The in-her game(tm): Working toward success

Most people often like to dream, to discuss what they want, they need, they will have, but they don't do that one thing. It's always easier, safer, and more familiar to dwell on what is possible, what to learn, what to do, than to take the chance and start doing.

There's a parallel between not getting things done and not going up to talk to girls. The hesitation that people have in approaching girls is also what's holding people back from having success in their lives. I previously blogged about people not having women in their lives is only a symptom. "Gaming" will get them a horny & drunk girl now and then, it doesn't address a much deeper problem: an unsuccessful life. To get anywhere in life, not even success, requires not just learning, doing due diligence, deliberate planning, but actual execution. Making the approach and taking that first step.

The actual step in working toward any goal and closing the door on mental masturbation is taking the first action. That's why meeting is a waste of time. People tend to go over the same plan or discussing what might or might not happen rather than doing to see what actually happen. The next crucial step is to monitor that progress. What's worst than having unrealistic expectation? Lack of honesty to oneself. That's the problem with people who are positive thinkers and they constantly reframe, twist, and distort what is happening in order to lie to themselves.

Realistic goals and expectations allow us to plan out the necessary steps to get there. Once we started taking actions, we have to monitor our own progress, find out where we are, and use some metric to determine if we are reaching our goals. That's why optimists, or worst yet, reframers, would deny factual evidence as truth, and they will fail disastrously. The problem is that we would rarely encounter the optimist who fail because we don't glorify failure in this society. But being among optimistic losers within the community, that's when I see this problem.

I was naive enough in my professional life because I am surrounded by successful individuals. We find the problem, discuss our plan, and just do it. Then I encounter many community guys failing at their lives, all they do is talk about what is possible instead of doing what will probably lead them to success. Most fail because they don't pull the trigger and take action. Many more fail after they have taken action but they don't critically evaluate their progress. Again, it's easy to externalize one's problems and failures, the difficulty is accepting responsibility so that we take, that's right, the necessary action to correct our own mistakes.

Dream less, think more, plan it out, take action, and monitor progress. Rinse and repeat until you get there.

The in-her game(tm): Getting my life in order

Steve Pavlina blogged about this, Tony Robbins talked about it, and countless others have described this. Sit down, on a blank piece of paper, write, do NOT type, keep writing down what I want out of this short time that I have in this life. I keep writing until I have a clear, concise, and concrete statement that describes who I am and what I want to do with my life. Then accordingly, I type out my step wise goals to accomplish what I want to do with my life in the following order: 10 yrs, 5 yrs, 2.5 yrs, 1 yr, 6 mos, and finally 3 mos. Then I write down what I am going to do, tasks, in action forms. So "make more money" is too broad, but "call so-and-so" to find out if there are openings is more actionable. Another is, "be better with women," which is vague, but the steps to get there, "email so-and-so female friend" for lunch, catch up, again is more actionable.

With my long list of actionable items, I categorize them into different contexts. For example, all the call actions would be inside "phone" category; email/search actions inside "computer" category; i.e. associate each action with the environment and tool in getting them done. I sometimes prioritize them into 4 groups: 1. important & urgent, 2. important & nonurgent, 3. unimportant & urgent, 4. unimportant & nonurgent. Then I start pruning my list, if they can be done in 2 minutes or less, I immediately start doing them in the right context. Actions that don't fit into accomplishing goals that I set out are discarded.

For more details, go get David Allen's book, Getting Things Done. Next, also check out tips in 43folders.

This is the first step in quieting the mind, closing open loops, discovering who we are, and starting to live out our lives. I will blog about how to develop focus, and be internally driven so that outside forces don't rock us to the core or even perturb our daily life.

Once we are at peace with ourselves, we can be at ease with others, when we can have fun with people around us, and of course, become more social in general. The goal of being social is to connect with people, establish rapport, which starts with knowing ourselves, then we can convey our identity, our values, our goals, our hopes and dreams, our passions, and that, my friend, is a step-by-step plan to having friends, and even girls, in our lives.

You don't have to come to my "seminar" to watch me jack-off. You don't need to buy my podcasts, DVDs, or pay for 1on1 coaching. I have faith you in Getting This Done. Get your life in order, then you will have girls in your life.

The in-her game(tm): The sure-fire way to see if she's yours

Somewhere online, there is a long list of IOI's that we can memorize to tell if she is interested / attracted. In the end, attraction doesn't mean anything if we don't convert it to something substantial. Sure, attraction is fleeting, then move to deep rapport as quickly as possible, but why? Another strategy is to get her to invest into our interaction, but how? All of these steps have to lead to a close, and to reach any type of a close requires a series of compliance tests.

