What does 'having confidence' mean to women?

Have you ever wondered why people only get a certain type of girls? Some even turn that into a fetish... in order to cover their inability to connect with other people. That comes down to a problem of confidence. What do women mean when they say they are looking for confidence in men? Guys talk about growing balls, man up,... to do something. All these can be trace down to one thing.

I'm sure many can build up their innergame with various techniques, e.g. hypnosis, NLP,... By far, the best way of developing innergame is through competence. Competence stems from having experience. So having confidence in womenese really means someone with experience. Most girls want to be led and what they look for is someone who has the experience, someone who has done it before, someone who knows about other people (i.e. girls) like her, and ultimately, someone who knows what to do with her.

If you are the adventurous type and talked to a few girls who are different to you... maybe even out of your league. The best way to DHV (ugh, I know, "brag") yourself is to tell her a story, preferably a funny one, that lets her know that you have been with girls like her. Of course, if you don't know what kind of girls she is, then start going through your stack of stories with different types of girls. The goal is to subcommunicate that we have experience with girls like her and by inference, we know what to do with her, i.e., we can lead.

Some ways to have stories are: (1) be open to new experiences, live an adventurous life, (2) by proxy, through watching, reading, and talking with others, and (3) learn to tell stories. Successful guys are ones who don't set their lives to just get girls, guys who do become lair gurus or dating coaches, who are better at seducing guys than girls. The next step is to go out just to mingle and talk with strangers. I rarely ever game girls, in fact, keep the interaction light and fun. Game is really necessary once we are in isolation, then we have to slow down the interaction, where we turn from verbal to physical. That's why kino/touching early and often is important. We don't get the state break as we transition to physical. There are other techniques I'll cover in future blog posts.

So, grow some balls, man up, and start talking with strangers. Get into the mood of sharing with people. Eventually, we will build up a repertoire of stories, routines, and finally, experience with different types of girls. Why travel the world, when we can make girls from different parts of the world, umm, come to us?!

Respect

Many have said but rarely ever adhere to, "Bros before hos." I am honor to be among a super secret elite group of sour grapes, who are definitely intermediate level PUAs, even though they seem disturbed, very disturbed. But we are still working on getting the solid 8's. And if you are not a local, you'd wonder WTF I've written.

Where we go in life is important, who we bring along is even more important. Awhile back, I've blogged quite a bit about having fun and being social. The result of that is to build up a circle if not more of friends who are the same way. Sure, life is so much more enjoyable when there is a group of people who are there along life's journey. Who our friends are reflections of different aspects within us... So if you wonder who you are, look around at who are there beside you.

There are some transient friends of convenience. I would group colleagues from work into this category. We might get along at work, but we don't socialize outside of work. There are also who we work together, watch out for each other, and finally, go out and socialize together. These are friends who we continue our friendships even after we parted ways at work. For this to happen, we must cultivate our friendships on a deeper set of values... not just sarging buddies of convenience, i.e. because we don't have girls to hang out to be our "pivots."

I'm not proud to admit, at one point in my life, I was quite active in the community. I attended countless meetings, met up with master PUAs on their road shows, and even went out with some of them. Even more embarrassing was that I actually "sarged" with some social retards, we have done our shares of creeping girls out; but I have grown out of that. It was like my awkward phase of social adolescence. When my social face had countless zits, I was wondering what was happening inside me, and why I had trouble fitting in. Then I came to the realization.

I had more than the one main goal of getting girls. Sure, sex is fun, and sex is definitely more fun that "sarging." I realized that I was socially awkward because I was uncomfortable with who I am. Until I started accepting, then liking who I am and will be, I could not deal with the external social world. The second part was to align myself with relatively social people, who also have that part of their lives sorted out. They are comfortable with themselves and they are not afraid of being who they are. The next step of being with each other had a synergistic effect on our level of relating, socializing, and finally, drawing in other people.

