The in-her game(tm): Getting my life in order

Steve Pavlina blogged about this, Tony Robbins talked about it, and countless others have described this. Sit down, on a blank piece of paper, write, do NOT type, keep writing down what I want out of this short time that I have in this life. I keep writing until I have a clear, concise, and concrete statement that describes who I am and what I want to do with my life. Then accordingly, I type out my step wise goals to accomplish what I want to do with my life in the following order: 10 yrs, 5 yrs, 2.5 yrs, 1 yr, 6 mos, and finally 3 mos. Then I write down what I am going to do, tasks, in action forms. So "make more money" is too broad, but "call so-and-so" to find out if there are openings is more actionable. Another is, "be better with women," which is vague, but the steps to get there, "email so-and-so female friend" for lunch, catch up, again is more actionable.

With my long list of actionable items, I categorize them into different contexts. For example, all the call actions would be inside "phone" category; email/search actions inside "computer" category; i.e. associate each action with the environment and tool in getting them done. I sometimes prioritize them into 4 groups: 1. important & urgent, 2. important & nonurgent, 3. unimportant & urgent, 4. unimportant & nonurgent. Then I start pruning my list, if they can be done in 2 minutes or less, I immediately start doing them in the right context. Actions that don't fit into accomplishing goals that I set out are discarded.

For more details, go get David Allen's book, Getting Things Done. Next, also check out tips in 43folders.

This is the first step in quieting the mind, closing open loops, discovering who we are, and starting to live out our lives. I will blog about how to develop focus, and be internally driven so that outside forces don't rock us to the core or even perturb our daily life.

Once we are at peace with ourselves, we can be at ease with others, when we can have fun with people around us, and of course, become more social in general. The goal of being social is to connect with people, establish rapport, which starts with knowing ourselves, then we can convey our identity, our values, our goals, our hopes and dreams, our passions, and that, my friend, is a step-by-step plan to having friends, and even girls, in our lives.

You don't have to come to my "seminar" to watch me jack-off. You don't need to buy my podcasts, DVDs, or pay for 1on1 coaching. I have faith you in Getting This Done. Get your life in order, then you will have girls in your life.

The Clone Wars

First the split between TD/RSD from Mystery, then history repeated itself in late 2006, when Mystery and his buddies left TheMysteryMethod to form Venusian Arts. Now you get to have the front row seat to enjoy the ongoing drama between PU101 and LVO3. I normally don't link to people who I don't respect, but this is just to show you more casualties and here.

Remember, this is a business and if you buy into the seduction, pickup, secret society bullshit, you are just another revenue stream. If silly fights in forums are bad, wait until you bring in fighters-by-proxy, i.e. lawyers, to fight over money. In order to create the demand, they go on and on about how difficult it is to have girls in our lives. As far as I know, we all came from women, and it's NOT hard to get girls, we just need to be hard to get back inside them!

I know many people are in this for the drama; even I get a chuckle or two out of these fights! If you want to be good with women, go hang out with women; if you don't have women, go hang out with friends; no friends? Go out and befriend people! It's not hard work... it's called being a human being. We are pack animals, in case you don't know, we are born to be social. Don't sit around mentally masturbate in forums, or nursing your hard-on over the latest and greatest product. It's all marketing. If you are smart enough and man enough, get some materials and start using them. There's no need to find wings, as I've written before, you know what people call setting up a time to meet with someone at a specific place called, that's right, it's a date. So if you want to start dating women, stop dating men (yeah, I know, community calls that "winging").

And there's no one method, no one solution, no one girl, no magic pussy that will turn a boy into a man. It's also about pushing oneself, but it doesn't have to be hard work, go out, have fun, socialize with people. Discard the mentality of trying to get someone, something, and/or to somewhere because you got the magic method to hustle people, there is only one, be yourself. So relax, chill, have fun, see the world for what it is... one big fucking joke. You know why these guys are fighting? They are lazy fucks who think they can hustle chumps for money instead of working, as in producing widgets and/or be in the society to help others, so they ended up cannibalizing each other! That, my friend, is how this house of cards starts to fall apart. Be honest with yourself, be honorable with each other, have fun... stop the whole delusion of trying to get people! Or you will end up being had.

A different take on ranking girls

This is the kind of conversation I enjoy having with intelligent people. I like another take on ranking. The underlying issue is that many guys use their ranking as an excuse not to talk to people at all. I'm not saying we go stick out manhood into every wet hole, or exclusively ugly/fat girls. How about just getting a feel of people in general? The more people we interact with, the more socially savvy we will be!

Had I not participated in these homo-lairs, I wouldn't have known there are so many anti-social misfits in this world. And trust me, I have dealt with my share of crazies... From my interactions with these freaks, I now recognize and know how to purge what anti-social tendencies I have.

How to get the 10's!

