Being in the moment

If you have not watched Cesar Milan's The Dog Whisperer, you really have to go check it out. It's on the National Geographic TV channel. Just watch how he doesn't bring in many preconceived notions when he meets up with a new dog and then how he dominates, controls, and leads that dog! Sometimes, he even brings in other dogs in his pack to help him exert that pack mentality. Now you see the parallel of why having friends going out with you is a good thing, especially girls to help you pull more girls into your folds.

That's why they call some girls bitches, because in many ways, they are animals first, females second, and humans third. I kid, about the female dog part! But people are surprisingly whimsical and we can take advantage of them being in the moment, and if you want to take girls home, this is the best way of exploiting that. This is analogous to what magicians use; they draw in the attention of everyone around them, misdirect them to some fun shiny bright objects, and consequently, sex just happens.

That's why we have to be immersed into the moment. We don't think about what happened last time, or the same girl might have rejected you, or how other lair guys think you are the pimp in the forum. Focus your attention on the here and now. Enjoy yourself, being among your friends, and share those good warm and fuzzy feelings with others. You don't have to think very far in advance, and definitely don't verbalize your thoughts on what you will do to her. Girls will inevitably say "that's just gross" or with other verbal objections. But once you start doing the "nasty," anything goes because girls, being animals first, female second, and humans third, they too will allow almost anything to happen as long as you don't break the rhythm or disrupt the vibe.

Even if you really want to baptize her by covering her face with your man juice, you better not tell her that, but just do it and you will realize girls will go along with practically anything as long as you do it without hesitation but with confidence, authority, and most important of all, discretion. I often joked about how guys should just pay for sex, I'm willing to bet that it's not that great with a hooker and those guys have to because they don't have a sense of fun and playfulness. In some days, this is about what goes on inside, how we all have to learn to discard our inhibition and start living in the moment. For sex to happen on the same night, we have to draw out their disinhibition and replace it with adventure. That's what people sum up as "being in the moment."

If you still don't have a visceral sense of what it is, go watch Cesar Milan in how he draws that out of dogs in order to "rehabilitate" them. Change yourself, let loose, relax, chill, and go rehab some girls!

"He's safe."

Quite often, guys act too cool to be in a bar, and they end up drinking alone and scurry home among their "pickup artist sarging wingmen." Another example of what-not-to-be is the guy that seems a bit too eager and wanting a bit much of something from people, you know the type, he thinks he's a player when he is really creeping girls out. The trick with being a person with options with girls is to be a good fisherman.

Unlike those professional pickup artists, who pride themselves at pulling drunk girls home and then come online to boast about their technical pickup skills, I've been advocating the opposite, be the social guy with friends, who goes out with his buddies instead of his fellow lair sargers. With many friends and many social circles, this is similar to a fisherman casting multiple lines, just jiggle a few lines now and then, sit back, relax, and wait for girls to chase you!

Unlike guys who pride themselves for being players, when they really are pussies with no balls, you have to be discrete. Girls are always craving for excitement. By switching the mentality of wanting something from girls, be the guy that fulfills that yearning in them, bring them into your folds in a manner that make them feel like they are part of something greater than themselves.

This is what I mean by being that "safe" guy that girls talk about, what they have subcommunicated is that you understand and can fulfill their needs without broadcasting to the whole wide world. The very act of writing up reports about hook ups with girls is an obvious sign of chest pounding to show the world someone has succumbed to the power of the pussy. Sure, if those reports were true, they would have been educational for guys to learn about girls, but like many things in life, we can only talk in generality and it takes experience to flesh out the details. Go live the life you want rather than trying to imitate a fraud. Go discover what works for you instead of trying to fulfill the fantasy of an author. What you read is often shaped by marketing and driven by advertising. Be your own man.

Dealing with the avalanche of information

Unlike some of my more net-savvy readers, I just started using RSS reader a few days ago and thankfully, it has helped me immensely by allowing me to keep up with web sites than ever before! Then I noticed the parallel with the glut of self-help and specifically, "seduction" materials.

Remember back in the day when the Mystery Method had 5 DVDs, then Style's the Anal Method came out with 8 DVDs and more audio CD's. Of course, being a good copycat, RSD came out with tons more programs loaded with at least a dozen DVD's each. The king of self-hype David D also drone on and on in his endless numbers of programs.

