I was just discussing this idea of mine of bringing all those (social & professional) networking sites together last week... Then this rumor appears. Just as there were many IM protocols back in the 90's. Now, we will probably have a networking site that will bring myspace, facebook, linkedin, whatever else together. I bet there will be one site for blogs too.
Just to test out some copywriting techniques, and again, mostly for my amusement, I posted a fake advertisement for my very own workshop, just like my mockery of people's fixation with inner vs. outer game. The funny thing is that I am deluged with private messages about my ficitious workshop, even though I've been advising people not to take workshops from guys (myself included) who are not working for big name schools. Seriously, if our parents got together to create us without a workshop, do we (as their progenies) need to take workshops in order to get girls?!
Do we need to follow some arbitrary rules for approaching women, meeting women, getting women,...? How about we follow our fricking instinct? If we can't tell the difference between what is fake and what is real... what is the right vs. what is the wrong thing to do, we are not fit to procreate. Do we suddenly have a generation of idiots who suddenly don't know how to relate to each other? Do we need to read about this in blogs, form discussion groups, participate in email lists, and join a lair in order to get girls?
I have a very simple idea, how about we go out, talk to people, learn from our mistakes, our failures... Does this generation have so much disposable income that we want to create and cultivate a group of parasites, or as they refer to themselves, dating coaches, in this society? This whole obsession with trying to find an easy way out, a method to get girls, there simply isn't a substitute of just having the raw experience of interacting with people.
Funny how so many self-help gurus want to "help" people by selling more books, more workshops, more bootcamps, more methods, more techniques, etc. Whatever happened to the self in self-help? Take charge of one's life... sure we can use some advice here and there, at some point, people just need to give up trying quick fixes, start doing the hard work of changing oneself, and ultimately, and directly interact with people instead of surrounding ourselves with social retards. There will always be new techniques, more sale pitches, more door-to-door/used car sales people.
The only way to get good with people is by interacting with people. There's just no easy way around it. People should worry less about running game, we all should start by being normal, then learn to be social, and hopefully, we learn to get along with each other.
One clear sign of idiocracy is that community guys don't realize they are being hustled by the same techniques they are supposed to learn to get girls. This is the last time, the once in a lifetime opportunity, the only chance, and throw in a false time constraint or two. Guys with skills and good reputation don't need to stoop so low to market themselves on forums. Just word of mouth alone is enough is sufficient to make or break someone's career, especially those "dating coaches" who can't open or get blown out left and right.
The best part of having 10/31 in the middle of the week is having 3 times the number of parties: weekend before, middle of the week, and the weekend after!
Perhaps I'm the only one, or may be not, that faithfully believed many pickup techniques and practitioners of those techniques to be true. There's a certain amount of admiration and after what happened recently, I am slowly beginning to see the light. And if people haven't noticed, this revolution of thoughts and skills has returned me to where I first started, and what everyone else (outside of the community) said before has turned out to be true.
Yes, there probably was a community of guys who weren't that socially savvy; they probably spent time out there socializing and figured out what works and what doesn't. Then marketing people discovered this group of guys who have some skills, and the marketeers hype them up to be superheroes, when these "amazing feats" are what normal, well-adjusted, social guys have been doing forever.
The magic isn't in the techniques, but in marketeers' ability to hype and sell these seemingly mundane social skills to be endowed with some magical powers to social retards, who obviously don't have the social intuition to figure out that these techniques aren't that special. What I find funny is that THE GUY who started mass marketing these pickup techniques (of being cocky & funny) has returned back to his root and now offers to teach his marketing techniques to his peers in marketing. This is the sign of the golden age of pickup techniques is ending because they have milked the market dry and the only route of expansion is back in marketing... to find the next niche of rich retards.
I had an inkling of what's going on last year with the mass marketing campaign for the Anal Method. Then I got to meet some dating coaches, sure, they were somewhat smooth, but I didn't see what they claimed to happen in their "reports." Most were just guys out talking to people and most conversations didn't go anywhere. Then recently, some people showed me videos of these secret "edited" footages of sarges by these gurus (including that of the World's Greatest Pickup Artist), I finally see that this has all been a big marketing hype.
Without a doubt, my life has changed since I've been out socializing with people. I now have more friends than ever, more social events to attend to than before, more girls than I thought possible. In terms of the time and money that I've spent, and unlike many who have taken countless workshops, which I've always been skeptical, is it worth it? Not really. All those workshops, techniques, can be distilled into a few things someone can do... and these are basically what people have been saying all along, the problem is that they didn't elaborate on what they mean, and I will blog my interpretations of these sayings:
That's it... There's no need to buy the latest, greatest, one-time-only, final workshop... the last brain transplant... the final weekend before I leave to bum around in the next town... and you certainly don't have to leave me any unmarked envelope with cash, because who would want IRS to start snooping into this type of unreported income?!
