M3 model. Sure, it's a great model, how often do you keep thinking to yourself, am I in A2 or A3, or have I counted enough IOIs? Should I DHV now that I have microcalibrated by IOD'ing her IOD? Many people focus their energy in the A2 phase and never get into A3, and if they have learned some C&F, they don't ever get into comfort, so they end up having very weak closes. A3 may not even be necessary if the girl is drunk and out to get laid. But to prevent flaking or buyer's remorse, we have to get into comfort and build some emotional connection.

And for people who use the Juggler method, they have some common pitfalls. They would assume attraction, which is okay if they have interesting conversation threads or they would know how to flirt, using C&F and push-pulls. Instead, JM students focus too much on open ended questions, so they come across as nosy, needy, without justification, and consequently, creepy! Another is their focus on using I statements, they ended up sounding like a retarded kid who has no social awareness.

What's the best way to improve? Some talked about being a closer, the best way to close is to build commonality. Then constantly escalate, always push the interaction until we can sense that she's uncomfortable, then withdraw. Keep repeating the push-pull until there's a tension makes it inevitable that we will see each other.

Here's an example. I start a conversation with a girl, I teased her a bit about her shimmering makeup and how it reminds me of a little girl (make this personal, your little sister, cousin, niece,...). The goal is to start painting an image in her head that I'm more than just a bar guy, but I have family, root, and I am someone who has multiple roles. At some point in the conversation, I would talk about happy childhood memories. This is a safe topic. Then I would switch to something about this fear I had as a kid, just something innocuous, height, speed, clowns, whatever. Talk slowly, give her a chance to experience that emotion, and she will in turn share her fear. Another interesting emotional topic is to discuss at one point in her childhood, she had to stepped up and was expected to be more mature than her age at that time. This is the beginning of a routine stack, we start with the roles we take on in our lives, then we slowly lead her to talk about the experience that we have and emotions that we feel. I will continue on how to frame the interaction, escalate so that we will either go home that night or see each other again. And no, not all interactions are that way, this is just one way to start.

The in-her game(tm): Getting my life in order

Steve Pavlina blogged about this, Tony Robbins talked about it, and countless others have described this. Sit down, on a blank piece of paper, write, do NOT type, keep writing down what I want out of this short time that I have in this life. I keep writing until I have a clear, concise, and concrete statement that describes who I am and what I want to do with my life. Then accordingly, I type out my step wise goals to accomplish what I want to do with my life in the following order: 10 yrs, 5 yrs, 2.5 yrs, 1 yr, 6 mos, and finally 3 mos. Then I write down what I am going to do, tasks, in action forms. So "make more money" is too broad, but "call so-and-so" to find out if there are openings is more actionable. Another is, "be better with women," which is vague, but the steps to get there, "email so-and-so female friend" for lunch, catch up, again is more actionable.

With my long list of actionable items, I categorize them into different contexts. For example, all the call actions would be inside "phone" category; email/search actions inside "computer" category; i.e. associate each action with the environment and tool in getting them done. I sometimes prioritize them into 4 groups: 1. important & urgent, 2. important & nonurgent, 3. unimportant & urgent, 4. unimportant & nonurgent. Then I start pruning my list, if they can be done in 2 minutes or less, I immediately start doing them in the right context. Actions that don't fit into accomplishing goals that I set out are discarded.

For more details, go get David Allen's book, Getting Things Done. Next, also check out tips in 43folders.

This is the first step in quieting the mind, closing open loops, discovering who we are, and starting to live out our lives. I will blog about how to develop focus, and be internally driven so that outside forces don't rock us to the core or even perturb our daily life.

Once we are at peace with ourselves, we can be at ease with others, when we can have fun with people around us, and of course, become more social in general. The goal of being social is to connect with people, establish rapport, which starts with knowing ourselves, then we can convey our identity, our values, our goals, our hopes and dreams, our passions, and that, my friend, is a step-by-step plan to having friends, and even girls, in our lives.

You don't have to come to my "seminar" to watch me jack-off. You don't need to buy my podcasts, DVDs, or pay for 1on1 coaching. I have faith you in Getting This Done. Get your life in order, then you will have girls in your life.

How to get the 10's!

Or be the 10 magnet! Yeah, I know. There's one mistake that guys make, and one trap I fell into before, was that we have this stupid system. It's not a system for getting girls, in fact, it's not something that serves any useful purpose whatsoever! It's a system that ranks girls on a scale of 1-10.