This got me thinking about this technique of flooding people with so much information, and most of it is just padding, they talk about what you should get out of it and when you get down to the useful portion of the program, there's very little if anything that one can apply. So it's almost anti-climatic in the sense that the up-sell of the product and the build-up in the beginning, when all these programs are the same. But they are so loaded with jargons and market-oriented sale pitches.

Then I compare with what I know vs. what is blogged about in the blogosphere, there's so much fluff... like this blog. I basically tell people to do what other normal and social people do. But before I can get to that simple point, I have to dispel all these myths and hypes that all these self-hype gurus created. Sure, it's great to know the details so that you can impress with your analysis. It's like using multi-variables calculus to solve for the surface area of a sphere, when you can just plug in the correct information into a formula that's readily available.

In this era of information overload, I wonder how much of it is really new, most of it is just rehash, and not even repeat of useful and applicable information. As I blogged here so many times, people should stop trying to learn everything out there, they should try what works for them instead of constantly looking outside to fix what is really wrong inside.

To put this in a different way, when people put out a weird vibe, it's not about how they should learn more about body language, adopt a different posture or stand, rather, they should continue to interact with people, keep changing until they find something that works. Instead, what I see so often is that people keep on reading, keep going back to gurus for more materials, keep attending superconferences (yeah, I should create the final supreme conference), and yet they never ever really truly change what is inside using their personal experiences as the guide.

I have told this to friends and on here many times, it's perfectly fine to make mistakes, just don't keep repeating the same mistakes. The problem isn't this or that, but to truly examine oneself, and start fixing from within. I might blog about some problems I've seen and what I think would be the obvious, easier, and simpler solution.

Are girls on online dating websites weird?

By weird, I mean they are a bit socially inept and perhaps, delusional in the type of guys they can get. Funny how I meet some of these girls when I'm out and about. Then a few days or weeks later, guy friends show me who they have been talking to online (yes, I do have socially awkward friends who find girls through online dating websites), and sure enough, those exact girls are on those sites!

I have heard that people have met strippers and even porn actresses from online dating websites, but from my personal experience, I have yet to meet any hot girl offline who is also on online dating websites. I know girls who go on those online dating websites are extremely picky considering their looks and/or personalities. Of course, these girls (in their offline-life) would have a whole bunch of guys giving them unwarranted attention but none of them are man enough to take these girls home.

Then I started wondering why some of these girls go online. Let's face it, the majority of them are fat. I don't mean a little bit chunky, some are morbidly obese, and a few realize that so they resort to Craig's List (I think he needs to pay me as an affiliate for all my referrals!). The rest, some girls I know from offline seem to be decent in looks but their personalities, they seem a bit off. If I can find one group of guys who are similar to these girls, lair guys would be comparable.

I think these two groups are similar because most lair guys and girls on online dating websites tend to be people who have difficulties socializing with others in offline situations. So the last frontier for social acceptance for these people would be to go online to increase their exposure to other people. If you are familiar with the American history, you've probably read about settlers heading out West and some even to Alaska. These people are of a different breed than those who continued and made something of themselves in old cities like Boston, NYC, Chicago,... Of course, within this group of people, you find guys like the Unabomber in Montana, and their offsprings like Ted Bundy. I'll have to research how many serial killers are from the West vs. East coast.

Now, I'm not equating lair guys and girls on online dating sites as potential serial killers and sociopaths. I am suggesting that they are deviants from the social norm. Not that being abnormal is bad, many geniuses are abnormal, e.g. Albert Einstein was one smart cookie but then he also married his first cousin. So please feel free to send in your personal experiences if you have found some interesting and physically attractive mates from online.

Growing balls: empowering self before seeking help

Thanks to a friend for sending a recent post in a lair forum to me. I'm glad someone finally saw the light. People don't need coaches for basic instinctual human behaviors, such as engaging in social interactions with other human beings.

The problem with self-help is people are constantly looking for help from everywhere instead of looking within, finding what courage they have, doing what is necessary to improve their own conditions. For a lack of a better phrase, they need to grow balls instead of buying the illusion of balls from douchebags.

If these douchebag coaches are truly that successful or that great at doing what they are teaching to other people. Even if people are paying them money, they wouldn't do it. I can certainly use more income and I certainly am not that great with the ladies, but I still wouldn't hang out with some socially awkward guys who just read that book and decided to go out to sarge because they paid me!

I do, however, have plenty of socially awkward friends, and I am not exactly a very socially savvy person. Yet, they are my friends because they are not creepy, by that, I am referring to guys with no hidden agendas and no intention of trying to get something from me. It's natural to have sex, but it's not natural to want to have sex with any girl.

