A celebrity-obsessed culture that belittles us all

Perhaps it's my upbringing, that I learned early on to draw strength from within and inspiration from immediate people around me, rather than celebrities. Are people's lives so empty that they would become devastated that a hyped-up media star passed away?!

Sure, we all admire talented individuals, but to see people crying, the endless tweets and facebook status updates that go on and on about the recent passing of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett, I have to wonder, do people live their own lives anymore?! Yes, it's tragic that someone died, but when we place celebrities above us all, we have, in effect, allow them to have undue influence on our lives. If we start to examine our own lives, what we can do to improve ours and those around us, then we would have a better, more cohesive and harmonious world. Instead, at least in America, we are constantly goaded by the media, to celebrate, to aspire to, and to dream to become among these celebrities.

When I started this blog over two years ago, I was sucked into this whirlwind of becoming somebody, when in reality, I was and still am somebody to people who care about me and vice versa. Why are we so obsessed with seeking approval from others?! A celebrity-obsessed culture is the hallmark sign that we have taken the wrong turn, we don't value each other and those around us, but we constantly chase this image that marketeers conjured up and profiteers use to hustle us. Think of memorabilia, think of what media companies will make off his death by selling us more craps that we don't need by playing on our emotions.

We all should take a step back, re-examine our lives, re-prioritize our goals, and re-evaluate our progress, instead of getting whipped into this media frenzy. Think about what is important, be with people who accept us already, instead of getting herded into the mosh pit to grief for celebrities who really should not be that influential in our lives. I know there is a downside to not wishing to become celebrities, there will be fewer starlets, fewer porn stars, and more responsible adults. May be, just may be, we will have a more productive society that doesn't squander our time and energy but to focus them on those immediately around us and who we really are, rather than what we are told to be.

Living on the backs of idiots

I came across an article that says that in America, there are more outlets for pay-day loan lenders than all MacDonald's and Burger King combined! This got me thinking of a whole slew of things we benefit from idiotic and/or irresponsible adults.

Back when I got my first credit card a long time ago, it has a very low interest rate (by today's standards) and Discover card was the only card company that had this new gimmick of giving 1% cash back (only if you fulfill their long list of requirements that few people do). Now, there are so many credit cards out there with free miles, free points, and even cash back > 1%! Then I realized that credit card companies are not becoming more efficient with the 2% that they collect from merchants, but rather, they are making money off idiots who are carrying balances from month to month at a 20something to 30% interest rate. Of course, let's not forget the huge finance charge and late fee!

Then I look at the whole self-help industry, and especially the seduction community. Here we have a relative large population of guys, who were born book smart, studied a lot, worked hard, and are making a decent salary. With their excess income, they spend on cars, clothes, and condos, but none of that bring them happiness, and guess what? A few geniuses come along to tell them, "Hey, what you are missing in your life is girls! Can you imagine if people love you, respect you, and even have sex with you instead of cursing you each time their computer crashes or program freezes!"

So these guys buy into the whole belief system that they can be somebody, pay their way into an endless supply of pussies, and buy their way into the hearts and minds of people, yes, by becoming PUAs! This is almost like guys going to pay-day loan office because they can borrow a huge sum without having to work for it. Or guys who think that credit card is a cheap and easy way to get a loan, to borrow against their future without having to put in the hard work!

While all that is going on, these self-hype gurus are thriving on the stupidity of these IT guys. Yes, I'm singling IT guys out, and I'm sure that only guys will well-paying jobs can afford to take bootcamps. Sure, there are some inspirational stories of guys scraping by to take workshops, the reality is that only guys with extra money can afford these workshops. So they think they can buy happiness, respect, admiration, love, and sex. What they don't realize that all of those can be achieved the old fashion way, being that social connector, being that guy who is great with everyone, and life is so much easier when we don't have to support these leeches on society by becoming victims of self-hype gurus.

Unnecessary mental gymnastics

Most of you probably know about Steve Pavlina and his blog. From his writing, I suspected that he is aware of the PUA community and not surprisingly, he started blogging about polyamory and his reasons for his participation. He went on and on and on to justify his interest, the real reasons are rather simple.

Let's be honest about our interest in having sex. There's really no need at all to justify our desire for sex, it is genetically programmed into us. And if someone has the opportunities to have as many sex partners as possible, and for many web-celebrities, bloggers included, why not? Why go through the whole Cirque du Soleil mental contortions of logic to present his case?! His desires don't require a rocket scientist or a neurosurgeon to explain. A 13-year-old boy can express them. What is interesting is that a 13-year-old boy probably doesn't realize that with money, Pavlina has acquired the power in his current marriage to exercise his desires. Imagine if he was a wannabe-PUA living with his current wife and 2 kids without his current 6-figure income, do you think she would let him to fulfill his desires?! That's how many celebrities (including but not limited to Hugh Hefner) have been doing for years. With fame and fortune, sex is readily available.

Another more sinister reason is that he is trying to generate traffic to his blog. Like all blogs, experiments and problems generate drama, that emotional discordance causes people to engage in more discussions which naturally will draw in more participants. I remember when I first started this blog, just the fact that I blogged about tidbits on how lame the real seduction community really is was enough to draw in readership. So with this new year, I will continue to blog, with a keener and more skeptical view on what goes on in the world, not just the blogosphere and the community.

The best way to get girls is have fame and fortune, short of that, most guys will end up with other losers and try to seduce each others. With that in mind, I will start blogging about other subjects that I have been pursuing.

The anti-community community

I sometimes feel like I live in an echo chamber and a world filled with me-too's. How come people rarely if ever come up with their own original thoughts? Or worst yet, they would just join the latest bandwagon, by being anti-community. Before anyone participates in any type of community, they have to ask themselves this one question?