I've been blogging about the fluffy feel-good, be a better person, improve oneself,... this is about hardcore tactic and strategy. Let's step back from the ultimate goal, sex. Sex itself is the final compliance test for many, it is her way to connect because of her desire to invest. In order to slowly lead her there, we have to make her jump through a series of hoops, to get her to invest, and we evaluate her to determine if she has qualified.

In non-community lingo, make her do stuff for us. Start from the beginning, I test for compliance by using the high-five following by the hand-squeeze test (to check if she squeezes back), side hug (to see if she hugs back), turn her toward me and get her moving closer to me (or the "lock-in" position). Next, get her to introduce her friends, move her to another location, isolate her, get her to open up by talking about herself (use the open ended questions, A3 qualification questions,...). Like most interaction, the difficulty is not the act itself, but what happens in between acts. In this case, the nuance lies in how I reward her in between each compliance test and I will express my approval accordingly. Of course, she always does moderately well, she puts in great effort, but I can see her doing better; i.e., what she does is never good enough. Just don't overuse it!

If a girl is superattracted to me, then she will automatically try to please me by doing all sorts of activities to prove her worthiness to me. What if she doesn't? Then I know that I need to pump up her emotions... this can range from short momentary IOD, take-away, to express my disapproval, to "beating" her with a straw / pillow / foreign object, to spanking her, to picking her up; physical caveman techniques tend to pump up her emotion and girls get frazzled and become emotional. Then lead her to the next compliance test. Do NOT go back and re-test her!

I personally don't like a long list of activities that I would do to her, which would come across as robotic and too algorithmic. This takes patience, failures, and much practice to internalize and perfect over time. Even into a relationship, I still keep the evaluation frame. I like one trick that a friend of mine likes to do, get her to sing, learn a new song, and my personal favorite, get her to cook for me, find new restaurants, new activities to do, plan trips, etc. As sexist as this may seem, women's nature is to nurture, to please, and to comply.

The money shot is this... if a woman is with us, our job is not just to lead, but to make her do stuff for us. This is the best gauge of her interest, not a long list of things to look for, things to do, but whatever that pleases us. Once again, this goes back to having confidence, know what you want and how you will get it. This is how we pimps roll with our ho's!

Why life isn't fair...

I've been fascinated by why certain guys like to post so many reports (FR/LR), which can range from a slight embellishment to a total fabrication. For those who try to sell their services as dating coaches, posting reports is one way of advertising, but what about guys who want to garner attention... is it a simple psychological desire for attention or is there a hard-wired biological need?!

Even funnier is how so many old guys (myself included), who have past their prime, still want to go out to get girls. This is almost like we try to relive the youth that we missed... because we didn't get girls when we were young. This article touches up on a few points... Our inherent need to compare, to search for fairness, and in the end, we make irrational choices based on emotions instead of the logical choice that benefits us. There are so many who sacrificed so much, yet gained so little, just so they can appear as the man: the guy who can get girls, among a bunch of socially inept, sexually inexperienced, and many potentially gay boys. Setting aside the brief moment of attention, is there a long term benefit?

Many seduction schools sell their bootcamps as a life changing experience for chumps. The reality is that momentary high evaporates once they go back to their daily anti-social boring lives. Perhaps my experience is an exception, people that I know who want to be social and be good with girls usually end up privately confessing to me that they have wasted their money on workshops and bootcamps, and many went back to get refund. With a few exceptions, those without regret of spending money are ones who want to become dating coaches. In effect, this whole dating coach business is a pyramid scheme!

If there's one thing this has taught me, I have became social not because of workshops / bootcamps, but through difficult changes that I undertook. A similar process that's analogous to this would be weight loss. It's not about joining a gym, participating in a crash diet plan, or reading a book on how to lose weight. Becoming good with women involves becoming social with people in general, in order to achieve this, I became a friendlier person, made many more friends, and I do my best to keep in touch with them. We also go out, have fun, build new memories together, and in the process, we might meet girls. The difficult part is about changing habits, recognizing one's deficiencies and changing them.

In order to prevent people from asking for refunds, most workshops are all about making their participants feel good about themselves after they have been ostracized from mainstream society for so long. So instead of spending money on those charlatans who are out hustling chumps by selling an ALL NEW revolutionary technique on getting girls, look within, find out what is not working, fix it. Once we are happy within, people are more cordial with us and we naturally become more social. No, this is not about innergame, this is about working on ourselves, both inner and outer, because ultimately, this is about in-her game (tm).

The easiest way to game

I try to keep up with some PU blogs and some of them are quite good. A recent entry by Juggler on how to SOI properly is a good read. It's still too complicated...

