What do you want to be when you grow up?

Don't say a Poo-ah or a dating coach! (Credit: Vibe)

That's what girls will say in a few months. There are a few mistakes I made in my life, one of which was to waste my time with losers in "seduction lair." Almost all of these guys want to be somebody, sadly, most aspire to be dating coaches. There are some great dating coaches out there; just as there are some amazing professional athletes, but for the rest of the population, go get a job that you like, that you are good at, and quit chasing this fantasy.

Now, may be I'm stupid, I actually went to school, graduated with a professional degree, and I'm happily working. What's even more weird is that I am actually happy with my job, I keep great friends who are lively, interesting, and fun. Sure, I go out, I do use community techniques/routines, sometimes I succeed in connecting with girls, sometimes not, most of the time, I'm happy just to be alive and sharing my life with good people.

I don't squander my life to chase the impossible dream of becoming the world's best (or second best) PUA. I am fun, I can be social and if I meet someone for the night or however long, that's great. My life and my happiness are not dependent on some girls. Nor do I change my goals, my career, my outlook, my persona, my being so that I can get girls. Although Mystery doesn't live what he preaches, "Pickup arts should enrich your life, not define it." There are some amazing guys out there, bona fide professional pickup artists, ladies men, great dating coaches, who hook up with different girls regularly. Not many guys can be like them, that's why picking up girls is their profession; for the rest of us, we might as well concentrate on doing what we are good at and pickup is something we do for fun.

Within the community, I've seen so many guys who are unhappy with themselves. They take one workshop after another, change their wardrobes, their careers, denying who they really are and of course, they end up being even more depressed. Many go from one girl to another, not by choice, but because girls eventually discover that these guys have no identity, no personality, no friends, just an empty shell, and dump their sorry asses. Of course, they would deny that and claim their girls are boring, bitches, or whatever. What they don't do, that they should, is to examine their inner selves, ask themselves these difficult questions... what are they, what do they want to do with their lives,... and they will never admit it, they probably suck in bed. That's another dirty little secret of life, guys who can't keep girls around, they do NOT perform sexually. I'm willing to bet that this is the main cause of many breakups and divorces.

Go pursue something that brings joy to yourself and others; for most people, that means not being dating coaches. Create a life that is worthwhile, choose and excel in your job, surround yourself with good/decent/honest/loyal friends (not "wings"), and be social, go out to mingle, to join the rest of humanity, don't try to see if you can hustle a buck from another poor lonely guy or think you slip your little limp penis into a girl. Leave hustling to the pros, if you aren't one now, you won't be one. Worst yet are wannabe parasites, who try to hustle and cannibalize the community instead of making a worthwhile living. People in the community should stop thinking they got the secret, they are superior than everyone else, they are where they are today because they are societal rejects, make an effort to take part in, participate, contribute to society instead of trying to leech off it.

"She's already sold."

"Cut the bull," I'd say. People have been forwarding me links to stories and FR/LR, I read them out of respect for people who sent it, not for the authors. Guys would go on and on about how their girls wanting to fuck, how the deal is done, and she's already sold. But at the end of the story, he just got her number, her email, or he just took her home and nothing happened afterward.

I know guys with ego problems need the validation from other guys. But keep the bullshit to a minimum, it's quite alright that you didn't have sex with her, and by sex, I am using the President Clinton definition, oral doesn't count, fingering doesn't count, even with a cigar doesn't count, anal/sodomy, may be. Seriously, sexual intercourse is really no big deal. She's just another girl. Both of you had fun, that's all that matters.

Stop writing up bullshit in order to get validation from other guys, especially when it's not funny. Not many of us can write, even fewer of us are funny, rarely are we surrounded with friends who are also funny, and most definitely, how many of you bloggers, forum posters, become Tucker Max? That's right... None. There's only one Tucker Max. (I know, he should set up an affiliate program so I can make some money off this blog).

Quit writing to brag about some bullshit "sarge" when you just went on yet another date with a bunch from chodes, PUA/Poooo-Ah from the lair of losers!

What's your favorite movie?