How will my participation in this community makes me a better person? In other words, do the activities of this group and its members share my beliefs and values? How will we (as a group) improve the lives of people around us? I am no altruist but most groups exist for one singular purpose: to expand by using its members. Most people in the community are not here to get girls, but to use other lonely boys and men for profits, especially those "gurus" or the early adopters/movers. Like most pyramid schemes out there, those who got in on the scam early will get to live off the backs of newcomers.

Take meeting women as an example. Men and women have been getting together forever. If it's such a difficult task, our population would have crashed and none of us would exist today. So despite how difficult it is made to be, according to many "seduction lairs/groups," men and women are still hooking up without any help. Sure, there are some slow learners and/or learning disabled individuals, they should get help to treat their problems. Most problems that these groups claim to address are not the root cause. The problem with people not getting girls is that they don't have many friends and they don't have friends because they are anti-social. Anti-social behaviors can stem from biological and psychological roots, and teaching someone social skills would end up making that person robotic.

As much as I believe in people helping themselves, the reality is that some people just don't get it and will never get it. Not all of us are born winners. We can't all be above average. The belief that everyone can be somebody is idiotic. That's why so many Americans subscribe this crazy notion called the American Dream. It doesn't exist, some of us are inherently better at certain tasks than others. The reality is that people who sell these dreams will try to flame the hope of losers within the community that they will be somebody eventually. Which leads to my next point.

There is an inherent drive for information to be free so most "techniques" and/or "methods" are freely available. So there's no reason for people to pay to acquire them. They are useless until people put the information into use anyway. And from what I've found, most information is just a rehash of what has been talked about before. This gets back to my initial comment, that most people don't have original thoughts and being pack animals, they get together to become yet another me-too in almost any community.

If you want to find the answer, as lame as this sounds, people should become more self-empowered by the knowledge that the answer lies within. Most anti-social idiots in the community know that deep down they are anti-social, so instead of learning to be social and be better with people, they turn to "coaches" to learn some fancy system with techniques and methods in order to get back at those who wronged them, namely, women. If they have taken the responsibility of truly self-improving, they would not have to pay someone for help in self-improvement. Do you not see the irony in that?

One-trick pony

If all that you can talk about is other people, without much insight into who you are, what you want to do, and where you want to be in life, then it's time to start. The problem with people not being able to have and keep relationships going is that they don't have a rich and varied life. I thought back to my time that I spent with guys in the community, I now realize that it's a community of people without success not just with women, but in living their lives because they constantly and desperately want things from others instead of enriching everyone around them.

I still keep up with the community, but mostly through blogs and podcasts. One recurring theme is that some guys are very good at what they do, hooking up with girls, is that they spend all their time in doing this and in order to support their habits, they have to hustle money from other guys; i.e. teaching bootcamps, selling ebooks, touring, and promoting subscription-based schemes to get guys to join. But beyond keeping up with the social fads, they have nothing else going for them, they don't have a professional career, they have no future in anything else but trying to become the next Tony Robbins, David D,... No wonder why they can't keep friends (beyond the community) around and definitely incapable of having any meaningful relationship with an independent, successful, and stable girl.

So if you are still hanging around with other guys in the community, ask yourself if this: if I were not out hitting on girls, what else would I do to enrich the lives of myself and others? Day in and day out, I see people constantly trying to hustle each other for favors and more notably, money. But they really don't bring anything else to the table. They are not concerned with the welfare of each other. They evaluate their friendship based on what they can get out of it instead of bettering everyone involved. If I may generalize, that's why people in the community are predominantly libertarians, socially awkward, and most importantly of all, unable to work with others. Instead of correcting their problems, they misdirect their focus on trying to be alpha, leader of men, and of course, they end up being the leader of a bunch of social retards and financial failures.

Those people with their focus on improving the lives of others are naturally surrounded by people and they don't have to work so hard for approval and acceptance. Instead of trying to be someone, work on being a normal, social, and friendly person. Surround yourself with supportive people you admire and not people who will undermine your success. For example, people who make money on your failures and lack of success, i.e. dating coaches, are not the right people. If you think about their business model, they don't make money if you are happy and have girls in your life. People with a vested interest in your success will naturally become your mentors, if you allow them.

Free Levi and Sarah

Many in the community think that the only way to get laid is to go through bootcamps and practice a thousand sets. If they just look around, they would see how rampant sex is, even among those ring-wing religious zealots in America! Many are not surprised at all that Jamie Lynn Spears got knocked up, but Bristol Palin... the daughter of the governor of Alaska?! The real tragedy, however, is the poor Levi who inseminated her. If you have missed this, please go join this campaign!

Then this past weekend, that cringe-inducing, face-covering, I-am-embarrassed-for-her Sarah Palin interview by Katie Couric.

Once again, I find myself agreeing with some conservatives, we need to free Palin. We need to send her back to the wilderness of Alaska and let her go kill more moose! To pull her from the backwater of America and shove her onto the world stage, haven't we done enough to the world after years of Dubya?!

Someone said it best, Dubya spent the first 4 years destroying America and the second 4 years destroying the world. I think we have done enough, not just to the world and America, but we must stop torturing that poor Palin. She epitomizes what's wrong with the current administration, the stupidity & bravado of Dubya, along with the secrecy & treachery of Cheney.

What about McCain? I don't consider him a war hero, plenty of people went to war and got captured. Countless prisoners of war have been tortured. He didn't do more or less than any American P.O.W. in Vietnam. To hold him up as a hero while neglecting the rest is simply disrespectful to everyone who served this country. If that isn't enough, this is the same guy who returned to his faithful wife, then proceeded to commit adultery and claimed that his experience as a P.O.W. caused him to do that. Normally, I don't care if who people have sex with, but in his case and those self-proclaimed moralists, I hold them to the same standards that they forced on others. And his current wife was one of many women he had sex with during his adulterous period while he was still married to his first wife. Don't get me started on how many U.S. Navy planes he crashed.