And yes, this Halloween has been amazing! I was among friends, met some cool new people, and I'm sure the next one will be even better. Sorry, I won't post any embellished report because most of my interactions are like this.
Strong identity. Part of being a man, having a strong frame, is to have a strong identity and the ability to convey that quickly. People, guys in particular, often complain about girls having a bitchshield and whatever freeze. Anyone who has done a cold approach on a super hot girl has experienced the FMR, first minute resistance, approach anxiety (and yes, for many, they never progress past this first sticking point). Girls experience something similar; they want "to get" the identity of the stranger on first glance so she can decide quickly whether she likes him or not,... This is why peacocking, great body language, and a few other tidbits are necessary to make that first impression .
First impression matters a great deal... There are two main ways of conveying it through identity. First, and if you can withstand social pressure, peacock to resemble any of the sexy stereotypes. I've discussed this previously in regards to how looks are important and having a sense of fashion. Being able to deal with stares and shit tests is a good sign that someone is comfortable with himself. The second way of conveying identity is through story telling... We all play multiple roles in our daily lives. The basic ones (for guys) are: friend, son, ex-bf, brother, father, uncle, and other professional roles. Incorporate these identities into stories. The goal of a good "pickup" interaction is to move from situational, to our mutual social roles/contexts, to our personal and finally, sexual topics.
For many girls, when a stranger starts talking to them, they wonder who he is. For many guys who haven't assumed a certain authoritative role in their lives, they don't know how to present themselves. So they follow the cocky&funny and come across as someone trying to hide something. The problem, once again, stems from guys not being themselves and girls can sense that. Being ourselves, in women's speak, means having an identity, immunity against social pressure, willingness to throw it out there without exhibiting any hint of approval seeking behavior.
Girls really don't have any bitchshield; they are just reserved, especially with guys who dress conservatively and don't convey a strong sense of identity in their presentation (body language, clothes, looks,...). But then there are also guys who seem cool, until they open their mouths and dispel all doubts. So both verbal and non-verbal "games" are critical. Just as non-verbal game goes beyond just body language, verbal game goes beyond just routines to "spike her buying temperature." Being genuine is about being comfortable with oneself, and having the ability of telling people who we are (directly or indirectly), our identities.
People are so obsessed with what goes on in the heads of others. The reality is that nothing matters as long as we have fun with friends or alone. If we are to interview guys with experience vs. newbies who just starting to go out and socialize, it's not about body language, lines, openers, routines, cocky & funny, humor, etc. It basically comes down to one thing...
Just as I started this blog because I needed a place to vent, and even to this day, I still blog plenty of rants and raves... basically bitch sessions about certain people, types of people, techniques, ideas, and situations. Oh, that one thing that people should live by, DO NOT GIVE A SHIT. Before people run away and act gay toward each other, such as telling ea other that they are cute, forming circle jerks to talk game, please be somewhat normal and social first. There is a fine line between not having a care in the world and knowing when that's appropriate.
Take the initial approach, for example, guys would run their openers and stacks of materials, and they would look for IOIs, IODs, and DHV in order to elicit IOI, or microcalibrate, roll-off, and whatever else to IOD. The only thing that matters is that she reacts in some way, it doesn't matter if she reacts positively or negatively... the only bad reaction is no reaction. Otherwise, roll with what she gives and continue with having fun, better if we are having fun at her expense. Guys fail only because they can't be themselves, by that, they are not comfortable within their own skins, desires, and intentions. They have some agenda of wanting or needing something from someone.
I started this blog because I feel like bitching... and I like to make fun of social retards in the community, especially those without game pretending to be gurus after failing all these years, or worst yet, dating coaches, they don't matter because they won't make money off me nor do I want to make money off others. Unlike countless hustler-wannabes, this is what I do for fun, and I keep working at my professional career so that I can continue to do this for fun. I could careless if people think I have game, because ultimately, I don't want any fame or fortune from rejects of society. It's worst than robbing candies from children or raping underage girls (like many purportedly do).
That's the beauty of life; eliminate desires, life is much more enjoyable. Shut out people with drama within themselves or with each other, do as little as possible to maintain a comfortable living, avoid doing things in order to get something or someone, and be at peace with oneself.
For those who are avid readers of this blog, thank you, you probably know by now that this is a toxic waste dump for me: the sewer line that is often clogged with my mental sewage. Sure, once in a while, some gems or valuables would slip and flow through here. Most of the time, this is the raw, adulterated, crude, and mostly honest crap here. So find a channel to let it all go, and live a peaceful, fun, and socially active life.