Not the one that made you cry, not the one that made you question yourself, not the one that opened your eyes, I mean the one that got your more tails than anything else. This subject came up in my conversation earlier, and without a doubt, my favorite is Titanic. I discovered in college, the best excuse was to get a girl to come over was to invite her to watch movies. Thanks to Titanic, I got laid after the movies when it was still playing in the theater, when it was released in VHS, HBO, DVD, and recently, someone performed the theme song at a restaurant.

Thank you, James Cameron and Celine Dion. You helped me close the deal. Go ahead, you can add this to your stack as your movies value elicitation routine!

I still blame girls to this day, for ruining many movies for me, because they didn't let me finish, no, not that! Watching movies, so I really don't know the ending to many popular movies!

And I'm slow too.

I just discovered Tucker Max today. Oh my gawd, I thought I've read some hilarious stuff because guys don't know how stupid they are... and after I read Tucker Max, his stuff is gut-busting eyes tearing up funny. In case you missed those links, check it out by clicking here.

So I'm going to hell

Why? Probably NOT for flirting with girls, dating multiple girls, having meaningless, albeit passion-filled crazy no-string-attached sex, and certainly NOT for trying to get people to buy something from me.

How dare I to mock people who talk about "inner game" and turn that into "in-her game" (tm). How dare I to call most self-proclaimed seduction gurus "gay" for trying to seduce men/boys, into buying their products. How dare I to write that looks matter more than game. How dare I to suggest that most nerds/geeks/misfits who didn't have friends up until a certain age, probably should drop out, because they have missed that social-development window. How dare I to repeat what Sinn said before, that most guys don't get good at pickup. How dare I to tell people that realizing the American dream, is almost like winning the lottery!

Life is a combination of nature and nurture. We can make do with what we got, some people are, because of their time and place, happen to be "it." If Mozart was born today, he would probably be diagnosed as autistic and if he's lucky, he might appear on 60 minutes; and if his mother is a celebrity, like Jenny McCarthy, there might be a book about him. Sure, we all deep down want to be somebody, the reality is, we don't have to settle, we struggle and make the best of what we got.

Same with pickup. Most guys who are in the community now, rarely because they were good with women. Usually, by inference, they are probably not very popular with people in general. That's why I'm a strong advocate of not running game, not being natural, I'm all about being normal. What is normal? It's about having friends, learn from each other, have fun together, build memories together. Once we have socialized, if we have any social intelligence, we will naturally rise up and begin to lead our group of friends. Friends will bring in more friends. And thus, this is how the social circle is formed and grown.

Instead, most community guys don't spend time to be normal. They don't learn to make friends, have friends, maintain friendships, that last. They always think they are the champion of individualism, the worst of the bunch is the Ayn Rand admirers. Sure, many CEOs and high power executives are secret Ayn Rand admirers too. Just because they are that way doesn't mean you can reach their level by joining the same cult. Instead, those guys have so much more social intelligence and experience, they might be motivated by what they have read in Atlas Shrugged or the Fountainhead. But community guys are not normal, socially aware, to play those power games to be there.

The community guys end up gaming other people's girls, instead of befriending those guys and their friends, community chodes think they can steal people girls. That is the reaction they get. I'm the first to admit that I'm not that socially intelligent or experienced, but I'm normal enough to befriend almost everyone, not creep them out, or to give fodders for them to think I'm some nut job. So before you even start running game, learn to behave like a normal person... Using game materials to befriend people is like using dynamite to fish, in a fishbowl, the size of your palms.

I have no problem with using community materials, and I do use on almost all girls. In fact, they are inoculated against community gambits; try to use anything, they will say you are a copycat, because I've already broken them in. Learn to have a conversation first, then sprinkle in community materials, the secret is to titrate to the right amount. The difference, between that a drug that heals vs. a poison that kills, is the dose.

The new pop icons

Let's see when they will do SNL...

Conveying the player vibe to beauties with brains

There's not one method that will get you any type of girls and there isn't a player who can get all girls. One must has both drive and focus. Drive is required to keep us going and focus is needed to direct us toward specific goals. Before one can be good with girls, have some ideas of our target demographics. We can't be a perfect match for everyone and vice versa. So what I'm about to describe has been working for me consistently with this specific group and when I used these tactics on a different group, I haven't been as successful. Being a real player would mean that I will be good with many types of girls, I'm not one yet so don't try to use this on (1) cougars, (2) skanky hot girls (aka, strippers), (3) fat girls with attitude, (4) really young ditzy airheads,... I can go on, but the one group I'm interested in can be found in bars and clubs.