Or be the 10 magnet! Yeah, I know. There's one mistake that guys make, and one trap I fell into before, was that we have this stupid system. It's not a system for getting girls, in fact, it's not something that serves any useful purpose whatsoever! It's a system that ranks girls on a scale of 1-10.

Guys create these artificial barriers for themselves. If she's a 6, then I will talk to her in a certain way, and if she's a 8 and above, I have to open and throw in couple of negs. So even before I walk up and talk to her, I've already created all this drama in my head and so I won't be present, I'm already disoriented, and not do what I am supposed to do, focus on our interaction.

Of course, community guys would take it to the next level of mental masturbation, they do what the middle/high school juvenile kids would do, go brag to their friends. Really, that's what FR/LR's really are. Are we that hard up for validation / approval (at best)?! Or are we just being animals by doing these chest thumpings? I propose that it's more than insecurity that these guys are whipping out their dicks to compare.

I suspect that deep down, they are homosexuals, they just want to check each other out. I would even venture to postulate that they have such an elaborate system of going after girls so that they don't have to confront their deepest fear, not fear of girls, not fear of rejection, not fear of failure, i.e., when they messed up, their excuse is that they haven't mastered such a complex system of getting girls, but the reality is that they fear what they know is true inside, that they want men. Not just approval from men, not just admiration, but sexual gratification.

Instead of stopping at what's superficial, go after the common core within most girls. Another thing I would steal from Cesar Milan, not just his motto of having "calm assertive energy," but start from the most basic level. She's not the 10, she's not just Jennifer so-and-so. But she's an animal first, human second, female third, whatever ethnicity fourth, family fifth, and we may quibble on a few other rankings, and finally, her name & look last. So, our totally useless ranking should not even be in the picture.

How do we approach an animal? Do not hesitate, do not be skittish, be confident (slow & calm), be assertive (i.e. lead!). What about her human side? Be positive, be respectful,... I might elaborate more in the future. This came up in my conversation with a friend last night, I've dated 3 girls who participated in beauty pageants, 2 were runner ups, I know, I have to jump start my game so it would work on that winner, the HB10! Remember those unattainable cheerleaders / girls in the dance team in high school? Been there, done that! And you know what? Deep down, they are just girls. They have the similar doubts and frustrations, fears and disappointments, hopes and dreams... within their cores, they were no different than many other average looking girls!

So the money shot for this entry is, quit ranking girls, quit playing games and stop strategizing, instead, starting today, see past their looks, I'm not advocating we go for land-manatees, beached whales, girls who are fugly enough to be picked up by many big-name gurus, and girls with FUPA. If she's fuckable, go talk to her. See what's up with her and drill deep into her core. Find out what makes her tick, what makes her special, tell her that.

P.S. Negs do work, if she's unresponsive, bitchy, then tease her a bit. Push her away with some disqualifications, see if she comes back to gauge her interest. You see, community materials are useful, sometimes, in the right context.

And you can quote me on that!

I'll keep updating this, just quotes of what I said recently to friends, family, etc.

• Teaching pickup to most "community guys" is on par to teaching a retarded kid to be a neurosurgeon.
• My blog entry titles are very similar to those on the cover of magazines for teenage girls... My blog is like the Cosmo for men, without girls. I have to keep it gay for latent homos to understand.
• I wish I can find myself a god-fearing girl, so I can use my staff to show her who is god.
• Yeah, that group of people are pairing off. I can't wait for them to start breaking up, I'll be ready to help their girls rebound!
• They are sooo boring, I bet you to turn each other on, they recite all the numbers in Pi to each other!
  

Pickup and Porn

They have more in common than the letter P! Let's start with their participants... They all join this thinking this is something they too can do easily! Every participant wants to become a star, with all that entails, fame and fortune, in movies, walking the red carpet. Guess where guys usually end up, surrounded by more guys, doing ugly ass and/or fat girls, and to scrape by, spend more time with guys doing, yes, that's right, gay porn.

Actually, that was just a diversion. From the business perspective, both markets are saturated, there's an up and comer every second. Products are flooding the market non-stop. Like porn, most guys just watch, read, listen to these pickup materials, all done passively; they never actually implement and act on what they've learned. Instead, they get sucked into this world of pickup and they keep consuming more materials.

Similar to porn, there used to be the slickly produced materials. Then came the gonzo stuff, similar to many infield footages. Just wait, there will be many amateur videos, just like porn.

What got me thinking along this line is I noticed some gurus are giving this stuff away, in private channels, to share for free! I suspect they know that it's not the materials that people are after, but the opportunity to live vicariously through these pickup stars. I believe that many people, deep down, know that they will never be like these guys, so they have given up and just pay money to get more materials. In effect, they become fans of different gurus and of course, they will fight and argue about minutiae with each other in forums instead of doing what they should be doing, out talking with girls.