Part of being a human being is to align ourselves with great friends, note that I didn't write being a leader of men. We are not there to "social proof" each other, but rather, social proof arises naturally out of we enjoying each other's company and having fun together. When I see pack of wannabe-PUA's (even ones at the intermediate level) constantly sharking any venue, part of me dies because I truly feel sorry for them. They don't bring something of value, friendship, to the group. So after you have done the requisite among of "sets" alone by yourself, and you can befriend almost any group of strangers and finally, cultivate a great cohesive group of friends. You are ready to go out and take over the venue... This is the first step toward World Domination.

If you still wonder what the first paragraph means, I might explain privately... Just as they were forwarded to me privately.

My personality

I've been busy with work and umm, girls. This is the result of a recent personality test that I took:

1. Flexible temperament: Nothing seems to bother you - you sail through life crisis free. It's not that your life doesn't have its ups and downs, it's just that you handle everything without unnecessary drama and antics. You approach each day fresh, not worrying about yesterday or tomorrow. You are confident that you can handle anything that comes your way and experience has shown that you are absolutely right about this.
2. Simple interests: You are continually pursuing a simpler and less complicated life - you don't allow yourself to fall victim to all of the "should do's" that society continually bombards you with. You are thoughtful about your life choices and think in terms of yourself, others and the world in which we live. You have a great sense that we are part of something much bigger and we must be good to others, if we want others and the world to be good to us.
3. Adventurous amusement: It's a good thing that you are filled with energy and ambitions (that others sometimes find exhausting) because you're continually looking for a new adventure and exciting experience. You struggle with a continual feeling of restlessness which constantly pushes you to the next level of excitement. Once you have accomplished one thing, you are eager to accomplish something more exciting, riskier and distinguishable.
4. Physical passion: You are a cuddle bug - from a warm hug shared with your best friend to steamy sex with your partner, you enjoy every bit of human contact that you can get. You demonstrate your love for others most fluidly through physical one-on-one contact and you feel the most loved when you are being touched. You feel disconnected when you are physically isolated from others. You're a people person and a lover of all things human.

Others have taken the same test and they didn't fit their test results at all... Oh well. Mine described me accurately.

Cooking under pressure

Many stressors in life are created internally. The whole approach anxiety is basically mental drama that people conjured up because of something else. Remember how you made friends in kindergarten? How is meeting a stranger any different now?! Most interactions go nowhere and that's quite alright... what bothers me lately is that day in and day out interaction, that gradually builds and sneaks up on me. I am having a difficult time dealing with the emotional impact of it.

The journey that I started over 1 year ago has gotten me quite far considering how much of a social retard I still am. From what I see, the effort of keep going pays off eventually. Beware of this...

Where am I now and where do I want to go... in terms of "pickup." I've been wrestling with these questions the past few days and I don't have any good answer. I'm happier than I was this time last year. I'm almost as happy as when I was in a very fulfilling romantic relationship previously. Partly, I am glad that I don't have to deal with those man-on-man dramas. Partly, I am relatively happy with my progress in field. Partly, I am juggling with some relatively successful relationships. The difficulty is answering the question: what is enough?

Don't be stupid

Even if I know Sinn's real name, which I do, why would I post it on here? I'm not going to divulge anyone's identity on here, I have done my best to conceal the real life identities of people (I know and those I don't), even those whom I find abhorrent. Stop doing silly searches and trying to mine for personal information about people here. Sheeesh. For all you know, what I write here might be completely fictional, don't bother trying... this is my blog, not the New York Times (or TMZ).

Converting cold approaches to more girls

There's a certain amount of thrills involved, and to constantly hone in our skills. There are also ways to exponentially expand our results of converting cold approaches into more girls. That is being social and bringing value to any interaction. How to have friends of girls literally hand them to you... how to expand the pool of women to pick from... finally having choice in who to spend our valuable time.