Guys create these artificial barriers for themselves. If she's a 6, then I will talk to her in a certain way, and if she's a 8 and above, I have to open and throw in couple of negs. So even before I walk up and talk to her, I've already created all this drama in my head and so I won't be present, I'm already disoriented, and not do what I am supposed to do, focus on our interaction.

Of course, community guys would take it to the next level of mental masturbation, they do what the middle/high school juvenile kids would do, go brag to their friends. Really, that's what FR/LR's really are. Are we that hard up for validation / approval (at best)?! Or are we just being animals by doing these chest thumpings? I propose that it's more than insecurity that these guys are whipping out their dicks to compare.

I suspect that deep down, they are homosexuals, they just want to check each other out. I would even venture to postulate that they have such an elaborate system of going after girls so that they don't have to confront their deepest fear, not fear of girls, not fear of rejection, not fear of failure, i.e., when they messed up, their excuse is that they haven't mastered such a complex system of getting girls, but the reality is that they fear what they know is true inside, that they want men. Not just approval from men, not just admiration, but sexual gratification.

Instead of stopping at what's superficial, go after the common core within most girls. Another thing I would steal from Cesar Milan, not just his motto of having "calm assertive energy," but start from the most basic level. She's not the 10, she's not just Jennifer so-and-so. But she's an animal first, human second, female third, whatever ethnicity fourth, family fifth, and we may quibble on a few other rankings, and finally, her name & look last. So, our totally useless ranking should not even be in the picture.

How do we approach an animal? Do not hesitate, do not be skittish, be confident (slow & calm), be assertive (i.e. lead!). What about her human side? Be positive, be respectful,... I might elaborate more in the future. This came up in my conversation with a friend last night, I've dated 3 girls who participated in beauty pageants, 2 were runner ups, I know, I have to jump start my game so it would work on that winner, the HB10! Remember those unattainable cheerleaders / girls in the dance team in high school? Been there, done that! And you know what? Deep down, they are just girls. They have the similar doubts and frustrations, fears and disappointments, hopes and dreams... within their cores, they were no different than many other average looking girls!

So the money shot for this entry is, quit ranking girls, quit playing games and stop strategizing, instead, starting today, see past their looks, I'm not advocating we go for land-manatees, beached whales, girls who are fugly enough to be picked up by many big-name gurus, and girls with FUPA. If she's fuckable, go talk to her. See what's up with her and drill deep into her core. Find out what makes her tick, what makes her special, tell her that.

P.S. Negs do work, if she's unresponsive, bitchy, then tease her a bit. Push her away with some disqualifications, see if she comes back to gauge her interest. You see, community materials are useful, sometimes, in the right context.

Let girls seduce you

One thing I've changed quite a bit since I started. Most guys talk about plowing, keep the conversation going, have a stack of materials, keep going until girls open up. That can work sometimes, the root cause of the problem isn't the girl, but the guy!

There's something about the vibe, the energy, the way someone carries him/herself. When that guy's energy doesn't match or just at the right level above the girl's, he will disrupt the vibe. The problem with most beginners is that they are not comfortable in their own skins. So they either fidget a lot, talk too fast, voice pitch too high, tonality is too monotone, because they have so much pent up energy. One way to release that energy is to acclimate themselves to the whole social bar scene, another is to get hammered, another is to do warm up sets, another is to start making small talks with everyone to get into the groove, and there are a few more. Suffice to say, they need to dissipate that nervous energy.

When the vibe is disrupted, girls can either feel the nervous energy, which they have no idea why, so they might feel creeped out, and the consequence is that they will shut down. Some girls might relent when guys keep plowing, the majority of girls will get turned off even more. So guys have to learn to chill, to relax, be comfortable in their skins, be at ease with the environment, surrounding people in general. Just that alone will help beginners to open properly instead of stacking routines and plowing with DHV stories.

In fact, the more chill the guys are, the more girls are confused and if done properly, with the right amount of tension using hooks, open loops, and qualifications, girls will invest more into the interaction. When I see guys trying so hard to get girls open up, I just cringe. The worst is how they game girls within a social circle, just be intriguing enough, interesting enough, sit back and let the girl chase. There's more to the social circle game, it is much slower, and it requires more finesse.