Look at what’s happened to me,
I can’t believe it myself.
Suddenly I’m up on top of the world,
It should’ve been somebody else.
Believe it or not, I’m walking on air.
I never thought I could feel so free.
Flying away on a wing and a prayer.
Who could it be?
Believe it or not it’s just me.
It’s like a light of a new day,
It came from out of the blue.
Breaking me out of the spell I was in,
Making all of my wishes come true.
Believe it or not, I’m walking on air.
I never thought I could feel so free.
Flying away on a wing and a prayer.
Who could it be? Believe it or not it’s just me.
You know the standard song, Wagner's The Bridal Chorus, for weddings. The theme song to the Greatest American Hero should be played at the end of every divorce!
I've been spending most of my time learning to format my, uh, "book." Office products have so many limitations. Even a simple task like setting page numbers in different parts of the same document requires so much work! And then Excel, I have programmed in VB before, and I try my best to avoid it. There are so many inconsistencies in how Microsoft decided which is a normal and a meta-character. Although my worksheet looks whacked, I like how I have combined my daily journal and financial activities together. You don't think I actually talk about my entire life here, do you?!
After I finished all that, yeah, I spent nearly 6 hours on those two things today. I read Twitchy's blog about managing one's finance. It's definitely one area that MANY people neglect, especially girls. I have seen girls who have great jobs for just graduated, as in making $80-90k, they are carrying balance of $20-30k on their credit cards, not to mention student loans, car loans,... For many of these girls, they get a new dress whenever they go to a new party, which happens 2-3 times per week. How will they get their lives together and be self-sufficient without carrying all those debts and start earning some passive and investment-based incomes. Yes, I do have the millionaire mindset; just not at leeching off the community like many "dating coaches."
With each successive wave of newbies into learning pickup, I see so many guys who don't have jobs, hold jobs, or properly manage their finances. Some even live with their parents, don't own cars, and/or can't drive. And they want to take girls home?! I figured early on back when I started college, girls are an expensive hobby. Dating can be quite costly, even if we stick to the $40/date (after splitting the bill), and multiply by that by 3-4 dates per week. This, of course, doesn't include when I go out with friends on weekend. On top of all this, there's the physical wear and tear too. We have to eat right and exercise; all those happy hour food and post-midnight meals/snacks are not good for our bodies either. This is especially true for guys getting girls off Craig's List who end up being sick all the time from "kissing girls;" like that's a DHV! The second I sense that I'm not feeling well, I immediately do what is required to get better... getting ill or any type of STD is not a DHV, it's a clear sign of stupidity, uh, in PUA lingo, DLV.
Funny how social retards turn everything that's socially unacceptable and wrong into something to brag about. Keep telling me those funny stories, I enjoy laughing as much as the next guy at dumb asses, now that I don't hang out with them anymore.
There's a huge uproar recently over some comments by Dr. James Watson, the co-discoverer of the double-helix model of DNA, regarding the genetic basis of intelligence. For those who don't know much of him, he is a Nobel-laureate, unlike his other co-discoverer however, Francis Crick, many consider Watson as a one-trick pony. He hasn't broken new ground in science since his discovery back in 1953. With that aside, is there a genetic basis of intelligence?!
Oh, one more thing, this is my blog, i.e. a place for me to rant and rave, definitely not a place for any legitimate scientific discussion nor a place for me to give my professional opinion. With all those caveats, we start with the premise that our genes determine much of our physical characteristics. What about the something where the result is the interaction of nature and nurture, such as our longevity. As that turns out, the best predictor of how long we live is also based on how long our parents lived, so again, something heritable, and most likely, genes.
I personally think those who are so politically correct to say that there are more variations between individuals of the same race than differences between races are morons. If genes can determine our skin color, and countless other physical characteristics, I can only guess that our genes also determine our intelligence capacity. Note that I'm not saying one race is smarter than another, because we can bias tests to get the result we want. All I'm saying is that we are different, and our differences are determined mainly by our genes.
How is this related to pickup/seduction? Genetics can play a major role from our looks, intelligence, to our behaviors. Sure, we can learn, but I would contend that our genes already set the upper and lower bounds on our capacity to learn. Consequently, how well we do is pretty much set in advance... Some people are destined to be stars and for many, their lives serve as warnings to others.
This constant need/drive for self-improvement doesn't benefit those who seek it; perhaps a few people do improve, but for the rest, they serve to enrich scammers: dating coaches, teachers of seduction workshops/classes, forum leaders, and in many cases, gurus. Step back and ask ourselves a simple question, if they are sooooooooo successful at what they do, do they need to hype themselves that much in order to sell their service to us?! I'm not even that successful in my real profession (outside of this fun social activity), but I don't feel the need to whore myself out on my own blog.
