What makes us tick...

I haven't blogged in a long time because I haven't felt the need to write until I just read a recent post from Cameron Teone on Identity & Purpose. I feel if we do nothing else in life, we should at least pursue this one mission, the difficult journey that many would rather avoid & seek simple easy solutions, to find our own identity & purpose.

There will always be new fads, new ideas, new methods,... but they don't address the core fundamental issue, which is identity & purpose, who we are and what we want to do with our lives. There are many ways of searching for them. Some work and most don't. How I discovered my purpose is to examine what I do daily and what I do if no one is watching or paying me to do.

The problem with people seeking self-help in general is that they don't look within themselves for answers. They constantly seek outside for help (which is ironic when you think about it) and they search for leads outside instead of addressing the true cause of their unease, unhappiness. So they go from one method to another, one guru to another, and never really spend the time required to look deep within and to discover that they should be their true self & pursue their true purpose.

A celebrity-obsessed culture that belittles us all

Perhaps it's my upbringing, that I learned early on to draw strength from within and inspiration from immediate people around me, rather than celebrities. Are people's lives so empty that they would become devastated that a hyped-up media star passed away?!

Sure, we all admire talented individuals, but to see people crying, the endless tweets and facebook status updates that go on and on about the recent passing of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett, I have to wonder, do people live their own lives anymore?! Yes, it's tragic that someone died, but when we place celebrities above us all, we have, in effect, allow them to have undue influence on our lives. If we start to examine our own lives, what we can do to improve ours and those around us, then we would have a better, more cohesive and harmonious world. Instead, at least in America, we are constantly goaded by the media, to celebrate, to aspire to, and to dream to become among these celebrities.

When I started this blog over two years ago, I was sucked into this whirlwind of becoming somebody, when in reality, I was and still am somebody to people who care about me and vice versa. Why are we so obsessed with seeking approval from others?! A celebrity-obsessed culture is the hallmark sign that we have taken the wrong turn, we don't value each other and those around us, but we constantly chase this image that marketeers conjured up and profiteers use to hustle us. Think of memorabilia, think of what media companies will make off his death by selling us more craps that we don't need by playing on our emotions.

We all should take a step back, re-examine our lives, re-prioritize our goals, and re-evaluate our progress, instead of getting whipped into this media frenzy. Think about what is important, be with people who accept us already, instead of getting herded into the mosh pit to grief for celebrities who really should not be that influential in our lives. I know there is a downside to not wishing to become celebrities, there will be fewer starlets, fewer porn stars, and more responsible adults. May be, just may be, we will have a more productive society that doesn't squander our time and energy but to focus them on those immediately around us and who we really are, rather than what we are told to be.

The end and the new beginning

When I started this journey two years ago, I just experienced a very personal loss in my life, no, not because a girl dumped me. That loss has left a wound in my life, thought it may never heal but it has continued to serve as a reminder to me, how I must cherish life and to value all those around me. However, I made one critical mistake in my state of grief, I gave up my own identity in trying to change into someone else.

A recent loss reminds me that once again of what is important to me in my life, it's about what I do that defines who I am. This blog was started less as a chronicle of my transformation but more out of frustration in discovering who I am, in developing a specific set of social skills. In the past two years of my journey, I have learned a great deal about myself: who I am, how others are, and more importantly, how we each play a role in two specific spheres, society and the market economy.

In blogging for the past 2 years, I had some insights just from writing and even more from interacting with readers & commentators. Of course, I also developed some lasting friendships. But starting today, I am moving on from this blog, I feel this blog has served its purposes and I might revisit some topics that I've discussed here. My focus in my new blog is more about what I do regularly: examining issues in depth, look beyond the marketing hypes, challenge what we are told, and determine the underlying motive, mechanism, and how we can use that to benefit ourselves.

Once I've finalized the new blog, I will redirect readers & visitors there.

Consistency, not fantasy

Every year, people knowingly make resolutions and few if any of those resolutions stick. Rather than chasing the impossible, we all would be better off in establishing simple habits so that we work gradually toward a final goal.

One of my many goals for last year was to develop a budget and stick to it. I have used Quicken on and off since 2001 and I have never been able to keep track of all my expenses. The first habit I establish was to learn to record all my expenditures. This habit took me nearly 1 year to develop and I have been able to do that consistently by setting aside a specific time in my schedule every week to get caught up on all my receipts.

Once I have established the habit of recording my all my incomes and expenditures, then I was able to see a pattern in where my money was going by grouping items in my record into categories: e.g., rent/mortgage, insurance premiums, utilities, and groceries into essential expenses, and then non-essential expenses such as shopping, movies, dining out, trips, etc. Along the way, one motivation that drove me to keep recording and working on my budget sheet wasn't the reward in how much money I saved but rather learning how to use Excel.

