Be your own coach and start your own workshop

A good friend of mine in marketing was telling me about the secret. The secret to selling... the first step is to make people feel inadequate about themselves and then, we are there to offer them a solution, a method, some techniques that will annihilate any method, may be, a lifestyle change, a road to transformation, perhaps, a blueprint?

The best way to improve isn't to horde everything out there. Sometimes, they even contradict each other. For example, David D is the preacher for cocky'n'funny. So many guys fail repeatedly because they keep trying to be cocky and funny... and you know what they do? They go back for more David D materials! I'll blog about how to use C&F successfully... Back to the real conspiracy at hands, it is in the best interest of dating coaches to (1) make us feel miserable about ourselves, (2) keep failing with girls, and (3) keep buying their (new) materials.

Another method is Mystery's M3 model. Sure, it's a great model, how often do you keep thinking to yourself, am I in A2 or A3, or have I counted enough IOIs? Should I DHV now that I have microcalibrated by IOD'ing her IOD? Many people focus their energy in the A2 phase and never get into A3, and if they have learned some C&F, they don't ever get into comfort, so they end up having very weak closes. A3 may not even be necessary if the girl is drunk and out to get laid. But to prevent flaking or buyer's remorse, we have to get into comfort and build some emotional connection.

And for people who use the Juggler method, they have some common pitfalls. They would assume attraction, which is okay if they have interesting conversation threads or they would know how to flirt, using C&F and push-pulls. Instead, JM students focus too much on open ended questions, so they come across as nosy, needy, without justification, and consequently, creepy! Another is their focus on using I statements, they ended up sounding like a retarded kid who has no social awareness.

What's the best way to improve? Some talked about being a closer, the best way to close is to build commonality. Then constantly escalate, always push the interaction until we can sense that she's uncomfortable, then withdraw. Keep repeating the push-pull until there's a tension makes it inevitable that we will see each other.

Here's an example. I start a conversation with a girl, I teased her a bit about her shimmering makeup and how it reminds me of a little girl (make this personal, your little sister, cousin, niece,...). The goal is to start painting an image in her head that I'm more than just a bar guy, but I have family, root, and I am someone who has multiple roles. At some point in the conversation, I would talk about happy childhood memories. This is a safe topic. Then I would switch to something about this fear I had as a kid, just something innocuous, height, speed, clowns, whatever. Talk slowly, give her a chance to experience that emotion, and she will in turn share her fear. Another interesting emotional topic is to discuss at one point in her childhood, she had to stepped up and was expected to be more mature than her age at that time. This is the beginning of a routine stack, we start with the roles we take on in our lives, then we slowly lead her to talk about the experience that we have and emotions that we feel. I will continue on how to frame the interaction, escalate so that we will either go home that night or see each other again. And no, not all interactions are that way, this is just one way to start.