If we truly want to change our lives, the best way to do it to commit ourselves to do it, be that alone or otherwise. We should learn from those who have proven themselves. And finally, surround ourselves with those who are successful, not those who are still in the same place as they have been in years... which means, avoid forums and those who have been there forever, the longer they are there, they are more detrimental to our success. Those who are truly successful are recognized, they don't need to give themselves titles: PUA, top 10 PUA, ambassador of their tribes, lair president, forum guru, dating coach,... if only they would just admit what they really are: losers. And yes, they will forever be that way, because of their genes.
Allow me to be Yoda-like, you know why community guys fail at pickup? They take what "normal people" do for fun too seriously, which leads to expectation, expectation leads to neediness, neediness leads to creepiness, and creepiness drives girls away!
I have a tendency to see the humorous side of things, perhaps due to my professional training, I'm just skeptical in general. And yes, I'm suspicious too! When I first started blogging here, I made one post that got this one particular guy so worked up that to this day, he's still going back and re-reading that one post. Forward 7 months to now, someone told me he started posting again, and sure enough, there was a hit from his new city to read that very post on the same day of his new post. If there's one thing I like about community guys, I find their inability to change or improve very reassuring. It's almost like telling the same joke to a retard over and over again, and s/he still finds it funny.
Take the case of that social retard. He thinks this could be his future career as a dating coach with a ready and captured audience. Little did he know that most retards that he "leads" also doubt his ability. But he already had the expectation of everyone will follow lock steps with him, thus the second someone stepped out of his column, this retard freaked. He posted inflammatory statements, created multiple accounts, read people's "private messages," tracked anyone who he thought were suspicious in what they post or vote,... This continues from one anointed successor to the next. Yes, the line of social retards has yet to be interrupted and I hope it continues because where will I get my laughs.
Expectation leads to neediness, which he was, and his neediness eventually drove his only girl away (probably with his tears! EWWW!) and then, he had to move away. Sure, there are plenty of excuses, guys in the community are great at coming up with them. Once again, they prove that they don't change, they are great at doing the false DHV, of talking great game, goals of doing this and that to impress girls, and at the end of the day, they have forgotten to be a normal human being, a social creature that can get along with others without wanting something from people. I guess their desire to get laid, get girls, or guys, is so strong, that even they can't think or be straight.
Finally, a better writer wrote what I wanted to say:
"You want to be weird in the best ways imaginable, cool in ways particular to you, and normal enough to get yourself in the door."
My previous blog entries poked fun at inner game, because quite frankly, I agree with Mystery, all those confidence building exercises are bullshit. Success in the field is dependent on how hard people work (along with all my previous caveats), if not, they will end up going home to work on their hardness, alone. Another thing I poked fun at previously was the reframing bullshit. I don't have problem with the concept, but more of its perversions by social retards.
Let's clear up a few things first for those who emailed / IM'ed / phoned / conversed with me in person, I don't have problems with what is taught in the community, by guys we all know and respect, this is by no means a comprehensive, all inclusive list: Mystery and Juggler. All my previous rants were directed at guys who are pretenders, hustler-wannabes, yet-another-dating-coach, copycats, plagiarizers,...
Back to the subject of this entry. I notice the main cause of inner game problem stems from guys trying to hide their insecurities instead of truthfully revealing them as vulnerabilities. Start with the approach, most guys are afraid of rejection, as do I. That's why we hesitate. The way I "reframe" it as having fun and being social, so I talk to everyone, she is just one of many girls I talk to. If nothing came of it, no big deal.
Which leads to the second problem, elicitation and counting of IOI's. As long as she's next to us, that's sufficient interest. We don't have to doubt who we are and just accept the fact, at least at our current level, not all girls will be interested, in fact, we should decide what kind of girls we want rather than feeling inadequate about who/what we are. The third problem is the failure to connect, because guys, especially those who got into this because of David D; they are so focused on being cocky & funny, teasing, engaging in endless banterrhea (you know the type, they shout gayass lines like, "YOU ARE SOOOOOOO CUTE!" to each other). In fact, I would constantly test the water but dragging the girl into talking about vulnerabilities, giving her the opportunity to share rather than shutting her up with more C&F teases.
One critical transition point is that as soon as we exchange names, I would immediately talk about something emotional for me recently. Don't be a hater, but I can think of two jobless friends; they bring up their unemployment in their normal conversations with girls all the time, and do you think girls run away? The trick is how they turn what is something all guys are insecure about, especially those computer programmers, these friends of mine don't have any job, and girls love how they are on these soul-searching existential quests! As I alluded to earlier, how I sometimes tell girls that I'm still working toward something greater, not that I am already settled at a job I like.