The economic aspect of this is that everyone is trying to expand his shares of the limited market. The market for seduction materials is a small segment of a much bigger market, self-improvement; a purely American invention that thrives on the belief that everyone can be some body... The sad reality is that like every young girl wanting to become a starlet, usually ends like doing porn in the porn valley. Most PUA-wannabe's end up being yet-another-KJ (or another blogger!), a few try to hustle!

The sadder aspect is the social commentary of how we conduct ourselves. How we, as people, are becoming voyeurs, on the sideline, instead of as participants in life. A good friend and I have been discussing the whole marketing nature of all this. Most guys teaching this have no skills, even myself, I would not consider myself have skills enough to teach people. What I have is a set of keen eyes and a reasonable intellect to see past the marketing gimmicks and deceptions. I made enough progress to see this is possible for some people and ultimately, this is about changing myself by myself for myself and with very minimal influence by materials.

Being outed

As a gay man. Yeah, you wish! Most people I hang out with know about my blog but they know me enough, or get enough of this real (gay!) man, that they don't bother to read this. In fact, this blog is my outlet, usually as a way for me to dump the garbage that is clogging up my brain so that I can function more efficiently, which I might write about in the future. Back to being discovered.

A friend of mine texted me this urgent message recently that the woman he has been seeing was reading his blog! I told him to calm down and it's no big deal. Then I just had the humorous incidence of having the girl that I've been seeing searched and found my blog, it's really me who got her interested in finding it. She knew that I've been maintaining a blog and apparently, many people have their own internet persona where they blog and write about anonymously. Funny thing is that she has a busy life and there's more for her to do than to read this to get some insights into my psyche.

This brings me to a very well-known dating coach/instructor who shut down his blog and went all the way to retiring, all because a girl he has been with found his blog. For goodness' sake, what is the big deal?! The sad thing is that I kind of miss reading his writing, the way he tried so hard to write like those NYTimes columnists, using "big words" in the wrong context.

My only advice has always been, "Be a man!" and take responsibility for one's actions. There's no reason to shrink and shy away from one's creations. Am I proud of this blog? Yes, but I also have some entries that I could have toned down my, ummm, rhetoric. Feel free to share your life, your passions, your dreams, your disappointments, with people you care about.

A few amusing things

Figuring out what makes people tick is my passion... when I see how things don't jive together, which lead to questions. In a totally random order, here is my list of "Have you ever wonder..."

• why so many guys post their FR/LR in seduction forums around 1am-5am?! These chumps are busy pounding away on their keyboards when others are pounding vags.
• how guys can be so successful with girls, but you never see them out with girls?!
• worst yet, why their myspace/social networking pages are filled with skanky looking model-wannabe's and fat chicks? Even though they claim to be successful "dating coaches."
• how self-help gurus preach about ways to be successful, etc. why are they still working so hard if they are so successful?
• CEOs who make millions running companies into the ground, but they never share their secrets (like those self-help gurus)?
• how dating bootcamps changed so many lives, yet so many guys take multiple bootcamps... and they are still friendless while giving advice on forums?
• why unsuccessful people blame others for their own failures when other people are successful doing the exact same things?
• how lonely and sad people always complain about others but never look into the mirror?
• why people choose to be excusers instead of executioners?
• how can someone had so many sex partners, but they don't have one funny story about their past sexual adventures?
• why some people talk about doing so many things with their lives, wanting to be this and that, but they can't even hold down a job?
• if people have fun when they go to clubs but don't dance?
• why so many philanthropists were the robber barons? If they haven't amassed their wealth by depriving others, the world would have been a better place!
• how successful parents have such fucked up kids? But of course, they would write books about raising children.
• how can married people tell others to get married and in the same breath, bitch about their spouses?
• why big name seduction gurus are using the well-known classic techniques of getting girls, being rich and famous, instead of their published methods?
• where I find time to think about so many random shit?!

Let girls seduce you

One thing I've changed quite a bit since I started. Most guys talk about plowing, keep the conversation going, have a stack of materials, keep going until girls open up. That can work sometimes, the root cause of the problem isn't the girl, but the guy!

There's something about the vibe, the energy, the way someone carries him/herself. When that guy's energy doesn't match or just at the right level above the girl's, he will disrupt the vibe. The problem with most beginners is that they are not comfortable in their own skins. So they either fidget a lot, talk too fast, voice pitch too high, tonality is too monotone, because they have so much pent up energy. One way to release that energy is to acclimate themselves to the whole social bar scene, another is to get hammered, another is to do warm up sets, another is to start making small talks with everyone to get into the groove, and there are a few more. Suffice to say, they need to dissipate that nervous energy.

When the vibe is disrupted, girls can either feel the nervous energy, which they have no idea why, so they might feel creeped out, and the consequence is that they will shut down. Some girls might relent when guys keep plowing, the majority of girls will get turned off even more. So guys have to learn to chill, to relax, be comfortable in their skins, be at ease with the environment, surrounding people in general. Just that alone will help beginners to open properly instead of stacking routines and plowing with DHV stories.