Why is McCain important, because this senile old man and advisers he has inherited from Dubya are holding these two individuals prisoners. They plucked two poor souls out of their natural environments and are forcing them to do unspeakable acts. The poor kid, Levi, just had sex with a girl and now he has to marry her. The former runner-up beauty queen was happily lording over her little domain and now she has to face national scrutiny.

Please join me in calling your local Republican office, tell them to free Levi & Sarah, send them back to Alaska!

How to be fun

The first sign of fun, even though we shouldn't look for it, is that everyone just don't give a shit. We don't care what others outside of our immediate circle think, as long as we are in on the joke and we are amusing ourselves. There are many community terms for this, being in state, being unstifled, and I think they are all gay. Normal people call it be yourself, having fun, or just plain, don't give a shit.

The second step of having fun is to be able to not just to keep up with jokes but to exaggerate, build on or go over the top of ongoing jokes. Take how Sarah Palin and her genius ideas of naming her kids. No one every thought of it, but she named them by their place of conception, by the Track and at Bristol Bay. Now that we discovered her home town is the meth capital of Alaska, her grandkid will naturally be called, Tweeker. If that's not enough, go get your own at the Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator!

And I'm Mounty Bat Palin, MBP, bitches! So if you want to start a conversation with any random stranger, go with your new Sarah Palin-inspired name. It doesn't matter what we say, the idea is to take people you interact with on this journey with you. The art of charisma, charm, whatever else that the latest marketing gurus decide to use isn't about some schematic of how to talk to girls. This leads me to the third important point, you must have something else going on with your life. This blog is an outgrowth of what's happening in my life.

In fact, I often joke with friends and strangers that I'm going to blog about whatever we are talking about. So initial conversations with people don't have to be a serious exchange of information. They can be about silly topics and that's how people gauge how compatible they are with each other. Laughter is a positive emotion, there are others that we can evoke as the interaction progresses. You can buy books that go on and on about letting go, being in the moment, knowing yourself,... Even I have blogged about them. It all comes down to just don't give a shit. Those who care too much about what others think are the same people with approach anxiety, fear of rejection, constant need to feel validated, being alpha, being the best, and all those community-induced psychosociopathologies.

Learn how to pickup from American politicians

I'm sure you've heard the phrase: "Politics is the popularity contest for ugly people." And popularity contests go, they are about hustling people, by convincing the public that you are the one they should pick, not because what you will do, but that you have appealed to their higher ideals! That's what I've learned from watching these two recent political conventions: the trick to hustle the public isn't about what your plan of actions, but first showing that you have something in common with your audience, and that both you and your audience share common ideals, then they should choose you because you are better at helping them to realize their dreams. Of course, you should never ever get into the specifics or even reveal what your plan is.

If you look carefully into any get-rich-quick scheme, self-improvement, self-help, quick fix method, they all talk about what they will show you how to be somebody, get something, achieve your dreams. But before they do that, they backtrack and talk about their journey, where they have been, and because of the method (or a set of techniques) that they will reveal to you, that's how they have achieved their dreams. If these hustlers are even more evil, they will convince you how others are doing it all wrong, which, by implication, tells you that you have failed because you haven't followed their prescription, and only they are your salvation!

Hustlers are very good at cycling back and forth between evoking what you think you want and slowly revealing to you what you need. They never actually give you a plan of actions, or tell you what you must do to realize your dreams. Because you have been conditioned to reject that, from the early days of your parents telling you what to do to your friends who gathered to give you that intervention, hustlers would slowly nudge you along, constantly dangling bits to bait you to buy in some more. Just look at the levels of access you can buy by contributing to a political campaign, or the levels you can attain in martial arts, Scientology,... and even schooling itself, some levels are necessary, but how to live your life, or how to talk & relate to other people, do you really think you need to learn that from someone else?!

And if they truly are good at what they do, why do they need to make money off you. Why don't fortune tellers make money off their own ability to predict the future? Why don't "seducers" have girls making money for them, like prostitutes do for their pimps? Why don't self-help gurus help themselves and become successful... instead of hawking their wares and plying their skills on the unsuspecting public? All because it's easier to make money from people who -- unfortunately, there's no better word for this -- are stupid enough or easily convinced by these hustlers.

Despite what these hustlers tell you, the easiest way to achieve what they have achieved is to be like them. That's why there are so many community guys wanting to be dating coaches, instead of out getting girls. The sad reality is that looks matters, how much money you make matters, what kind of friends you keep matters, who you know matters, and you don't suddenly transform yourself to become a superstar. Thank god for Sarah Palin, she finally changed the phrase: "Politics is NO LONGER the popularity contest for ONLY ugly people!" because she is the living proof a good hustler: she starts out with good looks, ply her trade as a pageant contestant, dabble in and then slowly climb up the political ladder, convince the public that she's the embodiment of their ideals, but never reveal her sordid past, personal failings and failures. So if you want to get girls, watch and learn from politicians, they are better hustlers than any dating coach.

A different perspective on "pickup"

This is what seduction/dating gurus would like us to believe. They either have a huge repertoire of routines to microcalibrate for every conceivable situation -OR- the exact amount of woo & intent that almost all girls (or as TD would say, 99% of all girls will have a great interaction with him) will wet their panties... all because the guy has the right body language, the proper tonality & voice, and the perfect verbal game. Sadly, the reality is quite different.