The money shot is this, relax, chill, be succinct, be intriguing, and let the girl seduce you. Plow less verbally, save your energy for the physical plowing later.

How to bone your friend's hot sister!

Actually, no, that would be wrong! Very wrong (j/k)! Seriously, this is about social circle game. It starts with having a great personality, be attractive to both guys and girls, be the person who brings value to any interaction, always be fun... and there's one cardinal sin that guys commit because they think they are total gamers.

A great personality can be summed up in one word, chill. Sit back, relax, wait for the appropriate time to step up and lead. Give people a chance to be themselves, be non-judgemental, be someone who can appreciate everyone for who he/she is. Deep down, everyone wants to be accepted, they want to feel good for who they are, and have no agenda other than to be the giving person, it's not about supplicating, and going out of one's way to please people, but rather, be the person who is there when needed, be the person who takes care of people when they ask for help. Never ever be calculating, i.e. constantly measuring cost/benefit with friends.

Those are positives, the negatives, i.e. what not to do. Do not be needy, learn how to gauge people's comfort level. Do not have an agenda, do not want things, girls, whatever that may be from people. Be the person who is at peace with him/herself, at ease with others, happy and fun when socializing. Cut out people with drama out of one's life. People who gossip, badmouth, backstab others are people who are insecure and they need to externalize their problems so that they can avoid examining themselves. Change oneself but not others.

Those are the basic tenets of being a fun, normal, chill, non-needy person. Some practical tips to be social, be someone who is the center of activities. Know where parties are, what's going on in town, and be the social hub. Bring friends from multiple circles together. Focus on bringing girls into the social circle instead of taking girls away from friends. At every gathering, imagine that you are the host of the party, your goal is to keep activities going, and lead everyone along at turning points... where to go, what to do next.

Finally, I will cover in more details in how to get girls within a social circle in another entry. The only tip to keep in mind is don't appear as the desperate guy who overtly game every girl available. Just be chill in the group, and game girls in isolation. It's okay to be flirty, but touchy and seductive only in private. Do NOT ruin a girl's reputation, other than her looks, she lives and dies by her social reputation.

Quit learning and start doing!

I'm not renting out any room, and you don't have to come around to knock on the "back door." Better yet, you don't have "to take care of that before you come." In fact, you don't have to come at all, and your money goes to the best cause of all, YOU! That's right, you don't have to enclose your money in a blank envelope to give to me. Keep it to yourself and enjoy what you've earned. I tell you what, you deserve every penny of it because you are smart enough, strong enough, good enough to resist this legion of scammers, hustlers, and parasites on society.

Funny how people forward me these stupid pickup school ads and they all talk about what they will talk about instead of telling people outright what are the do's and don'ts of being social with people. Keep them coming, instead of giving you a long list of benefits, what I will talk about, I will cut the bullshit. You don't have to call a special 800 # to join in a conference call with a bunch of other chodes, who also don't go out or who go out but can't approach or who approach but don't close. We are men, this is not the Oprah show, we shouldn't get together to perseverate and mentally masturbate over a few interactions with people.

Keep reading community materials, try them out, if you fail, try different techniques, keep repeating until you find what works for you. I give you the permission to fail. We all fail, I fail ALL THE TIME! And that's ok, in the end, we all fail to survive, but while we are alive, do not fail to live, and we should enjoy what time we have.

Oh right, how to deal with shit tests?! Here's the thing, when we talk to strangers, why should we give them the power to affect ourselves?! If a guy tries to AMOG you, do all sorts of shit to blow you out, just tell him, "Hey man, you are alright, we like you already, you don't have to try so hard. We know you are a nice guy already." Move on and run your materials. The words really don't matter that much, it's in the delivery and the timing. Talk slowly, pause at each critical turn in your statement. If a girl gives you shit, agree and twist it around. Example, after a brief conversation and you push for a day2, "I already have plans for tomorrow night," she says while touching you or giving you the pity-pat. Here's how I respond, "That's ok. You are not THAT urgent, I already have you on my to-do list and you can tell me when you are free to be done to." Hold it, hold your slight smirk until she cracks up. Keep running materials and continue.