In fact, the more chill the guys are, the more girls are confused and if done properly, with the right amount of tension using hooks, open loops, and qualifications, girls will invest more into the interaction. When I see guys trying so hard to get girls open up, I just cringe. The worst is how they game girls within a social circle, just be intriguing enough, interesting enough, sit back and let the girl chase. There's more to the social circle game, it is much slower, and it requires more finesse.

The money shot is this, relax, chill, be succinct, be intriguing, and let the girl seduce you. Plow less verbally, save your energy for the physical plowing later.

The natural history of a community guy

Reading other blogs, they have warned me that this guy is hilarious, but this made my day! He left out some critical steps and some other outcomes.

I've been working on an entry about when guys should quit, why some shouldn't start at all, and who will succeed. What I discovered is that guys will eventually return to where they started... myself included. The truth is that not everyone will get a crazy party girl every time he goes out, but if one goes out enough and talk with girls, he will end up going home with one of them, if he doesn't get laid, at least he will get herpes, the gift that keeps on giving!

The sad reality is that most random hookups occur with unstable, crazy, drunk, fat, ugly, and combinations thereof girls. As long as guys are calm enough, socially intelligent enough not to say something stupid, they will get girls. In any case, ultimately, this is a numbers game.

As for getting girls and keeping them, or getting a sufficient supply of girls into a pipeline, then we will have to work more on ourselves than just mastering pickup techniques. Either we have to PU quite a bit to land a seemingly normal girl who is a psycho after being with her for awhile, or we have to have sufficient values for girls to keep coming back for more. This, of course, would depend on us being happy with ourselves, having our lives together, and little if any drama in our lives.

Ultimately, this community should be a transition period, guys who remain stuck in this have issues as are guys who quit without improving. The only admonition I have is that people stay away from community guys in the long term, go in, find people you click with, develop friendships, work out any deficiency you have in your social life, be back with normal people, trust me, normal people get more sex than almost all of the community guys I know. The only girls that community guys regularly fuck are: fat, ugly, and/or crazy. The ones who get hot girls consistently because they have other parts of their sorted out, and most of their hot girls, or girls with value, are through social circles... you know, friends, like normal social people (outside of the community).

How to bone your friend's hot sister!

Actually, no, that would be wrong! Very wrong (j/k)! Seriously, this is about social circle game. It starts with having a great personality, be attractive to both guys and girls, be the person who brings value to any interaction, always be fun... and there's one cardinal sin that guys commit because they think they are total gamers.

A great personality can be summed up in one word, chill. Sit back, relax, wait for the appropriate time to step up and lead. Give people a chance to be themselves, be non-judgemental, be someone who can appreciate everyone for who he/she is. Deep down, everyone wants to be accepted, they want to feel good for who they are, and have no agenda other than to be the giving person, it's not about supplicating, and going out of one's way to please people, but rather, be the person who is there when needed, be the person who takes care of people when they ask for help. Never ever be calculating, i.e. constantly measuring cost/benefit with friends.

Those are positives, the negatives, i.e. what not to do. Do not be needy, learn how to gauge people's comfort level. Do not have an agenda, do not want things, girls, whatever that may be from people. Be the person who is at peace with him/herself, at ease with others, happy and fun when socializing. Cut out people with drama out of one's life. People who gossip, badmouth, backstab others are people who are insecure and they need to externalize their problems so that they can avoid examining themselves. Change oneself but not others.

Those are the basic tenets of being a fun, normal, chill, non-needy person. Some practical tips to be social, be someone who is the center of activities. Know where parties are, what's going on in town, and be the social hub. Bring friends from multiple circles together. Focus on bringing girls into the social circle instead of taking girls away from friends. At every gathering, imagine that you are the host of the party, your goal is to keep activities going, and lead everyone along at turning points... where to go, what to do next.

Finally, I will cover in more details in how to get girls within a social circle in another entry. The only tip to keep in mind is don't appear as the desperate guy who overtly game every girl available. Just be chill in the group, and game girls in isolation. It's okay to be flirty, but touchy and seductive only in private. Do NOT ruin a girl's reputation, other than her looks, she lives and dies by her social reputation.

Why aren't you dancing?

Quit learning and start doing!

I'm not renting out any room, and you don't have to come around to knock on the "back door." Better yet, you don't have "to take care of that before you come." In fact, you don't have to come at all, and your money goes to the best cause of all, YOU! That's right, you don't have to enclose your money in a blank envelope to give to me. Keep it to yourself and enjoy what you've earned. I tell you what, you deserve every penny of it because you are smart enough, strong enough, good enough to resist this legion of scammers, hustlers, and parasites on society.