The three identity questions that I posted here before... Although I have some vague answers for them, those questions are something I forsee myself constantly changing and evolving new answers for the rest of my life, and probably the same with others. Feel free to bring them up in conversation, probably not in the beginning, but definitely right after we have discovered why we should like her (not just because of her look). My level of game has not evolved to the point where I can close the deal that night, but I am quite solid in terms of leading up to relationships if I don't fuck up along the way. I suspect that is due to my ability to show my vulnerabilities rather than hiding them as insecurities. Guys, who hide their intentions, are creepy and girls can tell right away. So if you have trouble opening, hooking, connecting, and maintaining relationships with people in general... ask yourself these questions, do I have something to hide? Am I honest with myself? With others? I'll probably have more bullshit to say as soon as I finish "Radical Honesty."
Credit to Possibility for discovering this... Who could he be?
And for those who still are sucking it up out there... after all these years:
A friend of mine told me about this book a few months back and I still haven't read it yet: Radical Honesty. Then this article on Captain Jack's blog reminds me of it, and it was a fun read! If everyone was more honest toward each other, then we can skip the bullshit and get back to being humans. This fits well with something I've been thinking about... how people hide their insecurities instead of revealing them for what they are, as vulnerabilities. The former is creepy and the latter is surprisingly attractive, to girls!
I'm having a blogger block. There are so many things I want to write about, I've started writing a few entries and I couldn't bring myself to finishing them. Blogging interruptus.
For those who have read Joseph Campbell and been captivated by the Star Wars saga, we all appreciate how a young boy grows up to be a super hero. Now with MTV, VH1, Craig's List, and most importantly, seduction lair. I can write a whole book on the 'modern day' hero's journey: of people craving for fame, seeking out companionship online, and ultimately, ending up as seduction forum gurus. I wouldn't want to write such a story without donation, because I have the Millionaire Mindset. But, I don't have a paypal account for you to anonymously donate money to help fund my adventure.
Money is NOT evil. We just happen to have gullible people. I can write about how a virgin, who has no friend, found an online forum, read & memorized all that was in there, and rose up to lead a group of sargers. Or another loser, who is so insecure that he decided to flaunt his weakness until someone poke fun at him, he lost it and threw a series of childish tantrums. Or another virgin, who is living at home, a textbook example of awkward, feels so insecure about himself that he takes on the role of being the leader of, I know what you are thinking, and no, not that at all, deviants. Or another hustler-wannabe, who found out that there are so many wealthy gullible losers, starts turning tricks for the said forum of deviants.
Sadly, I have a blogger block. So I can't post all those stories publicly. I'm so sorry. If you subscribe to my private blog, you can read all about them!
One year ago, I was so out of touch with humanity. I was busily doing my "newbie mission" so that I could change to be someone more social, instead, it was more of a death spiral into a potentially life-long loneliness. Thankfully, I have broken free of that silliness and I now have fun being among normal and social people. The one thing I learned, as a friend of mine said it best, "Joining the community is like going to college, the goal of getting in is to get out as soon as possible." There are some great techniques, wonderful ways of connecting with people, but the worst part of it are people in it.
For this Halloween, I'm almost back to where I started before I joined the community. I've been invited to more Halloween parties than I know what to do... there is a readily a group of friends who I can call up to hang out. We have more fun by ourselves than most community guys out "sarging." I don't need to "sarge" any set, I'm just social and talk to people. Sure, I use community materials and routines, not because I need that to interact with people, because I enjoy being a dick just to mind fuck people. In retrospect, I cringe thinking of the weird, creepy, anti-social things I did with community guys. I'm happy they are still at it; they are the living proof that some people can't change. There are very few wonderful people in it. They all are doing the same thing, distancing themselves from the lair/community.
Guys in the community brag about pulls, day2's, ONS/SNP/SNL, whatever as though they need to pin medals on their heartless and soul-less corpse in order to feel good about themselves. They then post these FR/LR in the lair to boast their prowess. The reality is that normal people are having fun, being social, and having more sex than these social retards. The thing is, I should have followed my gut feelings when I first joined, I was reading all these reports and guys talked about these amazing feats of taking girls home... Then I thought back to my normal house mates, they were doing that regularly, so what's the big deal?!
After nearly 12 months of being active in the community, I finally recognized it for what it is, bunch of losers who will never be anyone or anything in life but they are busily seducing each other. Sarges are nothing but dates among guys: awkward moments of silence punctuated with brief interlude of terror/fear of what to do next, e.g. that one guy has to "open a set," grasping at straws to find commonalities among guys who have no personalities nor identities, no sense of fun or adventure, quietly trying to outmaneuver each other to "DHV" to each other while missing the goal of being a normal & social human being, and worst of all, they don't even realize how they have fallen off the social grid with the rest of humanity.
