Letting go...

Approval seeking behavior can permeate from the initial approach all the way throughout the relationship. Success in opening all the way to !closing, in part, depends on not trying to get approval, IOI, validation,... from anyone, and especially girls. Being needy is usually unattractive to girls, especially if they are not attracted to the guy, and if he persists, he will be creepy. But if she's attracted, and the guy is needy, he might come across as endearing... at least in the beginning.

When I hang out with friends, I am open and honest with them, I say what's on my mind, usually without much filter between what goes on in my brain and what I verbalize. In fact, this blog is pretty much the same way. There's no need to create an avatar, a persona, something "attractive" to girls (or guys). I just be who I am. I live my life and whatever comes up, I'm sure I can deal with it. I find having the attitude of living in the moment very freeing; i.e., I don't get encumbered by the past or fixated about what to come.

This spontaneity is very important when I first meet someone. We have no history together and chances are, we probably won't have a future together. Our paths are crossing at this point and that's it. As nihilistic as this may sound, I find having this mindset very helpful in interacting with people; I don't want to take anything from them, I'm just there.

Another is once that I am in a relationship, I don't make myself too available and I also don't expect the same from girls. We limit how much time we spend together and we touch base once in awhile, mostly to set up a time to "meet." It's funny how when I let them go, they will eventually come back. This, of course, is dependent on having a strong identity.