This is the very reason why I avoid community guys, because they have no standards for themselves and they will stoop to whatever level to get sex, even if that means paying some douchebags who will teach them how to pickup. Instead of paying people in order to get sex, they could have enriched their lives if they just have friends, people who are there for each other, without any ulterior motives. And if normal and socially well-adjusted individuals want something, they make their desires known instead of trying to scheme, plan, and manipulate their way.

Sure, there are plenty hustlers out there, and some are quite good. But these guys rarely work at jobs that are devoid of social interactions. Also, these guys started hustling at a very young age. And most important of all, they don't pay someone to learn to hustle. At some point in life, people have to accept themselves for who and what they are. They can make changes to improve themselves, only if they take the initiative of doing that themselves. They also have to be realistic with their own expectations, otherwise, they end up being delusional with themselves and others. And sure enough, they become coaches hustling other guys instead of girls.

Seduction in the workplace: how to get ahead at work

How to get ahead at work without resorting to giving heads. This came up in my conversations with a friend and then a recent surge of blog entries on how to get a raise at work, how to get promoted, etc. I've "worked" at white-collar jobs all my life so you might need to adapt this to your work situation.

The reality is that almost any work environment is rife with internal politics, struggles for dominance, and basically, the battlefield for modern tribal (office) warfare. Setting aside the issue that our performance is rarely if ever get evaluated objectively. When people interact, their reality is shaped subjectively by their perceptions. So expecting our boss to evaluate us objectively, just because so-and-so is getting paid at such a rate, and since we are doing the same work if not more, we should get compensated at the same rate is a silly, pointless, and definitely ineffective argument with our boss. That's the number one mistake that people make. They expect objective measurement of their work and get rewards based on merits, just as if they were in school even though workplaces are nothing like schools!

Some might suggest that we should take the initiative to start projects, go the distance, and do more than what your boss asked for or expected us to. That's a great idea, until you encounter a superior who thrives on criticizing and belittling their subordinates; you know the type, the kiss-up and kick-down middle managers. Rather than crying fouls and giving in, the trick to deal with them is simple, make them feel important and give them the illusion of power without giving up our own. Sure, we can start a new project. Rather than telling them about it and expecting them to praise us, we get them involved by giving them small tasks to gain compliance, then slowly turn them into our subordinates.

Most middle managers want to be involved into everything, because they don't want to be left out and they usually become managers because they thrive on controlling people. We have to start with the basic premise that if we are to get a raise and/or a promotion, we have to do more than what they asked of us, but instead of just showing them our results, we give them menial tasks that are of no consequence, however, we sell them on the idea that they too are making a difference. This way, I have effectively bypassed their managerial duties of approving or rejecting what I do because I presume what I do is important and critical to our overall success. Two, I don't appear needy in seeking their praise. Three, they feel important because they are involved and not feel left out. Finally, we slowly and gradually make them dependent on what we do and turn power dynamics in our favor.

That, my friends, is how to get ahead at work. We do more than what they ask, we don't turn around and expect immediate rewards for our efforts, rather than waiting for approval, we get everyone else involved, including our boss. Of course, there are details on what kind of projects, when to start them, how to present them, and market them to a greater community.

Friends with benefits

Skeptical or just cynical?!

How truthful are endorsements by well-known people? We sort of take them for granted, this is what they do using their status as celebrities. I'm almost at the point when those endorsements become white noise and hopefully, they don't influence me much.

Perhaps, this is a guy's thing, we generally don't worship public figures and if they are hot, we might want to bone them. Hey, I'm a dog that way! What if people that you thought might have skills start endorsing products that you know for sure are scams? Do you lose respect for that person or do you become totally dismissive of the whole scene, i.e. everyone in it?

The reason I brought it up is that I noticed, at an increasing rate, that "gurus" in the pickup scene constantly talk up about each other. You know, like Mystery said, "accomplishment intros." Say I know A, but I don't know B, when A does an accomplishment intros of B, I presume what A said about B is true, and therefore, B's value has been raised. What if I don't know A and B? Should I automatically suspect both A & B? Worst, what if I know A and B, and what A said about B isn't true?!