From what little experience I have, SOI is unnecessary if the girl is super attracted and sometimes, no matter how many disqualifications, negs, SOIs, push-pulls, she simply won't comply. Someone suggested I use game accelerators, I'm more likely to lose money betting on that than on a much simpler concept, it's the big number theory. If I talk with a large number of girls, eventually, I will get laid. Add in the mist of alcohol-induced haze, loud music, and just overall sex deprived state of most people, there's really no need for being so methodical.

In fact, I see the more people focused on this/that method, took multiple bootcamps, winged with more guys from the community, the less likely they have improved. For the simple reason of they focus too much on gaming, and not on having fun, being with people. Of course, there's also the flip side of being party animals while remaining celibate.

There is only one way to strike that right balance, that's using the In-her game (tm) method. Seriously though, this is really a numbers game. The more people we interact with, the quicker we will learn to click with people. Once we have acquired the ability to befriend and get people to open up to us... girls will soon open their legs, or at least bend over, and no, you don't need to drop a few grands on a workshop to learn that. Spend that on yourself. Then you can save yourself from learning a whole new vocabulary, microloop, microcalibration, DHV, IOI-IOD, push-pull, SOI, false sexual barriers, false time constraint, etc. Who else speak in specialized languages, abnormal people, but they make money speaking it... PUA-wannabe's are losing money and control by using other people's language.

There's no need to give away our power and ability to master our own destiny. The only way to succeed is to fail. There's no better way to toughen ourselves than getting hurt. No dating coach or anyone else can insulate us from pain of life, we learn from both negative and positive reinforcements. Those who do their best to avoid pain are avoiding life.

Peeling off the layers

Getting girls at the bar, such as pulling them home, and even having sex with them that very night, is not a big deal! At any given bar, doesn't matter whether it's classy or not, there are plenty of girls who are out for sex... It's a numbers game. If we talk to enough of girls in there, lower our standards enough, we will get some that night. Is that worth it? Do we want to go out hunting night in and night out, every week? Or are having relationships (be they monogamous or not) more fulfilling?

Awhile back, I posted questions about identity and our purpose in life... those are the questions we all struggle with throughout our lives and raising those questions seems to trigger an almost universal response of, "OMG, someone who is going through the same turmoils as me." Sure, there are exceptions. For many people, they are like onions. They take time to peel through one layer after another, but there are some core questions that get at that very quickly. At the risk of sounding like a Mystery fan boy, his statement, "I didn't get an instruction book on how to live my life." It is vague enough, but also insightful enough to trigger that same universal OMG response.

Even though I use many community routines/techniques, I wouldn't consider myself a pickup artist, and I don't do pickup. What I do, however, is being social... being a normal human being. I don't belong to a special elite group of social retards. In fact, I make my interactions with girls so smooth, so fun, that they don't remember me how I #closed them and we might not have sex the same night we met, but we will keep on having sex for months afterward. One is to avoid state break and the other is strengthening that core emotional connection.

The way I avoid state breaks is to multi-thread. Stories stack on top of stories, conversational threads weave into another but they rarely finish, avoid the dreaded question train that goes after each bullet point in a resume, and always escalate, but not in a predictable way. Once girls accept that the interaction is like an emotional roller coaster, they will accept that they don't know what's coming because everything is sort of random and yet, but they continue to feel safe with me. That's how I build trust and comfort. Ways to create that randomness, and thus causing confusion, is to combine different techniques, push-pull, cat-string theory, microcalibration, rolling off, yin-yang,... "Bullshit baffles brain," as Lovedrop described.

Just as people are like multi-layered onions, conversational threads should be a tangled mess like a Gordian Knot, and interactions should allow us to connect at multiple emotions. Sure, there are simple routines to pump up buying temperature to overcome resistance or get girls to past compliance tests, and of course, sex is the final compliance test. What I am getting at is that each interaction should have this natural flow to it and routines can keep the inertia going, but much of it is improvisation, many market that as natural game, I personally prefer to call it organic game (tm). Think of trees, I defy anyone to find two identical trees, so interactions can be group into similar species, but they are rarely identical even though they have similar components, roots, leaves, branches, flowers, and seeds. After all that bullshit, even onions grow from seeds. (And yes, organic game is a subset of In-her game; for the humor impaired, it's a joke!)

So I'm going to hell

Why? Probably NOT for flirting with girls, dating multiple girls, having meaningless, albeit passion-filled crazy no-string-attached sex, and certainly NOT for trying to get people to buy something from me.

How dare I to mock people who talk about "inner game" and turn that into "in-her game" (tm). How dare I to call most self-proclaimed seduction gurus "gay" for trying to seduce men/boys, into buying their products. How dare I to write that looks matter more than game. How dare I to suggest that most nerds/geeks/misfits who didn't have friends up until a certain age, probably should drop out, because they have missed that social-development window. How dare I to repeat what Sinn said before, that most guys don't get good at pickup. How dare I to tell people that realizing the American dream, is almost like winning the lottery!

