The in-her game(tm): Working toward success
Most people often like to dream, to discuss what they want, they need, they will have, but they don't do that one thing. It's always easier, safer, and more familiar to dwell on what is possible, what to learn, what to do, than to take the chance and start doing.
There's a parallel between not getting things done and not going up to talk to girls. The hesitation that people have in approaching girls is also what's holding people back from having success in their lives. I previously blogged about people not having women in their lives is only a symptom. "Gaming" will get them a horny & drunk girl now and then, it doesn't address a much deeper problem: an unsuccessful life. To get anywhere in life, not even success, requires not just learning, doing due diligence, deliberate planning, but actual execution. Making the approach and taking that first step.
The actual step in working toward any goal and closing the door on mental masturbation is taking the first action. That's why meeting is a waste of time. People tend to go over the same plan or discussing what might or might not happen rather than doing to see what actually happen. The next crucial step is to monitor that progress. What's worst than having unrealistic expectation? Lack of honesty to oneself. That's the problem with people who are positive thinkers and they constantly reframe, twist, and distort what is happening in order to lie to themselves.
Realistic goals and expectations allow us to plan out the necessary steps to get there. Once we started taking actions, we have to monitor our own progress, find out where we are, and use some metric to determine if we are reaching our goals. That's why optimists, or worst yet, reframers, would deny factual evidence as truth, and they will fail disastrously. The problem is that we would rarely encounter the optimist who fail because we don't glorify failure in this society. But being among optimistic losers within the community, that's when I see this problem.
I was naive enough in my professional life because I am surrounded by successful individuals. We find the problem, discuss our plan, and just do it. Then I encounter many community guys failing at their lives, all they do is talk about what is possible instead of doing what will probably lead them to success. Most fail because they don't pull the trigger and take action. Many more fail after they have taken action but they don't critically evaluate their progress. Again, it's easy to externalize one's problems and failures, the difficulty is accepting responsibility so that we take, that's right, the necessary action to correct our own mistakes.
Dream less, think more, plan it out, take action, and monitor progress. Rinse and repeat until you get there.
5 comments:
Great post, be1man. I think what you're calling positive thinking or optimism is simply magical thinking. It's not just dwelling on the possible, but it's more of an inversion of the world, exchanging inner and outer space as if one's inner state determines the outer world rather than interacts with it in complicated way. And it's certainly some kind of defense mechanism of warped community guys who have to convince themselves that they're straight or that even though they're 40 pounds overweight there's some hottie who'll want to go home with them or that though they don't have friends they can be the life of a party or a bar star or while they've never seen the local gurus go home with a girl who isn't ugly or fat or emotionally damaged that they'll soon be banging hot quality girls.
It's one thing to be talking about affirmations as a way of keeping yourself in state or energy vampires as a useful metaphor for a kind of people you should avoid. It's quite another to believe that affirmations will make things happen or that you have energy surrounding you that certain people prey on.
Forgive me for quoting another one of my emails:
"And I realized that there's a lot of magical thinking in the world of dating. There's just too many hard truths that people are unable to face. That's why community guys reinterpret their world in terms of inner space, as if they need to be positive and feel as if they're going on an adventure to get girls.
It's nothing of the sort. You go where there's girls. If it's noisy and unpleasant and overstimulating, you learn to deal with the environment. And then you talk to girls. They might not be into you, you might face rejection, but for sure you'll also get attraction from girls you had thought out of your league. And eventually, you'll get some confidence, some things will click, and you might not be able to pick up girls at a bar, but your guy friends will start treating you as if you're good with women, girls you know socially will start seeing you as a sexual being, you'll be able to banter with girls in your day to day life and you'll know you have a change with them, and then you'll have options. It's not complicated. It's not a matter of reframing and controlling your social environment. It's a matter of stepping outside of your comfort zone and being rejected and having girls assume that you're a creep."
this is good stuff you wrote here bud. too bad a lot of the guys dont see this the way you do.
I think you really hit the nail on the head with this. The tragedy is for those of us who are already at this stage, we've internalized this information and can successfully use it. The "unwashed masses" of PUA's infesting forums, clubs, and lounges everywhere will simply acknowledge it all as Killjoying, being negative, or having limiting beliefs. They will then continue to not get laid and over-analyze every social situation they encounter.
Even better, they'll start referring to every guy not similarly brainwashed and filled with false hopes as "AFC" or a "chode". And then, of course, take yet another bootcamp which still not resolve the underlying problem... which is that underneath all the pseudo psychology, peacocking, and body language, there's nothing underneath holding together their everyday lives.
Diverse opinions and viewpoints are a good thing, or where else would I get my fodder? :)
awesome post. i know of a few people who still hold true to this sort of "positive reinforcement" even if everything is really not all that they say it is. hell, you might even know who they are. :p
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