How do we control ourselves?

Many people want to have control over their lives. They talk about it, ruminate over what they can do, enroll in courses, etc. What they don't realize is that the first step of taking control of one's life is by not relinquishing control in the first place.

I realize this goes against the conventional wisdom, especially among the religious faithfuls who often appeal to a higher power for guidance and assistance. There's a difference between accepting what one can control and not control vs. surrendering, and then thinking that there's a superior being that has power or knows the one true & right way to do something. Instead of constantly in search of the correct answer, people would be much happier if they just accept things for what they are, and start working forward.

There are times and places when we must seek help, because there are people who are more knowledgeable and more skilled in assisting us. But in most mundane day-to-day living, we are much better off if we don't have to feel like that we are walking on egg shells, because we are constantly second guessing ourselves, whether we are taking the correct course of actions or not. What irks me is that most silly coaches, from dating to life, they are just as ignorant as the general population. When information is so readily accessible, we might as well try different ways until we are happy with the solution. So many of us are raised with the expectation of being perfect, when life is more about learning from one's mistakes.

The trick is to learn from mistakes and what is our own tolerance to mistakes and flaws. I see so many who are learning to fail by failing to learn. They obsess over the immediate problems instead of focusing on the end result. They are constantly in search of that one true course that would lead them to salvation. This can range from following a guru, a school of thoughts, a set of beliefs, to a religion. I find life is more of a random walk, and as I get older, I discover what way points to look for on the way to my final destination.

Another fallacy with trying to maintain control is to constantly look for answers, life and people are far more interesting if we ask questions. The die-hard believers often dismiss those who ask questions and consequently, the same dogmatic followers never discover anything for themselves and they will never grow to reach their full potential. There are no specific set of prescription to have a happy and fulfilled life. We all have to be on our own to discover who we are and what makes us happy. Rather than setting and charting a course for ourselves and others, or to look to someone for guidance, we should feel the freedom to explore, to fail, to make mistakes, to learn from them, to give up control of others, and to follow our own desires.