The most important thing is that you have fun talking to people, if you don't have fun, she won't have fun because it's her job to follow your lead. Most guys fail in this because they are not fun, they don't know how to have fun, and/or they don't know what fun means. Surround yourself with happy people, you know, friends. Seriously, money can't buy you happiness, some workshops / bootcamps might give you some skills, the responsibility is on you and you alone to get better, and you can get better by doing and in the beginning, failing a lot, not by "learning." There are people who don't get good after all these years of learning, they are called "slow learners." Then perhaps, this is not for them. And no amount of workshops, seminars, bootcamps, and materials can help them. They've already been weeded out of the biological gene pool. For those who are making incremental progress, keep pushing, keep trying, keep doing.

The in-her game(tm): The sure-fire way to see if she's yours

Somewhere online, there is a long list of IOI's that we can memorize to tell if she is interested / attracted. In the end, attraction doesn't mean anything if we don't convert it to something substantial. Sure, attraction is fleeting, then move to deep rapport as quickly as possible, but why? Another strategy is to get her to invest into our interaction, but how? All of these steps have to lead to a close, and to reach any type of a close requires a series of compliance tests.

I've been blogging about the fluffy feel-good, be a better person, improve oneself,... this is about hardcore tactic and strategy. Let's step back from the ultimate goal, sex. Sex itself is the final compliance test for many, it is her way to connect because of her desire to invest. In order to slowly lead her there, we have to make her jump through a series of hoops, to get her to invest, and we evaluate her to determine if she has qualified.

In non-community lingo, make her do stuff for us. Start from the beginning, I test for compliance by using the high-five following by the hand-squeeze test (to check if she squeezes back), side hug (to see if she hugs back), turn her toward me and get her moving closer to me (or the "lock-in" position). Next, get her to introduce her friends, move her to another location, isolate her, get her to open up by talking about herself (use the open ended questions, A3 qualification questions,...). Like most interaction, the difficulty is not the act itself, but what happens in between acts. In this case, the nuance lies in how I reward her in between each compliance test and I will express my approval accordingly. Of course, she always does moderately well, she puts in great effort, but I can see her doing better; i.e., what she does is never good enough. Just don't overuse it!

If a girl is superattracted to me, then she will automatically try to please me by doing all sorts of activities to prove her worthiness to me. What if she doesn't? Then I know that I need to pump up her emotions... this can range from short momentary IOD, take-away, to express my disapproval, to "beating" her with a straw / pillow / foreign object, to spanking her, to picking her up; physical caveman techniques tend to pump up her emotion and girls get frazzled and become emotional. Then lead her to the next compliance test. Do NOT go back and re-test her!

I personally don't like a long list of activities that I would do to her, which would come across as robotic and too algorithmic. This takes patience, failures, and much practice to internalize and perfect over time. Even into a relationship, I still keep the evaluation frame. I like one trick that a friend of mine likes to do, get her to sing, learn a new song, and my personal favorite, get her to cook for me, find new restaurants, new activities to do, plan trips, etc. As sexist as this may seem, women's nature is to nurture, to please, and to comply.

The money shot is this... if a woman is with us, our job is not just to lead, but to make her do stuff for us. This is the best gauge of her interest, not a long list of things to look for, things to do, but whatever that pleases us. Once again, this goes back to having confidence, know what you want and how you will get it. This is how we pimps roll with our ho's!

Why life isn't fair...

I've been fascinated by why certain guys like to post so many reports (FR/LR), which can range from a slight embellishment to a total fabrication. For those who try to sell their services as dating coaches, posting reports is one way of advertising, but what about guys who want to garner attention... is it a simple psychological desire for attention or is there a hard-wired biological need?!

Even funnier is how so many old guys (myself included), who have past their prime, still want to go out to get girls. This is almost like we try to relive the youth that we missed... because we didn't get girls when we were young. This article touches up on a few points... Our inherent need to compare, to search for fairness, and in the end, we make irrational choices based on emotions instead of the logical choice that benefits us. There are so many who sacrificed so much, yet gained so little, just so they can appear as the man: the guy who can get girls, among a bunch of socially inept, sexually inexperienced, and many potentially gay boys. Setting aside the brief moment of attention, is there a long term benefit?

Many seduction schools sell their bootcamps as a life changing experience for chumps. The reality is that momentary high evaporates once they go back to their daily anti-social boring lives. Perhaps my experience is an exception, people that I know who want to be social and be good with girls usually end up privately confessing to me that they have wasted their money on workshops and bootcamps, and many went back to get refund. With a few exceptions, those without regret of spending money are ones who want to become dating coaches. In effect, this whole dating coach business is a pyramid scheme!