This is not something I'm proud to admit, but I have listened to nearly 4 full hours of 26/Extramask/Barry's podcasts. He is confirming what I suspected is true and what I tried to expose on this blog. That most reports are exaggerated at best, and at worst, they are complete fabrications. So we ignore most reports, what about guys who supposedly are good, and they have started endorsing nobodies? Are we supposed to take their words? Perhaps I'm just jaded and cynical, I suspect most of this self-hype industry isn't just hyping oneself, but also about hyping each other, and rising sea raise all boats mentality.

By repetitively drumming up and hyping each other, these self-hype guys are creating a feeding frenzy. It's almost like all the clubs on one strip decide to make people wait in line to get in, even though it's empty inside. They, in effect, create this false presumption that the whole strip is really happening. But the reality is that they are no different that places don't hype themselves.

After all that, if you want to exchange link with my blog, send me the best description of yourself, we'll work something out! LOL!

26

The guy mentioned in my previous entry turns out to be 26 from that infamous book. After nearly 5 years, he has changed or those stories about him aren't entirely true. I have been wondering how Style distort events and characters in order to write a better story.

This is a mistake I've made many times and I've seen others getting caught up in the hype. That infamous book was my first foray into the self-hype movement, then thanks for David D's monthly gurus, there are new techniques, methods, and books every month to satiate people's appetite for more "stuff." Instead of passing judgment of what they are doing is right or wrong, I should have done my own research and discover more on my own.

A friend (and fellow blogger) and I were discussing how people are "manipulating" each other. There are so many negative connotations associated with that word. The reality is that we all are trying to convince each other. The job of marketeers and hustlers is to present a favorable case of what they are selling; they use what is necessary to convince us, that can range from simple distortions, to hiding some unfavorable facts, to outright lies. Rather than being judgmental and indignant as I have been in the past, I should do my own research in order to decide for myself.

As my friend said it best, my philosophical approach has been more experiential. Shit happens, and we do our best to deal with them. My main gripe about these self-hype gurus is that they led me (and allowed myself to be led) to believe that their way is the only way, the best solution, and in many ways, this is similar to many monotheistic religions. I have to repeat to myself that it's okay to make mistakes, there's no one true path, no best answer, but there is a relatively better solution. My job is to find that. So there may never be the whole truth, but whatever I can find at that time.

I can't do it better!

This guy has a sense of humor. Good shit, go check him out!

For whom are we doing this?

As the seduction community becoming more mainstream, there will be more people diving head first, like I did, into it without logically examining our own intentions. Rather than asking the deep question of why we are doing this, a simpler question is to direct at ourselves, we are doing this for whom?

Sex drive varies between people and from my experience, those with high sex drive generally are quite good with women already and people in general. In fact, this usually translates into success in other areas of life, career, financially well off, and almost always in leadership positions. If you don't know of any, just pick any prominent politician, from historical figures, such as Thomas Jefferson to John F. Kennedy. I'm quite sure that I am NOT the first person to point this out; that sexual prowess leads to success in both social and sexual arenas of our lives.

Now, let's get back to guys who are learning to do pickup because they saw the TV show or read some books, or even e-books. If these guys already have a high sex drive, they would be out banging broads instead of staying at home to read, watch, memorize routines, and go on forums to game each other. Most guys learning pickup are usually your typical geeky programmers; they are so used to manipulating their silicone-based virtual worlds, they think that they can control people using the same concept of subroutines, functions, and programs. What they don't realize that their very being in the programming field has already separated them from the mainstream social world.

I'm picking on programmers because they belong to one model that's representative of people who have not been in the past, are not now, and probably will never be leading men and nailing women in the future. Instead of learning "the game" and go out regularly to practice, these guys would better off fixing other aspects of their lives. Sure, some with sociopathic tendencies will become quite adept in "fake it" until they make it. For the rest, they will continue to flounder because it's simply not in their nature to manipulate people despite how much they want to.

Because of this personal experience, the first thing I do now when confronted with any self-help improvement is to ask myself, am I doing this for myself? I notice many guys get into this so they can brag to other people, sure, they post reports so they can get feedback. If that's truly the case, they would have been more truthful in their reports and be more comprehensive, i.e. they would include their failures as well as their successes. That's why I often joked how guys are spending more time online trying to convince, or for a lack of a better term, seduce other guys rather than going out to get girls.

