Existential dilemma

Idle hands are the devils tools. Now that we are here with nothing better to do than to figure out how to get more poons. Am I making the best use of my brief time here? Or am I truly using these social skills to apply more to life? I wonder sometimes.

In tinkering around this blog and finally writing up about myself in my profile, I started wondering. My job is fun; I have the freedom to be creative, to learn, and to apply what I know in ways that's beyond what I thought possible when I was a kid. There is the daily drudgery of office politics and doing the necessary kiss up & kick down. I am at a point when I have started to question if I'm putting my time to doing what is of benefit to me, to those around me, and ultimately, to society/humanity.

Much of my life, I have often debate doing what is good for myself and balance that with my time devoted to helping others. There must be an intrinsic value to be selfless, not sure what it's for and I don't know why I have this need to do it. After what happened last week, I kept telling myself it's the right thing to do and to spend that much of time on her case. In the end, it was very emotionally draining to care for someone who I have some emotional investment. This goes back to why I often stay out of the business of caring for people who I already know. In the case of my professional capacity, I have to be selective in how much leakage I can allow in my firewall.

In the past, I took awhile to get to know someone even through warm approaches / introductions. Since I often seem emotionally compact and put together, I came off as someone who wasn't needy and thus, girls tend to chase if they feel attracted, especially through my ability of getting people to open up to me. With cold approaches however, I learned to elicit attraction early on because I thought I would get blown out otherwise. I'm going to improve my presentation, "looks", so that I can go in and be genuine. Unlike working professionally, I need to appear some what emotionally vulnerable, while not be needy, in a balanced way to draw her in and to bring her along for the emotional journey. I am still learning to escalate physically during this journey as well as some verbal & physical flirting.

I can't wait until next weekend, when I get to try out something new. I want to get so good that when I pull off her panties, they will be so wet that when I throw them up at the ceiling, they will stick!