The reality is that girls always get invitations to events and of course, girls rarely go alone. The trick is to find a few girls who are socially connected, preferably single so they have plenty of guys going after them. Flirt with them, have fun, and definitely be social when I'm out with them, I even enlist them in picking up girls, uh, socializing with other people. They feed off my attention to them, in the process, girls have this inherent desire to feel connected and if we present ourselves as people who can do that, girls will naturally invite us along. There are some caveats though.

First, be sure to surround ourselves with socially savvy guys who are not horn dogs (again, no community guys, or guys who think they are total gamers and willing to bone anything with a hole). Definitely have friends who have values. Second, be sure befriend everyone, including their potential suitors, and the more we push girls toward these guys, the less attractive these guys become. The trick is more than leading, but to plant the seed in how nice these guys are and to sub-communicate their behaviors as needy, approval-seeking, creepy, low value, and thus, they are horn dogs without results. The double-bind is that these guys can't refuse compliments from us in front of girls, but in girls' eyes, they appear as weak because we are qualifying these guys... giving them approval (whether they were truly seeking it or not).

Finally, another important skill is to be able to hang out with other guys. When they feel that they can get girls through us, they will feel compel to hand their girls (they failed to get) to us. So always add value to any interaction. You never know how many girls will start calling you, or some how, magically ending up at your doorstep.

Peeling off the layers

Getting girls at the bar, such as pulling them home, and even having sex with them that very night, is not a big deal! At any given bar, doesn't matter whether it's classy or not, there are plenty of girls who are out for sex... It's a numbers game. If we talk to enough of girls in there, lower our standards enough, we will get some that night. Is that worth it? Do we want to go out hunting night in and night out, every week? Or are having relationships (be they monogamous or not) more fulfilling?

Awhile back, I posted questions about identity and our purpose in life... those are the questions we all struggle with throughout our lives and raising those questions seems to trigger an almost universal response of, "OMG, someone who is going through the same turmoils as me." Sure, there are exceptions. For many people, they are like onions. They take time to peel through one layer after another, but there are some core questions that get at that very quickly. At the risk of sounding like a Mystery fan boy, his statement, "I didn't get an instruction book on how to live my life." It is vague enough, but also insightful enough to trigger that same universal OMG response.

Even though I use many community routines/techniques, I wouldn't consider myself a pickup artist, and I don't do pickup. What I do, however, is being social... being a normal human being. I don't belong to a special elite group of social retards. In fact, I make my interactions with girls so smooth, so fun, that they don't remember me how I #closed them and we might not have sex the same night we met, but we will keep on having sex for months afterward. One is to avoid state break and the other is strengthening that core emotional connection.

The way I avoid state breaks is to multi-thread. Stories stack on top of stories, conversational threads weave into another but they rarely finish, avoid the dreaded question train that goes after each bullet point in a resume, and always escalate, but not in a predictable way. Once girls accept that the interaction is like an emotional roller coaster, they will accept that they don't know what's coming because everything is sort of random and yet, but they continue to feel safe with me. That's how I build trust and comfort. Ways to create that randomness, and thus causing confusion, is to combine different techniques, push-pull, cat-string theory, microcalibration, rolling off, yin-yang,... "Bullshit baffles brain," as Lovedrop described.

Just as people are like multi-layered onions, conversational threads should be a tangled mess like a Gordian Knot, and interactions should allow us to connect at multiple emotions. Sure, there are simple routines to pump up buying temperature to overcome resistance or get girls to past compliance tests, and of course, sex is the final compliance test. What I am getting at is that each interaction should have this natural flow to it and routines can keep the inertia going, but much of it is improvisation, many market that as natural game, I personally prefer to call it organic game (tm). Think of trees, I defy anyone to find two identical trees, so interactions can be group into similar species, but they are rarely identical even though they have similar components, roots, leaves, branches, flowers, and seeds. After all that bullshit, even onions grow from seeds. (And yes, organic game is a subset of In-her game; for the humor impaired, it's a joke!)