How to get what you want...

The golden age of the "pickup community" is over. The best way to learn is to study briefly what is available out there, in terms of ebooks, audios, and videos. Then go out and start alone. I started by joining a lair, a local community; which I gradually discovered to be filled with losers who will never get better, that's why they are still in the lair, or guys who were as green as me. Guys who are good with women are almost like HBs, they are socially connected, good with people, and they simply don't waste time in online forums to meet people. How do I become one of those guys? By going out alone and be social!

I wasted much of my time trying to meet up with wings before who were simply society rejects and who will never be good at anything in life. I've met some great people from the local lair/forum, but I feel my progress was mostly from pushing myself to interact with non-community people. Few community people gave some good feedbacks, the rest of them are people that newbies should avoid so that they don't acquire any bad habits, mannerisms, just the general loser approach to life.

How did I start going out alone? I basically went to venues I like, I go in with the mentality that I'm there to wait for friends to join me, and in the meantime, I socialize with everyone around me. Another mind trick I used on myself is to put myself in the shoes of a tourist and that I'm new to town, I go out, I talk to everyone. Try this a few times, I guarantee that approach anxiety will either cripple you or you will find out that it's a marketing ploy. If you must have it, acknowledge it and plow right in... Otherwise, you'll sit there alone, like a dork, with creepy eyes looking at everyone else having fun. Or you can hang out with other dorks, aka community guys, and become dorkier the longer you hang out with them. Of course, the best way is just to go out, SMILE!, talk to everyone, socialize, what do you do with friends? Make new friends!

PU is not just taking the 'red pill'

Of 90 or so guys I've met in the local community, only a select few still go out to practice and to improve. Most of them, one way or another, about 80-90% of them, don't even go out but are KJs, and of the remaining 10-20%, 90-95% of them will eventually find some excuses not to go out; some blame on work, life, psychosomatic illnesses, knocked up some girl (yes, got her pregnant so that he is "tied down"),... some even become dating coaches so they don't have to approach but to make other do the heavy lifting. Learning to PU requires more than just swallowing the 'red pill' and whatever metaphors many like to use to separate themselves from the masses. The reality is that this skill set, like being a surgeon or anything that we were not born with, requires practice and continuous training just to maintain a certain skill level. I'm bringing this up not to discourage people, but to make most newbies aware that this shit is tough, and there's no magic other than hard work.

For those who haven't done it, and I'm definitely not the first to advocate this, learn to go PU alone! Yes, I've learned to make friends, and after I've reached a certain level, I have befriended the group that they would invite me to events. The goal of pickup should be about getting girls, but if I don't learn to make friends, how will I even get girls. I'm sure I will get to the point where I can blow out her friends and take the girl, but why be an ass when I can make new friends?!

Back to the hard work, I have met quite a few well known PUAs, and unlike how they appear on videos. In real life, they are just average guys and few if any of them have the success that we somehow think they do. They go out and socialize, some have more balls and I have witnessed them approaching & opening, sadly, I have seen only once or twice that they have any close; (let's see, I've seen well-known PU101 & its spawns, Charisma Arts, Mystery Method, one guy who is teaching for Venusian Arts, and some local guys who are (semi-)retired).

Going out, first and foremost, should be a fun and enjoyable experience. If it's anxiety provoking, figure that out and learn to calm yourself down. Then learn to be social, to both girls and guys, without any agenda. Once you have accomplished that, learn to isolate your target; if the girl doesn't want to move with you to have a private conversation, you probably won't get her number or any other close, and if you do, it won't be solid. After isolation, work on venue changing, how else will you get her home?! Have a group of solid friends who are cool... who you know won't try to run games on your girls... So you all can go out and pick up more girls together. Be calm, be at ease with yourself, be comfortable among strangers, be interesting and others will be interested. Until next time, take your balls and go talk to some women, the best teacher is in field experience and eventually, you will discover this isn't that difficult, it takes balls; both confidence and competence come from experience.

Cliff note version of a good pickup

HB in sight, start walking, don't think. Talk to her, get her to smile, appreciate her, validate her for her for showing interest, introduction. Relate to her emotionally, ignore factual description of anything but their emotional effects to make interaction more personal. Titrate interest with disinterest, pull/push/pull and turn interaction sexual. Establish connection, time constraint for day2 or continue fun interaction later on. Bounce between areas of the venue, bounce to different venues, and keep interaction light and fun. Sex is what people (who are comfortable with themselves and each other) do for fun.