What usually happen is that these self-hype gurus go around talking to girls, some will be amused, but most girls will end up ignoring these weirdos; on a good night, they might end up with a few numbers, which MANY drunk girls will give out because they want to feel validated. Most of the time, both the guru and the girl are so hammered with their respective beer-goggles end up going home together. Most guys getting into this might not believe this, there are girls go out explicitly to get drunk in order to get laid because these girls are just as desperate. The trick isn't in what to do or say, but in finding the right venue, talking to those girls, and with a low enough standard, you too will go home with them.

Let's step back for a second and think this through, if a girl is successful, decent looking, socially savvy, with supportive friends and family (as in well-adjusted), do you think she would go out to bars to hook up with some random dudes?! There's a slim chance that such a girl exists despite what our intuition would say, but the possibility of meeting that one special girl is almost like winning the lottery; if you are the type who like to gamble by buying lottery tickets, then this is "the game" that you should play.

But if all you want to do is to get laid, it's quite simple: Get drunk, talk to every girl, and you too will get to go home with some nasty drunk bar skanks. There are many guys, including some readers and commenters on here, who have depression, social phobia or anxiety, and perhaps, personality disorders so they have difficulty in talking with girls. There are many state certified, accredited organization, qualified professionals who can help and they have a history of helping people to overcome these problems in order to function within their respective society.

For me to recommend people above to overcome their serious problems by learning to do pickup from these dating gurus is almost as irresponsible as if I were to tell a short chubby teenager to become a professional basketball player. I'm sure he can learn a few moves, and might even be quite good at playing basketball at the local YMCA against other short chubby kids, but to push him to become a professional basketball player is just plain delusional. This is what I've been getting at with this blog. I'm not saying that don't learn the techniques and methods that are available. I would be very hesitant to advise anyone to spend thousands if not more on taking bootcamp one after another, subscribe to countless products, and go on every forum in order to become a master Pick-up Artist.

In fact, I've met that VH1 master PUA, he was just standing around biting his nails, analyzing social interactions with his fellow PUAs, and you'd think being a D-list celebrity, he would get some actions because a female audience might recognize him. On the contrary, he left with the same guys who came in with him. If you still think that these self-hype gurus are real, go check out Barry Kirkey's "radioshow" to hear his perspective, as a former "executive coach" (who left) RSD, a character in that "bible," and supposedly got many girls.

Joining the community is not some amazing journey to become a Jedi knight, go read some materials so you know what to and what not to do when interacting with people. Then grow some balls, and start talking with people, guys and girls. The hard work isn't in learning the materials and demonstrate one's prowess by being a keyboard jockey on seduction boards, but rather in going out and be more social with everyone. In spite of what is described in books and reports, it's not that difficult to take a random drunk bar skank home, all you have to do is to lower your standard enough because no girls with choice (i.e. that others would want too) would go home with some random dude that she just met, no matter how cool he is. So the fabled PUA described in reports doesn't exist, it's what hustlers want you to believe so that they can market more materials and workshops to you.

Yet another publicity stunt

I'm no industry expert, so I call it as I see it without any behind-the-scene knowledge. Remember after The Game, Style pulled that stunt of training only 4 chosen guys, then he came out with the Annihilation Method (I prefer to call it for what it is, the Anal Method, because he reamed so many guys, including some college students, that I know, who took out student loans to buy it). With that chump change of a few millions, Style started stylelife which has grown for the past 2 years and no one seems to remember to ask him why he has started making money off the game, which he claimed that he has quit!

For nearly a whole year, I thought I was the lone voice in calling out that the seduction / dating community is a rip-off. Many readers have contacted me privately and publicly on my blog to tell me many more stories that these so-called "PUAs" are just scammers, as I have suggested before, that they are better at seducing boys and men, than girls, which is why I called them gay in that sense.

Some of these "self-hype gurus" have came back with more bullshit reasons, like "I want to help men" or "I like to teach." My suggestion is simple, there are plenty of under-served inner-city schools that they can teach and make a real difference in the future generation instead of hustling these over-paid, never-got-laid IT / programmers; of all the many types of skills to teach others, they choose to teach men how to hustle women?! Really, that's what we want more in this society, more hustlers?

The other route that some of these losers have taken is to go a more commercial route. David Deangelo, and no, that's not his real name, has gone back to being Eben Pagan in order to sell to his former "classmates" in marketing schools on how to build a business, which is what DYD is all about, preying on the hopes and dreams of chumps by selling them empty promises, because I guarantee you that few if any of his marks / victims have gotten girls by being "cocky and funny."

Then there are guys like Sean Messenger, and more recently, Tyler Durden (real name: Owen Cook) are going into the self-improvement market; because they too have quit the game (remember Style) and they are ready to help men (don't you get tired of the same old refrain?!). No, as long as they are alive, like Ross Jeffries, they will continue to market to people, all I can do is to encourage that those who know about the history of these scammers to speak up and educate others so that they can avoid this community of victims / marks.

That's the beauty of America. The country that re-invented modern psychology and pioneered its usage in advertising. Everyone wants to and thinks that s/he can achieve that American Dream, if you have any doubt that it doesn't exist, go watch the recent Democratic National Convention speeches. So no, TD is not quitting, neither has Style, and for the past 30 some odd years, Anthony Robbins is still around talking about self-help, NLP, and whatever latest bullshit that they have conjured up. Sure, we can learn a few things and with how the world has changed since, information is so readily available for free, why be the chump to buy their product? Check out the blogs and podcasts of former insiders of this whole scam!

Have a happy Labor Day and if you are in the path of Gustav, stay safe!

Fans of RSD and TD would love

Another great podcast (sorry, "radio show") from Barry Kirkey! I try to keep up even with my busy schedule and this is another one where he and an ex-coworker at RSD (yes, that cult of Real Social Dynamics) are sharing more info on what used to be the Project Hollywood that infamous book raves about.