Part of my new job at that time was to process large-scale datasets within Excel and do further analyses inside databases. By combining work with what I do for fun at home, I was able to learn some new skills while saving money at the same time. People in business would call that synergy, I was just being lazy by combining two projects into one.

That's the trick with establishing habits, there must be incremental and immediate reward for habits to stick. Take losing weight for example, this isn't something that can be done overnight and for many people, this is a lifetime of struggles and most fail. The reason they fail is that most of them don't see the immediate and incremental reward. I started my workout regimen with a few buddies, many drop off because they couldn't stick to it, but those remain, we became very good friends in the process. Part of that workout regimen was the social aspect of hanging out with friends so the workout process wasn't tedious.

Back to the budget, after I have tracked my incomes and expenditures for nearly 1 year, it took me another 6 additional months to gradually taper down my non-essential spending to within my budget. Finally, the reward is to see how much I have increased in my savings and the interest I earn on a monthly basis. Another secret to having goals is to maintain a pattern of continuous improvement. Now that I have substantial savings, my next goal is to invest what I've earned into higher yield investment vehicles. That's another reason why people fail to loose weight, imagine that they have lost all that weight, what's next? For almost all of them, if they don't have any idea of what to do next, I'm sure they will revert back and regain all that weight.

As human beings, we improve by making incremental and continuous changes into habits. We establish habits by having consistency and self-discipline. There are tricks we can play with how we perceive ourselves. Instead of striving for lofty fantasies, we are better off taking small steps slowly.

The lack of posts

I haven't been posting much here because I haven't been growing in this one area of my life. What drives a blog and makes it successful is passion, and due to other obligations in my life, I have redirected my focus and hence, passion, into other areas of my life. I am still interested in improving myself, and if you have kept up with this blog, I still believe that success in life is about developing enduring and resilient social network with successful people.

Not so surprisingly, most people use blogs as a marketing tool and not as a way to disseminate knowledge. Since I don't have anything to market and without new knowledge or insights in this one specific area, I haven't been posting.

I have been debating on whether I should start new blogs on areas that I'm currently passionate about or whether I continue to use this one blog but on different sets of topics. To be continued...

What this is all about...

To my dear readers, no news on the dating front but I've been preoccupied with the current political campaigns and the ongoing economic meltdown. Life is about letting go and I hold on to what's dear to me. After nearly a decade, the community is turning into yet another self-help niche. There's a new idiot born every minute who will buy into it.

Luckily, most readers of this blog are wising up to the fact that seduction gurus are just out hustling other guys. Meeting people and befriending them are no big deals. Life changes and friendships evolve. The rewarding relationships occur with people who have similar goals, dreams, and aspirations. As cheesy as this sounds, the happiest people are those who know what they want, are working toward their goals, and are surrounded by a supportive social network. I have avoided many people in the community because I have discovered that their goals don't align with mine. The best thing I have done for myself is to move beyond those people.

The best analogy I can think of is my relationship with high school friends, some go onto college and some don't. We continue to maintain friendship with people who end up on the same track as us. I try to include people with as many divergent views as possible. For most people, that circle of friends tend to shrink as they grow older so I'm growing mine as much as I can. But there is a point when we have to maintain a certain set of standards, and community people definitely don't make the cut.

Happiness is a conscious decision

Sure, there are many people who are unhappy, depressed, and may even need psychiatric help. But for most people, if they don't choose to be happy, they end up in a death spiral of wanting more and never quite satisfy with what they have... and so, they become even more unhappy.

I often see people who want this and that, but they don't take any action to improve their conditions, work toward their goals, and consequently, they end up being unhappiness because they have already surrendered their happiness to outside forces. The classic example is the weather. Almost everywhere I go, people will complain about what's wrong with the weather they are experiencing. If it's too sunny, they complain about the heat. If it's too warm, they complain about the humidity. As you can see, they will always find something wrong about their external environment, and allow that to affect them. What they don't ever consider is that there are millions more people inhabiting in the exact same conditions, I'm sure many of those people are happy and not let the weather conditions affect them.

The second item on people's bitch and complain list is usually other people (like this blog!). This can range from family members, friends, to co-workers. Unlike weather, we usually have slightly more control over people who we associate with. I was at a point in my life nearly 2 years ago, when I allowed unscrupulous, social misfits into my life, and instead of extracting myself from that situation, I wallowed in their miseries and I didn't realize how unhappy I was until I extracted myself from that "community." So, look around you, if someone or group of people is making you unhappy, cut them out of your life. Life is too short to squander your precious time with those who bother you.

Yes, there are times when we do need outside intervention. Instead of going to seek out professionals to treat our depression, people would go from one self-help group and self-hype guru to another. However, there are some things in us we have to accept and learn to live with them. There are some ways we can mask or improve, by that, I mean we take actions to change what we can, and accept what we cannot change. An example is our height, if someone is short, he can wear lifts, more form fitting clothes, and carry himself in ways that make him look tall. Take Jon Stewart in the Daily Show, did you notice that his stage is slightly elevated and his guests have to step up to him? So there are ways we can mask any problem, but we don't ever hear Jon Stewart complaining about his height!