These girls are recently graduated or about to graduate from college. They are relatively young, 21-28, not super hot or they wouldn't have gone to colleges (or capable of graduating). They have enough beauty to be palatable, and enough brain to make conversation fun and interesting for me. I'm sure guys with better game can do it, I have yet to pull these girls the same night that led to sex, and fortunately, they can be closed by day2.

What works with these girls? I convey that I am a guy with these values. I'm accomplished, BUT I still am working toward something even greater; i.e., I'm not at a dead-end job, I'm not rail-roaded onto a corporate track without dramatic jumps in career advancement, I'm going somewhere in life, and there is so much more. I'm adventurous; I have done more in my life than just cramming for exams. I have seen many parts of the world and I can relate & connect with different people, but I am selective in who can be my friends. I have had relationships and I have grown from them, not scarred by them. Of course, the other usual attraction switches that Mystery talked about matter: (a natural) Leader of men, pre-selection by women, protector of loved ones, ability to emote, willingness to let go, ambition that requires risks with commensurable rewards. There are probably more. The trick is to titrate to the right level for this group of girls.

The first three attraction switches can be flipped by being the guy who is occupied with activities (and that doesn't include playing Halo), one who organizes events with friends, one who has friends with values, meaning they are capable of having fun without being party animals, they have careers, not just gigs/jobs. The next step is to be able to relate to her on an emotional level. For them, this is a transition point in their lives that they realize that they are beauties with brains. Because I have many friends and connected, they can align with me, but they must work and contribute something of value. Most importantly, as I just recently discovered, I don't want to be the guy who has accomplished everything I've set out to do in life... Instead, I am the guy who has some accomplisments, goal directed, and is working toward something great, I'm not there yet but I have the potential. In fact, being a guy with very high values and end-stage accomplishments become detrimental because either these girls don't feel they are not measuring up or this would create a cognitive dissonance in them, why would such a high value guy going out to bars/clubs to talk with girls like them?!

I might reveal some routines and tactics I use to convey them in the future. For now, these are some guidelines.

A few tips for the community guys

I was at an event last night, of course, being a small city, there was a parade of community guys... marching in. There were some rather sad but humorous things they did, if you are reading this. Here are a few tips:

Find friends within the community, not wings. In case you never had friends, there is a whole new world of things that you can discuss and can talk about besides "game." That also means that you have fun with each other, you bring value to the interaction, contribute, instead of trying to take/steal/lower energy/vibe/value from each other. It's a tough concept to explain, there are some people who just click and majority of the time, people just don't, live with it, let it go.

Therefore, you don't march locksteps into a venue like an invading horde of horn dogs looking for tails. Walk past the entrance, step aside, start talking to people around you. It's ok to walk into a place, scan the room, SMILE, and wave at people you know.

If you haven't made any new friends recently, go up, say hi to people, introduce yourself, make friends, be nice to people, have fun, be social. For the banter monkeys, work on your delivery, and get a feel of the energy level, if it's low, don't start going crazy. For the Juggler monkeys, stop using so many "I statements" and actually ask people questions, they want you to care enough to want to know about them. For the Mystery monkeys, stop with the stupid ass opinion openers. Seriously, just throw all those opinion openers out the door. First, at a classy event, where people have real careers not just the latest "gig" or job, they don't give a shit about you or your friend's problems. Second, opinion openers tend to distract people's attention from the here and now, problems/conflicts of someone else instead of we & us. Third, the delivery is the key, until you have mastered that, learn to behave like a normal person, instead of running game. Finally, the trick about running routines, unlike your computer programs of subroutines/functions, should be interleaved, nested, stacked, interwoven together. So you don't run a routine to completion, you start one, seem distracted by something else, move on to something else, then something else in the middle of the next routine. The goal is to create many open loops, eventually some of them will take the bait and try to pull you back to finish.

Another thing, avoid silences because you will come across as needy, unless your pauses are deliberate. This means that you don't actively seek out reaction. Throw stuff up in the air, run your routines, but don't seem to wait for their reaction even though you should be constantly gauging their reaction; this is where compliance tests become handy. There are quite a few, from verbal qualification hoops, verbal commands, physical touching to moving the group.