These guys have real stories behind the scene of what went on. This whole pickup community is a scheme manufactured by a few guys to rip off the unsuspecting fools. Day in and day out, I still see community guys out and about, they are still doing the same PUA circuits of hopping from one bar to another, and I doubt that they are happy when all they do is constantly out seeking validations from strangers. For those "dating/seduction" coaches, they have the additional pressure of getting validations from their students.

There's a sliver of hope though when I see some guys who have completely abandoned the scene and just be who they used to be... after they have squandered money, wasted time, and of course, lost their old friends; all this in the pursuit of some trivial validation from drunk girls. Rather than trying to game people and fail, they would be better off just going out to meet people, make friends, and develop a social circle. The community has never existed, it's only an illusion that the marketing people came up. There are techniques and tactics that can be learned, just like anything else, but don't be misled to think that you can develop long term friendship with PUAs, because they want you to provide them with girls, money, and/or sexual favors.

Manufactured happiness

A few posts back, I suggested that we have to make a conscious decision to be happy and we must learn to make due with what we have. Guess what? I blogged from my personal experience, and apparently, some smarter people have done research into this and here's the video that I just stumbled onto.

What it comes down to is that the availability of choice is the source of our unhappiness. In other words, if we don't choose to live with what we have/are, then we are condemned to unhappily chase that nebulous, elusive dream.

I stumbled upon this idea that we have to consciously choose to be happy from my personal life. People with limited intelligence, by that, I mean, retards are extremely happy. They are happy in the sense that they are not unhappy. They don't know any better. The other set of people who are relatively happy is older adults; as people get older, opportunities and freedom to choose once available to them no longer exist and they eventually learn to accept their conditions. These are people who are aware of something better but choose to accept their current situation.

This is all well and good, limiting one's ability to choose and accepting reality. I also see some who are also unhappy with themselves, these are individuals who constantly compare themselves against other. I might touch on this topic in the future. For now, I have always emphasize on focus on oneself, what we want, and we will deal with a bigger context in relation to others.

Self-help gurus: the modern day faeries

I pilfered this from a facebook post that a friend made. The article talks about why we still have crazy beliefs, as in gods, witches, faeries, supernatural powers, and other paranormal phenomena. For the charlatans and hustlers, they promote these for personal financial gains. What about for the rest of us? Why do we still have these beliefs?

This story reminds me of another recent article about how optical illusions work and because our brains predict the future in order to compensate for the delay in the arrival of immediate visual information. I wonder if a similar explanation on how we fill in gaps within our knowledge by appealing to something magical. This might also explain why many people like to interpret their dreams. The consensus among cognitive scientists and biologists is that dreaming is important in solidifying memories and for our survival; but there is no good explanation for why and what we dream about, and even the basics of how we dream!

I think the price for having the neocortex to facilitate higher order cognitive functions, one defect is our constant need to fill in gaps within our knowledge base. If we don't get enough information or at the speed required for survival, our brain naturally projects ahead and fills in gaps in order for the world to make sense. What we fill in the gap is often ruled by emotions with deeper psychological origins.

As alluded to by a commenter here, in a society where we have turned not only material goods, but our hopes and dreams, ideas, and even our very own happiness into a commodity, we think we can buy and sell them at a price. Not only have we relinquished our reasoning ability, but we are becoming dependent on others to satisfy our own needs. Back in the early days of the industrial revolution, the cure for depression (and unhappiness) was "industry," as in working harder. With the advent of computers, especially with many IT guys sitting around surfing the net all day without the pressure to produce or physical demands, we have more time to indulge in silly hobbies and preoccupy our minds with ideas bombarded into us by marketeers. I thought this might be a uniquely American phenomenon, but I think with more people sitting around instead of doing physical labor, we have become physically, intellectually, and socially lazy.

We now buy into the whole self-hype movement. What I have noticed recently, and I'm not sure if this is unique to the seduction community, have you noticed how many Jews are in the pickup business? Now, before anyone accused me of being Hitler for outting those gays and incarcerate them into concentration camps, just count how many of them are among the top self-hype gurus: Style, RJ, David D, Thunderfag, Swingcat, Sinn, David X, (half-breed) Savoy,... I don't think that there's any Illuminati-type conspiracy going on, but it is interesting to note that such a disproportionately high number of one ethnic group within a particular community. They become such experts at selling dreams and fantasies to guys. What's your explanation for these faeries?

Happiness is a conscious decision

Sure, there are many people who are unhappy, depressed, and may even need psychiatric help. But for most people, if they don't choose to be happy, they end up in a death spiral of wanting more and never quite satisfy with what they have... and so, they become even more unhappy.

I often see people who want this and that, but they don't take any action to improve their conditions, work toward their goals, and consequently, they end up being unhappiness because they have already surrendered their happiness to outside forces. The classic example is the weather. Almost everywhere I go, people will complain about what's wrong with the weather they are experiencing. If it's too sunny, they complain about the heat. If it's too warm, they complain about the humidity. As you can see, they will always find something wrong about their external environment, and allow that to affect them. What they don't ever consider is that there are millions more people inhabiting in the exact same conditions, I'm sure many of those people are happy and not let the weather conditions affect them.

The second item on people's bitch and complain list is usually other people (like this blog!). This can range from family members, friends, to co-workers. Unlike weather, we usually have slightly more control over people who we associate with. I was at a point in my life nearly 2 years ago, when I allowed unscrupulous, social misfits into my life, and instead of extracting myself from that situation, I wallowed in their miseries and I didn't realize how unhappy I was until I extracted myself from that "community." So, look around you, if someone or group of people is making you unhappy, cut them out of your life. Life is too short to squander your precious time with those who bother you.