That's the beauty of not indulging too much in the self-help, self-improvement movement. The very premise is that there's something wrong with you, you are unhappy, and you are not good enough. And in order for you to be happy, good, etc., you have to subscribe, pay, enroll, and be part of something else. See how sneaky they are at marketing themselves to you?! Rather than getting into an endless cycle of going to someone for more, we are better off accepting our own conditions, be more goal-oriented, AND most important of all, take action toward our goals instead of constantly complaining about our unhappiness. Yes, you are good enough, you are happy, and you must have to love yourself first.

Keep it simple

There are many difficult tasks in life, but for the most part, life is very simple, and especially social situations, they are the simplest. From what I've observed, the more someone tries to break them down, the more they will be drown in that neverland, somewhere between over-interpreting and completely missing the point.

Yes, you know it's coming. Picking up girls, it's not difficult, and if people play it like it really is, a numbers game, almost like lottery except you will score more and more often, then they would not need all those gay forums that Barry Kirkey has been talking about.

Being a blogger, I keep up with quite a few blogs and this trend is emerging. People don't make money by simplifying how things are, but they over-analyze and come up with complex algorithms. Take getting rich, it's a very simple formula, take what you earn and subtract out what you spend. So you can get rich by making a lot more than what you are earning now, or spend less that what you are spending now. Or increase your earning significantly more than the increase in your spending.

Take getting girls, yes, I do hate the idea of "getting" anything from anyone, especially girls. It's all about meeting people, the more people you meet, the more likely you will develop social skills and you will have a higher likelihood of meeting someone or girls. And in order to meet people, you have to be where people are. Meet more people, have more friends, in turn, have more people in your life, and naturally, you will have more girls. No need to take countless workshops, buy more products, and learn more techniques.

You know how to get promoted or get a pay raise, do what people at those positions or that pay-grade are doing, then naturally, you will get it. If not, find a job that will compensate you at the rate you think you deserve.

Another interest that people have but rarely work on is losing weight. It's very simple, consume less calories than what you expend, you will lose weight. Until someone can prove that we can absorb calories by other means than through our GI tract (yes, there are non-enteral ways for caloric intakes, but most people don't have the means for getting that), almost all of us get our calories through our mouths and we expend energy by moving around. If we use more energy to move around than what we consumed through our mouths, we will lose weight. No need for all those silly diet plans.

But in order to have a blog that constantly churn out more information, more howto's, more reasons for you to come back to read more, they will constantly pump out more seemingly important info, and make simple steps into something more complicated than what it should be.

Being a normal well-adjusted person is being in tune what one's needs and desires. Being able to express and convey oneself to others. Having a support system that both nurtures and challenges us to be a better person. Yes, it really is that simple.

What do you look for in a girl?

People, especially girls, often ask me this question. This is an opportunity not just to tell people what I like but also what kind of person I am. Sure, she has to be attractive. And what else?

The one thing people will discover, once they meet many people, is that there are plenty of potential mates, but we don't know until we get to know them. On top of my check list isn't necessary how hot she is, but rather, how much self-respect she has. A girl who doesn't respect herself, care for, and love herself isn't a girl worth knowing and worth having in my life. Have you noticed girls who are into dramas... tend to surround themselves with dramas and thus they also drag others into their problems!

Girls with little or no respect for themselves also rarely know who they are; I'm not sure which is the cause and which is the effect, but those two traits tend to go hand in hand. Girls who know themselves tend to be more self-assured, less needy, and definitely more articulate without sounding pushy. That's the whole idea behind the push-pull, being able to let go and be confident enough to accept the results without being desperate. For example, girls would suggest doing something or something else. They don't have to have their way all the time or they would throw a tantrum.

Contrary to what most people think, I believe that girls who seem to know what they want don't truly know they want and they definitely are into the drama of fighting. I just had a conversation with a friend and she was telling me so-and-so is a "type A personality" girl because she knows what she wants. Guess what? Those girls are still alone, over-the-hill, and very unhappy. Because they haven't taken that journey to know who they are and people, who have taken risks, been hurt, and (hopefully unintentionally) hurt others, are more genuine because they don't feel the need to play games or to have to win every battle. The reality is that if there's good sex and both sides enjoy themselves, there is no battle of the sexes!

That's the main problem I see in many people, they don't dig deep within, find out who they are, and self-identity isn't necessarily something that can be stated in a few terms, it's something they feel and they are ready to show others. People who don't know themselves and people who constantly seek answers from others (like taking many "dating/seduction" workshops) and in the process, their lives are buffeted and filled with dramas because they allow dramas into their lives. This is how I answer that question. Definitely someone with plenty of self-love and respect because that person will know how to care and treat me with respect. Yes, I'm very selfish this way!