If all that I have written seems too much, go into a venue, observe, join into conversation. Stop trying to talk over people in order to take over the set. I have plenty of girls, I'll step back and watch you crash & burn. In fact, watching you fail is my second favorite past time, and if you ever come into my set, just beware that pay back will be a bitch.

Pickup intelligence

I have nothing to sell... yet. So I can be honest. Some people are simply good looking, and for them, they will have an easier time picking up girls, probably better looking girls, and more consistently. Sure, there are things that we all can do to improve our looks, women have been using makeups forever, men can improve posture, walk, dress, and how we carry ourselves. Within these constraints, what else can people improve, their "game."

Another dose of reality, how good someone can get game is also limited. Like intelligence, and if you so inclined, to break that down into different categories, is spread across a continuum. Some people are simply smarter than others. Same with pickup, some people will get better and some people won't. Sure, the goal is to strive toward reaching our full potential, but some people simply don't have that much potential. Why do I dwell on the negative? Why do I dash people's hopes and dreams? It's about examining oneself honestly and realistically.

This exuberant enthusiasm for self-improvement is all about padding the pocket of those hawking their ware, be that in pickup, sales,... One thing I hate to see is people getting hustled. Another is people being delusional. There are some people, despite countless workshops, seminars, and buying an endless supply of pickup paraphernalia, will end up where they started.

There are many things we take for granted. Binocular vision for example. There's a critical period during our childhood development that we acquire this ability. If we were to cover one eye in a child during his/her development, for a short period of time, that child may never develop or lose eyesight/vision in that eye forever. Same with language development, there's a critical period that we can learn language, once we have grown passed that critical age, the brain center for that one skill set doesn't get organized and can never be developed. I propose that social skills, specifically, pickup, develop the same way. If people miss that critical period for social development, despite how much they work at it, they simply won't have it.

I've gotten to know quite a few guys in the community. There are some who are social retards, I know because I am not that different from them. And then, there are some who have friends, can maintain relationships, and those are guys who get much better with pickup. This goes back to the critical period hypothesis, those who never have friends, no matter how much they learn and train to be extraverts, they already missed the train and forever be anti-social. They can spend countless hours learning PU skills, analyze situations, and scheme/plan to get laid, but they are condemned to repeating their past behaviors. They become social savants. They might be very intelligent in a very specific set of PU skills, but they are not normal, they are not social, and they might be able to put on an act, but they are not themselves.

What do we have left then? Sure, go out, have fun, be social, interact with people, all these can improve one's social skills, and may be, in the process, get laid. The reality is that people should aware of their limitations, or in a more positive term, real potential. Don't get suckered into thinking that PU is the magic solution to turning an awkward geek into a Casanova, chances are, he will end up as a savant... someone who seems to be knowledgeable, but with absolutely no understanding nor the ability to apply that knowledge. They are the ones, who are destined to be KJ's and forum gurus (or be like this blogger).

The reality of pickup

I had an insightful discussion with a few friends about this whole pickup thing recently. With the media blitz to promote the VH1 show, increases in workshop fees, and the rampant proliferation of workshops, I likened this to selling of the classic American dream story: Any guy can pickup any girl, anywhere, anytime, if he works hard enough. If you are to believe the sales pitch, then you will only if you take their workshop. Like the American dream, this reminds me of my favorite comedian, George Carlin, once said:

"It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it."

In the case of pickup, you have to be a KJ to subscribe to that b.s. What is the reality of pickup? Of the microcosm of the local community, the few guys who improved dramatically are guys who already have friends, girl friends, relatively normal, and social. Contrary to what pickup gurus like us to believe, looks matter... A LOT. I'm not talking about the non-verbals: presentation, body language, etc. Quite simply, first impression. If a guy is short, tiny, skinny, bald/outdated hairstyle, dorky/geeky/nerdy, fat/obese, and he doesn't fit the sexy stereotype, what he wears, how he talks, what he sounds like,... he won't have the time of day even if he can spit game.

