Expectation is the enemy of improvement
I've always wondered how I sometimes do really well in the field and sometimes, I suck donkey ass. Last night was a great example, I ran around all day doing errands and of course, I overbooked but managed to finish 90% of what I planned out to do. Then I went on a day3 with her expecting to finally close the deal. Little did I know that she turned out to be an attention whore, (yeah, a girl who is an attention whore, an amazing discovery, eh?) and I wasn't able to maintain composure. The best thing I did was to leave the situation before I did any damage and met up with a few friends.
Rather than going to our get together, chill, relax, and have fun like I did with a few friends the night before. My mind had an agenda of trying to close her. Now, I didn't plan and scheme on how I will get to sexy time. It was the only thing that preoccupied my mind and thus, I lost sight of many opportunities around me, when I could have open so many other targets right in front of her.
The goal in this game isn't to go after one girl, because that in itself places a great deal of effort on one girl and she will automatically sense that. I got into this because I want to have choices and by focusing on one with high hopes and expectations, I automatically contradict what I set out to do. Sure, she was hot, would I give up all other girls because of her?! Definitely not!
Both my own expectation of myself and what my interaction with people will turn out distracted me from my primary goal. This is more than just about one girl, a few girls; the goal is to improve myself, not to impress others or scheme & plan to get I want. I should focus on being in the moment, so that I can take advantage of what other opportunities that pop up. The other kind of expectation is to create within others. This is done by using disqualification. One is to release any other expectation from others so that I am not expected to fulfill them. Then the other party can focus on his/her interaction with me at that moment. We have no other agenda than having fun instead of allowing them to have internal dialogs, to judge, to plan, to expect who I am and what they can get from me. People go out to forget about their mundane life. So I should be in the moment, focus on the process of improvement rather than trying to get something, from myself or others.
3 comments:
What you said about expectation is very interesting to me. Its said (and I believe it) that as we interact with someone else they spend alot more time being self conscious about how they're looking in your eyes than vice versa. That harder part is allaying the natural defenses. Disqualification allows for building a closer to reality picture of you than the often desperately quick judgments that are made in order to safely categorize a person. What you said is so true, it really is about yourself, something that I fight towards every day. Even now I still say 'let me do...' instead of 'I'm doing...' holding myself back from fulfilling what I feel needs to be done. But doing it with the right attitude that you display so often is what will get me to where I want to be.
P.S.- Love the blog, I'm an addict. You're too good at cleaving through hypocrisy.
Great post, I completely agree with what you said. I especially like how you said that you are releasing expectations from others. I have begun to do this and it has made my life so much more care-free, and fun. People should go out to forget about their lives, which is why I think this whole mentality of going out and getting in as many sets to improve a "skill-set" is rather poisonous. Nonetheless, good post, and when will we see your dinnerwhore website?!
dinnerwhores site will be up soon! don't EXPECT too much so quickly ;)
going out to have fun is great... none of this open sets bull crap. sure, for some people, it's a skillset, for some people, that's how they relate to others, and for many, they are just beyond help!
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