Yes, there are times when we do need outside intervention. Instead of going to seek out professionals to treat our depression, people would go from one self-help group and self-hype guru to another. However, there are some things in us we have to accept and learn to live with them. There are some ways we can mask or improve, by that, I mean we take actions to change what we can, and accept what we cannot change. An example is our height, if someone is short, he can wear lifts, more form fitting clothes, and carry himself in ways that make him look tall. Take Jon Stewart in the Daily Show, did you notice that his stage is slightly elevated and his guests have to step up to him? So there are ways we can mask any problem, but we don't ever hear Jon Stewart complaining about his height!

That's the beauty of not indulging too much in the self-help, self-improvement movement. The very premise is that there's something wrong with you, you are unhappy, and you are not good enough. And in order for you to be happy, good, etc., you have to subscribe, pay, enroll, and be part of something else. See how sneaky they are at marketing themselves to you?! Rather than getting into an endless cycle of going to someone for more, we are better off accepting our own conditions, be more goal-oriented, AND most important of all, take action toward our goals instead of constantly complaining about our unhappiness. Yes, you are good enough, you are happy, and you must have to love yourself first.

Dealing with the avalanche of information

Unlike some of my more net-savvy readers, I just started using RSS reader a few days ago and thankfully, it has helped me immensely by allowing me to keep up with web sites than ever before! Then I noticed the parallel with the glut of self-help and specifically, "seduction" materials.

Remember back in the day when the Mystery Method had 5 DVDs, then Style's the Anal Method came out with 8 DVDs and more audio CD's. Of course, being a good copycat, RSD came out with tons more programs loaded with at least a dozen DVD's each. The king of self-hype David D also drone on and on in his endless numbers of programs.

This got me thinking about this technique of flooding people with so much information, and most of it is just padding, they talk about what you should get out of it and when you get down to the useful portion of the program, there's very little if anything that one can apply. So it's almost anti-climatic in the sense that the up-sell of the product and the build-up in the beginning, when all these programs are the same. But they are so loaded with jargons and market-oriented sale pitches.

Then I compare with what I know vs. what is blogged about in the blogosphere, there's so much fluff... like this blog. I basically tell people to do what other normal and social people do. But before I can get to that simple point, I have to dispel all these myths and hypes that all these self-hype gurus created. Sure, it's great to know the details so that you can impress with your analysis. It's like using multi-variables calculus to solve for the surface area of a sphere, when you can just plug in the correct information into a formula that's readily available.

In this era of information overload, I wonder how much of it is really new, most of it is just rehash, and not even repeat of useful and applicable information. As I blogged here so many times, people should stop trying to learn everything out there, they should try what works for them instead of constantly looking outside to fix what is really wrong inside.

To put this in a different way, when people put out a weird vibe, it's not about how they should learn more about body language, adopt a different posture or stand, rather, they should continue to interact with people, keep changing until they find something that works. Instead, what I see so often is that people keep on reading, keep going back to gurus for more materials, keep attending superconferences (yeah, I should create the final supreme conference), and yet they never ever really truly change what is inside using their personal experiences as the guide.

I have told this to friends and on here many times, it's perfectly fine to make mistakes, just don't keep repeating the same mistakes. The problem isn't this or that, but to truly examine oneself, and start fixing from within. I might blog about some problems I've seen and what I think would be the obvious, easier, and simpler solution.

Are girls on online dating websites weird?

By weird, I mean they are a bit socially inept and perhaps, delusional in the type of guys they can get. Funny how I meet some of these girls when I'm out and about. Then a few days or weeks later, guy friends show me who they have been talking to online (yes, I do have socially awkward friends who find girls through online dating websites), and sure enough, those exact girls are on those sites!

I have heard that people have met strippers and even porn actresses from online dating websites, but from my personal experience, I have yet to meet any hot girl offline who is also on online dating websites. I know girls who go on those online dating websites are extremely picky considering their looks and/or personalities. Of course, these girls (in their offline-life) would have a whole bunch of guys giving them unwarranted attention but none of them are man enough to take these girls home.

Then I started wondering why some of these girls go online. Let's face it, the majority of them are fat. I don't mean a little bit chunky, some are morbidly obese, and a few realize that so they resort to Craig's List (I think he needs to pay me as an affiliate for all my referrals!). The rest, some girls I know from offline seem to be decent in looks but their personalities, they seem a bit off. If I can find one group of guys who are similar to these girls, lair guys would be comparable.

I think these two groups are similar because most lair guys and girls on online dating websites tend to be people who have difficulties socializing with others in offline situations. So the last frontier for social acceptance for these people would be to go online to increase their exposure to other people. If you are familiar with the American history, you've probably read about settlers heading out West and some even to Alaska. These people are of a different breed than those who continued and made something of themselves in old cities like Boston, NYC, Chicago,... Of course, within this group of people, you find guys like the Unabomber in Montana, and their offsprings like Ted Bundy. I'll have to research how many serial killers are from the West vs. East coast.

Now, I'm not equating lair guys and girls on online dating sites as potential serial killers and sociopaths. I am suggesting that they are deviants from the social norm. Not that being abnormal is bad, many geniuses are abnormal, e.g. Albert Einstein was one smart cookie but then he also married his first cousin. So please feel free to send in your personal experiences if you have found some interesting and physically attractive mates from online.

Skeptical or just cynical?!

How truthful are endorsements by well-known people? We sort of take them for granted, this is what they do using their status as celebrities. I'm almost at the point when those endorsements become white noise and hopefully, they don't influence me much.

Perhaps, this is a guy's thing, we generally don't worship public figures and if they are hot, we might want to bone them. Hey, I'm a dog that way! What if people that you thought might have skills start endorsing products that you know for sure are scams? Do you lose respect for that person or do you become totally dismissive of the whole scene, i.e. everyone in it?