Hunger and lack of sleep

Due to some recent changes in my life, I am working more than usual, which isn't that much! I notice that in sleeping less, I've been eating more. Sometimes I wonder if what I read / learn also affect how I am.

There's a growing corpus of literature that shows that appetite inducing hormone, ghrelin, is not only fluctuating throughout a 24h period, but it also increased due to lack of sleep. This was reported awhile back and my recent lack of sleep has also increased my appetite. Is this real or am I buying into the hype?

Another line of evidence that shows the importance of ghrelin is in patients who have undergone Roux-en-Y gastric bypass surgery. Not only do these patients have decrease ghrelin, but they also have increased release of GLP-1. Although not a direct antagonist to ghrelin, GLP-1 increases insulin secretion and thus, lowering blood sugar while suppressing appetite. Intriguing eh?!

Is this going to be on your blog?

Three individuals have asked me that exact question in the past three days. Seriously, I don't know why people need to make such a big deal out of our daily interactions. But if I talk about our, ahem, rather intimate interaction on here, nobody else will read it except you... that's right, only you. So feel free to share your deepest and darkest secret with me.

The reality is that nobody cares, not even me, and I blog because I need a place to do my brain dump. That's why I've been so prolific, not because I have some amazing insights, but I just need to go, so stop feeding me that "prune juice" for my brain.

Oh right, sorry I got a bit self-involved there, after all, this blog is all about you and our precious conversation. Didn't I tell you? If I don't blog about our moment together here, I will discuss it in my upcoming memoir. So I dedicate this entry to those who asked me that question... with love.

It just happens

This NYTimes article made me smile yesterday. The problem with people is that they take life WAY TOO SERIOUSLY!

I often wondered what drives people to pursue their passions, be that in music, in getting girls, or in blogging. For me, I started this because I felt the need to write and to do a brain dump once in awhile, but then I found it to be quite therapeutic! For some amateur musicians, they are playing music or singing because that's what they love to do, regardless of any possible financial reward. People should do what is satisfying to themselves because that activity has intrinsic value, not because they have an agenda to get some extrinsic reward. If musicians do what they do because they want money, we will simply have more boy bands of the late-90's and more shitty music. Of course, they didn't last very long either.

There's something to be said about people doing things because it's fun for them. Same can be said about being with people, and girls in particular. I've seen day in and day out, guys going out gaming with the explicit goal of taking girls home, and despite how this is depicted in many blogs, reports, and whatever else, most if not all of them almost always go home empty-handed. But then I see guys who go out to have fun, they might get girls or they might not, those are the guys who don't base their own happiness on girls, and in many ways, they don't change just to get girls. Guess what? Those are the happiest people you see around.

Another is that we should let things progress naturally and allow them to grow organically. Musicians who do their art because they love it, because it's their passion, and those guys, most of the time, usually not get that million dollar contract but they go home happy, just for the simple fact that they have played their music and there may or may not be people there to enjoy it. Same can be said about blogging, if you do a simple search, there are HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of websites that talk about how to get rich by blogging, and I'm willing to bet that almost all of those "bloggers" end up with ulcers and poor, even if they choose to beg, like that lame wannabe-dating-coach who once flamed me on his blog. People should blog because that's they have this inherent need to write, and if what they have written is funny, entertaining, and there might be a sliver of truth or insight, people will continue to read it. It's not a big mystery.

Ah, but what about those dating coaches? Or even life coaches? The secret is that they aren't that successful at all, that's why they need to build a pyramid scheme, so that they can feed on the later participants who are dumb enough to support them. In some ways, their success lies not in living their own lives or having girls in their lives, but they are better at creating the illusion that they have what they claim. Of course, when I talk about the probability of success vs. the possibility of success, people will bitch and complain about how negative I am and how this blog has taken a downturn or whatever, as if that hasn't been my message all along.

If the unconventional routes to success are so easy to achieve, be that all-star basketball player, be that blogger who makes millions, be that musician who signs those mega-360-contracts,... there are thousands if not millions who are languishing or have given up. The reason they are unconventional and not common is that they are more like exceptions that prove the rule. The simple fact is that conventional route to success is common because most people can be successful this way. Take education for example, it's a proven fact that those who went to good colleges, got good grades, usually will end up with good jobs and that pay reasonably well. Oh, you say, what about Bill Gates, my response is, how many Bill Gates are out there?! And if you don't believe the cliche that the best way to get rich is by inheriting it, look up Bill Gates' father, or may be Donald Trump's. Sadly, Cinderella story is just a fairy tale for kids, rags to riches stories are miracles. You know what isn't a miracle, giving birth, graduating from college, working at simple but boring jobs that pay the bill!