Funny how people forward me these stupid pickup school ads and they all talk about what they will talk about instead of telling people outright what are the do's and don'ts of being social with people. Keep them coming, instead of giving you a long list of benefits, what I will talk about, I will cut the bullshit. You don't have to call a special 800 # to join in a conference call with a bunch of other chodes, who also don't go out or who go out but can't approach or who approach but don't close. We are men, this is not the Oprah show, we shouldn't get together to perseverate and mentally masturbate over a few interactions with people.

Keep reading community materials, try them out, if you fail, try different techniques, keep repeating until you find what works for you. I give you the permission to fail. We all fail, I fail ALL THE TIME! And that's ok, in the end, we all fail to survive, but while we are alive, do not fail to live, and we should enjoy what time we have.

Oh right, how to deal with shit tests?! Here's the thing, when we talk to strangers, why should we give them the power to affect ourselves?! If a guy tries to AMOG you, do all sorts of shit to blow you out, just tell him, "Hey man, you are alright, we like you already, you don't have to try so hard. We know you are a nice guy already." Move on and run your materials. The words really don't matter that much, it's in the delivery and the timing. Talk slowly, pause at each critical turn in your statement. If a girl gives you shit, agree and twist it around. Example, after a brief conversation and you push for a day2, "I already have plans for tomorrow night," she says while touching you or giving you the pity-pat. Here's how I respond, "That's ok. You are not THAT urgent, I already have you on my to-do list and you can tell me when you are free to be done to." Hold it, hold your slight smirk until she cracks up. Keep running materials and continue.

The most important thing is that you have fun talking to people, if you don't have fun, she won't have fun because it's her job to follow your lead. Most guys fail in this because they are not fun, they don't know how to have fun, and/or they don't know what fun means. Surround yourself with happy people, you know, friends. Seriously, money can't buy you happiness, some workshops / bootcamps might give you some skills, the responsibility is on you and you alone to get better, and you can get better by doing and in the beginning, failing a lot, not by "learning." There are people who don't get good after all these years of learning, they are called "slow learners." Then perhaps, this is not for them. And no amount of workshops, seminars, bootcamps, and materials can help them. They've already been weeded out of the biological gene pool. For those who are making incremental progress, keep pushing, keep trying, keep doing.

The in-her game(tm): The sure-fire way to see if she's yours

Somewhere online, there is a long list of IOI's that we can memorize to tell if she is interested / attracted. In the end, attraction doesn't mean anything if we don't convert it to something substantial. Sure, attraction is fleeting, then move to deep rapport as quickly as possible, but why? Another strategy is to get her to invest into our interaction, but how? All of these steps have to lead to a close, and to reach any type of a close requires a series of compliance tests.

I've been blogging about the fluffy feel-good, be a better person, improve oneself,... this is about hardcore tactic and strategy. Let's step back from the ultimate goal, sex. Sex itself is the final compliance test for many, it is her way to connect because of her desire to invest. In order to slowly lead her there, we have to make her jump through a series of hoops, to get her to invest, and we evaluate her to determine if she has qualified.

In non-community lingo, make her do stuff for us. Start from the beginning, I test for compliance by using the high-five following by the hand-squeeze test (to check if she squeezes back), side hug (to see if she hugs back), turn her toward me and get her moving closer to me (or the "lock-in" position). Next, get her to introduce her friends, move her to another location, isolate her, get her to open up by talking about herself (use the open ended questions, A3 qualification questions,...). Like most interaction, the difficulty is not the act itself, but what happens in between acts. In this case, the nuance lies in how I reward her in between each compliance test and I will express my approval accordingly. Of course, she always does moderately well, she puts in great effort, but I can see her doing better; i.e., what she does is never good enough. Just don't overuse it!

If a girl is superattracted to me, then she will automatically try to please me by doing all sorts of activities to prove her worthiness to me. What if she doesn't? Then I know that I need to pump up her emotions... this can range from short momentary IOD, take-away, to express my disapproval, to "beating" her with a straw / pillow / foreign object, to spanking her, to picking her up; physical caveman techniques tend to pump up her emotion and girls get frazzled and become emotional. Then lead her to the next compliance test. Do NOT go back and re-test her!

I personally don't like a long list of activities that I would do to her, which would come across as robotic and too algorithmic. This takes patience, failures, and much practice to internalize and perfect over time. Even into a relationship, I still keep the evaluation frame. I like one trick that a friend of mine likes to do, get her to sing, learn a new song, and my personal favorite, get her to cook for me, find new restaurants, new activities to do, plan trips, etc. As sexist as this may seem, women's nature is to nurture, to please, and to comply.

The money shot is this... if a woman is with us, our job is not just to lead, but to make her do stuff for us. This is the best gauge of her interest, not a long list of things to look for, things to do, but whatever that pleases us. Once again, this goes back to having confidence, know what you want and how you will get it. This is how we pimps roll with our ho's!

Why life isn't fair...

I've been fascinated by why certain guys like to post so many reports (FR/LR), which can range from a slight embellishment to a total fabrication. For those who try to sell their services as dating coaches, posting reports is one way of advertising, but what about guys who want to garner attention... is it a simple psychological desire for attention or is there a hard-wired biological need?!