Going back to picking on programmers, they are so used to and perhaps been very successful at manipulating their virtual worlds, they become experts in online forums, where people exist as avatars instead of real life human beings with multiple roles, facets, flaws and positive attributes. In other words, they are not embarking on this self-help journey to help themselves, but rather, to improve their virtual standing among other social retards. Of course, what they don't realize is that they become the perfect prey population for people in sales (i.e. with more expertise in manipulation). Some of these preys in turn predate on an even more naive population of guys. This turns into an ecosystem of guys predating on other guys.

If they had their focus on improving themselves (i.e. helping oneself), to truly becoming more social, they would have directed their energy within, work on what they lack rather than trying to be better than another retard in an online / virtual world. I'm not, however, suggesting that guys should abandon their current lives so they can be good with women. Rather than diving deep into this without fore thoughts, they should examine their own motivations, is this something they want, for whom are they doing this, and what do they want to get out of this. Even if they are doing this just to get girls, then why haven't they been doing this all along? Have they been bought into what some marketeers tell them what they need to do?!

Dating bootcamp: creepy or necessary?

This subject comes up on this blog quite often and many people have asked me. What do I think of bootcamps? I have known many people who have taken bootcamps and I have known people who have done without. In case this might bias my view, I am going to reveal it, just so people are aware of this and can take this into account when they read my opinion on this. Of all the people I know who have taken bootcamps, over 50% of people have requested full refund from their bootcamps / workshops. Granted, I don't know what is the rate of refund request in the industry, I have been informed by a guy who teaches bootcamp, he said it's quite high.

With that said, I want to believe that bootcamps can be transformational and can work. The reality is that I have yet to see one case that it does. From one end, one guy in the local community, he's a bit chubby, horrible sense of fashion, and very cerebral. According to him, he has taken pretty much all the bootcamps from well-known (Mystery, Juggler, Lance Mason,...) companies out there (probably upward of 10 bootcamps), and to this day, he can barely walk up to anyone on the street to say hi and ask for time! He spends most of his time at home studying up materials because his main complain is that he doesn't have enough materials... which is funny, considering he has taken the Juggler bootcamp, that emphasizes on being natural, be-yourself type of approach.

Outside of the community, I don't think he has that many personal friends that he socializes with. For him, a better remedy would be to go out and do stuff, social activities, mingle with people, develop friendships, or perhaps, he's a schizoid and this seduction community is a purely an academic exercise for him.

The second case is a guy who I have discussed many times before. A self-admitted match.com-addict; he has taken out his life savings to take, by his public admission, 4 bootcamps, all from well known companies and individuals. Sadly, he is where he has always been, girls still think he's queer, guys think he's weird, and the only friends he has are from the community. Unlike the first guy, the match-addict really tries hard to be with people but he is impeded by his insidious desires to get stuff from people, whether to get social/emotional/sexual favor from guys and perhaps, sexual favors from girls, people can sense that creepiness in him and thus, they eventually distant themselves from him.

What's the common theme among these two extreme cases? They don't have friends, they don't know how to socialize with people, and their problem is not that they don't how to game girls, they simply don't know how to be among people. With these extreme cases, bootcamps should gear toward helping guys just be normal and social, rather than turning them into gamers. Another factor is their age, guys who improve the most tend to be younger, as in under 30, and preferably, 25. In fact, most "naturals" become good with women in their teenage years, not just from that infamous book, but from my personal experiences. After a certain age, people are set in their ways. Like language, there's a window when people can acquire social skills and after that age-dependent window closes, they can spend the life savings, quit their jobs, get fired, and even move to away (like that match-addict), they will still be those creepy guys that people avoid.

There are cases where some guys improved, the main differentiating factor is that their age. Of course, with younger age, comes hubris; some of these guys improve slightly, and they think they are total gamers. I'm sure they get girls now and then, you know the guys would have sex with but would never reveal to their friends, the ugly and fat ones. Afterward, they think they can become instructors. And there are dicks like me, who take pleasure in blowing wide open on their insecurities.

My final analysis is that bootcamps may be helpful, only to guys at younger age, and although I have yet to see one case where someone went from a chump to a hustler, I still have hopes, just like I hope to cross path with a unicorn, the flying spaghetti monster,... one day. What is the solution? That's what I've been blogging about, people should learn to socialize, have friends, maintain friendships, and participate in something greater than themselves, i.e. contribute to a group, their respective society, and a cause. Most important of all, they should engage in activities that is fulfilling themselves and get rid of their desires to get anything from anyone, be that sex or friendship. Unlike most sociopaths, most people don't hide their intentions very well. Be fun, be normal, be social, and be giving. That's what being a man is all about.