For people who wonder if blogging will make them rich, and I can't claim I have that many readers on my blog, but I'm willing to bet that I've made more money from this than many who tried. And guess what, I have more cash in my wallet than money I've earned from blogging! So whatever you do, do NOT do it for money, do NOT do it to get external validation, but do it for love, do it for fun, do it with passion! And in time, it just happens that you may be one of those miracles.

It is what it is...

Some people have read this and wondered why am I not what I appear to be on here. I know there are quite a few people try to psychoanalyze me using my posts here... good luck in figuring me out! The closest analogy I can think of this blog is this...

You know, when you consume an excess amount of veggies, and if you are not regular, may be you take some fiber supplements. So you feel a bit gaseous and have this urge to just let loose. Well, this is what this blog is for me. This is my mental crapper. If you haven't tried colonic, I find blogging as a wonderful relief for the mental constipation that I sometimes feel. So you've been warned! Don't bother turning on the fan so that you can clear the air and get a glimpse of what's happening. Don't bother lighting candles to cover up that smell. On the one hand, the stench drives many away, but on the other, people are inherently curious to see what's up. So here you are.

Once in awhile, you might find a gem or two in my posts. It's like hunting for diamonds in a landfill. If you do find diamonds there, they probably are not the result of spontaneous localized pressure that created diamonds in situ, but someone accidentally discarded them. In other words, my ideas have probably been published elsewhere or that people don't realize that how valuable their ideas really are, at least for me! I don't expect people to get what I post right away or to even understand why I blog in the first place. I blog because I can.

MANY people use blogs as a marketing tool, which I do sometimes when I feel the urge to experiment or to mess with people. Some bloggers use this as a tool to seek validation or to prove something to someone out there in the ether. Some chronicle their lives online, some lie, some fabricate, some exaggerate, more bullshit as far as I'm concerned. There are some bloggers who use this medium to advocate for something. A few try to be helpful, which I did long ago and I think some of my ideas have taken hold or at least helped people kill time. I'm not egotistical enough to think that I can change the world, I just make the best of it.

In the end, I go for a good laugh. You probably won't find what I post here that funny or I would have became a professional comedian. This is also not a good place to keep a tab on me or to stalk me online, it's almost like looking at my shit to figure out what I ate. You better be a professional in forensic. And believe me, eating is not the only activity I do but it sure seems to be if you are a regular reader of my blog! I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not, and if you ask people who truly know me, they will tell you that I... I'm just one among six billions. The world is a big & wondrous place with plenty of people.

My focus is rarely on the few winners, not that I want to or can be the champion for the underdog, I believe people should go for what works for many instead of buying into the marketing hype. I can appreciate the nuance and complexity within my reality. It is what it is... for me. Don't worry, I will go back to making fun of closeted gays in the community and delusional dumbfucks who buy into the whole self-improvement & passive income bullshit, I'm juvenile that way.

Originality & creativity

Most IQ tests measure how many factoids someone knows or at best, some reasoning skills, such as manipulating 3D objects, solving an abstract puzzle, etc. and then, normalizing those results with the overall general population. IQ tests measure skills that serve some useful purposes in life, and many of them are essential for doing well in schools. IQ tests don't really test for the comprehensive intelligence that we all imagine, but rather, they provide some predictive values in how well someone would do in schools.

I, personally, value people who have mastery over facts AND also have the ability to use those facts to apply, to reason, and to create something new. In almost every field I have stumbled into, people tend to just regurgitate the same old bullshit. One, they don't see how to apply the bullshit. Two, they don't even test if that long held dogma is true. Three, assuming that dogma is true, how else and where else can we apply that and just perhaps, expand it. Finally, using our existing knowledge, what can we come up with that's new, it might be evolutionary (similar to previous point) or revolutionary.

This seems to occur mostly in groups of ignorant egotistical people. Someone first dishes out some bullshit, everyone else chimes in and conflates it with other irrelevant bullshit; thus, muddying the issue and making it more difficult for everyone else to understand. An intelligent person with a good grasp of the knowledge base tends to simplify all that is complex and difficult to understand into a clear and concise concept.

I see knowledge workers are no different than professional athletes. Most toil in silence and obscurity and 99% of them never succeed. Of the few that made it out, had their breakthroughs, I am willing to bet that they have created something new. They have mastered not only the existing corpus of knowledge but also have made insights that resolve difficulties that confounded the rest of the 99% of people who attempted.

The positive humanist in me would like to think that we all are creative and can contribute our original thoughts in one form or another. But the realist in me, that is tempered by experience, has learned to accept that most people are like rats in a cage, they keep spinning the wheel and rarely make anything of themselves, despite what they want, wish, claim, declare, and resolve to achieve. It's easy to blame that they are lazy, afraid to try because of fear of failure or success. But the sad truth is that they all lack that something to distinguish themselves among their peers: intelligence for creativity & originality.