Even funnier is how so many old guys (myself included), who have past their prime, still want to go out to get girls. This is almost like we try to relive the youth that we missed... because we didn't get girls when we were young. This article touches up on a few points... Our inherent need to compare, to search for fairness, and in the end, we make irrational choices based on emotions instead of the logical choice that benefits us. There are so many who sacrificed so much, yet gained so little, just so they can appear as the man: the guy who can get girls, among a bunch of socially inept, sexually inexperienced, and many potentially gay boys. Setting aside the brief moment of attention, is there a long term benefit?

Many seduction schools sell their bootcamps as a life changing experience for chumps. The reality is that momentary high evaporates once they go back to their daily anti-social boring lives. Perhaps my experience is an exception, people that I know who want to be social and be good with girls usually end up privately confessing to me that they have wasted their money on workshops and bootcamps, and many went back to get refund. With a few exceptions, those without regret of spending money are ones who want to become dating coaches. In effect, this whole dating coach business is a pyramid scheme!

If there's one thing this has taught me, I have became social not because of workshops / bootcamps, but through difficult changes that I undertook. A similar process that's analogous to this would be weight loss. It's not about joining a gym, participating in a crash diet plan, or reading a book on how to lose weight. Becoming good with women involves becoming social with people in general, in order to achieve this, I became a friendlier person, made many more friends, and I do my best to keep in touch with them. We also go out, have fun, build new memories together, and in the process, we might meet girls. The difficult part is about changing habits, recognizing one's deficiencies and changing them.

In order to prevent people from asking for refunds, most workshops are all about making their participants feel good about themselves after they have been ostracized from mainstream society for so long. So instead of spending money on those charlatans who are out hustling chumps by selling an ALL NEW revolutionary technique on getting girls, look within, find out what is not working, fix it. Once we are happy within, people are more cordial with us and we naturally become more social. No, this is not about innergame, this is about working on ourselves, both inner and outer, because ultimately, this is about in-her game (tm).

It takes one to know one

Funny how so many seduction "gurus" have no real life friends outside of the community. Some of my good friends were also in the community, but most eventually left it. The interesting fact that I notice is that almost all guys in the community have no friends outside of the community... why is that? Why are these guys, supposedly so good at seducing girls, can't even maintain simple friendships?

The sad truth is that they never did, don't have now, and probably will never have normal friends because they are so busy analyzing social interactions, calculating cost/benefit, and mostly, being chodes. Sometimes, having friends involves going out of one's way for the good of the group, much of living a life is about building memories together, having a good time, and socializing without ulterior motives of getting girls, sex, money, and/or fame from each other.

I was just reading this thread about a local "dating coach" who has been banned from multiple lairs/forums. If this guy is so good with women, why does he have such a difficult time getting along with people? Is he so bad at hustling other people that even chumps, i.e. "AFCs" can recognize his chodish lameness?! Even worst is his avatar, he hired two models and have their kiss as the picture representing him. When in reality, he is ugly, not just his biological facial structure, body posture, but also his overall presentation, he has no presence, no charisma, none of gregarious charming nature that would endear him to women and that men admire. Instead, he has the shifty eyes, muffled voice, absence of social intellect, and everything negative that many ascribe to his ethnic stereotype.

Surprisingly, he has students who pay him to be in his forum/lair, and to hang out with him. Not so unexpectedly, they are just young kids who don't know any better. There's a time and place to stand by people, but when it's so blatantly obvious that he has no skills... not just in teaching but also no skills in getting girls, and he wants to be a dating coach, he has to be called out. The reason no one else has seen him for the chode that he is, because they are not hustlers, or hustler-wannabe like him... until this friend of mine who went to their "lair meeting." So this friend warned me of this "dating coach," and you know what, this dating coach didn't fail to disappoint! So it takes a hustler to recognize another hustler or even, a hustler-wannabe. If you can't tell if someone is a hustler, stay away from most dating coaches, or regular forum posters.

The money shot (that alphasperm should adopt) of this entry is this: dating coaches are not here to change our (dating) life, they make money on us being miserable and not good with women, i.e., the longer we stay being miserable and not good with women, the more we will spend on these hustler(-wannabe)s. The only way to be good with women is to be with women (and they are everywhere), not by spending time with other guys who are also not good with women or guys who want to make money off us.

Fake it until you make it

But if you keep faking it, you will never make it. I found the huge pitfall for many who keep gaming, is that they don't know when to stop and just be normal, or in community term, "overgaming." The problem is actually more profound and more deep-seated than what most perceive.

