The search for answers

I see the extremes in people looking for help and/or answers all the time. On one side are people who constantly look for help, answers, etc. and they don't bring anything from their own life and experiences to contribute. On the other extreme are people who think they are the latest self-hype gurus; they are always there to give answers, they think they have solved all the enigmas in life, they have it all figured out. I propose that most of us are in the middle; there are subjects we all can learn from, both from "experts" and each other.

Perhaps, the answer lies in our search for it. Perhaps there are questions that will remain that way... No one among us has the answer that is beyond the reach of all of us. Almost any theistic religion makes for a good case study; for reasons that I don't comprehend, there are high priests who seem to know the answer beyond our immediate experience and they claim to know what happens to us when we die. What makes them so special? Can we group them among psychics and other charlatans? Just because they are state-sanctioned doesn't mean they are beyond reproach.

If we extend the same reasoning, what makes some of these self-hype gurus any more knowledgeable than us? That's the problem I had previously when I threw out my own knowledge and experience just so I can learn from these seduction gurus. The reality is that they are no better than any average Joe. The secret lies with their ability to market themselves and to cross-promote each other. The secret to meeting people is to keep meeting people. Some we will get along and some we won't.

There aren't that many secrets to making money either. We simply have to work hard at our respective jobs and get along with our colleagues. Another is to keep trying out different ways to make money... The buzzword is about being entrepreneurial.

If we want to be healthy, we have exercise and eat right, just like what most of us learned from our parents. As for other unanswerable questions, we just have to learn to live with some mysteries in life. We should not keep looking for answers as if there's a void within us that only others can fulfill. We don't need gurus or some whatever coaches come along to teach us. Instead, we are better off looking within, accepting ourselves, improving what we can, and be happy with who we are. This is something I or a guest blogger will continue.

Setting up an effective and functional budget

I've discussed the importance of savings in previous blog entries. How to do it effectively? I've been keeping track of my income and expenditure for the past few years and I've finally nailed down an effective system that works.

In order to make a realistic and effective budget that I can keep up, I've been keeping track of all of my incomes and expenses. Not only do I record my financial activities into an excel worksheet, such as when & where each item occurs, how much, and involves which account (e.g. credit card? checking account?), I've also categorized all my transactions. On a monthly or any arbitrary period, I add up all my activities according to categories that I've set up. This way, I can get an overall view of how much I've earned and spent in each category.

The key to keeping track of financial activities is strike a balance between getting a summary (big picture) view vs. sufficient granularity so that I can identify which is most profitable and where I spent the most; i.e. finding leaks that I can plug. This is why categorizing each transaction is important, so that I can keep a summary table of categories, where I can track and eventually budget in advance.

To start with, each account has its own manila folder, preferably the pocket kind so receipts and invoices don't fall out of the sides. Each week, record all those transactions into my excel worksheet. My template is to have one row per day, and at least one column per account. The columns are not fixed, I have at least a dozen columns to handle several transactions per accounts and for multiple accounts. So each label includes what it's about (vendor, supplier, what it's about, category) and also which account. I have set up excel functions for each account to tabulate only transactions of that particular account. On the side, I have a list of different categories, and associate with each category, there's a summary value for each month. I also include how far away from the budget and what is the monthly average for this year and the last. This way, I can predict how much I will need to allocate for next year's budget.

The beauty of this system is that I can keep track of not only what's going on, whether my finance has deviated from history, my current progress and what else I need to do to reach my goals. If you want a copy of my excel template... shoot me an email.

Are you adventurous?

Don't watch if you have a fear of heights...

Does 'passive income' exist?

People often ask me about how this blog is doing and whether I'm making money from this. Yes, I do, but not as much as people are led to believe because of hype. If you are a frequent reader, you know how I like to draw parallels... Just like most seduction gurus talk about how often they get girls, the reality is that they are, AT BEST, just normal dudes who talk to girls and, like regular folks, they get about the same amount of tails.

Sure, there are times when they get a few more girls, but those are not that often. Unless you don't have a day job, it's not that fun to go on 4-5 dates (with a different girl each time) per week. Dating can be fun, but at that point, it becomes a chore, and who likes chores?!

Similarly, when people talk about earning a passive income, like investing, rental properties, blogging, Adsense, and who knows what else self-help/self-hype gurus will come up with next. There are many active and hidden expenses that people don't know about in order to earn a "passive income." There is a certain amount of voyeurism among people who read blogs, in order to satisfy that, they need a certain amount of personal tidbits and emotional escapism to keep them coming back for more. After awhile, blogging can take an emotional toll or at the very least, it takes a certain amount of passion and drive to keep going.

