The paradox of self-help
Ever wonder how there is always another breakthrough, another revelation, another brand new method to make us more productive, more self-actualized, more internally driven, more non-reactive, more and more fulfilling inside that we have to get it from outside?!
I was going to play an April's Fool prank on people but I decided to take the day off blogging so that people can reflect on the whole self-help marketing hype. Eckhart Tolle is all the rage now because he talks about being presence, being in the now, looking beyond the immediate reward, etc. To paraphrase what a friend of mine said, it's basically a repackaging of Buddhist philosophy for mass consumption in the West. I was curious of what this guy is about because being just another lemming and many of the "enlightened" seduction gurus were talking about him, so I checked out this guy.
Tolle has some interesting ideas, but they are all rehash of what has been said before, perhaps a modern interpretation of what is talked about in Zen Buddhism. Then I stumbled across him in Oprah. For those who are anti-feminist, I-am-not-a-wussy, I-am-all-about-gaming-chicks 24/7, this Tolle guy has been whoring himself out to Oprah for the past month in their online webcasts! If any seduction guru starts telling guys to watch Oprah, they might as well tell guys to leave the toilet seat down and their balls behind for girls sit on. So I stepped back and wonder how much do people really take in this self-help promotion and whether this has been yet another April's Fool that has been played on the mass consumption public for the past 30-some-odd years.
Let's dissect this a little deeper. At prima facie, this idea of being internally motivated, don't look for outside for validation, I'm all for it. Then people turn around, they are going out to buy more books to learn how to do all that. I'm not sure if there is enlightenment, and I'm the first to admit that I'm just as flawed as the next guy, but after awhile, my tolerance for bullshit is diminishing and I wonder how much more b.s. will the public take. The message is that we should not look to outside for answer, but in this book, this seminar, this workshop, this DVD, this whatever will show you how! Am I the only moron to not get this?! We should look inside for answers but we have to keep spending outside to get them?!
I too suffer from the second set of contradictions. Despite all that I rant and rave here about the self-help movement, I have benefited in terms of being more socially aware. But in terms of being internally driven, I've always been that way and that's how I got to where I am today professionally; i.e. I don't have to resort to hustling people I meet by trying to get them to buy my latest product, my new insight, my workshop / seminar,... The contradiction I see is how people use this "internally motivated" mindset to seek out external validation. Like I wrote earlier, even I suffered from it. Take pickup / seduction, on the one hand, the gurus talk about being improving oneself, but all to get girls. Just the very act of changing oneself in order to get something from someone externally has betrayed the very essence of being internally driven!
I've addressed this previously which bears repeating. Why do we constantly seek out people to show us the way? And is it the only way? Why don't we live as we please, do what we think is correct & proper, hopefully not violating or impinging on the liberty & rights of others, be at peace with who we are, and be at ease with those around us. Why do we need even need gurus? I'm not a devout Buddhist, although I am familiar with some of its philosophical underpinnings, that's basically what Buddha tried to steer people away from, we should not worship some gurus in order to reach enlightenment.
For those who wonder when I started to turn away from the community, when I stopped accepting bullshit as nuggets of gold and seeing them for what they are. So those are some contradictions that I've been wrestling with today. I thought it's quite amusing, people should take a deeper look within themselves and what they are doing. So come back tomorrow for more on how to be internally driven by reading the blog of some dude on the internet!
5 comments:
Ah... all very true statements.
However, even though they shouldn't be "worshipped", gurus are a necessary "evil"... lol.
There are lots of situations where it's much more effective to learn directly from someone that's "been there, done that" that it is to try to figure out things on your own.
Just don't become a "zealot" when you become enlightened through someone elses teachings :)
I hate that.
Re-read your post, and see your ego's judgement of this man. What makes you right and him wrong? If eastern religion can heal western wounds, where is the problem?
I never said he's right or wrong, just that he is rehashing of what is already been said. With that said, there's still nothing wrong with transferring knowledge from one culture to another.
What I blogged about is the inherent problem within the self-help movement... there's very little help that stems from within oneself but people are constantly seeking out others for help, i.e. externally instead of internally.
It's real simple. When you read the self-help book, or watch the seminar, it feels good. You get that jolt of "Yeah, I can actually do this! I'm actually DOING SOMETHING, this is great" etc, etc. It's like someone is there giving you warm encouragement, it's a good feeling. At least while you're watching that seminar, you aren't in your situation anymore. In some ways, you're living vicariously through the speaker's experience. For that moment, it makes you feel successful, even though you haven't really attained that success yet.
So then you go out and start doing what you have to do, to get the same success. But it feels like pushing a rock uphill. It's work. You have to actually feel afraid or go through your negative emotions. There'll be something good at the end but you have to get there first (and spending $25, $500, even $1000 is easier for some people than that). For a lot of people, I think that 'fake' feeling of success they get from the seminar is enough, when they weigh that up against what negative feelings they'd have to go through to get the 'true' success. So they settle for the fake.
But since the fake feeling doesn't last long, you need to watch another seminar or read another book to get that feeling back.
I actually don't think that's an entirely bad thing. The seminars and books prop me up - but I recognise that to truly get to where I want to go, I have to get stronger at propping MYSELF up. It's like a catalyst for change, that you use while building your own catalyst for change.
Thank you for your insightful comment, I hope you will step up and take credit for it next time!
I have seen what you wrote again and again in so many people that's when I realize that some people are simply addicted to the momentary high and not actually changing their lives.
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