Just google for pictures of famous pickup gurus, who are reputed to be good in America, check out what they look like. They fit the classic American look; tall, symmetrical, well-built, Caucasoid, almost a spitting image of many movie stars. How many are short, bald, dorky, and/or creepy? Don't believe me, look at the final two contestants on the VH1 show. Sure it's reality TV, so much of it is scripted, but look at those two guys... one is the classically good looking blond (FULL HEAD OF) hair and the sexy (forbidden) Latin guy. Sure, the producers use those guys to appeal to specific demographics, but in reality, of local guys I've seen with success, they fit that image.

Even if their sexy/edgy look doesn't get them girls now, if their looks fit the fantasies of girls, they have a much easier time opening, hooking, and ultimately improving their games than guys who don't. Or else, do what society has always wanted us to do, excel and achieve in high value careers and make enough money. I have any success at all, when compared to most guys, I have much higher social/financial value and I can present it in a palatable form to girls.

What have I learned? Pickup isn't for most people, seriously, take a look at the mirror, if the reflection is that of a dork/nerd/geek/gay staring back, no matter how much game you got, you won't be good. Sorry, like the American dream, it's a fantasy and you can read about it in novels and watch it on the flat screen. I haven't even begun to tackle the other issue, what kind of girls that guys get...

Interpretation of community terms/concepts

Pickup is nothing new. There's no secret society, no fight club, none of that bullshit. As long as there are people and laws governing how people interact with each other, some people will try to hustle and swindle others in order to bypass social conventions, rules, and regulations.

The genius of Mystery isn't that he came up with the "linear system" but he codified something that hustlers have been doing forever. Attraction, i.e., interest, is generated by creating intrigue in the target. There's no need to count IOI, as long as she's there listening to you; or better yet, actively participating in conversation with you, she's interested. Routines are great for scripted interaction, but much of "normal" and flow of conversation are about being spontaneous, which isn't something that can be learned from a book, podcast, DVD, etc. The best way to learn is not to buy or enroll in the latest workshop. Save that money, go out and talk to people.

DHV stories are what normal people call, bragging. Again, it's nothing new. If you ever had a job interview, or at a networking function, you dropped some names of people you know. That's DHV, what people have been doing forever.

Asking girls open ended questions, value elicitation, and qualification. They are the same thing: search for commonalities and compatibilities between people. Opposites might attract, having things/ideas/goals/values in common is what keep people together. Reward and relate, is same as pace and lead, or bait and switch (in sales). The trick is not just to agree, but in a way that adds subtleties and complexities to what was said.

When people share common interests, it's only natural that they will be with each other again. Now, what I learned from the community is how quickly all this can be done. Even more profound is how sex isn't such a big deal, if I just have the balls to do it. But the community people talk about strong inner game, flawless outer game, reframing, leading, and all other b.s. Ultimately, it's about being man enough to step up and just do it.

The worst lie of all this is: sarging. It's basically guys going out on dates with other guys. Whereas normal and social guys would have fun hanging out with each other, community guys have no other interests in their lives and all they do is to talk about is how to get girls, instead of going out and doing it. Worst yet, they come back on "lairs," embellish and fabricate their sarges as LR/FR (lies and fake reports). And the ultimate men-on-boys love is lair meetings. The usual case is that guys who are not good with women, but have built up this reputation of lies that they are good, go and present "techniques."

The goal, of course, is to seduce younger and less experienced guys into buying more materials, workshops,... The whole community now is perpetuating this seduction of men, rather than talking in normal, social, conventional language. You know who talk in jargons? Yes, geeks. I know because prior to participating in this, I was and still am in several geeky fields. So don't be a community geek. Talk normal, have fun, be social with people.

Slow Sunday

There are a few entries about PU that I've been working on, but I just don't have the motivation to finish them. Of course, on my desk right now, there are 3 stacks of papers I need to get done before I go to bed tonight. And what I would I rather do? Come on here to bitch & whine!

I must have missed the memo or invite. What used to be the hippest part of this town has turned into cougar central with nightly parade of cock fest! I have been avoiding it as there are many more places to hang out but I was hoping to see some fireworks last night, and it didn't fail to disappoint. The worthwhile part of the night is that I discovered 2 new drinks... they were delicious! A good night is like a good martini: start with a base of good company, with modifiers of tasty libation, and accent with plenty of hot girls.

Time to add a list of events to my calendar. Nothing makes me feel better about getting things done than planning to do them!

It's not just any blog, it's...