I was reading this one article about how "passive income" is really a myth. People forget to factor in other costs; take any rental property, those investment self-hype gurus don't talk about the work of finding good tenants, credit and background checks, upkeep of the property, and of course, good customer service is hard work. The easiest way to be rich is to born into a wealthy family, short of that, people have to work hard, work smart, save, and invest. There simply isn't an easy way around this... A passage that people often cite from the book "The Millionaire Next Door" talks about the following: Millionaires are frugal, most rich folks are that way because they saved what they make; sure, they might earn slightly more than others, but their saving habits are what make them rich. "They drive old cars, live in modest houses and wear average clothes. They are rich, not because they are lucky or they have found some secret formula to wealth, but because they work hard, keep a long-term perspective and spend little."

I previously blogged about how to be successful: we must have good mentors, reliable and loyal friends who will challenge and help us, and we don't have to be the best, just slightly better. The trick is to maintain that habit.

When it doesn't count...

This isn't a huge revelation, but it's something I just discovered recently from examining my past and comparing my experience with others. Guys are often confronted by how irrational girls can be. This would be a total shocker to those guys, but if you look back at your experience and/or others that you know. You will discover that girls don't count certain sexual encounters. I will discuss why knowing this is important in a little bit, after we have examined the circumstances surrounding these special encounters.

The main one being when girls are on vacation; they are away from their peer group and thus, social pressure and judgment. They are much more likely to hook up with random guys. So the extension of this is that well known vacation spots are havens for random hookups: e.g. Las Vegas. Another is when both parties have been in a platonic friendship, what does it take to push it into a no-string-attached sexual encounter? When either party is moving away from the social or peer group. I can do some magical hand-waving explanation using evolutionary biology, but just remember, the best way to build up sufficient sexual tension in any platonic relationship is the fear of loss... or jealousy. The third, and by no means the last, is when both parties have an understanding that either or both are experiencing difficulties in their respective relationships. Then the accidental chance encounter does not count. I can try to explain this using female psychological reasoning, but I don't want to confuse guys. Instead, we can manufacture these 3 circumstances to our advantage.

If you are reading this, I assume you are adult enough to assume responsibility for your own actions... both emotionally, psychologically, socially, and karmically (if you choose to believe it). The first one is easy, go on vacation with girls, things will happen. This can be shortened to taking girls from place to place, away from her peer group as soon as possible. The second one is exploited when guys initially approach girls, from body rocking to false-time constraint, and this can be constructed in such a way that the girl knows that the guy is just in town, or about to leave town. Finally, in my opinion, the most devious of them all, is that even when the girl knows for certain that the guy is still in a relationship, as long as he frames his relationship being on the rocks, not doing so well, and if he can build up enough sexual tension, which I will discuss in the future, the girl will hook up with him. What makes this the best is that there is an implicit understanding that this has to be a no-string-attached encounter and both parties have to be complicit in upholding their mutual vow of silence.

This, my friend, is how so many guys and girls cheat, live AND get away with it. Just because it is doesn't mean it's right, so set aside your judgment. Give this quote by Sir Francis Bacon some thoughts,

Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed.

This video destroyed the fond memory of my childhood.

How to get better at (almost) anything

Sure, we all know the typical mantras: work hard, learn the skills, practice,... But until we are tested, we don't know our strengths, weaknesses, and our level of skills. One essential ingredient is to surround oneself with smart people, people who are better than us, not just in terms of mentorship, but also to challenge us in ways that will improve ourselves.

When people get together, there inevitably will be politics, which is just part of the life of a social creature. Those who shrink from interacting with people will lead a very boring mundane life. In order to be successful, not only do we must surround ourselves with people who succeed, but friends / colleagues who will challenge us, who expect more from us, and in turn, we all improve by helping each other.

People often surround themselves with those who agree with them, especially those in leadership roles, they have their groupies of yes-men. Eventually, they will lose touch with reality, because they don't have to face the daily grind that helps others improve. In order to be play those political games well, we have to be smooth, like pebbles. Where do we find those? Among other pebbles, usually immersed within a body of water that jostles and grinds rocks together. So don't be among the lonely jagged rock, be among pebbles.