If there's one thing this has taught me, I have became social not because of workshops / bootcamps, but through difficult changes that I undertook. A similar process that's analogous to this would be weight loss. It's not about joining a gym, participating in a crash diet plan, or reading a book on how to lose weight. Becoming good with women involves becoming social with people in general, in order to achieve this, I became a friendlier person, made many more friends, and I do my best to keep in touch with them. We also go out, have fun, build new memories together, and in the process, we might meet girls. The difficult part is about changing habits, recognizing one's deficiencies and changing them.

In order to prevent people from asking for refunds, most workshops are all about making their participants feel good about themselves after they have been ostracized from mainstream society for so long. So instead of spending money on those charlatans who are out hustling chumps by selling an ALL NEW revolutionary technique on getting girls, look within, find out what is not working, fix it. Once we are happy within, people are more cordial with us and we naturally become more social. No, this is not about innergame, this is about working on ourselves, both inner and outer, because ultimately, this is about in-her game (tm).

What would you be doing...

If the hottest girl is with you right now? Other than fucking each other's brain out, what else would you be doing? I've talked many guys. We can mentally masturbate ad nauseum about innergame, outergame (techniques, methods,...), and whatever else they can do right there, but rarely do I meet someone who can tell me what he would do if he was with his dream girl right then and there.

That's why people can hook up all they want, #close all the hot girls at any venue, wink at all the cute fatties/cougars on match.com, and ultimately, they end up being alone AND lonely. The simple reason is that they don't live a life alone without being lonely. The second reason is that they don't know what they want to do next.

Despite how much I find Style and his Stylelife marketing bullshit annoying, I really like his idea of having calendar filled with activities and taking a look at it before heading out. When we meet the right girl and we clicked, not only can we talk about what we've done before, but also what both of us can do together in the near future.

Most people experience girls flaking on them can be traced back to several reasons. One, there's no attraction, the guy was creepy to her somehow. Two, she didn't know why he likes her, hence why qualification and/or SOI are important. Finally, she doesn't know what he wants, i.e. what he wants to do together.

The thing about girls is very simple. We must have a compelling reason to see each other again other than being physical. For guys, sex is what many of us are after. For girls, sex is something that happens while we are doing something else. So think of what that something else you would want to do with the girl of your dream, know when, where, and how you would want to do it.

What does 'having confidence' mean to women?

Have you ever wondered why people only get a certain type of girls? Some even turn that into a fetish... in order to cover their inability to connect with other people. That comes down to a problem of confidence. What do women mean when they say they are looking for confidence in men? Guys talk about growing balls, man up,... to do something. All these can be trace down to one thing.

I'm sure many can build up their innergame with various techniques, e.g. hypnosis, NLP,... By far, the best way of developing innergame is through competence. Competence stems from having experience. So having confidence in womenese really means someone with experience. Most girls want to be led and what they look for is someone who has the experience, someone who has done it before, someone who knows about other people (i.e. girls) like her, and ultimately, someone who knows what to do with her.

If you are the adventurous type and talked to a few girls who are different to you... maybe even out of your league. The best way to DHV (ugh, I know, "brag") yourself is to tell her a story, preferably a funny one, that lets her know that you have been with girls like her. Of course, if you don't know what kind of girls she is, then start going through your stack of stories with different types of girls. The goal is to subcommunicate that we have experience with girls like her and by inference, we know what to do with her, i.e., we can lead.

Some ways to have stories are: (1) be open to new experiences, live an adventurous life, (2) by proxy, through watching, reading, and talking with others, and (3) learn to tell stories. Successful guys are ones who don't set their lives to just get girls, guys who do become lair gurus or dating coaches, who are better at seducing guys than girls. The next step is to go out just to mingle and talk with strangers. I rarely ever game girls, in fact, keep the interaction light and fun. Game is really necessary once we are in isolation, then we have to slow down the interaction, where we turn from verbal to physical. That's why kino/touching early and often is important. We don't get the state break as we transition to physical. There are other techniques I'll cover in future blog posts.

So, grow some balls, man up, and start talking with strangers. Get into the mood of sharing with people. Eventually, we will build up a repertoire of stories, routines, and finally, experience with different types of girls. Why travel the world, when we can make girls from different parts of the world, umm, come to us?!