Life is a combination of nature and nurture. We can make do with what we got, some people are, because of their time and place, happen to be "it." If Mozart was born today, he would probably be diagnosed as autistic and if he's lucky, he might appear on 60 minutes; and if his mother is a celebrity, like Jenny McCarthy, there might be a book about him. Sure, we all deep down want to be somebody, the reality is, we don't have to settle, we struggle and make the best of what we got.

Same with pickup. Most guys who are in the community now, rarely because they were good with women. Usually, by inference, they are probably not very popular with people in general. That's why I'm a strong advocate of not running game, not being natural, I'm all about being normal. What is normal? It's about having friends, learn from each other, have fun together, build memories together. Once we have socialized, if we have any social intelligence, we will naturally rise up and begin to lead our group of friends. Friends will bring in more friends. And thus, this is how the social circle is formed and grown.

Instead, most community guys don't spend time to be normal. They don't learn to make friends, have friends, maintain friendships, that last. They always think they are the champion of individualism, the worst of the bunch is the Ayn Rand admirers. Sure, many CEOs and high power executives are secret Ayn Rand admirers too. Just because they are that way doesn't mean you can reach their level by joining the same cult. Instead, those guys have so much more social intelligence and experience, they might be motivated by what they have read in Atlas Shrugged or the Fountainhead. But community guys are not normal, socially aware, to play those power games to be there.

The community guys end up gaming other people's girls, instead of befriending those guys and their friends, community chodes think they can steal people girls. That is the reaction they get. I'm the first to admit that I'm not that socially intelligent or experienced, but I'm normal enough to befriend almost everyone, not creep them out, or to give fodders for them to think I'm some nut job. So before you even start running game, learn to behave like a normal person... Using game materials to befriend people is like using dynamite to fish, in a fishbowl, the size of your palms.

I have no problem with using community materials, and I do use on almost all girls. In fact, they are inoculated against community gambits; try to use anything, they will say you are a copycat, because I've already broken them in. Learn to have a conversation first, then sprinkle in community materials, the secret is to titrate to the right amount. The difference, between that a drug that heals vs. a poison that kills, is the dose.

The in-her game(tm): Titrating phone calls

Saturday morning, if last night went well, we probably have plenty of numbers. How shall we play the phone game? This is to be avoided at all cost. Phone calls should be short, concise, and only for confirming, maybe for directions to a place; they should not be used for much in the beginning of the "relationship." Like everything else, if I failed at phone game stage, then the cause is something that happened prior to it.

Let's start with why we get numbers. This is not as a close or some sort of achievement, we should have so much to talk about, and things we want to do together, which justify our continuing interaction. True, I adhere to the dingleberry technique, but once I have reached a high point in the conversation, it's best that I setup our next meet, rather than milking the interaction and killing off our conversational threads; unless I can tell that they are ready and willing to be pulled that night. Conversational threads that talk about what we enjoy doing, what excites us, what makes us feel good, those usually lead to talking about specifics and events. So before I go out, I look at my calendar for next week, have an idea of what I will do... or at least have a regular activity I do anyway. Then I casually bring that up. Sometimes they bite, sometimes not, I continue the interaction. Eventually at high point, when they have revealed themselves, I have stated my intention and how I am attracted to them, after many qualifications, then I would invite them to join me.

Girls will give false objections sometimes, I just tell them, "I enjoy our conversation and we have much to talk about, let's meet up (...) Give me your number and I will text you the direction." Note that I don't use "Can I have your number?" or any other wishy washy questions, always give them commands. Then another technique I use, depending on how high energy they are, I would try to get the first call out of the way, I call them right there. If she's high energy, then I tell her to answer her phone, I pretend she's my friend, and I would proceed to tell her about this great girl I meet, but this girl is a bit suspicious, I continue this role play if she's high energy. Now if she's low energy, then I call her phone, have her talk into my phone to leave a message for herself, to tell how much she likes me, and we would practice how much she enjoys talking to me etc. Of course, I also have her save my number using some sort of nickname. There is another thing I do to make me seem high value. It works almost all the time.

Next is the actual phone call after the initial meet up, this should be short, just check in, I found Socialhitchhiker's post quite useful. One caveat is that if she doesn't remember me very well, then I might have to spend more time on the phone with her, going through some comfort building routines to let her know that I am a normal person. We will set up a time to meet and this requires additional calibration, if she seems to be a party girl, like she doesn't answer your phone calls all the time, then I would ask how certain she will be there, and if it's anything but 100% commitment, I would say that's okay and tell her another time. If she seems like a nice girl and won't flake, then I don't do that as that would imply that girls have flaked on me. This requires calibration, only experience will give you an idea how you titrate this to the right amount.