Here are a few things I fake, or at least, trick myself into believing:

1. If I were to go out by myself, which I highly recommend what everyone should do in the beginning, is to arrive at the venue, I think that I'm there only for a moment, and I'm there to wait for my friend. Being the social guy that I am, I would just hang out and talk to people around me. This will overcome the initial hurdle of having approach anxiety and for those into the community lingo, I build social proof at the same time.
2. At night, or any public gathering, I often think of everyone there is my guest and we are in my living room. Or in "urban terms," I own the fucking place.
3. During the day, I often get into the mindset of being a tourist from out of town, the way I approach "indirectly" often involves asking for direction, time, or what's cool to do.

Those are some things I fake regularly. But there are things I don't fake, this was brought up in a blog a few days ago, when he talked about emotional escalation. I agree that the community has a huge focus on getting girls, having sex, and for that, touching (or kino) is VERY important. Talking while touching is almost like a misdirection that magicians use. On the one hand, we are talking and having fun, and we breach the physical barrier of social norm by touching in places that people don't do... but please, not in a creepy way, which would require calibration. And it's not "accidental touching" but rather, we touch until we can sense her discomfort, we withdraw. Of course, we have to run our mouths in the process.

What exactly do we talk about while we are touching? That's the concurrent emotional escalation. There's no "ladder" per se, which I will touch upon in another blog entry. For now, the more important matter is that people should realize that we all need to feel this connection with each other. If they are normal well-adjusted human beings, they just want people to understand them and to accept them. Girls are no different, the difficulty is the path in arriving that emotional connection. Although sex is important, it should be a side-effect, a by-product, and it should not have the center stage that would color what we do.

The biggest barrier to emotional connection is that insincerity, when people sense that, they automatically withdraw. Be true to yourself. Befriend with those who deserve it.

Another way to make money

Just when I thought the marketing campaign for pickup workshops has bottomed out, there's a whole new way to make money off chumps. Where do we find chumps? Once again, the community!

Many marketing campaigns come down to a few keywords/phrases: final, last, only, rules you don't want to break, mistakes you don't want to make, sure-fire way, this just takes a minute (sounds familiar? you know, the false time constraint), exclusive, key to (whatever), what other instructors don't want you to know,... The list goes on. Now that using girls to get guys isn't enough. I know, surprising, sex doesn't sell as much as this new way.

Appeal to people's egos. That's right! If sex doesn't get chumps to fork over their money, perhaps they don't know what sex is like, or may be, just may be, not sex with girls. So the latest way to get money from guys, get them to become apprentices, join the latest "instructor training program!" So many guys think they have game, so the only way to get those guys to fork over money is to have a new level of workshops/materials. Tell them they too can be instructors!

The closest analogous program I could think of is the Microsoft Certified Solution Developer. If they have written a decent program that works, with an intuitive interface, then they wouldn't need people to support it. So if pickup workshops work so well and so effective, they wouldn't need so many instructors, so many refresher courses, so many new methods. Here's a tip for those chumps who are still looking to get girls...

1. Get your shit together (if you are depressed, take care of it; if you are gay, accept it and go chuck some cocks or after guys' anus, not their wallets or companionship, i.e. find more wings!)
2. Earn a decent income to support whatever you want to do
3. Have friends, if you don't, go out and make some friends
4. Talk to girls, if they like you, set up something for the two of you to do
5. Take her to your or her place, git'r'done.

Really, it's really THAT simple! It's not the five-step program, the required five rules. In fact, sometimes you can go from meeting her to fucking her within 15 minutes or less. It's really that easy! You know the only requirement?

I can phrase this in so many ways to get you to fork money over to me. The simple but sad truth is, there's really not much to getting girls. Yes, the only requirement, is that you have to engage the girl somehow... be that conversation, dance, whatever to get your body near hers. And if you are surrounded by girls and you are not fucking any of them... just hang tight, I'll blog about that real soon!

The underground pickup drama

I've been waiting to blog about this and I am sure the landscape of pickup / seduction / dating workshop will change quite a bit in the coming months. This is more than just a fall-out from the VH1 show. If any self-proclaimed pickup doesn't get his act together, not only will s/he miss the boat on this round, but the likelihood of staying in business is very slim. Sure, there's a noticeable price increase in almost all workshops; but this impending change might raise the barrier of entry for many self-proclaimed gurus.

There was always Ross Jeffries doing his thing until Mystery turned the whole KJ world upside down. In came the marketing genius of David D, restoring the balance back to the KJ world with his one after another boring lecture. The first failure of Mystery was the TD/RSD split away from Mystery while taking away Mystery's method. In the land far-far-away, there was Juggler doing his thing in Michigan. Out came Style's book, which he capitalized on with his "final" bootcamp, his academy, more books,... who knows what drivel he will come up with next?! Finally, Mystery's VH1 show. Right before the taping of the show, there was yet-another-split between Mystery and "his" company, Savoy. In the meantime, RSD managed to survive the fall-out from Style's book and returned bigger and stronger than ever.