The reason I brought it up is that I noticed, at an increasing rate, that "gurus" in the pickup scene constantly talk up about each other. You know, like Mystery said, "accomplishment intros." Say I know A, but I don't know B, when A does an accomplishment intros of B, I presume what A said about B is true, and therefore, B's value has been raised. What if I don't know A and B? Should I automatically suspect both A & B? Worst, what if I know A and B, and what A said about B isn't true?!

This is not something I'm proud to admit, but I have listened to nearly 4 full hours of 26/Extramask/Barry's podcasts. He is confirming what I suspected is true and what I tried to expose on this blog. That most reports are exaggerated at best, and at worst, they are complete fabrications. So we ignore most reports, what about guys who supposedly are good, and they have started endorsing nobodies? Are we supposed to take their words? Perhaps I'm just jaded and cynical, I suspect most of this self-hype industry isn't just hyping oneself, but also about hyping each other, and rising sea raise all boats mentality.

By repetitively drumming up and hyping each other, these self-hype guys are creating a feeding frenzy. It's almost like all the clubs on one strip decide to make people wait in line to get in, even though it's empty inside. They, in effect, create this false presumption that the whole strip is really happening. But the reality is that they are no different that places don't hype themselves.

After all that, if you want to exchange link with my blog, send me the best description of yourself, we'll work something out! LOL!

For whom are we doing this?

As the seduction community becoming more mainstream, there will be more people diving head first, like I did, into it without logically examining our own intentions. Rather than asking the deep question of why we are doing this, a simpler question is to direct at ourselves, we are doing this for whom?

Sex drive varies between people and from my experience, those with high sex drive generally are quite good with women already and people in general. In fact, this usually translates into success in other areas of life, career, financially well off, and almost always in leadership positions. If you don't know of any, just pick any prominent politician, from historical figures, such as Thomas Jefferson to John F. Kennedy. I'm quite sure that I am NOT the first person to point this out; that sexual prowess leads to success in both social and sexual arenas of our lives.

Now, let's get back to guys who are learning to do pickup because they saw the TV show or read some books, or even e-books. If these guys already have a high sex drive, they would be out banging broads instead of staying at home to read, watch, memorize routines, and go on forums to game each other. Most guys learning pickup are usually your typical geeky programmers; they are so used to manipulating their silicone-based virtual worlds, they think that they can control people using the same concept of subroutines, functions, and programs. What they don't realize that their very being in the programming field has already separated them from the mainstream social world.

I'm picking on programmers because they belong to one model that's representative of people who have not been in the past, are not now, and probably will never be leading men and nailing women in the future. Instead of learning "the game" and go out regularly to practice, these guys would better off fixing other aspects of their lives. Sure, some with sociopathic tendencies will become quite adept in "fake it" until they make it. For the rest, they will continue to flounder because it's simply not in their nature to manipulate people despite how much they want to.

Because of this personal experience, the first thing I do now when confronted with any self-help improvement is to ask myself, am I doing this for myself? I notice many guys get into this so they can brag to other people, sure, they post reports so they can get feedback. If that's truly the case, they would have been more truthful in their reports and be more comprehensive, i.e. they would include their failures as well as their successes. That's why I often joked how guys are spending more time online trying to convince, or for a lack of a better term, seduce other guys rather than going out to get girls.

Going back to picking on programmers, they are so used to and perhaps been very successful at manipulating their virtual worlds, they become experts in online forums, where people exist as avatars instead of real life human beings with multiple roles, facets, flaws and positive attributes. In other words, they are not embarking on this self-help journey to help themselves, but rather, to improve their virtual standing among other social retards. Of course, what they don't realize is that they become the perfect prey population for people in sales (i.e. with more expertise in manipulation). Some of these preys in turn predate on an even more naive population of guys. This turns into an ecosystem of guys predating on other guys.

If they had their focus on improving themselves (i.e. helping oneself), to truly becoming more social, they would have directed their energy within, work on what they lack rather than trying to be better than another retard in an online / virtual world. I'm not, however, suggesting that guys should abandon their current lives so they can be good with women. Rather than diving deep into this without fore thoughts, they should examine their own motivations, is this something they want, for whom are they doing this, and what do they want to get out of this. Even if they are doing this just to get girls, then why haven't they been doing this all along? Have they been bought into what some marketeers tell them what they need to do?!

Dating bootcamp: creepy or necessary?

This subject comes up on this blog quite often and many people have asked me. What do I think of bootcamps? I have known many people who have taken bootcamps and I have known people who have done without. In case this might bias my view, I am going to reveal it, just so people are aware of this and can take this into account when they read my opinion on this. Of all the people I know who have taken bootcamps, over 50% of people have requested full refund from their bootcamps / workshops. Granted, I don't know what is the rate of refund request in the industry, I have been informed by a guy who teaches bootcamp, he said it's quite high.

With that said, I want to believe that bootcamps can be transformational and can work. The reality is that I have yet to see one case that it does. From one end, one guy in the local community, he's a bit chubby, horrible sense of fashion, and very cerebral. According to him, he has taken pretty much all the bootcamps from well-known (Mystery, Juggler, Lance Mason,...) companies out there (probably upward of 10 bootcamps), and to this day, he can barely walk up to anyone on the street to say hi and ask for time! He spends most of his time at home studying up materials because his main complain is that he doesn't have enough materials... which is funny, considering he has taken the Juggler bootcamp, that emphasizes on being natural, be-yourself type of approach.

Outside of the community, I don't think he has that many personal friends that he socializes with. For him, a better remedy would be to go out and do stuff, social activities, mingle with people, develop friendships, or perhaps, he's a schizoid and this seduction community is a purely an academic exercise for him.