The in-her game(tm): Point of no return

I am such a horrible person, instead of working, I'm procrastinating so I am blogging instead. If you have ever crammed for exam, waiting for the right time, and keep pushing until the last minute to get things done, building up that tension. It's almost like playing chicken, to see who finally give in and submit, that is when one has triumphed over the other. Yes, I keep pushing, and I balance that with pulling, in different ways. This is the basis of how I like structure the early part of the relationship.

Many earth years ago in a land not so far away, I was seeing a girl, when she was about to move away, so we went on a trip together, it was our farewell trip. I know, touching, no need to shed any tear. It was a great trip, but just prior to leaving for our trip together, I met another girl and we started seeing each other on and off. Then I told girl #2 that I have to go away for two weeks, what I didn't tell her was with girl #1. When I returned, girl #2 was all over me.

This is how I came to recognize that with sufficient rapport and emotional connection; hearts do grow fonder when separated. After that one incidence, I almost always have to leave to "go on a trip" somewhere for a short period of time, usually undetermined, out of touch, right as the "relationship" about to start. This is what usually tips her over and when we see each other again, sex is always amazing. This, my friends, is when we both have crossed the threshold, the point that I know we have started the relationship, there is no turning back, this is when she will constantly push more commitment, time and otherwise, from me.

Once I've entered the community, others have articulated similar techniques... After we elicited sufficient attraction, some advocate doing the false takeaway and build jealousy plotlines in nearby sets. Another thing is BradP called stewing the girl, keep her going for awhile, but not actually seeing again for quite some time after the initial meet. For some unknown reasons, if I ever had that mystical connection with a very hot girl, just playing plain and simple comfort boring phone game, but I keep stewing her and not see her again right away, things usually escalate VERY quickly once I meet up with her the second time. Remember, hot girls only, I don't know how this works with UGs or fatties (please go test this out for us).

So young grasshoppers, learn to build comfort with her, then stew her, do NOT see her right away, but your phone game comfort building has to be tight, you got to be not needy at all. Sure, you will lose some, the subcommunication is that you are a man of purpose, you have other callings, she isn't the top priority, I know some people will frown at this for making the girl chase, little do they know that girls crave the chase, tacitly. It's almost like a piece of genetic memory, girls love that movie moment, the one when her man returns...

What reminded me of this was one girl I've been seeing on and off, she tried to pull the I'm going away/travel thing today. I kept a straight face and encouraged her to go. Some things are meant to be, learn to let go. Let go of your expectations when you are starting to approach, let go of your desires so you don't convey neediness/desperation, let go of any prejudice, be in the moment, your time here is now. Like a boomerang, she will return (I know, I like to contradict myself), just not right away, give her time and space.

Busy week

Sorry for lack of updates, been busy with life, work, women, and fun friends. If there's anything you can do to improve your life, be sure to surround yourself with positive, humorous, uplifting people. Yes, I'm aware of the drama; I'm very flattered that people think so highly of me, that I have such power! BWAHAHAAH! That's why I'm glad I have friends who are along on this fun journey called life.

Don't worry, I haven't given up the cause yet... I still think most guys in this community are gay and there will be more in-her game (tm) posts.

The in-her game(tm): Guidelines

Just for kicks and giggles, this blog entry will evolve as I grow (it can be found here: "Selected Articles: The in-her game series"), because ALL game is in-her game! If you are not in-her, you are not in the game... Reader participation is welcome and highly encouraged:

1. Be comfortable in my own skin, because I am the shit.
2. I have only myself to blame, only I can correct my own mistakes.
3. I am busy seducing girls, not men (i.e., stroke my cock first before my ego, see #1).
4. Unless I'm fucking her, I shouldn't be thinking about her.
5. No relationship lasts forever, only diamonds and herpes do.
   
6. I am outcome independent, and I must focus on the process.
7. Sex is no big deal; just what normal people who are comfortable with each other have together.
8. Never argue with a girl; first agree, make her laugh, redirect to something else.
9. Commit to opening the set, follow the Dubya plan: go in, stay in, there's no exit strategy.
10. Go out to have fun, not just to pick-up girls.
11. These techniques are for fun, not for manipulation, especially other guys (unless you are here to pick up guys).
12. Always lead, escalate, subcommunicate: we are going somewhere, avoid interaction quagmire.
13. Guys, who can't hang out with other guys, will never have any girl in their lives. Be guys as described in 10
    

The in-her game(tm): Be a dingleberry

All credit for the name goes to Vibe! This is only possible through our collaborative effort. Too bad he's devoting his karma to being authentic and genuine, unlike me, I have the posting diarrhea!