If people want to do Mystery's newbie mission, go out alone and learn to approach strangers, develop the social intuition so that you have the ability of befriending anyone. Either create or participate in many social circles of normal people, i.e. non-community people because community guys are deviants. There's nothing to be proud of to be a "gamer," not everyone needs to be gamed, it's quite alright to have boring normal conversations instead of running routines or conversation tactics on every one. Give up the hope of being a horn dog who tries to game and then fuck anything that moves.
Create the life you want to have, be yourself; yes, just like countless others have said before. If you can't be yourself, then figure yourself out: (1) who am I? (2) what do I want to do with my life? (3) how do I fit in with everyone else? If your answers are: I'm a PUA, I want to be a dating coach, and I want to make money teaching people to be social even though I don't realize that I'm not social. Unless you ALREADY are a big name seduction guru who is doing this professionally, you've already missed the boat, it's too late to jump on this bandwagon, you probably don't have anything new to teach... go shove a traffic cone up your ass, yes, you just might have discovered something you like. We have enough parasites in this world.
... SUCKS! There are so many juicy tidbits I want to blog about here. I can blog about minor offenses like guys taking advantage of girls because these girls don't know American culture, and how these guys are not man enough to pick up girls who know our local custom & way of life. Or there are some hearsay stories that are borderline if not outright criminal.
Instead of preying on vulnerable girls, let's focus on being vulnerable. Most seduction methods focus on attraction and they rarely talk about what keep relationships going. Sure, I'm all for tacitly flipping attraction switches in order to elicit IOI from girls at the initial part of our interaction. Attraction is necessary AND sufficient for sex, but what keeps people together? What strengthens our bonds with girls? This goes beyond showing our interest for them and beyond compliance tests in order to get them to invest into our interaction.
Friends have asked me because they wondered how I keep my relationships going for such a long time. Good sex helps, but ultimately, it's about being a normal guy. What that means is that I have hopes and dreams, failures and successes, strengths and vulnerabilities. But through all that happened in life, I am here and be who I am today. Girls look, not just for the fun happy social guy, but also toward their guys for strength and stability.
I know I shouldn't have, but I have mocked people who try to change their miserable lives. Deep down, I appreciate how hard they are trying to improve themselves. But ultimately, we must have a sense of who we are, what we are here to do, and how we fit in the world. Answers to these questions may be vague and of course, change with time. It's one thing to change our wardrobe, change our posture and the way we stand, or perhaps, our outlook and even how we conduct ourselves. But we must not violate our own and societal moral code in order to get girls.
Some readers emailed me asking for specifics, so here are a few more tips I picked up from chatting with sales people:
Those are just guidelines I follow. As always, clothes look as good as the person presenting them... Lean back, walk with hip first, then shoulders & head. Use the doorway as a reminder to work on posture, walk, and smile whenever you walk through one.
Before even taking a bootcamp, definitely spend what you are willing to spend on a bootcamp or any PU materials on your looks & presentation. Looks matters A LOT and first impression, whether we like to accept it or not, is extremely important. This is one major area that is neglected in any seduction literature and bootcamp.
The myth that we can get any girl anytime anywhere is a joke. The second myth is that if we have good inner and outer games, we can pick up girls; which is also untrue. Going to a bootcamp wearing your best clothes for going church on Sunday won't cut it. BradP talks about sexy stereotypes in his fashion book. I would sum it up as either look good by being classy or edgy. Classy means that we convey that we follow fashion trends and I'll talk about how we do that. Edgy means that we have to show that we know what is fashionable and we break one or two rules just to show we know but we also value our individuality, see rock stars, magicians (e.g. Mystery), and other performers. This is how peacock theory is evolved. Edgy looks, i.e. peacocking, will invite girls to open, then it's a great way to learn to deal with shit tests (i.e. interest/intrigue).
How much to spend? How/where/what to shop? If you decide to take a $1500 workshop, be prepared to spend that much on your wardrobe. I would even go as far as to say that if you can't afford to take a workshop, you have to spend that much on clothes... not necessarily on one weekend, but over the course of a few months. There isn't a way to pick one look and it would magically transform you. The first step is to look through GQ and other fashion magazines for men. Find the hairstyle, clothes, shoes, and the image that fits with your personality you want to convey to the type of girls you want. Go to a salon and experiment with a few different hairstyles. Same with going to department stores and ask them for advice for what would look good on you. If you want to go for the uniquely edgy looks, then shop at boutique places, where they carry one or two of the same items, they will be either extremely expensive or very cheap.