The second case is a guy who I have discussed many times before. A self-admitted match.com-addict; he has taken out his life savings to take, by his public admission, 4 bootcamps, all from well known companies and individuals. Sadly, he is where he has always been, girls still think he's queer, guys think he's weird, and the only friends he has are from the community. Unlike the first guy, the match-addict really tries hard to be with people but he is impeded by his insidious desires to get stuff from people, whether to get social/emotional/sexual favor from guys and perhaps, sexual favors from girls, people can sense that creepiness in him and thus, they eventually distant themselves from him.

What's the common theme among these two extreme cases? They don't have friends, they don't know how to socialize with people, and their problem is not that they don't how to game girls, they simply don't know how to be among people. With these extreme cases, bootcamps should gear toward helping guys just be normal and social, rather than turning them into gamers. Another factor is their age, guys who improve the most tend to be younger, as in under 30, and preferably, 25. In fact, most "naturals" become good with women in their teenage years, not just from that infamous book, but from my personal experiences. After a certain age, people are set in their ways. Like language, there's a window when people can acquire social skills and after that age-dependent window closes, they can spend the life savings, quit their jobs, get fired, and even move to away (like that match-addict), they will still be those creepy guys that people avoid.

There are cases where some guys improved, the main differentiating factor is that their age. Of course, with younger age, comes hubris; some of these guys improve slightly, and they think they are total gamers. I'm sure they get girls now and then, you know the guys would have sex with but would never reveal to their friends, the ugly and fat ones. Afterward, they think they can become instructors. And there are dicks like me, who take pleasure in blowing wide open on their insecurities.

My final analysis is that bootcamps may be helpful, only to guys at younger age, and although I have yet to see one case where someone went from a chump to a hustler, I still have hopes, just like I hope to cross path with a unicorn, the flying spaghetti monster,... one day. What is the solution? That's what I've been blogging about, people should learn to socialize, have friends, maintain friendships, and participate in something greater than themselves, i.e. contribute to a group, their respective society, and a cause. Most important of all, they should engage in activities that is fulfilling themselves and get rid of their desires to get anything from anyone, be that sex or friendship. Unlike most sociopaths, most people don't hide their intentions very well. Be fun, be normal, be social, and be giving. That's what being a man is all about.

What would I tell the younger version of me?

Thanks to "Michael," in his comment, he makes me ask myself, would I have gone through the same journey? I think I would have, and the only changes I make would be the focus and goals. Rather than having one-night-stand as the goal, pulling strippers off their poles, etc., we should focus not just on the fundamentals, but rather, on being normal socially well-adjusted human beings. By that, I am referring to being a (for a lack of a better term) charismatic person that people would look to for leadership, guidance, fun & social activities.

To this very day, I still see some community guys I know... their goals are to get girls, and guess what, they do get some actions now and then, mostly from the bottom of the barrel left overs that you wouldn't want to touch with a ten-foot pole. Sure, they focus on the process a lot, "Oh, I'm getting IOI's. I'm doing this and getting that." In the end, who really gives a shit? The community term for this is validation seeking. They are trying to fill some void in themselves or worst yet, trying to cover for some character flaws they have.

Why do I have such an obsession about community guys being gay and creepy? Am I projecting? Do I have these self-loathing fears because I have some of those characteristics within me? I wish I have such an insight on myself to post a great psychoanalysis. But this came by ways of what other told me. After numerous occasions, where strangers would pull me aside and asked me why my "friends" were so weird, they were creeping girls out, and/or they seemed gay, then I realize that those community people that I have surrounded myself with were abnormal. Now, I could have bought into the societal programming and peer pressure. Then I started comparing what I was doing versus those mystical beings that community dudes like to worship, "the naturals." I had friends who were good with women, and they were nothing like community guys, in fact, hanging out with community guys caused me to deviate further away from normal and acceptable social norms.

I can lie and blog about some silly ideas I have, but sadly, I'm not such a creative writer, so I write what I know and have experienced. As to how I would change in terms of focus, rather than trying to get girls, be the happy, fun, social, charismatic guy. Stop wasting time on trying to get anything from people, I don't have to try so hard to be something in order get stuff from people, rather, my goal is to be fulfilled by myself, going out should be about being among people, not to game, but to mingle.

The act of gaming girls is very much like masturbation; yes, the latter subject I know quite well! They game girls thinking that they will get sex; this is similar to the act of masturbation is really just our way of tricking our brain into thinking we are having sex. So instead of living in this delusional world of doing this and acting that to get girls, we should be social, cool, calm, collected, playful, fun, happy guys. This might be new to many community newbies, as I had a suspicion but I wasn't sure because it didn't make sense until I read community materials, kissing girls isn't a big deal, they want sex just as much if not more as guys. Instead of always be closing, which usually end up closing the door on potential friendships and more often than not, sexual relationships. This is the very reason why many community guys do not have many friends, not just friends with girls, but not a whole lot of guy friends, and not just guy friends to party with, but friends who they trust and rely on.

This is why I would direct my focus on (the derogatory term) self-improvement (i.e. improving by myself, for myself, not just relying on coaches) and surrounding myself with friends, or in community terms, aligning myself with high-value people, by people, I'm talking about both men and women. The newbie mission should not be about learning and delivering canned routines, it should be about socializing with people, not just in telling stories and trying to elicit responses from people. Rather, take the time, even a long time if necessary, to become a social human being.

I will blog about how to be social and sexual, that's something I don't have a complete grasp yet. There is no shortcut, taking workshops / bootcamps doesn't magically transform people, I know countless community chodes who are workshop- / bootcamp-aholic and they are still the same as before. Or countless guys who got refund because they didn't get anything out of their coaches. This is all a step-wise self-improvement process. It takes hard work and the balls to take on challenges.