For those who have missed previous articles, you should start with this. Now that you have a brief primer, we are ready to discuss a new technique. It's more than just being committed to opening a set; in addition to commitment, it's about using a series of techniques to convey that we are interesting guys, and after we have elicited attraction, we can proceed to develop rapport so that we can convey our emotional depth, because we are interested in others.

Despite what David D and PU101 teach, we open sets by breaking rapport using being cocky & funny because that convey non-neediness. As soon as the set opens, we have to convey to them that (1) normal (2) social (3) interesting, this along with some others that girls talk about: confident, sense of humor, and the dirty little secret, looks. Most sets usually don't open right away, or they have to size us up to see we are high value. This is when being a motor mouth, and having verbal diarrhea is important. Of course, that's how most dingleberries begin their life down the poop chute. They are substantive but definitely very runny. Whatever threads available become the nidus for the formation of dingleberries. During the attraction phase, we can be break rapport in order to build attraction, but this is VERY brief, no more than 5 minutes. Any longer, and if we don't titrate to the right dose, we will appear as assholes, not dingleberries!

After they invest into our interaction or show interest, IOI, not running away or backturning to us, then we continue by showing our interest. Girls have to know that (1) we lead interesting lives (2) we are interested in them (3) for reasons that we bait them, either in Juggler's investment into the interaction or Mystery's A3 phase of M3 qualifications. This is important because we always start at the evaluation frame. We are not some horn dogs with legs and will jump on any girl, but we have standards. Not all guys have standards, but if we are guys with value, we will decide if she's worthwhile. This is what being in-her game is about; not only do we follow the Dubya plan, we are the deciders! Then we have to hang in there, like dingleberries, we don't let go. Most naturals do this because they don't open as many sets as we do; actually only a few guys have the balls to open. However, one thing many of us beginners will eject because we are afraid of the uncomfortable silence. If we setup the open questions, or qualifications, we have to give them a chance to show that they are worthy; or in Juggler's term, we run the vacuum.

After all that, then we can talk more about the next phase. Being the closer. We have to build enough momentum, from the formation of dingleberries, to congealing, hardening, and remaining sticky in order to close!

The in-her game(tm): The Dubya Plan

Now the architect of bringing freedom to Iraq, Paul Wolfowitz, finally resigned from his position as the head of the World Bank; probably the first Jew to fail at running a bank. I think he should get on the lecture circuit, like Rudy Giuliani once did, and help motivate us how to fail. Since this is a "pick up" blog, we only talk about how to succeed. I got the best plan for success.

Those who have rolled with me probably heard me tell this joke. So you can skip this entry. For you girls who read this, go right ahead and leave your contact info in comment, don't worry, it'll be our secret; I won't publish it unless you feel this urge to get back at someone!

The first step of my Dubya plan of PU is to: 1. Go in. We have to commit to going in, we don't look around and gather intelligence, we don't wait, just let your feet do the walking and we just have to accept that the first few times, we will fail. This is what I called "having balls." For those of you who lack them or with hypogonadism, you'll just have to keep hanging around with guys and eventually, you get to feel some of their balls instead.

For those of you with experience in making many approaches, you'll soon discover that we all have to talk for the first couple minutes, just enough to flip those Mystery attraction switches. If we don't, girls will lose interest, worst yet, who the fuck we are and they certainly won't be attracted. 2. Stay in. This means we will need to use stories to DHV, or just to introduce who we are tacitly without sounding like a shallow braggart. The goal here is to reach hook point, to elicit sufficient attractions by demonstrating who we are. In some ways, this is what most guys with experienced with warm approaches or got girls thru friends of friends don't have to do. We can't verbiage girls to spread their legs, but we can certainly give them an idea, or sufficient intrigue to wonder if there's more than what meets their eyes.

Once we have passed the initial attraction phase, or reached hook point, the rest requires us men to lead. We have to escalate. I just came back from a house party, every set blew wide open and hook point was almost a given. The difficulty was that I had to escalate discreetly. By that, I mean I have to go beyond just stories, but I have to vibe and establish rapport. Remember the shallow part? Well, this is when we need to talk about emotional depth. I would venture to say that most people are not shallow, however, most people simply don't know how to talk with strangers. We automatically put up these walls despite our deeper desire to connect with people. Being a man is to be able to lead by example. We vibe so that we don't become emoting creeps, and then we have to be able to dive into deep emotions. Something that we are truly passionate about; even for someone with obsessing with men, or even less gay, money, like the Donald. 3. No exit strategy.

If the interaction has reached this far, then there's no reason for any fuck up. The goal is to be in her. I talked a bit about the initial stages previously. We need to set up the chase cycle, as some have coined this. This is what sustains a romantic relationship, for those who consistently failed or never had one. Although we are born to succeed & breed, I feel a successful life means leaving more than just biological progeny as my legacy. There is a greater purpose.