Instead of keep fighting, keep beating one's head against the wall, I think people would be much happier if they just accept the world for what it is. They do their best to live within their means and limitations. Not everyone is meant to grow up to dunk that basketball, be that pro-surfer, make millions using his/her blog, have 3somes with midgets, even engage in anal sex, or manage multiple relationships that so many talk about but haven't a clue what that entails. If people would just be who they are, then they will achieve that inner peace, that mindful awakening to who they are and what they are capable of, that's when creativity will come about and hopefully, something original. But probably not!

Identity

Part of being a man, in my not-so-humble opinion, is to make my position known, backed by rational and logical reasoning (as far as I can manage), rather than to play nice, hide my position, suppress my true feelings, and lie about my beliefs, because of something as simple as I might offend whoever is near me. Time and again, I've seen people pretend to play nice, yet deep down, they are nasty, jealous, fearful, angry, and hateful individuals. There's nothing bad or wrong about having negative feelings and emotions, but harboring them and allowing them to fester will eat away at these pretenders' core, to the point that they won't amount to anything in life.

I'm the first to admit that I hold some extreme views and positions; usually not because of what some gurus or anyone in particular told me, but because of what I gathered as empirical evidence which leads to my logical conclusion. However, I've also been wrong, not just in my reasoning, but I've also changed my beliefs, views, positions, and consequently, actions; only after I have examined the evidence and I am convinced by sound reasoning. And my mistakes had far reaching consequences and sequela. This is how I conduct my life. There are variables I can't control: shit happens, I made mistakes, and so have others. But I can control how I react, how I respond, and what I can do to correct and/or fix them.

This is a follow-up to my previous entry about taking action and monitoring progress. They are just an extension of having a strong sense of identity and core values. People without conviction in who and what they are tend to waver in the wind, always standing in the sideline, not taking risk, only wishing and wondering what could have been instead of being themselves and taking part in a cause. Life is too short; I'd rather lose a few people along the way than to amass "friends" who I don't know.

This is presumptive on my part and my viewpoint is risky, I suspect girls feel the same way about guys. When a random guy meets a random girl, he might be able to make her laugh, create some intrigue (or "attraction), and build some "comfort" because he doesn't seem creepy. So they even hook up, but the secret to having and keeping someone around is to have a strong sense of identity, standing up for oneself, and growing together.

That's the thing about people pretending to be hustlers, they think they can weasel their way into getting what they want. With that said, this is not an attack on "indirect game," I think it is quite useful for finding out what the girl is like for me to have a reason to like her, not because of her superficial look, which helps but she wants me to take the effort to know her. Part of that process is for her to know me as well. This goes beyond the initial meeting to having friends, they might have fun with me, but they also know where I stand. Being difficult to read in the beginning makes the process of discovering each other fun, but keep being mysterious will come across as creepy later on. And worst yet, keep playing nice will leave most of these people playing by themselves, as in being alone. Hesitation leads to masturbation, so is the lack of conviction.

My blog is quite critical of the self-help, self-improvement, pursuing-the-American-dream phenomenon in general, and pickup or seduction movement in particular. I've learned a great deal from all of them, but I am not going to swallowthe whole heap of bullshit. I am quite sure that some of my opinions and viewpoints that I've brought up have crossed the minds of many smart individuals, they might even whisper or discuss privately, but few if any would stand up and call bullshit for what it is. I hope that I'm wrong, but after keeping a tab on this for nearly two years now, I'm more convinced than ever that this has been one of the greatest marketing campaigns ever to wage on society, preying on the dreams and aspirations of do-nothing lukewarm identity-less losers.

Drinking the Kool-Aid in moderation

In pursuit of dreams, most people lose sight of what is possible vs. what is probable. This goes back to my argument and my proposition that people should think twice about pursuing "the American Dream." With respect to pickup, most newbies ought to temper their enthusiasm with some realistic self-examinations.

Most marketeers, or as I often called them in my blog, hustlers want us to believe that anything is possible. The closest analogy is I can think of is like buying ONE (or a few) lottery tickets and expecting to win. Derren Brown did something similar recently in winning horse races. He came up with "The System" for winning horse races ALL THE TIME! I'll leave you to watch it for yourself... If you wonder how he did it, he used the tried-and-true method, by systematically applying the law of probability.

If you have ever wondered how to have the sure-fire way of winning the lottery, buy all the tickets that cover all the different combinations of numbers. Otherwise, your chance of winning is very slim. But for some reasons, when people embark on these self-improvement journeys, they all think they will become superstars. I compare this to "drinking the Kool-Aid." The cult-like devotion to gurus, blindly following their gospels, this proves exactly what pickup/seduction gurus warned people about, don't become beta-males. But if someone were to follow someone else blindly without question, that, in effect, is being beta to the leader.