Always stay in as in the frame as the evaluator. Qualify her, she's almost there, but not perfect. This sets her up to chase.

I will elaborate on each segment/stage/phase of the interaction in the future.

It's Awesome!

All that is wrong with the world, it's Awesome!

When someone can't open, it's Awesome...

If a girl doesn't hook, it's Awesome...

If someone failed to pull, it's Awesome...

If someone couldn't get laid, it's Awesome...

If there's a post anywhere that contradicts anyone, it's Awesome...

Why is that? Because...

This reminds me of Homer's Odyssey, Awesome is the modern day version of Οὔτις ("Nobody").

Where's the love...

For my cash?! What happened in the past couple of days? I normally get flooded with emails from all those seduction schools trying to sell me something, and it only takes a brief moment to tell me this great big secret about getting girls. As much as I hate spam, I feel so lost, so unloved, that, OMFG, the seduction community has abandoned me! Where's the attention? Where are those groping hands rummaging through my pockets to get at my wallet? Where are those tips I need to get girls?

Either that or GMail finally figured they were spam and started blocking them. Instead of reading those emails and blogs, oh, I almost forgot, keeping up with seduction forums and lairs, I started talking to girls. I can't believe how much fun they can be. Crazy? Yes. Quirky? Sometimes. And the best part is... If I make them fall head over heels in love with me, I get to see their heels over head!

Yes, I'm the man that your mom warned you about... especially if you are like her!

The community is a mean, not an end

There's an uproar of people in the community whining about the increasing publicity associated with The Game (book), TV shows, and soon to be released, the movie. Sure, the driving force behind it is all about fame and/or fortune, not because anyone wants to help another human being. What's the big deal? People have been seducing each other ever since there was sex... What is so novel about this? Oh sure, social mores, religious edicts, and political forces are used to subdue the mass and to ration sex so that only the power elite has access. The hard way is to become part of the power elite. Of course, the hustlers (and seducers) would find ways to short circuit that process. For every rule, there are more rule breakers out there. So what if the community is exposed?! I have found my path... to salvation, to the land of endless supply of vagines, no, no one has to commit suicide or anyone has to die.

The dirty secret is... MAKE FRIENDS! Yes! Those who cry foul the most in the community about being exposed are guys who don't have friends now nor can they make new friends. Sure, there are a few products here and there that talk about "social circle" game. First, I found happiness from within; I become at peace with myself, who and what I am, my abilities, my strengths, my weaknesses, and my flaws. I either accept them or I change for the better. When I go out, I'm always the fun person; some people can imitate it by banter and some other b.s., but having a sense of fun arises from within and I have no idea how that can be imparted on another until the receiver is at peace with him/herself. If I can attribute anything to innergame, having a sense or feel of what is fun, being that fun person is having a strong innergame. Second, be social. This is probably what people say is the outergame. This is definitely a skill set that can be learned... because I certainly wasn't as gregarious as I am now. Using methods, techniques, routines, banter lines,... can help a person to develop his/her social skills. Ultimately, this requires a strong foundation, having that sense of fun becomes the people magnet, and eventually, social intelligence is developed.

Finally, the combination of having fun being social will lead to making new friends. When I first entered into the community, I thought there was some camaraderie, a common purpose, and we are all supposed to help each other to become better. Then I discovered that most people in the community not because they want to help others, but because they are stuck here... another example of the Peter Principle. So the community has two groups of people, the naive newbies who are entering, and the old guards who will never get out other than to prey on and to keep on misguiding newbies. Those who developed any social skill, they leave and never look back. This period of their lives is not something to be proud of or talked about!

Oh back to the subject at hand, the solution is to develop confidence (strong innergame) and competence (strong outergame) in order to make new friends, with normal people, not the social misfits and rejects. The amazing thing is that most normal people also have normal social skills, which naturally lend themselves to having more social friends. And normal and social people also have activities. If you are cool enough, normal and social enough, people will invite you to these events and introduce you to even more people, and naturally, your social circle will expand and then, when you look back, you will wonder why you ever wasted that precious part of your life with those rejects in the community.

