How to get what you want...
The golden age of the "pickup community" is over. The best way to learn is to study briefly what is available out there, in terms of ebooks, audios, and videos. Then go out and start alone. I started by joining a lair, a local community; which I gradually discovered to be filled with losers who will never get better, that's why they are still in the lair, or guys who were as green as me. Guys who are good with women are almost like HBs, they are socially connected, good with people, and they simply don't waste time in online forums to meet people. How do I become one of those guys? By going out alone and be social!
I wasted much of my time trying to meet up with wings before who were simply society rejects and who will never be good at anything in life. I've met some great people from the local lair/forum, but I feel my progress was mostly from pushing myself to interact with non-community people. Few community people gave some good feedbacks, the rest of them are people that newbies should avoid so that they don't acquire any bad habits, mannerisms, just the general loser approach to life.
How did I start going out alone? I basically went to venues I like, I go in with the mentality that I'm there to wait for friends to join me, and in the meantime, I socialize with everyone around me. Another mind trick I used on myself is to put myself in the shoes of a tourist and that I'm new to town, I go out, I talk to everyone. Try this a few times, I guarantee that approach anxiety will either cripple you or you will find out that it's a marketing ploy. If you must have it, acknowledge it and plow right in... Otherwise, you'll sit there alone, like a dork, with creepy eyes looking at everyone else having fun. Or you can hang out with other dorks, aka community guys, and become dorkier the longer you hang out with them. Of course, the best way is just to go out, SMILE!, talk to everyone, socialize, what do you do with friends? Make new friends!
7 comments:
haha, yeah man.
it's a bit of a catch-22, though. how can you become normal when you can't socialize, and how can you socialize without being normal? perhaps this is a fallacious way to see it however, since they somewhat compliment each other; when you work on one, you inevitably improve the other. somewhat of a minor detail that some people might overlook...
in any case, you somewhat know my story on how i got into the community and eventually left it in disgust, so i'm not going to write it out again. :p
You pretty much learned to socialize with people on your own. How many guys in the community showed you stuff? In fact, I'm willing to bet that you act and behave more normal than guys in the lair for longer than 2 years!
1st Guys in the community have way below social skills.
2nd Guys in the community have fucked up lives and some times it's a pain in the ass to deal with them.
Therefore I left the community completely. Even deleted people from my myspace account. I don't want any ties with them.
Silly me that I thought they could change for the better... Perhaps, just maybe, this pickup stuff will make them normal if not social. Unfortunately, they will remain the same way forever, with VERY FEW exceptions.
I thought I look for the best in people, until they keep repeating the same pattern of behaviors. Then I know they have a permanent problem; bootcamps/workshops/pickup is just a temporary solution.
@vibe
[quote]...Therefore I left the community completely.[/quote]
... and start writing stupid comments on blogs or what?!
The above points are good ones. Especially the point about hanging out with non-community guys. I think the more diverse one's social circle the more opportunities to grow.
Remember to give people a chance and to try to learn something from that person regardless of how fucked up his life is. He came to the community with some of the same hangups and hopes you did.
Also try to leave that person with something positive, even if it's a comment about his style or approach and, yes, even if he's a complete dickhead. Someone in such a low place that he can't even hang peacefully with the guys he goes out with REALLY needs this kind of encouragement.
Of course, if someone is crossing your boundaries it's time to call it quits and stop associating with that person, as mentioned above. No exceptions.
Just realize many people in the community face the same difficult challenges you do and it's easy to hate but try to do the opposite. Peace.
I really kike what you said, especially the comment about setting your mind set to that of a tourist in a new town or waiting on friends to rid yourself of anxiety. Good advise!
Please share more of your insights as you have a good way of viewing and handling potentially dibilitating obstacle.
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