So that's all... Paul Wolfowitz. I can be the shadow architect for the new Dubya plan for seduction. Ask yourself, WWJD, "What would a Jew do?" Go walk the track and make me some money, biatch!

Why in-her game(tm)?

There is a Descartesian divide in PU of separating inner vs. outer games. Do people who succeed are required to have both strong inner and outer games? There's the David D (like many who came into the community thru his brilliant marketing) who talks a great deal about inner game, having a strong frame etc. Then there are guys like Mystery, who focuses more on techniques in order to get the results. I had a long discussion about guys who have strong inner game tend to be almost delusional, despite their beliefs, they don't achieve much results. So what is the right balance?

I like quantifiable results. At the end of the day/nite, when we cut through the b.s. about self-improvement, becoming a better self, etc. We are in this to get girls. Yes, it's quite a shallow goal. Do we need to take this long detour of self-improvement, developing a strong inner game,... just to get girls? I believe that innergame should not be about girls, it should be about having and exuding confidence, rule #1. It's not about how much girls want me, that belief, by itself, is flawed. I am who I am in spite of whether girls wanting me, my happiness and self-esteem should come from within, not to be validated by how much girls want me. The take it and leave it attitude, or in Brad P's words, "Blow me or blow me out." Or stated in a different way, Sinn discussed about being indifferent.

Then where does that leave us? Outer game goes beyond the words we spit out and games/routines we run. If we don't make a strong impression, yes, the dreaded "looks." Then we will have no chance to run any game. Why are certain guys much better at this than others? Where they improve so much faster, they are the rising stars? It's not because they got game, I would contend it's their looks. Contrary to community beliefs, I'm willing to bet that most fat girls have plenty of self-esteem, a strong inner game than skinny good looking girls. With a few exceptions, would any of us want to talk to those fat girls? Looks, in the case for guys, presentation matters. I noticed a huge difference in results when I changed my wardrobe. PU, similar to having a gf, is a very expensive hobby. Until people have health and wealth sorted out, don't even bother to participate in the game.

The solution isn't to just think girls wanting us. We should think more about ourselves, what makes us happy, no, it's not girls. We need to get our shit together. We have to work on being at peace with ourselves, being happy with who we are, not needing to do PU in order to be happy, it's not: I have to do this so I can move on with my life. There's also a balance, we can't live in a cocoon thinking we are some mack daddies when we are not getting laid; similarly, like fat girls who think they are BBW, when there's no beauty in being fat.

With inner game, it's about being a confident person who is leading a fun and exciting life (rule #10). With outer game, we first have to develop an attractive look. Then we can work on becoming social. These are just stepping stones. Ultimately, we have to push our interactions, rule #9. We will have drinks thrown in our face, we will get slapped, we might even get kicked out of venues. If we don't experience failures, we haven't reached nor explored our limits. It's not about making the ho say no, it's about making her submit, by leading. This is all about being in-her game. No amount of thumb twiddling thinking how girls want us or staring at the mirror admiring our look matters. The goal isn't the how guys say we are good, or how much we can scam off other guys, it is about being in the vagine. Really, it's that simple, if you are not in her, all your inner and outer games mean nothing.

Alanis Morissette: "We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect."

The in-her game(tm): Rapport redux

This weekend has been amazing. We all have the ability to heal ourselves; at a later point, I will write a simple intro on our immune system where our body can protect and heal ourselves biologically. For now, I’m going to dive right in and discuss my emotional journey this weekend that led me to this amazing insight.

First, I want to revisit two topics about emotional connection, i.e., rapport, that I didn’t explain clearly in my last post. Imagine our emotional self has both breadth and depth, a simple analogy would be like the ocean.

We can skim the surface, bouncing from point to point without diving in and exploring the depth. That is what is meant by wide rapport, where we explore many emotions without much depth, finding commonalities, not just what we do, but how we feel about certain topics. To get at this, a simple exercise I will do is to write down my list of likes and dislikes (food, music, family, work,…) and to things I start to riff off based on keywords. The goal is to go as far and wide, to visit as many emotional places as possible without depth.

The other way is to dive in and explore the depth of the ocean at a particular emotion. Different emotions have various depths; after navigating through them, deep rapport is about picking a deep emotion and dive right in where we re-live that emotional experience and to make sense of it so that it doesn’t exist like the monster underneath our bed, or like a festering wouldn’t heal. The exercise for deep rapport is to list multiple deep emotions, then think back of a time in our lives where we either first experience that emotion (which is always life changing) and/or that emotional experience has a major impact on who we are.