What happened to HBO? I didn't particularly care for Sex and the City; at least it had witty dialogs. There were the Sopranos, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Real Time with Bill Maher when he was still funny. Recently, Rome was promising until it tanked second season. If ER can carry on for longer than my training in school, I don't see how Rome couldn't. Big Love was interesting first season, I doubt that it can carry on much longer. And the latest debacle, Tell me you love me, is just bad drama. It has a beautiful cast acting out mundane life with realistic sex scenes; how many of us want to see our new High Def flat-screen as a mirror to reflect our boring lives back?! We want to watch senseless acts of violence, over-the-hill cosmo-drinking waddle-shaking "girls" getting it on, or perhaps, a crazy Jew who behaves inappropriately all the time.

With TMYLM, it reminds people of what they don't want, boring lives, unfulfilling marriages, daily drudgery, and to add on top of that, counseling sessions to discuss the aforementioned topics. We want our flat-screen to be the secret mirror of fantasies we can escape to after a long day at work or another silly fight with our sperm receptacles. Californication on Showtime shows potential, at least the dialog is funny.

For my digital "BTivo," I'm keeping CYE, RT (hopefully, Bill Maher will be funnier), and Californication. Of course, the Daily Show and the Colbert Report just to keep up with news.

The next step...

Can people change? This is something I've struggled, both with myself and with others. A friend of mine, who just moved, emailed to tell me that "community guys" are the same in his new city. Considering how many dating/pickup companies and wannabe-gurus there, I'm surprised his new city is also filled with similar social retards. Then I think back of people I've met and gotten along with from the community; one commonality is that people who are rather socially well-adjusted, they are also guys who had girlfriends before (i.e. not virgin) and have plenty of male friends. Guys, who tend to stay in the community, are the same guys who can't maintain relationships with most people in general.

There are some great tools for making new friends and building social circles in the community. The few superstars in the community give this false hope that anyone can improve; the reality is, as many have described, most guys will eventually crawl back into their little holes where they came from and revert back to their previous comfort zone.

For those who already have friends when they join the community, some of the techniques will dramatically change their lives... for those who haven't been able to maintain friendships before, they either have to work very hard and improve quickly, or they will forever flounder in the community. So the best way to make use of the community is to learn these techniques and stay away from most community guys. Pick out a few guys who already have plenty of friends, emulate them, hang out with them because they have more to teach than guys who are false leaders of men, such as lair "president," "gurus," and dating coaches who don't actually go on any date or been with any girl. We all have been exposed to the media; take a quick look at any community guy, if he looks like someone who hasn't been with a girl, he probably hasn't. If he doesn't act and/or talk normal, he probably will never be normal. The funny thing is, guys who remain in the community, that they all try to seek fame and/or fortune from fellow chumps.

Of the stuff these guys have learned about social dynamics, they would talk about the lofty goals of changing people, the sad fact of reality is that they couldn't even change themselves. Even if they can become famous among community guys, how does that translate to getting girls? Isn't what pickup is all about? Improving oneself by becoming more social and in the process, more girls. Another thing is that they want to be hustlers, trying to get people to pay for this and that, such as workshop, seminar, etc., basically applying compliance tests on guys. Seriously, if these guys want to get other guys, come right out of the closet, there's nothing wrong with being gay. Instead, these guys constantly hide behind something, such as targeting fat, ugly, vulnerable, naive girls, or using other excuses not to get girls.

The way to do this is to learn community techniques, go out, practice, apply and make friends first. Develop a big network of friends, then go out to have fun; in fact, so-called "naturals" who I had as friends before never went out with the explicit intention of sarging or picking up girls, they all had fun with each other and getting girls was just a by-product. If people who are friends can't have fun with each other, what girls would want to be with them? Except, of course, the types of girls that I mentioned previously. I will talk about some distortions created within the community and perhaps I was just stupid not to recognize them until now.

Keeping up with cold approaches while maintaining relationships

Ever since I've been managing multiple relationship threads, my mindset tends to just build comfort and I run very little if any attraction because it's not needed. I discover that my game in cold approaches has been deteriorating. When I meet up with people I already know, we already have a certain set of commonalities, rapport is established, running jokes & conversational threads already existed, we just continue. However, every single cold approach requires myself to build all those things from the ground up. So I need to go back, rebuild my attraction & comfort routine stacks from the ground up.