The rising tide initiated by Style's book lifted all boats. It opened up a whole new market that even David D failed to do. There was a huge feeding frenzy. Like any market that expanded, there's an inevitable contraction... which results in merger/acquisition and of course, many quitting because they failed to carve out their market shares. In camp one, there's Mystery, Style, and potentially, Ross Jeffries, and David D. The opposing camp, there's Savoy, BradP, and Badboy. Due to the existing bad blood between Style and RSD, looks like RSD is joining into camp two. There are a few stragglers: namely, Pickup101 vs. Sean Newman/Messenger, Juggler/Charisma Arts, and a few others.

This is just a natural history of any emerging market. As it matures, it usually ends up with only 2-3 competing conglomerates. There are still many undecided factors. Where will the barrier to entry be? How much of the market has yet to be tapped? If David D is going back to his marketing root, is this a sign that the pickup market has been tapped out? Will there be any niche markets? How will this market expand and reach the masses that Style, David D, and Mystery failed to do?

Just as there is no Santa Claus, this isn't a men's movement. It's just another self-improvement craze / fad that will fade away with time. If you actually spent money on this, you've been had. This was the genius of marketing and you were just a pawn. How to avoid all this bullshit?! Go out and talk to people, learn to interact with others before you even dream of getting any girl, any where, any time.

What would you be doing...

If the hottest girl is with you right now? Other than fucking each other's brain out, what else would you be doing? I've talked many guys. We can mentally masturbate ad nauseum about innergame, outergame (techniques, methods,...), and whatever else they can do right there, but rarely do I meet someone who can tell me what he would do if he was with his dream girl right then and there.

That's why people can hook up all they want, #close all the hot girls at any venue, wink at all the cute fatties/cougars on match.com, and ultimately, they end up being alone AND lonely. The simple reason is that they don't live a life alone without being lonely. The second reason is that they don't know what they want to do next.

Despite how much I find Style and his Stylelife marketing bullshit annoying, I really like his idea of having calendar filled with activities and taking a look at it before heading out. When we meet the right girl and we clicked, not only can we talk about what we've done before, but also what both of us can do together in the near future.

Most people experience girls flaking on them can be traced back to several reasons. One, there's no attraction, the guy was creepy to her somehow. Two, she didn't know why he likes her, hence why qualification and/or SOI are important. Finally, she doesn't know what he wants, i.e. what he wants to do together.

The thing about girls is very simple. We must have a compelling reason to see each other again other than being physical. For guys, sex is what many of us are after. For girls, sex is something that happens while we are doing something else. So think of what that something else you would want to do with the girl of your dream, know when, where, and how you would want to do it.

Is she the one?

One comment in response to this reminds me of a "natural" who was very good with women. He was driven to connect and have sex with girls, all because he couldn't be alone. Many of these psychopaths become very good hustlers, they are driven to interact with people because of their personality flaws. Look up antisocial personality disorders if you are interested.

Unfortunately, those in the community have the same drive to connect with people but they also have this deep seated mistrust of people, a very strong characteristic of those who have schizotypal personality disorder. From my interactions with them and the existence of this pickup subculture, their inability to relate with people and mistrust lead them to formulate these bizarre, eccentric ideas, and odd beliefs about society. They are not entirely delusional, but certainly have interfered with their social lives. This, I believe, is why they are so driven to find ways "get" people, be that sex, money, and/or fame. Of course, the by-product of their disorder is the creation and application of routines, NLP patterns, innergame mantras, and whatever else that fuel their deep desire to get back at people.

The most common one being their desire to become dating coaches. To scam money from others by cannibalizing off their "friends." If they have any skill at all, then they would try to get sex from girls. This can range from girls who are naive because of their young age to their background. I don't need to name a particular pickup company, their leader is "dating" this FOBy J-girl. I even heard suggestions from guys who want to become ESL teachers just so they can get foreign girls because they can't get native-born girls. If you are still in the community, look around for some of these losers. Are they any better or worst than hooking up with drunk girls? I don't know, that's up to our individual standards and ethics.

So next time you hook up with a girl... are you doing both of you and her a favor, or just yourself? What do you have to hide? What are your motivations?

Beer goggles

Like a patch of recurrent herpetic sores, this blog keeps coming up with new entries! Before I launch into the main topic, I want to publicly thank those who have been reading this blog... this all started as a place for me to vent my frustrations and eventually, I discovered that the community needs a voice of reason. Not just another blog with the hidden agenda of building a client base.

In reviewing my old pictures, from parties, going out, I realize how important it has been for me to carry my camera around. So many girls that I thought were hot when we first met, upon reviewing our pictures, I realize how fugly they really were! So if you don't have a digital camera, get one, it's great for capturing how you've changed, the people around you, and more importantly, if the girl you've been trying to re-establish contact is actually worthwhile.

Happy New Year. I hope you will prioritize your health, wealth, and a social life (with multiple social circles) above going out to get girls, and if you have hopes of becoming a dating coach, I hope my diatribes have dissuaded you from it.