I'm hesitant about recommending people to shop with their friends (even female friends). Most friends already have an image of you and they tend not to go out of their way to help you change your look because change is often what we all fear. I'm a strong advocate for people to look normal, blend in with the social crowd first rather than shocking people by looking crazy. Changing what we look outside will first affect how people respond to us and if we have a bit of social intelligence, will eventually alter how we view ourselves. In the beginning, we are what we see, how people react to us is the reflection that we see. Later on, we can work on changing inside, but even if we think we are the shit, and if girls disperse whenever we talk to them, no amount of inner game, delusions, and reframing can change that reality.
We have to master the basics: fitting in first, learn to be normal, be among social people, and gradually we will form good relationships with people. That's why I keep warning to newbies joining the community to stay away from guys who have been in this for a few years but have no social circles other than trolling forums and lairs for wings. There's something inherently wrong with them to cause them to be stuck at their current situation. Unfortunately, most newbies don't know and are repeatedly being misled. If people can't form relationship with other guys, how will they maintain relationships with girls?!
The first step is determine where we are... and changing our looks is the second. Girls and even most guys are extremely nice, they would never want to outright hurting anyone; I attribute most guys who don't improve because no one has the courage to tell them that they are not normal, they need to change to fit in, and if they can't, they should resign & be happy with their position in life. Not everyone is born social, just as 1% of almost any population is schizophrenic, and there's a rising epidemic of autistic kids. Such is life. If we are to avoid the same fate that has befallen most lair guys, we have to take small incremental steps to be normal.
There are several yet-to-be published blog entries on the basics of approaches, building a connection, conveying identity, and disqualifications. But they have not been posted yet because I'm not happy with them. Unlike many wannabe dating "coaches" who plagiarize materials from others and claim as their own, my blog posts are a reflection of my journey, my progress, my failures, my successes, and some from people I socialize with. There's no reason for me to make people believe in something that I'm not and this blog should be as comprehensive as I can make it.
The reality is that I don't come up with that much new materials and I don't want to rehash what other experts have posted. I want to include my experiences and how I have successfully (and sometimes, failed) to implement different tactics and strategies. The fun part of writing this is about sharing... and the ego strokes of having others read my bullshit. I don't have completely new materials of mine to push and I don't try to get people to enroll in some lame courses/workshops just to prove that I am some sort of a fucked up "leader of men." I already have a job I enjoy, I have a group of reliable colleagues, I have a group of supportive friends who are not afraid to call me out if I lie here.
Those who seek/desire something are forever condemned to get what they don't want. Let it all go and ye shall be!
Some of you found this blog by searching for "bootcamp," as in field training to pickup girls. Before we consider taking a bootcamp, let's assess where we are and where we want to go. Now, picking up girls is not what it seems; to be able to rapidly connect with a stranger by piquing her curiosity/interest and concurrently building rapport, this requires some finesse to find the right balance.
Let's start with where we are... There are quite a few "community" guys reading this so I'll be blunt. As my sociologist friend told me (and no, he doesn't have a PhD), the community is filled with deviants, that's right, people who are not normal, not on both ends of the bell-shaped curve, but mostly on the lack of social skills side, i.e. two standard deviations below the median. Whereas guys who are pulling girls left and right home for sex as documented in their blogs, they are on the other side, as in they have far above normal social intuition and skills. Now we see that in order to get to there, 3-day bootcamp or a 1-hour workshop will not allow us tunnel through the curve of normal distribution. We first have to join the rest of humanity, and be normal, yes, we are starting at special end of the curve, as in Forrest Gump special in the social arena.
Take a typical Friday night, do you have friends during the week invite you to events/activities for the rest of the weekend? And on that night, do you have people texting you, calling you, and tempting you to join them? On a day-to-day basis, do you talk with friends regularly, about some funny shit that went down which made you both laughed your ass off?!
Or are you busily reading and taking notes about some posts in seduction forums/blogs, and then you go online to match.com to test them out? When Friday night comes around, do you go through your long list of "wings" and call them out to "sarge?" Do you prepare mentally or on a notepad of what you will say to girls when you call them up?
A normal social person would answer yes to the first 3 questions and probably don't have a clue to the last 3 questions. Now we have a glimpse of what I mean by a normal and social person. If your answers to the last 3 questions are yes, then it's a good sign that you have much work to do and bootcamp is just the beginning. And if you have taken more than one bootcamp, then it's an even more troubling sign; unless, of course, you were duped into taking one from a fly by night self-proclaimed pickup artist who teaches it but has no demonstrable evidence that he can connect with people (especially he's the stalker type who projects his paranoid psychosis onto others), much less picking up a girl.