I will post some insights in the near future that is an amalgam of well known methods: Mystery's & Juggler's along with my field experience. Using those insights, I'm building routines stack. The stack has multiple conversational threads, open loops, hook points, compliance tests, and various push-pulls. I'm easily bored, so I have to change my routines to tackle my sticking points.

How to get what you want...

The golden age of the "pickup community" is over. The best way to learn is to study briefly what is available out there, in terms of ebooks, audios, and videos. Then go out and start alone. I started by joining a lair, a local community; which I gradually discovered to be filled with losers who will never get better, that's why they are still in the lair, or guys who were as green as me. Guys who are good with women are almost like HBs, they are socially connected, good with people, and they simply don't waste time in online forums to meet people. How do I become one of those guys? By going out alone and be social!

I wasted much of my time trying to meet up with wings before who were simply society rejects and who will never be good at anything in life. I've met some great people from the local lair/forum, but I feel my progress was mostly from pushing myself to interact with non-community people. Few community people gave some good feedbacks, the rest of them are people that newbies should avoid so that they don't acquire any bad habits, mannerisms, just the general loser approach to life.

How did I start going out alone? I basically went to venues I like, I go in with the mentality that I'm there to wait for friends to join me, and in the meantime, I socialize with everyone around me. Another mind trick I used on myself is to put myself in the shoes of a tourist and that I'm new to town, I go out, I talk to everyone. Try this a few times, I guarantee that approach anxiety will either cripple you or you will find out that it's a marketing ploy. If you must have it, acknowledge it and plow right in... Otherwise, you'll sit there alone, like a dork, with creepy eyes looking at everyone else having fun. Or you can hang out with other dorks, aka community guys, and become dorkier the longer you hang out with them. Of course, the best way is just to go out, SMILE!, talk to everyone, socialize, what do you do with friends? Make new friends!

PU is not just taking the 'red pill'

Of 90 or so guys I've met in the local community, only a select few still go out to practice and to improve. Most of them, one way or another, about 80-90% of them, don't even go out but are KJs, and of the remaining 10-20%, 90-95% of them will eventually find some excuses not to go out; some blame on work, life, psychosomatic illnesses, knocked up some girl (yes, got her pregnant so that he is "tied down"),... some even become dating coaches so they don't have to approach but to make other do the heavy lifting. Learning to PU requires more than just swallowing the 'red pill' and whatever metaphors many like to use to separate themselves from the masses. The reality is that this skill set, like being a surgeon or anything that we were not born with, requires practice and continuous training just to maintain a certain skill level. I'm bringing this up not to discourage people, but to make most newbies aware that this shit is tough, and there's no magic other than hard work.

For those who haven't done it, and I'm definitely not the first to advocate this, learn to go PU alone! Yes, I've learned to make friends, and after I've reached a certain level, I have befriended the group that they would invite me to events. The goal of pickup should be about getting girls, but if I don't learn to make friends, how will I even get girls. I'm sure I will get to the point where I can blow out her friends and take the girl, but why be an ass when I can make new friends?!

Back to the hard work, I have met quite a few well known PUAs, and unlike how they appear on videos. In real life, they are just average guys and few if any of them have the success that we somehow think they do. They go out and socialize, some have more balls and I have witnessed them approaching & opening, sadly, I have seen only once or twice that they have any close; (let's see, I've seen well-known PU101 & its spawns, Charisma Arts, Mystery Method, one guy who is teaching for Venusian Arts, and some local guys who are (semi-)retired).

Going out, first and foremost, should be a fun and enjoyable experience. If it's anxiety provoking, figure that out and learn to calm yourself down. Then learn to be social, to both girls and guys, without any agenda. Once you have accomplished that, learn to isolate your target; if the girl doesn't want to move with you to have a private conversation, you probably won't get her number or any other close, and if you do, it won't be solid. After isolation, work on venue changing, how else will you get her home?! Have a group of solid friends who are cool... who you know won't try to run games on your girls... So you all can go out and pick up more girls together. Be calm, be at ease with yourself, be comfortable among strangers, be interesting and others will be interested. Until next time, take your balls and go talk to some women, the best teacher is in field experience and eventually, you will discover this isn't that difficult, it takes balls; both confidence and competence come from experience.