This blog has been about critically examining this sociological phenomenon, whether there's any validity to the methods, the skill level and the factually accurate rate of success of their practitioners. In my experience, most of the materials from well-known gurus do work, but they don't work all the time, on everyone, at anywhere. In fact, in cases where they do work, that's usually when I was being genuine and not out "gaming" girls. Eventually, people will realize that they are being played and they don't like that at all. Being playful is one thing, but being deliberately deceitful and trying to get whatever from people are totally different.

The best way to succeed in life is to work hard and following the traditional paths to success. Sure, there are some unconventional mavericks who do rise to the top, what we don't ever get to see are the billions who tried and failed. You know, similar to FR/LR, they don't ever report ALL the sets that blew them out. Like JFK once said, "Success has a thousand proud parents, the loser is a lonely orphan." Because of people and their egos, they all think that anything is within their grasp, and in trying to get there, they usually end up grasping air and appearing like lunatics.

Take myself for example, I followed the traditional path of building a career; although I'm not the most successful guy around, I am happy with my work and I don't even think about giving it up. I'm also realistic with my ambition, and I often think instead of dream. I continue on the path that is the most probable way of achieving success... And not so surprisingly, I'm quite happy with my results instead of being frustrated or delusional.

This one is for the dreamers...

Lessons learned in the community

This is the 200th post, I'm going to recap what I've learned. The basic ideas of people getting together to share knowledge, grow together, learn together, help each other, and be a better person to make the world a better place! Lofty idealistic goals, almost like communism. The reality is...

The community is infested with anti-social dudes and sociopaths. Most people in this have no friends outside of the community, because they don't make good friends and the world has rejected them for who/what they are. For some of them, in time, they could be rehabbed into normal people. And the most pernicious group is the sociopaths, their goal isn't to get girls or be good with women, but they spend their time seducing guys by trying to convince newbies that these sociopaths are great with women. They do this to gain fame, from shaving their heads so others can recognize them for being so-and-so, to eventually, flipping the attraction switch of men in order to start their own workshops, which people will recognize their lack of success and eventually dismiss them as frauds. Like pedophilic sociopathic Catholic priests, they move to other places and start all over again.

If there's one thing I'm proud of, other than this blog, is that I've done my share of calling out these sociopaths and yes, I've made my share of enemies. Then again, do I want these people in my life?! However, there is a silver lining, I have befriended my share of great guys. These guys become my best friends. The characteristics they have in common is that they were quite good with women, and/or they have plenty of friends outside of the community. In other words, they got lost and ended up in the community by accident as they will be/already are good with women.

The best way to be good with women starts from within, it's not just inner game. It's about finding inner peace, having passions, owning up to one's faults and strengths, getting things done, and when it comes to women, having standards. Guys who just want to fuck of lots of girls almost always end up fucking each other or by themselves. Guys with purpose, are ones girls attracted to. Sure, guys with a sense of humor, cocky'n'funny, are great with girls in the beginning, and they have to tone it down, slow the interaction down, so that they can get girls to show off, display their best selves. Humor and attraction techniques should be used like condiments, they should be sprinkled into food to spice things up but too much will turn girls off.

There are many ways to interact with people. The most important is not to be needy, wanting anything from anyone. Now you see why I find those sociopaths (forum gurus, KJ's, dating coaches) are an antithesis to the community?! People have been having sex forever, before they started walking on two feet, and if we don't need workshops and walking coaches, why do we really need all these brand new blueprint for transformation techniques? If someone couldn't get girls, may be they are not meant to be with girls, it's that simple. And those who do get girls, are guys with balls, and by talking with enough people, those guys will develop social intuition. Those people are not "community" dudes, but normal social and fun guys and girls!

Finally, the best thing to get out of the community is to get out as soon as possible. It doesn't offer anything that we can't get from elsewhere. The problem is that by hanging out with people who are either social retards or sociopaths, we either become more anti-social or get ripped off. The best way to get women is to be with women or at the very least, guys who are good with people and women in particular. Keep having fun ("innergame") and be social ("outergame"). Of course, be a man!

Living a life of passions

This topic is so broad, I don't even know where to begin. Let's start with the premise of two strangers meeting, and they are of the opposite sexes, what does she look for in a man? His looks help but they don't hinder, so how does he go about presenting himself?

I've blogged about being fun and social, which requires that we have quieted our internal dialogs so that we can focus what's surrounding us. Achieving inner peace is done through finding one's purpose in life, listing and prioritizing one's goals, and systematically going through that list. But I'm willing to bet that most people won't even start that exercise because deep down, they are haunted by their fears. The way to conquer fears (whatever they may be) is not to spend time examining them, but to focus on what makes us get up in the morning, what drives us, what motivates us, to do what we do.