Many have voiced to me that my blog has a negative tone. I agree because it's about time someone be critical in examining this sociological phenomenon. I'm not an expert, but I have seen many, even been "sarging"/winging with many "community" guys, who are simply societal rejects. They are beyond hope and yet they doggedly think that they hold some secret formula to success and even worst, they think they have a great inner game and they have this individualistic superiority attitude looking down at commoners. What they don't realize is that they are way below the curve and will probably never make reach the median in terms of their social skills.
When I was growing up, I thought (as one reader does) that anyone can be anything. You know, the typical Horatio Alger's story of a real-life American Dream. As I have gotten older, mentored some people, guided/helped many more, I discovered we are not equal... Some of us are simply better at certain activities than others. This diversity is a good thing. Some people become famous movies/TV stars, professional athletes, professional pickup-artists, bona fide hustlers, and especially in the "community," expert code monkeys, not one is necessarily better than other.
If we are to randomly select one from each of these categories, no matter how much we train, goad, bait, push, pull, they simply won't get it. Sure, bootcamp/workshop can make a difference if these people commit to working at improving themselves, but at a certain point, it's time to move on. Some older guys are acting out the Peter Pan syndrome as if they can stay young and do what kids do; Peter Pan is a work of fiction and he never got to "light up" Tinkerbell. Even professional athletes have a point that they either break-through and become superstars, or forever destined to play backups or bench warmers. And for many reading this, the bad news is, they never have been, never will be a "pickup-artists" because they are incapable of being normal.
The first step to start self-improvement is a realistic assessment of where we are. If we don't know where we are in relation to others, how do we determine when we have arrived our destinations? I know, many will argue that this is a self-determined journey, but believe or not, we don't live in a small shack out in nowhere alone, if we want to pickup girls, we have to be where people gather. If people disperse whenever you arrive, it's about time to correct that problem first before thinking about taking anyone else home.
For the rest, who are still young and just joined the community, as in below 21, leave and make friends. Just because it's on VH1 doesn't mean this is cool... even if there's another show that will be on MTV2. I am guessing, based on those who are masters now, the optimal age is for guys to be out there picking up girls is between 21 and 30. If there's an age that chess grandmasters normally peak at, I'm pretty sure there's a similar window for developing social skills. Sure there are exceptions, just as there are supposedly "straight" guys who everyone else thinks are gay; there are also unicorns/tooth faeries/easter bunnies/Santa Claus. Have you met one lately? Never argue with biology, nature always wins.
"Attempting to change the world through external effort is like a man, who by breaking a mirror, thinks he is changing his face."
I came across this thought-provoking quote recently.
I hate walking up to some girls to open them. Being the lazy guy that I am, I usually just sit down at a table. The last one I remember, I started having small talk a guy sitting next to me. Our conversation was boring and learning from Juggler (his materials, not directly from him), i.e. be a nosy guy, he introduced me to his party of people, who were there for his gf's 22nd birthday. I don't peacock normally so he was giving me some advice on dating and how I should lock up a girl while I'm still in college, which was what he did. His girl was fun and so were all her friends.
They all turned out to be coworkers at a fancy restaurant with all those hot waitresses. Perhaps I was being a boring beta male, AFC, he invited me to go visit him at his restaurant, left me his card and wrote down that he will hook me up if I go there next time with friends.
Then I made some comments to a couple sitting a few seats away from me, we started talking. I don't remember what I said, but it was pretty clear to the guy sitting next to her knew that I was hitting on her. Again, using complete Juggler style, I started talking about the difficulty of maintaining a committed relationship. While her guy sitting to her left, she confided to me (sitting on her right) that she was still talking with some guy back home. We vibed for a bit longer. There might have been attraction, IOIs, or whatever else, I didn't look for them. Funny how her guy placed his hand on her left knee while I was teasing her on her right.
My friends came back from their approaches. As I got up to leave with my buddies, I just handed her my phone to enter her contact info, which she did, while the guy was sitting right next to her.
The "sarge" was very low-key, from afar people saw that I was just hanging out with my friends, nothing special. I was not the dancing monkey, I was not the entertainer, and yet, we connected even with her boy next to her. This was something I hope to continue: Being normal, social, low-key, just another guy who can connect with people. Sure, I used some community routines, I told some canned stories, I teased her a bit, but more than 90% of our conversation was either fluff or emotional rapport, very spontaneous conversation threads of being in the moment.
Why do I bring this up? I want to highlight that depending on the vibe of the environment, types of people, I have been working at this for a long time to develop the right calibration; the important thing is that I am surrounded by positive people who are fun. There's no one size fits all method, it's about incorporating what works and be calm, be chill, have fun, be social, deliberate and lead. I'll post my story of how I literally dragged a girl out of the bar to go back to her place in 20 minutes.