How did I come to this insight? I was invited to a party, supposedly a heavily promoted party here in Seattle last night... filled to the brim with hotties, by two groups of girls, who I befriended through my expanding social circle. Funny thing was, as the party picked up, there were hordes of community guys sharking the venue. Perhaps this is a Seattle phenomenon, they didn't open, and if they did, their sets didn't hook. Basically, they might have schemed, planned, strategized, practiced, and rehearsed on ways to get girls; they ended up where they started with, no normal friends but community guys. Since I'm not part of their elite, fight club, or whatever the fuck these community guys had going on (which was probably nothing), I still ended up at the same venue for the same event, except I was there with normal people and I didn't even have to hunt for girls! Better yet, the girls invited me there were professionals, not the skanky teases.

So the lesson from all this is... be normal, go out, make friends; if you are cool enough, people will invite you to events, and you will end up with more friends... instead of out hunting and going home... alone to "masturbate with tears as lube." (Thanks Sinn!) If you just joined the community, use it for what it is... make as many new non-community (i.e. normal & social) friends as possible, then get the hell out! Don't be a lifer... have a life and go live it!

I'm invited to another happening party tonight, I'm not telling where. Perhaps I will get to laugh at more community guys sharking there!

Peace & love!

Life is one shot, one opportunity, carpe diem

This is the 100th post and it's time to reflect on what has transpired. Much of life is about seizing that one moment, do not flinch, as Eminem asked, "Would you capture it or just let it slip?"

Life is more than just going through a series of motions and it is too short to be killing time. From the moment eye contact is made, we have to commit to initiating the interaction, if not, then don't bother. Once the interaction has started, we have to escalate, or that connection will go stale and it will, ultimately, fail. There are many turning points, and almost every turning point, we have to deal with each and every shit test effectively. Previously, I discussed about having the balls to open sets, afterward, it's all about keep talking until girls open up, some will and some won't. Success in opening is dependent on the first impression; that's why I suggested people to spend money on their look, better posture, body language, and some things everyone can change, hair style and wardrobe! Oops, if you don't have hair, I guess you can't change... I kid! Save your money on workshop, spend it on yourself first. If you truly have psych issues, get help from accredited individuals, as in the tried-and-true, proven-to-work, traditional therapy using medication if necessary, not more bootcamps, PUA materials, improv class, etc.

Afterward, it's all about talking, being interesting, and as I got better, I discover that attraction is easy too get and it's very fleeting. Try different ways, some girls are more responsive to the fun guy, others to the cool dude, and many to the insightful/introspective man; correspondingly, banter monkey, DHV storyteller, and of course, Juggler's open ended questions to get her to invest into the interaction. If the girl doesn't comply this early on, as in, banter back, stay to listen to the story, or to respond to OEQ, then either keep plowing or move on. Only experience in field can provide that calibration. Seize on her response, and keep escalate! Once she has committed to the interaction, then we have to be direct, express our interest, and lead! Girls must know the guy has done this before, that he knows what he wants and what he will do.

How do I know what to do? By going out and trying stuff on my own with some feedbacks from friends. Forget workshop, forget this blog and others, forget what I read... Be a man, be my own man. As shown in the picture earlier, eventually, I have arrived at the end of the road, the promise land, the oasis, it could be a mirage, or a dead lake with evaporation into thin air. In fact, most "dating coaches" and seduction-oriented companies are all about making money off us, so they are more devoted to marketing than to teaching... and least of all, care about us to be sure we are the right people to take it, and to improve with their materials.

Just look at the early fracturing between Mystery and RSD crew, Mystery Method Corp. (without Mystery) into Venusian Arts, recently, Juggler and his manager, and hot off the press, Pickup101 and Sean Newman/Messenger. Who can ignore the Walmart of seduction materials, David D, first he tried directing it to girls, with Christian Carter, now, he, back as himself as Eben Pagan, has turned back to marketing people who he learned all those tricks to sell "cocky & funny" to us.

As scary and even as negative as this sounds, I did, I failed, I learned, and I kept repeating. The only thing that sometimes suffered has been my ego. But when I recall all my fond memories, a few bruises to my ego are the cost to improving me. Just do it. Don't worry about what others think, by impressing or teaching others, be who you are, be a man.