I see many guys going through the motion of life but don't truly live for something, stand up to fight for and defend it. They don't live a life of principles. The whole 'laissez-faire' attitude is great for getting along with people, but girls don't want to align with some chodes who go along to get along. Girls want to be with guys who are men.

The fundamental problem with guys who don't have girls, don't get laid, and not happy, is that they are not man enough. When I first started this blog, my goal wasn't to devote much of my time to blogging about dating, but to use this as a channel for me to express myself. Most guys I've met in the community are too timid, they are too afraid of what others think, they are going through the motions of eliciting IOIs (from girls and guys), they try to appease others instead of speaking their minds, listing what is and isn't acceptable to them,...

Sometimes, we do make mistakes, and that's ok. What got me going on this is a blog entry by a friend of mine. I wish there are more guys like him, more people who are independent thinkers, who are not afraid of expressing themselves. We can keep heaping money on materials to learn this and that... ultimately, we have to look within, find that special something to make this short life of ours worth living. Some people live for others, many live to please others, we all should live for ourselves and do what we think is right.

P.S. Check out Captain Jack's blog to read about someone using his passions and career to get girls.

And you can quote me on that!

I'll keep updating this, just quotes of what I said recently to friends, family, etc.

• Teaching pickup to most "community guys" is on par to teaching a retarded kid to be a neurosurgeon.
• My blog entry titles are very similar to those on the cover of magazines for teenage girls... My blog is like the Cosmo for men, without girls. I have to keep it gay for latent homos to understand.
• I wish I can find myself a god-fearing girl, so I can use my staff to show her who is god.
• Yeah, that group of people are pairing off. I can't wait for them to start breaking up, I'll be ready to help their girls rebound!
• They are sooo boring, I bet you to turn each other on, they recite all the numbers in Pi to each other!
  

How to sell

I was just reading this and then I started writing a very long comment... So here's my response. Many, privately and publicly, have asked me why I appear so negative... especially in this blog. I can justify myself by repeating the cliche, "I'm not a pessimist, I'm just a realist." The reality is that Nixon was partly right, the silent majority rarely speaks up because they are happy/satisfied/content with their current position, why bother to rise up to defend the status quo.

In order to argue for a new idea, a new perspective on the same old problem, how men meet women, people have to bash the current system, take the red pill, unplug from the matrix. In fact, I am arguing for the status quo. There's really nothing inherently good or bad about how men and women meet and how they start relationships. So someone decided to apply some socio-psychology ideas to how we interact with each other, then marketeers came in to up-sell these simple ideas. Then these "pickup blogs" sprung up like weeds to create this feeding frenzy, like everyone and anyone can become a pickup artist, and of course, we all can get any girl anywhere at anytime.

The truth is... sure, we can talk to MANY MORE people and have sex with a much bigger population (for some "Captain Ahab Poo-ah" they they do hook up with bigger girls). However, what they don't tell you is, that's how it has always been. Girls go out, girls get drunk, girls hook up with random strangers, and if you keep talking with enough girls, you will go home with some of them. Are all girls like this? Not really. Since this is a numbers game, I have met some wonderful people, some girls who can be potential life-long mates, and some, I am ashame to admit to.

Back to pessimism, when someone wants to us to buy the latest and greatest self-improvement product, they of course have to point out weaknesses, flaws, what is wrong/bad about our current situation so that they can provide the solution to this problem. (In re-reading my entry, I realized that someone already pointed this out to me awhile back... it's the basic structure of advertising) This is the basis behind most products and most dramas (you know, movies, superheroes,... which I learned in middle school). The best way to solve any problem, isn't to buy more products, sign up more workshop/bootcamp, when the solution is really very simple, as a friend pointed out today, start doing. Just like the Nike catchy slogan, Just Do It. I prefer: Git'r'done!

We can spend an eternity dwelling on a problem, try to determine its etiology, monitor its progress, when all we have to do... is to start doing. We had a long conversation about inner game over the weekend, the problem is that people don't take the first step, get away from mentally masturbate over something and take steps to solve the problem. Most successful people are do'ers, they don't sit around and figure out ways to change their conditions, they act, they work, they make mistakes, they correct their mistakes, and they eventually improve.

This is the reason I keep going on and on about the negative aspects of the community. I want to point out that these are caution signs that we all can avoid. Go out there and start talking with people, you will hear great stories, you'll get some pointers from people, make some new friends, you will be happier than keep reading these pickup blogs and especially this "pessimistic" blog. The more we focus internally, we will conjure up more demons to wrestle.

Self-acceptance, quit trying to seek validation from people, (you know the saying, be yourself) this is really about being a normal social human being... unless, of course, you have something to sell, then it's inherent that you have to seek validation from others, and in the community, it's all about stroking other guys. The world isn't as bad as people say... it's quite nice. I'm glad I'm alive to enjoy this, because I have nothing to sell. Sorry.