It's 3am, do you know who you are?

The first step in being social is get in touch with oneself, i.e. to truly know oneself. There are many gimmicks that we can learn to trick other people, but in the end, those gimmicks are way more difficult to learn unless you are a sociopath. I'm not one so I don't comprehend and can't describe one to you. So get in touch with yourself, think about who you are, what you have been, and where you like to be in the future.

Let's start with identities that almost always creep girls out. Needy guys are creepy guys. By needy, I am referring to guys who constantly want one thing or another... they want favors, emotional, financial, esteem-building, popularity, sexual,... You will see these guys standing on the periphery of dance floors, leaning against walls at bars, staring at people around them, or simply NOT contributing into a conversation, friendship,... They suck the energy out of any interaction because they are value vacuum.

On the other end of the spectrum are guys who think they are total gamers, they are delusional enough to think they are the masters of the universe. These are the community guys who constantly give advice because they have read all those forums. They are the ones who pretend to be gurus, start up their own dating "company," and their only goal in life is to help men by being dating coaches, lair presidents, (false) leader of men. They seem interesting in the sense that they seem to bring value, but the value they bring is as nutritious as splenda and olestra. In other words, they truly have no substantive value and give you anal leakage. They are the very textbook definition of a geek, they know all the jargon, routines, scripts, "kino escalation ladders," and all they do is talk, write fake reports, and advise others on what to do without doing anything themselves.

Now, what I'm about to describe is my observation of guys I notice who are good with women. They might not be the best, they certainly don't get laid like rock stars, they might not be the best or compatible people with you, heck, they might not be people you want to emulate, actually, why emulate when you should be yourself?! So who are the guys with girls in their life? They are social guys. They get along with people. They befriend others without an agenda. They don't pretend to know it all. They don't compare themselves against others. They don't seek to become popular but they are already naturally popular. They don't want anything, they will offer help when others seek them out. They bring value to any interaction. They provide a positive vibe in any social gathering. They don't scheme. So how do they get laid, you ask? They don't pretend to be something they are not. They are truly genuine, authentic, and natural with people. Girls feel at ease but also know that they will have fun with these guys. I'm not saying that this is the only way to get girls... Between self-proclaimed gurus, weirdo community guys, socially awkward gamers, and fun, happy, social guys, I notice the last group of guys has the most fun to hang out with and girls flock to them. They might not be speed seductionists, they don't claim to be "naturals," they don't bring woo-and-intent into their sets, they just are cool dudes, they are chilled, they don't want anything from anyone in particular.

Then why do girls flock to them? These guys are calm, collected, naturally funny, but not just in a juvenile way, they evoke positive emotions. They don't boast about their successes to everyone, although they might share with their close friends, and when shit happens, they learn and move on. In the next few blog entries, I will go in-depth on the journey to become fun, social, good guys who have girls in their lives. Unlike other scripted bootcamps, where they basically make their students feel good about themselves, and teach them lines and routines, or the latest, more bullshit jargon to learn so that community guys can communicate with each others. Believe me, in the 1.5 years I hung out with community chodes, that's all we did, all talk and no walk. Oh, what about workshops and bootcamps?! Most of their students don't get anywhere either, what you don't know is how many guys ask for refunds later, because it is not in the best interest of these seduction/dating companies to improve guys so that they don't need more workshops, more materials,... No, I don't have the answer or the best way to become an all natural authentic genuine organic gamer. All I can point out are mistakes I made, guys who improve and guys who keep going back for more workshops, community materials, etc.

Ultimately, to succeed is a journey that one has to embark alone, it's nice to have coaches, mentors, and friends, but you still have to do the work, you still have to go out, you still have to go talk to people, you will face rejections, you will make mistakes, and everything will be ok. Like many community guys, most will fail, and few will succeed. If you remember what it was like in middle schools, how many jocks in your school wanted to be pros, and how many of them are ones today? Life isn't just about success, but becoming at peace with oneself, make the best with what we have, and be content. Don't chase the dream, like George Carlin said, "It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it." Live in the now, look around you, that's reality. Don't deny what's around, but work hard to change yourself from within.