The sharing of emotional journeys, be they deep, wide, or preferably, both like a roller coaster, is not only therapeutic for the sharer, it also builds a connection and cements the bond between people. Remember when you were a child, how you love bed time stories? Even as adults today, we still like to hear stories. The best stories are not just facts, but they have the emotional impact, that is what we like because we get to re-live them and also we get to know about the person telling those stories.

The in-her game(tm): Rapport synthesis

What the hell is rapport and how do we achieve rapport rapidly with someone we just met? Rapport is cultivated by mutually exploring ea other’s emotional landscape. As one PU101 instructor, Manish, describes finding wide rapport is like pouring water over a slab of concrete. It will spread and seek out crevices. The widespread of water itself is wide rapport and to delve deeper into crevices is to dive into deep rapport.

The difference between a PUA vs. an ordinary Joe, in my opinion, is the ability of the PUA shorten the meet-to-sex period. This can be accomplished in two ways (both are necessary): (1) Physically bouncing through multiple venue changes, and (2) Roller-coastering through mutual emotional landscape.

The first way is simply taking the lead and go to multiple places within a short period of time with the girl. The second is more difficult. This requires a great deal of soul searching, finding out who you are, what you want, and what is important to you. Once you are comfortable in your own skin and have accepted who you are then we are ready to talk about more wide and deep rapport.

First and foremost, always relate to girls on an emotional level. The way to share that emotional roller coaster ride/journey with a girl is to talk about our past experiences or future projections. The factual details do not matter, but the emotional descriptors are crucial. How you kissed a girl the first time doesn’t matter… However, how you felt when you first kissed a girl is what you should talk about.

Vibing, multithreading, and wide rapport are similar concepts. They involve a brief emotional connection through multiple topics. The goal of wide rapport is bouncing around on that emotional landscape so that we can take notes where to go deeper emotionally.

Deep rapport is when we share deeper feelings through the use of stories or future plans. Instead of going thru many emotions and/or topics, we focus on diving deeper into our mutual emotion(s) and sharing that with ea other. The goal of this emotional journey using wide and deep rapport is to communicate who we are, how we became this way, and where we want to go from now on.

This leads to a critical piece of the puzzle… Identity. As men, we like to focus on what we do that fulfills us. Write down what you would do if you have all the time, money, and success in the world. Within this long list of things you want to do, how would you summarize all those todo’s into a concise statement that describes you. The next step is to work on projecting this identity…

The in-her game(tm): Tall tales

I can still remember the first time I made my very first approach. Okay, I got the opener from the self-proclaimed “top 10 PUA of Seattle”, as I did my best to sneak up on a 2-set, my body shivering, legs feeling a bit weak, and I could barely blurt out my opener, they downed their drinks and left the venue. So, thank you guru-wannabe, for teaching me how to creep out girls. Sadly, I’m a rebellious student and much has changed since then.

I didn’t do another approach for nearly one month. Yes, it was that traumatizing to me, probably not so much to those girls, as they were probably used to getting hit on by many inept “top 10 PUA of Seattle.” Back to the drawing board, I read up on PU101 materials and watching many videos of Sensei. After a much needed upgrade of my party wardrobe, I was able to open 70% of sets. Now that I have been doing the Mystery newbie mission for several months (due to lack of sets here), and I’ve learned to let go of the outcome, almost 100% sets open for me.

Soon after, I was introduced to many PUAs and almost everyone universally told me to approach and open sets. I went out many nights and I saw no improvement in my interaction with others. If only someone would tell me how to be social, talk to everyone, making small talks about absolutely nothing of consequence, and not worrying bout the outcome of my interaction. I would slowly but surely see how I can push myself further and make incremental improvement.

My advice to those who are starting and you are not a spontaneously social guy: write down a few interesting stories about your life & recent experience, exaggerate them, include hook questions, intervening questions to get your audience to pay attention, and a funny/insightful punchline. Then rehearse those stories, and be ready to tell them next time you doing small talks. The charismatic guy is someone who can tell compelling stories that capture the attention of the group.

The opener, as I realize now, is a simple way of interrupting someone or a group without creating a socially awkward silence. Draw them into your world with your stories, get them to invest into the interaction by asking your audience questions at critical junctures, and finally, learn to release their attention with something humorous or thought provoking.

A few final tidbits on stories:

1. Short and succinct
2. Start with a hook question
3. An emotional journey with embedded attraction spikes (DHV)
4. Intervening questions at turning points to maintain audience participation and to build up anticipation
5. Release with a funny/insightful punchline

Story telling is the bread and butter of plowing, unless you are very socially savy, creative, and have experience telling stories, you are better off writing out your stories first, practice delivering them, before trying it out on live audience. For beginners, you have to learn to be good performers. There are other ways of plowing:

1. Cold reads
2. Role playing
3. Banter/teasing
4. Physical play (as someone calls it, kino plowing)